Couch 55...And on it goes....

((BiP))
The habit of a lifetime is not changed in a day.

BIL lent us some money twenty years ago and now he wants it back.
I suppose we'll manage.

I'm assuming it wasn't just $50.People have a long memory for money, not so long with clothes. BTW enjoying some nice Mainland Colby

lola you doing ok.

morning peeps

No, it was fairly substantial. Many thousands.

But I'm not really that annoyed. It is only money, after all, and I can either pay it back by installments or borrow it from the bank.

I guess ten years with Madame T has made me pretty stoical!

I'm glad you like our cheese!

Feeling restless tonight. Still, no work tomorrow!

(((BPA)))
(((LOLA)))

Hola couch peeps. Getting ready for church...so excited, no mother this week...YAY! She has called a few times, but it hasn't been bad at all. Nice break. We're going bowling tonight with friends.

Later...hope you all have a reasonable day.

Good morning.. We are all ready for church with 15mins to spare!! Last day at the fair for me and the booth I have been working. I love the cause I am working for, but I am thankful today is the last three hours I have to spend out there!

Busy week this coming week, bff is in town sooooo excited, birthday week (I have a twin brother and we were born on my mom's b-day) and my mom's mom is coming into town. I start working this week as well!

TRIGGER FOR TALK OF SUI THOUGHTS

On another note..

Things have been ok for me lately, just a little anxiety, insomnia is off and on, H and I had a falling out of sorts last week, but we seem to be past it. However, I still keep on going to that place in my mind, that suicide would be ok.. That I want to kill myself. I do have a plan, always have one. I don't think I am in any danger right now. I just find it, disturbing. I suppose, maybe I am truly still depressed and this is just a symptom of it.. maybe meds need to happen again. I just sick of being bothered with these thoughts.

Morning couch.

Well, I slept in a little bit today and it felt nice. I have to get to cleaning soon though (since I couldn't clean yesterday because I had to work).

Lola, I'm sorry that you are having to endure hostility from WW3, just say hell with it and enjoy your new place.

Well...off I go to clean. I'll be back when I am done (or when I need a break, depending on how long it takes me).

I hope everyone has an enjoyable day.

Healed...that seems to be quite common among us, unfortunately. As much as I fear death, I have always had a plan and means. Crazy. I was fighting for my life thru chemo, yet in the back of my mind was this plan.."when I get better...." I think it was/is me just wanting it to be my choice, not the cancer.

Perhaps it is important we talk about it? Or maybe not? I've yet to find a t that is comfortable discussing it.

AAAARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just had to turn down an emergency assignment because I have no childcare at the moment. DAMMIT. My first day without unemployment and I had to turn down good money.

FML.

My xT and I did discuss it... he actually went through a whole session with me about whether people would be better off without me... went through each person in my life

xT said that sometimes sui is a coping mechanism... obviously not doing it but the thought of doing it... like if the pain gets too bad...I have this option... But like every coping mechanism ...si or eating disorders or etc etc etc.. xT said that doing it wasn't a bad thing but what was important is getting to what is causing the pain and either aleviate it or learn new coping mechanisms....

so I guess xT would have said when the Sui thought rise up... you should look behind it - beyond it for the source of the pain... easier said then done... I've had those thoughts off and on since 7th grade... so not source could not be conscious at this point since I have repressed so many memories..

MUE that is really tough...

you are definitely going to have to come up with a back up plan... any teenage girls in the neighborhood... like a 16 year old... who might not have a real summer job...
you don't have to call it babysitting... if it would bother your daughter... just say I ask so and so to come hang out...

Well I need to get in the shower and get ready to go to church.
Then its more laundry...the laundromat...the grocery store and then I'm volunteering for our church's VBS in the crafts....which I find funny cause I'm not in the least bit crafty but I've gotten real good over the years making duct tape wallets, cell phone cases, etc, etc, etc...

Lola...thinking and praying for you today...

Thanks, RTS. It's really hard to have someone readily available at the drop of a dime. The thing about emergency assignments is that you can't put them on hold to arrange for childcare. You have to be able to say "yes" right on the spot.

I did take some action though. I have my niece available today for me to take on-call assignments if they are in her town or further south (I have had several emergency assignments at the hospital in her town, so it is possible).

I arranged it with my sister that we will take it one day at a time this week. If I am not scheduled to work the next day, I will watch her kids while her and her H work. But, I will make myself available for assignments, emergencies and overnights after 3 PM - so they can watch my daughter if I get called for work. If I am asked to work in advance, I will take the assignments and her H will stay home with the kids and my daughter, so I can work.

I also made the agency aware of my availability for the week - and informed them that my unemployment ran out so when my mom returns on the 19th, I will be making myself as available as possible for assignments, emergencies and overnights as it is my only income at the moment.

RTS, hope you enjoy VBS crafting! Sounds like fun.

((( Lola ))) - I hope things are ok at the moment. Keep breathing.

I just did the math, and I have 3 more T sessions covered by insurance (I pay a 30% coinsurance). After that, it's out of pocket until the end of the year. The timing of it all is quite ironic - unemployment runs out, benefits run out. Nice. *sigh*

Well...time for a break. I didn't actually start cleaning when I left here after my last post. :-P I played around on FB a little bit and then started cleaning about 10ish.

In about 1 hour and 15 minutes, I got the kitty litter box changed. I swept and mopped the bathroom floor. I cleaned the bathroom. I swept and mopped the kitchen. I cleaned the kitchen. And I swept and mopped the small strip of floor in front of the door where you enter.

I think that was productive and deserves a break.

I still have a bit left though. I still need to:
-Fold towels and put them away (from last week still when I washed them).
-Put laundry (clothes) away (again, from last week that I never put away after washing them).
-Dust my electronics and nick-nacks.
-Vacuum the bedroom, living room, and dining room.
-Clean out the fridge.
-Take out the trash (once I am all done cleaning).

I think my summer job at the senior place has done me some good. I have to do light housekeeping there. Getting paid to do it made me not mind it. Now I don't mind it for myself either. It now feels rewarding to see things go from grimey to sparkling.

Well...I'm going to go surf the web for a little bit. Then it will be back to cleaning.

I hope everyone has a good afternoon.

Sounds like you've gotten quite a bit accomplished. I too have found it rewarding to have a clean house....well, parts of my house anyway. I am working on tidying up the living spaces that I fully cleaned a few weeks ago...and then will be packing our bags, running to the grocery store to pick up some food to bring to my sister's house - then heading to my sister's house. Looks like I'll be there for most of the week. God help me.

I am trying not to let my current situation push me deeper into that dark hole.....but it's really difficult when I get TWO calls in one day for opportunities to earn money that can't happen. First, it was the emergency call that I had to turn down due to no childcare....the second was an opportunity for a longer term assignment that I couldn't do because I already have a 2 hour assignment booked during that time. ACK.

On the bright side, at least there is work to be had.....my opportunity will come.

Invisible....I can't decide if its a bad thing or a good thing...

but it doesn't make a difference which it is...but I'm definitely invisible...

I think I will take my bag of unopened mail and my filing box and I will work on filing bills (which I still get paper copies but pay online) and going through junk mail... and work on that in the car while my son goes to VBS...

MUE - I may have this wrong, but are the assignments at hospitals? If so, could your daughter take a book and sit in the lobby if she is unwilling to stay alone when they are not for all day?