Couch 54, Where Are You?

Granite do I think the reason you couldn't deal and checked out was that you were thinking about telling t about how you felt about last week and that felt like conflict?

Checking out just happens.... Don't be so hard on yourself...

WHY WHY WHY do we have to be good daughters, Granite??? Seriously, you know a lot about my stuff, would you try to convince me to let my mother live with me? Would you try to convince me to go see her more?

i hate that i cant even talk about something so simple like how i am feeling about the mother.

absoluitly not and i would never think bad of you for not doing it either. this is what my T is saying to me also. but it is hard. i hate her so so much. i swear you mother and mine might just be related

Granite your feeling about the mother is something that I find hard to believe you would describe as simple!

They might, Granite. My mom comes from a large family, and all of her aunts and uncles had a bunch of kids as well.

i guess you are right there .ready she is a horrible person and i hate how i still feel i need her approval to exist .i will never be the daughter she wants.i can't be .i can't even pretend

I used to go see my mother, father and brother every Sunday afternoon.... And when I complained to xT about it... He said why do u go and I said because that what is expected and he said so? He said there are no shoulds in life... Only choices so I don't see her too often now and life feels more authentic....

Those feelings are old...from the past (needing her approval)....I understand having old feelings and hating yourself for still having them.

Granite- What's to say that telling the mother no to living with you and no to money isn't the best thing for her ? Maybe she will grow as a response to your holding the line?

I haven't spoken to my mother in years, but I believe that my holding the line with her and the way she treats me has benefited my brothers and sisters in the long run.

Ya never know what might happen as a result of your standing up for you. Good on ya girlie!

Yes it was.

Thanks!

Well...I am home from picking up my swim suit. I had some dinner and showered...now I am ready to chill/waste time online until it is time for bed.

Now that I am going to C's dad's on Wed, I will be getting 1/2 an hour less a week. His step mom gets home at 5...his mom usually didn't get home until 5:30. Oh well...it just means I will have less surplus at the end of the summer.

But I may be able to work with my dad here and there to make up for the time. Though probably not all of it.

While I won't have as much left at the end of summer now...I will still be in the green and that's all that matters to me right now. Having some for savings would be nice, but if I can't I'd at least like to stay in the green. Last summer I was in the red and I would rather not go there this summer.

((MKAC))

What can I say? Teenagers are like that. They are self-centred and don't listen.

Bravo! I agree.

Healed - sorry to hear about the furlough.

It sounds like a hard week for many of the couchsters. I hope the weekend gets better.

We are having a really nice evening in our house. Kids are getting along great and playing video games together. H and I went out to dinner for our anniversary and had a really nice time. Everyone is being totally pleasant. It's almost weird after how bad things were yesterday. My son is being super nice to everyone. He hasn't said he's sorry, but at least he's being nice. I hope everyone has a similarly improved evening.

Wikid, what's going on with you? Party planning proceeding? Did you get H to convey the vegan message?

Granite, I think many of us have those freak outs in session sometimes. I know I am mortified when I get dissociative during session. Ts take it in stride though, and he keeps assuring me it's normal.

Why do I bother telling my mom things I am happy about?

Just got off the phone with her and she told me I was being greedy and loving money too much for getting excited for getting more hours with the senior place and another job with my dad. She said the love of money is evil.

Wait till T hears this one...she already thinks she is a little odd from other things I have told her my mom has said to me or her religious beliefs for her ministry. I have a don't ask don't tell policy with my mom's ministry...if I don't ask her...I don't want her to tell me.

What does healing from trauma look like to you? Or to your T?

MKAC, I'm glad you're having a good evening!

Squirrel - Yikes! I can only imagine how deflating that must feel.

RTS - I'm not sure what healing from trauma would look like. My hope is that I can get to a place where I'm not so ashamed and filled with self-loathing....that I can come to a place of acceptance and not be affected by it in so many ways.

Survived my assignment! Whew!

My daughter was in the middle of watching a movie at my mom's, so she asked me to pick her up at 10:45 PM. Can't wait to pick her up so that I can be "in" for the night (unless I get called for work).

My T just tries to "reframe" what I have been "taught" and give me alternative views. She has suggested I don't meantion things that could be seen as "evil" or "sinful" to my parents just to save me frustration. I try, but I didn't think this one would cause such a comment.

My T tells me that I need to form my own opinions on things and that I don't have to holod onto what I was taught as a kid and have ingrained in my head. It's hard to do as it has been the norm/familiar for so long.

As far as things my mother did to me as a teen (i.e. - abandoning me)...my T tells me that I can't change the past and that I need to try to move on and leave it behind.

I wouldn't have thought that your comment would stir up that kind of response, Squirrel. Getting more hours is usually a great thing! I can't imagine wanting to tell my mom anything if those were the types of responses to expect. Have you ever confronted her about it?

Maybe they just needed to let off steam.

She is envious of your success.