Couch 51 - They also serve

Wiki... I'm with you. I like my current T, a female. She is very nice, warm even but not gushy in any way which is good, she's just a little older than me, so no motherly feelings towards her. But I don't talk about the past with her... I've talked about talking about the past with xT with her (confusing sentence) and being confused by his reactions. I've talked about how the past has influenced me today but I do not tell her things that have happened. She has helped a lot... that damn feelings chart has actually worked some... Her persona is detached but there...(although something I said once about my marriage made her tear up...but she kept it under control and I didn't say anything)

But with xT... his persona is warm, caring and concerned... its easier to tell him in a way how I feel and what happened in the past... but of course with him then I get pissed at myself for letting him in..."do not ever become dependent on a man" the mantra I heard from my mother all of my life.... and alarms go off and I get defensive...run for the hills and then spend 2 or 3 months getting back to the place where I let him back in and that is if I didn't quit after telling him something... 18 months of that... I can't believe he would let me come in to talk... Not sure it would be different now although I do feel like I'm in a different place...

I want things for me... I know what I want to accomplish

Afternoon couch.

Caught up a little bit on the couch before heading out to C's team meeting, then just finished catching up now.

Lola, you need to eat, even if it is just an apple or orange or soemthing like that. You also need to sleep. Sleep renews your mind. I'm glad you are "getting away" this weekend. Try to relax and enjoy it.

I'm hungry, so I'm going to go try to make some lunch. I'll pop back in later.

I hope everyone is having a good day. If you aren't I hope your day brightens soon.

Squirrel I just wanted to say how much I love your couch posts. You are just the little squirrel that can and does. I love how you post what you're cooking and that you're eating - it's so normal. My getting hungry always comes as such a surprise and an imposition to me. So reading how normal and expected and manageable it is for you is very calming and caring for me. Also your finding your summer jobs. So well done!

I do not find the woman I see warm or particularly nice. On the other hand, warm and nice are probably not what I look for. I have never had a gushy female therapist. I haven't even run into them more than a couple of times.

In a man, warm caring and concerned would not make me want to tell them anything. Warm caring and concerned kind of creeps me out.

I really like seeing what different things we like. I wonder if the woman I see considers herself warm, caring and concerned? She once referred to herself as an earth mother type and I almost fell off her sofa - I have never met a person less earth mothery than she is - I am more earth mother than I consider her to be - and I am not earth mothery at all.

Me too.

Otoh, sd - you are pretty crunchy, what with the steel rolled oats and all!

Does warm caring concerned creep you out with everyone or only men? Why?

Hi yous guys. Just a quick hello. I Hope you all are hanging in there. Hugs and love. And a wave to Stopdog from an appropriate distance as to not invade personal space.

Hi Jersey. you have been missed here. How are you doing?

[QUOTE=hankster;3092721
Otoh, sd - you are pretty crunchy, what with the steel rolled oats and all! [/QUOTE]

Condemned for my love of oatmeal with texture. What if I told you I sometimes throw cardboard out as regular trash rather than recycling?

Generally if it comes across like the person of any gender is trying to be those things - then I dislike it. If it is not super subtle from anyone - I am wary.
I am not particularly great with men in general. My dad was fine, I have no great male trauma so I don't really know why.

Hey. Hope you are doing well.

Plus I found this blog by a mental health professional- thought it was fascinating:
Psych Gripe: therapist typology

OK can i say that something is most definitely wrong with this world right now and it is kind of creepy.
i had a great time today. i found nothing to disturbing about it at all. i did not need to talk bunches ,just enough.mostly we listened to demos and stuff. and went for free margaritas at my bff's husbands restaurant. i spent way to much on craft items but oh well how can you put a price on a day like today .they are few. i do hope that this all turns out to be OK and i don't do something stupid to destroy this friendship.she likes to talk i like to listen it kind of worked out . oh and don't tell my T .i hate expectations .and she might want me to do more of this and what if this was just a fluke . just saying

good to hear you had an enjoyable time granite! I know you were leery, but it all worked out ok. Good for you kiddo!

Granite, I'm so glad you had a good time!!!!

Hi Ready....

Thanks for asking. I'm hanging in there....by a thread... But hanging.

I've read a couple pages back, not much. I'm glad you reconnected with XT. I hope all goes well.

MKAC-I'm glad you went riding.

Granite-Im glad you had fun with new friend.

Wiki Wiki Wiki!!!!!

Jersey out!

Ack - it looks like I missed Jersey! If you read this, I am just hanging on as well, but we can keep on adding to that little string.

