Couch 51 - They also serve

Thanks for clarifying, Hankster.

I could have said no, but for some reason I felt unable to at the time. I felt so pressured and was in a dissociative state for much of the session. Afterwards was when the rupture started because I resented that he pushed me to do it, and I was angry with myself for following through with it.

It got pretty ugly, and Mr. Hyde made his appearance. Then, Dr. Jeckyll came back...and now I have no idea who's making an appearance at the moment.

We are encouraged to share how we feel when we're in group. So, if I'm feeling angry with T, I am supposed to share that. HOW I share it is what's important. Saying that I feel like he's being a controlling puppet master and gets his rocks off with being able to manipulate people is probably not a good idea.

Saying that I feel angry at his unwillingness to take my request into consideration is something that would be acceptable. But T is very good at crafting responses. It would be a no-win situation for me, that's for sure.

It's pretty clear to me at the moment that T is pulling a power trip right now. By attending group, I feel like I'd be submitting to his control. THAT is not a good feeling at all. Yet, at the same time, I want to give myself and the group an opportunity to either have some finality or to figure out what could help me understand that it would be in my best interest to stay.

I would just warn him ahead of time that you wanted to talk about it , and that your feelings were negative about it. Then if he gives you a hard time, you have your answer?

Eta: oh, and sorry - I didn't mean you had to answer my questions, like I didn't mean for you to relive it.

If I were to be perfectly honest in group tonight, it wouldn't turn out well.

But in the long run, it really doesn't matter. Group will go on. T already told me he has a waiting list a mile long. So, it's no sweat off his back if I'm not there.

T responded that he doesn't have time to go into all the reasons behind his decision but that in a nutshell it's in everyone's best interest.

I am tempted to respond that I don't trust that and I get the sense that by attending group that I would be submitting to his power. That would not be healthful for me.

(digging hole)

No worries, Hankster.

With the person that was threatening in group, I can't imagine it would be helpful for him to know that T was encouraging me to confront him and to tell him that his behavior was unacceptable, etc. Especially since I know that he is seeing T individually and I'm sure the T he sees in session would never say such a thing to him. He has to be all empathetic and understanding - all while telling me to confront him. The whole thing just seems so inauthentic to me at the moment.

At the bleeping docs office again. They kept me waiting an hour last week. From the looks of things it's going to be just as long today. Have I mentioned I don't wait well? I like things neat, tidy and on time. OCD rearing up its head here! Waiting is pure torture for me.

Where is Granite?
Anyone else back from t? How'd it go?

Well, got a call from my mom a little while ago. She wants to go out to diner tonight (her treat). So, I am meeting her in 4 hours (at 5:30) at Chili's.

Hopefully I won't want to gouge my eyes out afterwards.

Edit: Some days go good with her, others do not.

Sorry you're being tortured by the wait, Wiki!

Squirrel - I hope the dinner goes well. I totally understand where you're coming from with that. Hope the free meal is worth any eye gouging urges that come afterwards. LOL

Sorry for monopolizing the couch with my issue. I really appreciate all the support. Hopefully, I can return to our regularly scheduled programming of cool whip and bouncing soon.

I am on the mainland in Plymouth MA...pilgrim land...there's a really cool decorating store downtown Setting the Space: Staging, Interior Design, Floral Design | thinking of heading over there after. I could use a

I'm back from T and he is amazing. Feeling so much better now. We did discuss some difficult stuff, but crafty T managed to get in some positive things and I left feeling quite hopeful and upbeat. Go figure....He even "tricked" me into mentioning progress I'd made and areas where I had made improvements. Even when we discussed SI, he wasn't shaming or judgmental, he just listened and we figured out together why I was feeling the need to do that again. I don't like when he bandies around things like "Stockholm Syndrome" or "abuse" or anything like that but....he did it in such a matter-of-fact way today that it didn't upset me as much as usual. He also commented on how much better my affect is now that I am off meds, guess I had been "flat" and not really present. All in all it was a very good session and I feel sort of ready to tackle this next week. ....lets see if this feeling lasts more than a couple days lol

I am in Plymouth ma..home of the rock..there's a cool shop I've been wanting to hit downtown: . Hoping to get there after...if I ever get out of here!

