Couch 52 - Are you being served?

ready you are awsome just saying

My daughter said their presentation went pretty well and she's relieved it's over.

I did ask my kids if they feel I protect them from things they don't need to be protected from. My son looked at me funny and said no and rolled his eyes. On the phone, my daughter said that what she said before still stands -- that she appreciates that I treat her like a horse. LOL. At an endurance ride I took her to a few years ago, she told me I treated her like a horse that weekend and she thanked me. I asked her what she meant, and she said she had noticed that when I train a horse, I take it right up to the edge of what the horse is able to do (in terms of learning) and then when I see the horse is close to the edge, I give it a rest BEFORE the horse is overwhelmed. She said that she noticed I did the same thing with her -- let her do as much as she was able on her own, but stepped just a hair before she was so overwhelmed she lost it. So. To my face anyway, my kids indicate I am not overprotective. D even said that although she is having a rough time and wishes I were there, she really likes that I respected her enough to let her go on her own when she wanted to.

i bet it was hard for you to let her go on her own .even when she isn't feeling so well. so now the important stuff .when the heck is she going to be back and safe under your wing.

That's the stuff you need to write down.

anyone there

ok....night all

I'm here....

granite, she comes back on Thursday, late.

cool i hope the powers to be loved her. i bet they did

Hey Lola, Murray MKAC, Hankster, CE and Granite... anyone still around?

Im here for a bit..... whats up RS?

Hi Lola...

Okay I have a question but I'm afraid to start a separate thread...

lay it on us ready .whats the question

I'm here too Ready. Ask away...

I don't know what it means when my T says this so if anyone wants to respond with what they think it means, I would appreciate it...

in the 1 1/2 I saw xT he said something like that I need to learn to be "nice" to the little girl in side me" once and then never said anything about it again....

when I saw xT last week and I talked about my goal of being "ok in my own skin" he said that I was going to have to "deal" (i can't remember his exact word) with the little girl inside me that I "hate"(my filled in word when he hestitated) in order to reach that goal....

what does that mean? how would a person even go about that? does your T or xTs ever talked about that? is that only a psychodynamic therapy theory? I can't even begin to think that is something I could do or would want to do? sounds all psycho mumbojumbo ish

Well RS... I cant help you on this one.... my little me and big me don't jehaw either.

Im sure a healthier person has helpful advice.

My T says something similar, Ready. I did start a thread about it at one point, but never received a an answer about what it means that I actually understand very well.

"jehaw" does that mean get along? that sounds like a very texas expression...

did your xT talk about that Lola?

MKAC did your T eleborate or was it just a one time comment like with my T?

He has talked about it a fair amount. Says things about having compassion for that child, something something something, soothing ... something something something ... all five year olds ... something something something. Not sure how helpful these sessions are when I only understand about every fifth word. We had one of those today. I have only a very spotty recollection of what we talked about. It seemed like he spent most of the session agreeing with everything that I said this one friend of mine had been saying, and gushing over her, but I'm pretty sure that is just my distorted perception.

((( Ready )))

I can relate so much to that.....hating that little girl inside. My T told me once that maybe that little girl needs to feel loved, maybe she needs some compassion from me. I have no idea how to do that when all I feel is hatred. If it was any other child, I could feel compassion - just not for her.

My T tells me that I've turned my anger inward...and that at some point in this process, I will learn to separate that anger and turn it outward and to who it belongs. I haven't gotten that far yet - but I'm no longer running from the work that will hopefully get me to the other side.

:trigger:

Boy our T's must really be into this. My T recently started this discussion with me and I am at a loss. When he told me to nurture "little Murray" I became enraged and said that I wanted to kill her and that she should die in agony....the thing is, this reaction was so strong and off the wall. I don't even know where it came from. I am not violent or angry at all, except when I think about that stupid little *****!....guess that might indicate that I have some work to do there.

My therapist and medical doctor think I need more long term care as far as MI, but my psychiatrist thinks that, after a couple of months, I'll only need the meds and "more confidence in myself."

You know I struggle with the idea of thinking of the child me... especially as if she still exists... especially if you talk about being nice to her or taking care of her, etc...

but if you asked me all the ways I would like to silence her, smother her, get rid of her out of my head... then it doesn't seem so hard

Oh, thank god it's not just me!!! I talked about wanting to punch her in the face repeatedly and stab her!! It's one of the few times that something I've said has made my T wince.