[peridot28]

I'm in such a great place in therapy. I've come so far and healing has become so apparent that it is pretty close to tangible. Life is sweet, and my therapist is beyond amazing.

So, you know when you clean your house and you walk into a clean room and you can immediately see when something is out of place, dirty, or unorganized? Well, that is where I am on my therapy journey. We've cleaned up all the larger-than-life messes and now the little piles of yuck are more noticeable to where I can be specific about what they are. This helps me to relay to my therapist exactly what I need and she is always ready to help.

One of the things we have been working on for the past three weeks is a list of 43 words that I have extreme difficulty saying out loud. Some of them are very innocent words or words that shouldn't be shameful, but they are for me. I brought in my list of difficult words and every week we have picked five words for me to practice saying out loud with her and at home. Then, at my next session she gets me to say them out loud to her. I have one of my stand-in moms help me and she makes up funny sentences with the words, which makes me giggle like a little kid. It takes away some of the sting of the words, because she is just so funny.

When I say them to my therapist she likes to hear the funny sentences and then I get tickled again. Every week we review all of the previous weeks' words plus the current week's words. I can't tell you how neat of a process it has been. I still get a tiny bit squirmy about some of the words, but not totally mortified and embarrassed by them.

Do you have certain words that are painful, embarrassing, and/or triggering that you can't say or even have difficulty hearing? I want to see if I'm the only person who struggles with this or if there are some fellow onomatophobics out there.

[Indie'sOK]

My body
Fat
Body issues

Well we certainly know where my problems are, no?

[peridot28]

Originally Posted by Indie'sOK

My body
Fat
Body issues

Well we certainly know where my problems are, no?

Awww Indie, I totally understand body issues and any word having to do with the body. I'm an overweight girl, and have struggled with my weight since I was a teenager, and I'm 39 now. I like this quote, "I'm not fat. It's just my awesomeness swelling up in side of me."

You said, "my body", is it putting "my" in the same sentence as "body" the thing that is difficult for you? I ask this because part of what I struggle with is being able to say "my" with some of the words, because I feel so shameful about referring to myself in the context of those words.

[growlycat]

Great question. I have a handful I have a hard time saying, even here although when I started typing i thought i was ok putting it here. another thing to work on!

[rainboots87]

I have difficulty with words related to what I describe as "some guys who took advantage of me." I only even discussed it in one session bc past thoughts/emotions came swelling up about it. Haven't touched on the topic since. After I explained everything with practically no eye contact and staring/picking at my thumbnail the entire time (and her offering me compassion, of course), my T then asked if I thought I was r***d. I hesitated and said I had trouble with that word. When she asked why, i explained that it's not how I want to describe something that's happened to me. She replied that I could call it a candlelit dinner, but that it doesn't change what happened to me. I immediately grinned and laughed a bit. You gotta love a T who can make you smile or laugh even in the middle of the most difficult and emotional session ever. She didn't press me on it though. I remember that one of the next times I met with my dietitian (who worked in the same office & had actually referred me to the T), she actually said the words "date r***" to refer to what happened. i was kinda shocked at first, but then I came around to the idea that it really did happen and it wasn't my fault, etc. I wanted to bring up the topic another time with T and actually considered saying the word, but we were preparing for termination and me moving, so I didn't want to poke at the ant hill too much, ya know?

[CantExplain]

I find it difficult to say "masturbate".

[wotchermuggle]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

I find it difficult to say "masturbate".

I did too, but since it was about the actions of another and not myself, I was able to finally push the word out of my mouth.

I refuse to say certain words, like "abuse". I will probably eventually say it as I used to never say or acknowledge T saying "trauma/traumatic" but eventually gave in about it.

It just takes time and trust in your therapist.

[Nightlight]

I'm getting better as time goes on. The words I struggle with are probably a bit different. I don't think I can say "cry". I've never previously let anyone see me cry but I often struggle not to cry in therapy. I can talk about being upset, or distressed, but I can't say that I cried. I can say the word care, but I can't use the word love in a positive way. I also struggle to use it in a negative way and say things like "I've never felt..." but I can just manage that. I don't think I could say "hug" either! So Silly.

I really struggle with the word "depression". I think I have pinpointed why: if I am clinically depressed it means that my moods are not my own fault. So I have to force that word through what feels like a physical obstruction in my chest and throat. (T hasn't said whether he thinks I'm depressed or not. I'm really scared to ask.)