It is probably not good that I have only been home for about 15 minutes, and I am already about half way done with my second dark and stormy. Oh well - hello to everyone. I have some cleaning to do, and will try to catch up on the couch intermittently.

I'm not a big fan of rum. Anyway, hope you're okay.

Say it ain't so!

I like that link SD....I found a t or two of mine in there. My fav was the Miracle Worker (or the woo woo practitioner). That weird new treatment stuff give me the willies.
Watch MY finger T. heh heh heh
Jersey Jersey Jersey!! (((hug)))

I just discovered Sunflower Butter. WOW. Someone's been holding out on me, this stuff is amazing. Got the little niece overnight. We went swimming (yes swimming) in the lake today. First time in the water in 2013...it's a bit early, and it was cold...but GLORIOUS. Yea..I'm gonna like living on a lake!

Where is everyone tonight?

Lola did you make it to your first destination?

I thought it was the Pull My Finger T one had to avoid... (sorry, I couldn't resist!)

WIKI i cant believe you have never had sun butter yummmm

Hey couch peeps....just wanted to check in to let you know I'm still alive....

Struggling with group T crud at the moment. I wish the closure process wasn't so dang painful. The people I'm close to want me to figure out how to find a way to work through the intense discomfort I feel so that I can stay. The people that I'm not close to are like "buh-bye" and one particular person is like "don't let the door hit you, I'm glad you'll be out of my way so I can go back to making it all about MEEEEE".

Of course, I'm paraphrasing and mixing in my own twisted perceptions into it. I wish I knew for sure whether or not this was the best decision for me. I was so sure of it when I made the decision....now? Not so sure.

I really should've discussed it with T before making my decision. T said that I seemed to want to make that decision on my own without his help. I told him that it's difficult for me to discuss it with him because he seems so adamant and rigid when it comes to defending a position he feels strongly about, which leaves me feeling defeated and invalidated. Ultimately, it affects the way he acts towards me, and then I feel cautious and guarded.

Anyhoo....I hope everyone is doing ok. I'm going to try to catch up on the couch soon. My daughter has her BFF over for a sleepover again - and we'll be going to the pool tomorrow. God help me. LOL.

Good evening.. Hot weekend here, spent the day chilling at home, the kids in their pool.. Felt good just to do nothing most of the day.

I am currently pondering the thought.. What does it mean to be healed when it comes to CSA stuff? Good question for T I guess... See him on Friday, I have A LOT on my mind. I felt like our last session was pretty crappy and it has left me wanting to connect with him before our next appointment.. but I am not. I am just gonna sit with my thoughts, write them down and have a heck of a lot to talk about on Friday!

Healed.... that is a very good question...

Trader Joe's has sunflower seed butter under their label. There are others too, but if you are near a TJ's - it may be an easy place to get some to try.

Woke up about an hour ago with a wicked headache after nightmares about my daughter and then stuff I cannot remember.

My daughter's school has been horrible about her absences. I have given them all of the information from the doctors, but they are refusing to allow her to make up homework assignments and have given her a B in another class. They did this last year with giving her a B in history (and this year she is going to Nationals in a history competition because winning Regionals and State and going to Nationals is a sure sign of a B student). We have been trying to get them to address the B from last year all of this year, but now they are doing it again. They claim they are doing her a favor by "excusing" the homework, but in reality that means that a final that they gave her only one day to study for determines her grade in the class. Literally, she was unable to get out of bed until the Sunday before she took the test, and in going through the materials sent home by the school, found out that they had not even sent home the materials for two of the classes they expected her to a final in that week. Monday, we got the materials for the classes, and Tuesday afternoon she took the test. The principal said "if she does well on the final, the homework will be excused." [I kept the emails, luckily.] THEN, she gets a B on the final and now they will not allow her to do the homework. Of course, they tell me this at 4:55 on a Friday. I sent an email letting them know that just a cursory look at the actual law shows they cannot refuse to let her make up the work, and they are refusing to follow their own policies, and implicitly threatened a lawsuit, but obviously won't hear back for a while. One of my partners does school law and will help us, but it just makes me so angry that my kid has to go through this.

My daughter on the other hand, found out what was going on and was upset, but then just said, "you're going to take care of this, right?" I said I was, and she said okay and seems to have completely put it out of her mind. I touched base with her about it last night, and she said she just KNOWS I will take care of it and protect her.

I keep wondering what that would be like -- to just be able to hand a worry off like that and KNOW that someone else will take of it.

I have arrived staying with my grandma until wed and ill fly to casper wy