Couch 52 - Are you being served?

squirrel...that's awesome! I hope there's another way to bring in that 250...maybe C's mother will need you extra or something. I am totally impressed by how hard you work.

I felt ill last night, and this morning...as the day progressed it got worse. Bad sore throat, fever, swollen glands. Ick. I never get virus', so this is weird for me. I guess I will kill it with vitamins....CAKE, and some sage tea.
(ok Apt, it's a sage INFUSION...sheesh)

squirrel that is great that the home is going to be able to give you more hours.

i hope your T will be able to see you moe regular. it does seem she has been able to help you and also wants to work with you. its hard to have to find a new T when you are so connected with her .to have to do that for no other reason then she has a big case load sucks. i hope it works out . when is it that you see her??

hi kare .runs and gives big hugs.

hi wiki runs and gives big ....... um a very very loving wave from afar.hope you feel better soon .did your niece allow you to rest

she's here asking me why I am sick. "but didn't you drink your juice this morning, Auntie?"

Wiki- I just saw those bracelets you made- they are stunning! please let us know if you find more metal clay (???-not sure that's the right word or not). I'd love to get some for my girls. Do you have more pics we can see? I thought they were just lovely.

granite & pbutton............... I needed those hugs badly! Been feeling lonely lately. THANKS!

omg she is so adorable

love ya hang out and talk to us

MUE - I agree with pbutton. This really creeps me out. You have to talk while in group, but you have to censor yourself as well? If a t ever said to me that I had to do or work on certain things during sessions, I would go running. I get it that you have been helped by him, but please don't harm yourself now because of the past work you have done with him.

I call by the window. I hope that isn't Stopdogs spot.

I hope that everyone is having a good evening. I had a short day at work, and somehow from the time I left to when I got home, my knee started hurting terribly. It really needs to stop by the morning. I am working a double both Friday and Saturday.

Also - for the second week in a row, I am debating sending my t and or group t a message. It probably won't happen, but I really am struggling right now. I shared some things in group, and in t, and I am left feeling confused about some things from my past. The thoughts are just coming at me constantly, and I can't them to stop. I don't know what to do.

Wiki - I loved the bracelets.

turtle it is brave of you to share with your T and group. if you need to sent T a note to say you are struggling and need a bit of reassurance . try really hard to do it .why suffer if your T can help just a little bit. good job sharing but it sure does seem like a double edje sword ,doesnt it

Hey mue - idk. I think he heard you. I think it's reasonable that he asks not to be embarrassed in group. He's acknowledging that you are seeing thru his act, as is everyone else, and it cannot continue. Maybe he justified it to himself that his coworkers were being competitive beeyotches, but then what's your excuse?? You might think you should feel good because you "won", but it's more like driving home in a horrible snowstorm - your muscles have been tensed up for so long, when you finally get there, it's not funtime. But you showed him he didn't have to take his balls and go home?? Awesome.

MUE - if you are okay with it, then good. But it sounds awful to me and the idea that you have to censor yourself so he does not look bad is appalling to me.

Thanks granite. I see her Tuesday afternoon.

Sorry you are under the weather Wiki. Your niece is adorable btw.

Mue, I cant even imagine being in your position right now. It must be so confusing. I don't do group therapy but if I ever did, I don't think I would be able to have my personal T be the group T as well...too many complications

how long has it been?? wow to be able to sit on your emotions for so long.

i write a lot of stuff down and sometimes that helps with those thoughts. wouldnt it be great if we could deal with all this hard stuff and still be able to leave it at the door when you leave T. i bet it is so hard when you are dealing with the tramatic past stuff

Maybe write the letter but don't send it, Trdleblue? It always helps me to get it written out. Sorry you are struggling so bad. Do you want to talk about it?

Granite - thank you for the responses. I tried writing things down earlier, but it just wasn't happening. Perhaps I will try again. Usually I am good with pushing thoughts away when I went to, but outside of work I am not able to this time. I guess the good thing is that, for the most part, at work I am able to get the thoughts out of my head. It's just that as soon as I leave they come flooding back.

Stopdog, Dispatches by Michael Herr. You mentioned it a while back. Synapses just connected, which is the reason for this delayed post. I liked that book. Did you ever read The Short- Timers by Gustav Hasford? It seems Herr's book and Hasford's book both heavily influenced the movie Full Metal Jacket. Hasford worked as a writer on the film. Check Hasford out on Wikipedia, a very strange dude, arrested for grand theft library, he actually did prison time for not returning library books. He was an international book thief.

Wiki - Thank you, and maybe I will change my mind later, but I don't think that it is something I want to talk about. Part of the problem is that I was talking about it.

that must make it so hard to want to keep working on those issues. you go girl. does your T allow out of session contact. have you been able to tell her this is happening to you

ugh...I know what that's like trdle...I used to have that issue at work. It's hard to contain your thoughts sometimes.

When I finally see her on Tuesday it will be 6 or 7 weeks from the last time I saw her. I could have seen her last week, but I had to cancel because I had to work. She didn't have anything open until the 11th, she originally she the 18th, but then had a cancelation on the 11th and let me have it.

Thanks, couch peeps.

I appreciate the support.

I honestly don't know where I am with it all right now. T finally owned up to some of his stuff which I found helpful. After he was able to get beyond his defensive position, he was a little more open.

I'm not really sure about the group stuff. Maybe since we cleared the air a bit today and did some real work, things might go back to "normal". The one thing I can't have is me committing to not saying anything that could jeopardize his position in group - and him using his power in group to manipulate things in ways so that I am harmed. I think we both have power here in this situation, and we both need to be able to trust each other.

He's not terminating me, but I don't want that to be something that he can dangle over my head. I have to think about how to address that in a way where I can feel assured that I don't have to be afraid to tell him how I feel out of fear of him terminating me....since that's pretty much what almost happened today.

I emailed a quick recap to xgrpcoT. Basically saying he planned to terminate...I begged, pleaded, etc. We talked. He changed his mind but I had to make the following commitments - x, y, z. She became really upset by T's actions - and said that she will get back to me later tonight. I then emailed her a more detailed recap so she could get a greater understanding. I don't want her reaction to be based on such little information.

I am so exhausted right now. T scheduled me for 2 sessions next week. I thought that was weird, considering he tried to terminate me today - I usually go 1x/week - and now he asked me to come in 2x. Go figure.