And I relate to what you say, Nightlight. I don't think I could talk about crying, not with T, that is. Not because it's a forbidden topic or anything, I just couldn't say the word.

[healed84]

Well, when I first started with T.. Rape was a word I could not say in the context of myself. Now, I can!!! The other thing I have a hard time saying out loud to my T, is suicide. I ususally say more than just running away (b/c that was an urge for a long time, a way to leave it all w/o actually going all the way so to speak). I have a hard time admitting that it has been a serious thought in my past.

[stopdog]

I do have a couple of words I avoid. And they are rather innocent and not unusual in and of themselves. When the therapist uses them at me, I respond with a synonym. Thinking of saying them or hearing them, particularly with the therapist, gives me small rush of anxiety and a feeling that may be shame but I am uncertain about shame being the right label- it is some other thing than just anxiety though.

[Indie'sOK]

Originally Posted by peridot28

Awww Indie, I totally understand body issues and any word having to do with the body. I'm an overweight girl, and have struggled with my weight since I was a teenager, and I'm 39 now. I like this quote, "I'm not fat. It's just my awesomeness swelling up in side of me."

You said, "my body", is it putting "my" in the same sentence as "body" the thing that is difficult for you? I ask this because part of what I struggle with is being able to say "my" with some of the words, because I feel so shameful about referring to myself in the context of those words.

Yes, that's right - though I think saying it with or without the "my" would be equally difficult.

I feel the exact same way.

There are several words i cant say, and i cant write them either.

*****possible trigger*********


i cannot say the anatomy body words. (y'all know which ones) i have no trouble with arm, leg, foot., it's the other ones that get me. cant speak, can't write and barely think them

the one good thing is my kids know which words i cannot say, so sometimes when they are in goofy moods, they will get together and both say them at me, just to watch my reaction... then we all start laughing.... i love my boys!!!!

I can say all of the body words and most words for activities. I could not say the word 'intimacy' without dry heaving or gagging. I either avoid the word, but have this cough to cover the gag when I am forced to say. I can type it without gagging now, and sometimes, every once in a while, I can say it without gagging. I also have trouble with the word 'shame.'

[stopdog]

I agree about saying shame. It is not as hard for me to write. I am okay with most body parts except around describing childhood punishments and the cs.

[KazzaX]

I hate saying the emotionally-hardcore words like "Vulnerable" and now that you guys mention it, "shame" is another one.

I dunno, I just feel like a drama queen using words like that. Its like those words are covered in a thick smothering of emotional sauce or something.

[lostmyway21]

There are a TON of words I can't say. Like fat, ugly, or my body. I can't say any anatomy words. Or email them. I can't say thank you in person, only in text or email for some reason. I can't say I miss you. Even though I do when he's on vacation. Idk I have weird quirks.

[eclogite]

Here's my list.. I think I'll take it in to my T. Some are contextual.

When someone else says they’re fat, and they are not bulging out fat.
Tummy
Yummy
Nourish
Binge
Purge (food)
Throw up (food)
Vomit (food)
(I literally have to say "that thing that I sometimes do" instead of those last ones)
Anything sweet referred to as “sooo good”
masturbation
ejaculate

I have no issues talking about SI and specifically how I do it. But the food stuff freaks me out. I did have to ask her to stop making the motion of SI-ing because that was really triggering. It also triggers me when she drinks coffee in front of me.

[Butterflies Are Free]

Still struggle at times with:
Rape
Penis

[FourRedheads]

Incest.

[Sunne]

Certain body parts.

[LiveThroughThis]

I've never been very comfortable talking about sexual stuff (acts/activities) with most people---my mom never talked to me about it growing up, I just had to figure it out. I used to have a friend or two that I could talk about the most sexually taboo stuff and she could relate.

But now, I don't really have anybody like that. There are things I want to ask other people about, "Is this part of *sexual stuff* normal?" I don't mean it in any kind of violation way. More of.... what can I do to make this part of my relationship with my bf better?

I can't even get into it on here for concern it might be triggers or just borderline vulgar, lol.

I've never liked the words penis or vagina. I think they're awful names for body parts. I prefer clitoris anyday.

[Setso]

Never had a struggle with words triggering me
Sticks and stones can break my bones, but not words

Except pictures. Pictures are like a thousand words and can trigger me like crazy!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Two words are hard for me.
One is a swear word, one is not.
I even struggle when someone says the word "difficult" and pronounces the last part of it a little too strong. Everything gets a bit woozy.