Couch 54, Where Are You?

Havent even tried it yet. First swim in a long time. Changed from lovastatin to lipitor a week ago, I think im feeling better - not dizzy. Hard to tell feeling crappy from feeling depressed from being fat!

More like, how many kids did I NOT scream at for screaming today!! 5!

You kids get off my water!

I had a sinus infection 3 weeks ago and I haven't been swimming since, Know the feeling. Saw you started another thread. Good go.

I wonder if the paula deen thing had happened earlier, if it would have made a difference. Kinda too late by the time it came out.

Psychedelic avatar!

Thanks for noticing, CE.

Well...just got a call from my dad...he may need help measuring a job next week. He asked if Tuesday or Wednesday would be better for me. I told him Tuesday as long as it was after 9am (since I have to take C to camp on Tuesdays). He asked what I was doign Wednesday in case he didn't get the papers from the company tht subcontracts him in time. I had to say that I was working all day (senior place in the morning...C in the afternoon) and would not be able to help...hey it was the truth. Hopefully he will get the paperwork in time, so we can measure on Tuesday...that'd be another 50 bucks for my to put away for when I need it later this summer.

Squirrely, I think this is how Donald Trump started! . J/k! But you know what I mean!

Peter Maas? I read that in high school and got seriously hooked on mob books. It was my first genre after baseball books.

There must be a book where the Mob fixes baseball games.

Eight men out? The true story of the Chicago black sox. You know, shoeless joe jackson, field of dreams?

I love the nicknames. Joey Buckles, joey baker, etc etc.

I am glad that works for you, pb. It doesn't for me. Me withdrawing is what makes my marriage work well.

Good call, Hankster. Say it Ain't So, Joe. Arnold Rothstein.

That was a big step!

I have t tonight it's been 2 weeks. Won't be able to be on couch too much today. She wants us to talk about my fear of people being angry or disappointed at me.... But in order to talk about that we will have to talk about what really did happen when I was little... And how I hate those same feelings come up now and how I despise little me for being like that.

I've never really talked about all of that with t2.

Good morning.

I am not saying much, I can't seem to say anything these days without Post Nazi's jumping all over me. So, that's it.

Have a good day.

morning chica have an awesome day.

love ya bunches my friend

Morning couch.

Just popping in before heading out to the senior place. Maybe they will need me to stay late *crosses fingers*. That way I would get more hours = paid more.

Slow night on the couch last night...I only had 1 page to catch up on.

Well...I should go get dressed and eat something before heading out.

I hope everyone has a decent day.

Good morning, couch peeps!

Trying to get caught up on the couch.

Granite, Wiki - Your moms really piss me off. I don't know how you can stand it - but then again, I get it because I have similar issues with my own mom. With being the caretaker pretty much all of my life, I get the guilt part.

Granite - Way to go! with telling your mom living with you is not an option. That must have been extremely difficult to do. My T has told me before that making good choices for ourselves DESPITE the difficult feelings is great progress. Like, when I was divorcing my husband and he would come back begging, etc. - I felt horrible about standing my ground, such guilt and inner turmoil. It was agony - but I knew that standing firm on my position was what was necessary. I had to see it through, even if it was so painful for me to endure.

CE - That must have been difficult to remove Madame T's number from your cell phone. (( HUGS ))

Wiki - I feel sad that you feel the need to refrain from posting. Know that I - for one - wouldn't want you to stop expressing yourself here.

This migraine has been torture this week - dang weather has been crazy.

So, co-T was the only T in group on Tues. and he posted notes about how I said that my shutting down in group had to do with anger and whatnot. WTF???? I have no idea how he came to that conclusion. Honestly, every time that man speaks, it gets on my nerves...and I know I'm not alone in feeling that way. He gets defensive, acts authoritative (even points as he's talking!) and directive...BLECH.

And then, my T sent me an email telling me to please go see a certain woman who does body work. UMMM, NOT. At the moment, I don't want ANYONE touching me. NO THANKS.

I'm supposed to see T today, but he told me that there's a significant chance that he will be cancelling his appts. today - so I'm geared up to not see him until July 18th. I can't believe after only dipping into trauma work that he would think that I would want to see someone about bodywork. Blech.

Wikid, please go ahead and post. Sometimes things we say about going to bug others a bit and they should be free to express that as well, but it doesn't mean we aren't free to say what we needed to in the first place. Someone told me privately that my signature line from before was bothersome. I really liked and it expressed something I thought was an important point, but asked the other person if they were asking me to remove it. They said no, they just wanted to express their feelings. I think that is fair.

In the end, I did remove the signature line because I had already said what I felt needed to be said from my perspective and there was no sense poking someone else in a sensitive spot over and over.

Anyway, just my thought and I hope that you will keep posting freely.

On a side note....

My niece and daughter had a wonderful time having a sleepover Tues night into Wed. When I asked my niece if she had a good time, she said it was the most epic, awesome, (add a bunch more descriptive adjectives) time. I was so glad that they enjoyed themselves.

While we were at the pool yesterday, my daughter made a mohawk with my hair and the girls insisted that I wear it like that for the rest of the day. At times, I forgot I was wearing my hair that way - and went to a bakery to pick up bread for my sister, went to my sister's house and went to my niece's softball game. WITH A MOHAWK! Crikey! People really got a kick out of it though. LOL.

My night was pretty horrible. Had a screaming meltdown at my son. It doesn't happen often, but I wish it didn't happen at all. He has had difficulties since he was born with emotional regulation and I'm usually really good about helping him through it, but lately it's turned from just emotional outbursts into this really cold, arrogant, disrespectful, entitled attitude. He was complaining about his sister, and just going ON AND ON. He was relentless and I refused to discuss it any longer and went to my room. He kept on at his father, and I just put my pillow over my head and decided to let H deal with it for once because I have just been so overwhelmed. H, unfortunately, came into the bedroom and let the boy follow him in, continuing to rant about his sister and what a horrible person she is and he is totally right and she is totally wrong and we are horrible parents for not raising her better.

D can hear all this and comes into the room to defend herself, and I told them all to get out. Everyone ignored me. I said it again, everyone ignored me. I told both kids to GET OUT and go to their rooms to cool down. Everyone ignored me, and H continued to engage with our son. I ended up slamming the pillow down on the bed (and embarrassingly, really hurt my shoulder), and SCREAMING at them to GET OUT. My son gets this snotty, arrogant tone and tells me I have to ask calmly before he will leave, and I just lost it and told him to the F out of my room right that minute. He still refused and kept telling me I had to ask calmly. Meanwhile, D is trapped in the room because S is in the doorway and won't move and she's weeping and saying that she is trying to leave. S continued to refuse to leave until I asked nicely, so I pushed him out the door (not roughly, and not a shove, just moved him out), and closed the door in his face.

I tried to talk to him later, but he still seems of the opinion he did nothing wrong. I apologized for screaming and for moving him out of the room, but he just refuses to see that he had any part in it. I think he's right and I am a failure as a parent, but not for the reasons he thinks.