Hey guys.

I made a new thread about a question I have seeing a T in pdoc's office versus seeing one not connected to pdoc.

I thought it deserved it's own thread, so I didn't post it on the couch.

EDIT: Can be found here: http://forums.psychcentral.com/psych...cs-office.html

Venture on over if you care to put in your two cents.

That store sounds lovely Wiki. Hope you do treat yourself to a browse through after you appointment.

Hmmm link didn't post?
Setting the Space: Staging, Interior Design, Floral Design |

Murray...that's so great! My XT used to bring up Stockholm syndrome all the time..I too hated it. Glad it was a good sessio , you needed it.

Really glad to hear it went so well, Murray.

Thanks Mast
Glad that your T session went well too.

((( Murray )))

So glad to hear it was a productive session for you and that you walked away feeling so empowered! WOO HOO!

MUE... I'm sorry this is such a confusing situation for you. I don't know what would be best for you but for me... going to the group and getting to have a final session and getting to say goodbye to the group woud be helpful. And for me it would elimiate all of the what ifs.

My H goes to group T and he had to sign a contract and it has protocol for how you have to end group. I don't know if that is standard procedure in groups or not.

I had a mini phone session with my T and it was horrible. He basically laid in to me about how unfair I've been to the group and to him. He took ownership for absolutely nothing and was quite cold and accusatory.

I'm still trying to digest it all.

MUE... I don't want to kick you when you are down so if you are not in the right frame of mind don't read below....

I'm saying this not as an accusation or even because its my opinion (cause I've had some problems with your T in the past) but is there any truth to what T was saying?

I don't know you or your T or your situation but I've had somethings go on with xT and 8 months later with time, space and a more open mind, I can see some of it was my own issues. Do you think you are trying to punish T and then by default your group because you weren't strong enough to stand up to him and say you didn't want to discuss your issue in group?

Thanks, RTS.

The only truth that I saw was that it was unfair to the group to leave them dangling - I even admitted that to the group, apologizing because it was unfair to them - but that I was so sure of my decision and am now floundering and don't want to make a wrong decision. It wasn't an intentional thing at all.

The thing that's so hard to deal with right now is that T is accusing me of X, Y and Z - and said that I should have discussed it with him first. I told him that I didn't feel that he was approachable because of the way he's been acting towards me.

It's a catch 22, really. He accuses me. I defend myself. I tell him how he's been acting coldly towards me. He tells me it's my perception. Everything bounces off of him and the finger is always pointed back at me.

Even xgrpcoT is horrified by it and because she works with him and knows how he is, she is upset that he is behaving in a way that is harmful to me.

Yet, here I am, still not wanting to let the group down. Still not wanting to make a bad decision. And feeling absolutely horrible about attending group with a new member there and T there and knowing that I will get backlash from some members....and feeling horrible about the idea of not going and giving up something that may be valuable to me.

I'd highly recommend focusing more on MUE than on the group. Let them down if it is what you need to do to take care of yourself. If you don't go, they can work on the fact that you're not there. It's all good.

Mue - can you drop him as your personal t and still go to group?

I could drop him as my personal T, but I doubt that would be in my best interest because I am pretty confident that he would take his feelings of rejection out on me in covert ways during group. I would probably be setting myself up for attack.

He basically said in a nutshell that all of this has to do with my lack of willingness. Feeling frozen and trapped is not a lack of willingness.

MUE- both the group and the therapist will survive without you. You are not doing anything to them that they will not be able to handle. You have never, from what I recall, seemed comfortable in it. There will be other group possibilities later if you decide to try again. i think your therapist is being an *** about this.(not that my opinion matters, but he sounds like a total jerk right now).