Couch 54, Where Are You?

My T said it is common sense not to do it. I know my over the top response (even now just typing about it, my heart is pounding and I have this weird thing happening with my vision where the edges of the room go dark), is about CSA.

Okay I have a question to mothers of girls (I'm not asking about us because I feel like most of us may have abuse in our backgrounds)... do girls grow up naturally being wary, uncomfortable around men? what is typical behavior like say for an 11, 12 , 13 year old girl? if that person were to be around (not alone of anything or anything inappropriate) men her father's age .... like a teacher, a pastor or just anyone..

My daughter still has no discomfort around men in general. She's 16. She's somewhat shy with boys her own age, and (as you said) a cute 25 year old. Around men she considers "old" (ie 30 or more), she is completely at ease and exhibits less wariness than I would like. I have noticed with her friends as well, they are at ease with my husband and not the least bit uncomfortable or wary.

I've been working on this list of all the men I've been around in childhood... and anyway I was putting comments next to them without giving it to much thought and I noticed that I was so afraid of my 3rd grade male teacher they had to switch my class... but I loved my 5th grade male teacher but by the 6th and 7th grade I was describing men as making me "uncomfortable"... being "creepy"... and I was wondering if it was just an age thing or if was just the difference in the men...

I remember I was going into 7th grade so that's like 12 at this camp and watching this man at least 20 years older than me giving these girls hugs (now I'm 45 so this was before it was so unacceptable... I remember teachers giving hugs and stuff to kids) and thinking he is soooo creeeepy.... but I didn't think it was creepy when my 5th grade male teacher gave me a hug....

so its not just something that kids just think?

It is, in my opinion, perfectly acceptable for you to do. All of those things.
You are NOT doing anything to anyone else just because you are there and are any particular size. I personally have more a response to extremely thin people - I think they are too fragile and are going to break and then I might have to do something. My problem and I generally go on with my life without worrying about it.
I seriously believe women get to take up space and if someone else does not like it, it is their problem.

sorry if I scared people away...

I don't think you scared people away. I think I might have with my TMI post though. Sorry

Murry... I so understood your post... I can change my eating and start to lose and be so happy about it and my pants get loose and I get excited to fit in my smaller size... and all it takes is one person mentioning to me that I'm "looking good" or say they "noticed" and its all done...gone down the drain....

ok so i was just wondering because it is not clear to me .i do feel women of all sizes have a right to take up space in this world . but do you realy think it is ok for them to get nakid when they are in your space and to rub against you as they are doing it. it just seems like it is a huge problems with boundaries .i would freak if any nakid person fat,thin , girl ,boy, whatever .it is just respect.

Although I don't think I scared people away - why not blame me as I was the last post and I posted radical thinking that women get to be of all shapes and sizes and wear what they want or nothing at all. I think a more probable reason for the slow down is lunch and work.

And I think accidental brushing up against is much much much different than deliberate rubbing against. And I don't think a locker room is an unusual place for people to be naked. If it was the grocery store, I think it would be more iffy.
And I recognize people have different space issues. I like to be far away from all people - no matter size, gender, religion, etc. But in public space, like a locker room, I would assume accidental brushing and realize that it was public space. I mean I might not like someone being near me, but I would not assume they were doing it at me or to me.

I think it depends on the situation. If a locker room is small and there's not really any alternative, then accidentally brushing up against someone seems inevitable without contorting oneself.

While I'm rarely completely naked in front of other people, I do swim at my athletic club and change in the locker room, even though I am a "woman of size." I have no problem with others who do get naked to change - in fact, I admire the confidence it takes for any woman, let alone a larger one, to do that. I wish I did.

