Too much

Do you know the feeling of being completely overwhelmed with emotions to the point where you know that if just one more thing is added to the whole mix you'll come completely unhinged?

Maybe it's just me. I've been in this place a few times in my life and it's always been when I make my worst decisions. I become needy and angry and scared and desperate and feel like I'm falling a part. I feel like I can't breathe.

What do you do? How do you get through this? What if I do fall a part, will I know? If I am about to go crazy I need to make sure my kids are taken care of. Are there warning signs?

Can you contact your T?

The warning signs are probably different for everyone. For me, it's small noticeable differences in my patterns of thinking. Things for me tend to be the worse at night and this is the time I'm more likely to....

a. self harm
b. attempt suicide
c. become overwhelmed by emotions
d. send stupid emails to my therapist

Changes in my thinking are....

a. Thinking more and more about if I should self harm and how
b. Things begin to snowball in my mind (ex. I'm not where I want to be career-wise and I have to be secure in my career before I can think about a relationship and children, but I'm getting older and time is running out.....but there are all these obstacles because of my past and nothing is ever going to change so I should just kill myself.....so what do I need to do to get everything in order, should I just stop going to therapy and get off meds since there isn't any point now.....etc etc.)
c. It gets harder and harder to stop myself from those snowballing thoughts. First they start off harmlessly and I can bat them away, but more and more it becomes something I can't control.
d. I isolate even more.
e. I spend more time in bed.
f. I leave the house less.
g. I start to feel like I'm out of control.

I think we are twins. Yup love the stupid e-mails to my T. Sometimes I send e-mails just to illicit a response because it is comforting to see their name in my in box and to know that they were thinking of me. I also get wounded when they do not respond or take a couple of days. It causes me my thoughts to go to bad places. That would me my inner child apparently.

I've been calling her outside of session too much so I've decided not to contact her again until our session on Tuesday.

Well, as there are some very serious things going on right now in your life I would suspect that your T would understand and prefer that you contact her, or a crisis line or something, especially as you mention that you are concerned about your children.
Are there any safe supportive family or friends that can help you with your kids right now? Does your T even know about the recent incidents? I know that in my case, I called my T after my H's arrest(different circumstances btw) as I felt it was a crisis and my T agreed with me. He wanted to talk with me and make sure I was handling things alright.

I think murray is absolutely right, jkbob.

((Bob))

Your life really is in crisis. You have every reason to feel overwhelmed.

T is the only one who knows. Well, and H and the cops and the H's friend whom he is staying with and won't even look at me when I talk to him :-(

I think that's being penny-wise and pound-foolish. This is major, you KNOW you should be calling her. This is like when I got married without telling my t ahead of time. So i know how you feel. But they really can help.

I agree with the others - please call your T. As my T says, he'd rather have me contact him before I fall apart than wait until my normal session and be well into the crisis. It makes it harder for him if I wait. I'd bet anything that your T would think that, too.

Well I know my T is sick of calling me because the last time I talked to her she "suggested" that I call a battered woman's hotline. I'm not a frickin battered woman and I pay to talk to my T and don't want to call some stupid hotline. And this pissed me off and made me feel rejected which is making me feel even more needy and now the uncertainty of everything going on with H. I want to scream. I want to cry. I want to slash my wrists. I want to drink myself into a stupor. I want to go and curl up in the bathtub and lock the door and ignore everything else that's going on in my house/life.

((Bob))

What is your definition of a battered woman?

Someone who doesn't deserve to be hit

I read the words, I hear the words, I know the words. And yet, I still feel differently

If you don't want to call your t, then please call a domestic abuse hotline. There are many nation and state wide. You can get information and support, and they won't know who you are unless you tell them. I get that you love your husband, but please understand that he also needs help.

It's just so frickin frustrating! I don't know what is going on, I'm trying to do everything for him I can to help, I don't know how angry he is, I don't know that even if I am successful in having the restraining order dropped that he will even want to come home.

I should have never called the cops

I have to agree with wotchermuggle. I am the exact same way!

I called T. She suggested I call my doc and ask for a prescription for xanax or valium to help me get through the next few days.

Have you been to court for the one year continuation, or are you planning to drop the whole thing?

You have kids, and you have been hit?

It's good that you were able to get a script written to be filled.

Sorry to read that you don't want to be seen as a battered woman.

Even if he comes home, if he already has a temper, it won't be pleasant.

It's part of the cycle. Too bad your children are going through this.

And to answer your original question, about ever having so much going on that if one more thing comes along, you feel like you'll break? Yes.
What did I do, to overcome it, a ton of self help work, on top of therapy. I don't like feeling like I am teetering between reality and a break from reality. It's really exhausting.

Xanax has helped me when I felt like I couldn't walk a step or move without crying. I'm glad you called, fwiw.

I haven't gotten a script. Still debating whether to call tomorrow or not and I don't even know if my doc will prescribe without seeing me.

I'm honestly hoping this "knocks the sense into him"

I've heard the whole cycle thing but we're not "typical" Our children are happy and well adjusted.

I hear you on the exhausted part. What do you do in the very short term, before you can get into therapy?

Your children see that your husband is abusing you. They may seem happy, but they are living this too. Please make decisions that will not prolong their exposure to this violence. They will suffer for it if not now, certainly down the road. Thinking they won't is turning a blind eye to how domestic violence leaves scars on all who live through it, including the innocent witnesses. Kids are perceptive. They know something is very wrong in their world.