I am exactly like that. I think it's a bad rapprochement phase! Sounds stupid but. This is why it takes some of us an infinity in therapy. But lately I do find myself saying to t, I'm not going back to the way I was. Not to say I'm losing weight. But I have worn a bra to t's for a whole 2 weeks now. Respecting the boobs.I feel like people are looking at me differently. Maybe they're just glad im not all hanging out. But its about reclaiming my body for myself.

i don't know i guess for me if for whatever reason i was going to get naked in a locker room i would be super aware of not getting in anyone Else's space .but i guess that is me. i hate to be touched unless wanted by accident or not

I have the cutest locker room story. I was getting out of my bathing suit, and this other little italian girl who also stays with her old italian mom in our neighborhood comes by, so we kind of know them, and who actually is differently abled, I think she has Down, and she yells out at me, "Put some clothes on!" I told my mother about it afterwards and she was mortified, but I don't think the young woman recognized or remembered me as a sometime customer at their store. It was a sweet moment. I was glad she was empowered to speak up about what made her uncomfortable.

I think for me it is, if you don't like seeing others without clothes, then don't go to places where they are likely to be. And I don't think telling others that what they are or are not wearing makes you uncomfortable is something that in general is one's place to do.

Here's the thing, though, I literally said, "Can I have two seconds to get in my locker right there?" It was not crowded. There was room for her to move away. She had planted herself in front of MY locker, not hers. She said okay. It was LITERALLY TWO SECONDS that I was asking her to move away and not get naked -- time enough to open the door, grab stuff and move away. I moved forward to get my stuff out; she moved back, but then moved into my space again while taking off her suit (leaning forward or whatever).

From my perspective, anyone can wait two seconds to change their bathing suit. Further, in a non-crowded situation, there is NO ****ing reason to touch another person while you are naked. I think that I would have had the right to say something, although I didn't.

I'm probably more upset about this than I should be. Going to go take a breather and try to get rid of the total rage reaction I'm having.

Hankster... that was a cute story... I have a friend whose daughter has downs... she is only 8 but what I love about her is that she is comfortable saying what she thinks.... what makes it most funny for me is I imagine that she was probably repeating what has been said to her before...

My friends daughter has heart issues so even though she is 8 she looks about 4 and we were shopping in a store that had clothes for her and all of a sudden she starts to undress cause she wanted to try on the clothes... it was so hard not to laugh... we explained over and over you can not try on clothese in the middle of the store.

When I joined the gym several months ago, my friend and I went into the locker room to change. I was immediately bothered by the people undressing and being naked. I realized that I cant handle that- totally my issue. My friend was not bothered at all. So I changed in a bathroom stall and haven't set foot in the locker room again. Now I go into the bathroom to change if necessary. Usually I just go there in my workout clothes. Havent had an issue with swimsuits yet because I am not in a place yet where I feel able to wear a bathing suit despite how inviting the pool looks...once again, my issue completely.

My local Y has changing rooms with curtain in the locker room and when I wore a bathing suit and had to go in pool for mommy and kid swimming lessons I would undress there...

My gym had the best locker room...it has about 5 little rooms with doors that lock with showers and changing areas and that is where I can go and never have to see or be seen... when we lost electricity for a few days I went to the gym to shower every morning for work...

when I toured the gym the locker room is what sold me.

I go to the gym all the effing time. 99.99% of the people wouldn't accidentally brush up against other people in the locker room. It's just not done. Most naked women generally try to protect their personal space.

I also may be triggered because I react to rubbing/tickling by hitting. But whatever.

If I am in the locker room I am damn sure no part of me is touching anyone else. I move my towel and bag so that they are not too close to other people.

If some naked person is touching me against my will, I believe it is absolutely my right to tell them I am uncomfortable.

There are a lot of abusers who use 'accidental' or 'innocent' touching as a cover. I choose to protect myself.

Ok. Triggered. I will shut up.

omg watched the dont call me crazy and now am so upset.i swear that was my life from age 15 to 23 .it is horrible why do people want to see that .and they made it look all fun and games. wow it's horrible .it is a lie

I couldn't watch that documentary, it's way too raw.(((hugs)))