[Butterflying]

I'm crying a lot. I'm depressed which is usual. My T wants me to only text when self harm is a struggle. I did today but I'm not sure why. What can he do? I self harmed anyway. I'm alone in the world now. My mom and I had a difficult relationship and talked a few times on the phone before she died. My T seems angry at me all the time and I need him now. Things don't go we'll for me. I wish I could slip away without a trace. I'm depleted, alone, and sad. I don't care about material possessions. This world seems devoid of what I need; family, friends, support, love...I don't know what to do.

[CantExplain]

((Butterflying))

Crying is normal when a parent dies.

[BonnieJean]

I'm so sorry that you are in pain and that thing don't seem the same. Losing your mom is very painful. I've gone thru it too. It sure changes your perspective. I cried all the time and felt like I bearly made it. There should be another end to this eventually. I wish you felt more support from your t. Keep writing here if that will help.

I am so sorry for your loss, Butterflying. There are some things we can't ever be fully prepared for, even though we know that they will happen - such as the death of a parent. You need more support than just being able to text your T when you are in danger of self harm... you need to be able to talk about your mother, for instance.

I wish I could slip away without a trace. I'm depleted, alone, and sad. I don't care about material possessions. This world seems devoid of what I need; family, friends, support, love...I don't know what to do.

Grief can do this. I know this doesn't help to hear, but with time, the grief becomes less acute. You will never forget your mother, but the sorrow will lessen, a little, after a while. But that takes time. I hope you will be able to find support somewhere. Maybe call a support line? Go to a grief counselling centre or something like that?

[x_BabyG_x]

Sorry for your loss I cannot imagine what you are going through right now.

I think the number one thing here to do is look after number one - yourself. Instead of questioning what your T can do to help, maybe you need to be asking what SI can do? im sure it didnt change the situation or make you feel any better about it.

Talking is a good way to distract your mind through grief, so maybe try picking up the phone next time you feel like pusnishing yourself for something beyond your control?

We are all here for you, and remember, time heals xoxo

[critterlady]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my mother 14 months ago and grief still takes me by surprise sometimes. It does get better, but it is especially difficult in the early days. I think having a complicated relationship with a parent makes grief just that much more difficult to process.

[healingme4me]

Sorry to read of your loss, I can relate to the loss of a mom. A little over three years ago.

When you mention, your T seems mad, could that be just part of the anger that comes with the grief process?

It is an overwhelming sadness, indeed, and may feel like the world came crashing down around you. Your life on this Earth is important and you matter.

There is a self injury forum here, and a hotline, as well. Get yourself, all the support you can get, right now!!

Hang in there.

[GenCat]

I too struggle daily with the losses I've had over the past 2 years. It does not get easier, but you learn to live again through time. Hang in there, Butterflying.

[NWgirl2013]

((((((((((((Butterflying)))))))))))))

I have found great support here, like HealingMe4Me said. Just keep writing, there are many that care .... Really. I am so sorry for your loss.

[QuietCat]

*hugs*
I have a terrible fear of my mom dying.
T says grieving is very normal and natural and it's a process that everyone goes through, especially when losing a parent.

I'm sorry for your loss Butterflying I lost my mum last year and it hurts like mad, It is coming up to her first anniversary without her here it is just too painful, I miss her.
Keep talking to us if it helps

[Jungatheart]

Wow! Look at all the support from others who understand your pain. You are not alone.
I do understand. Grief can be so intense. And confusing if you didn't have a good relationship.
Feeling alone in the world is intense, shattering, deep. It's a lot to deal with. It all takes time, which really isn't comforting at all.
You will rebuild. There is hope.
If you are into this kind of thing, pay attention to your dreams.
Hang in there.

Hang in there & please never give up. Despite whatever problems you & your mother had together, I'm sure that she would never, ever want you to give up. You will get through this even though it doesn't seem like that at this moment. I lost my mother too & it still hurts to this day but it is easier to handle as time goes on. Take care! Hugs!

[liz11364]

Originally Posted by Butterflying

I'm crying a lot. I'm depressed which is usual. My T wants me to only text when self harm is a struggle. I did today but I'm not sure why. What can he do? I self harmed anyway. I'm alone in the world now. My mom and I had a difficult relationship and talked a few times on the phone before she died. My T seems angry at me all the time and I need him now. Things don't go we'll for me. I wish I could slip away without a trace. I'm depleted, alone, and sad. I don't care about material possessions. This world seems devoid of what I need; family, friends, support, love...I don't know what to do.

You just described my situation and feelings two years ago when my Mom passed, my Dad passed four months before her.
At the time, I felt like an orphan, and people seemed to have their backs turned from me. I still feel like an orphan, but time has softened the sharp edges a little. Even my only sister and partner were mad at me at the time. You see, I was very, very, angry at first because I could not accept my situation. I also self harmed with food (gained 20 pounds in 1 year, and I was already overweight) and other things. Even scratching my arms and scalp until they got sore and bled, I always had a tube of Neosporin (pain numbing kind) of course, it's not as bad now, but a tough habit to break. I hope you know that you're never really alone. When things seemed as bad as they could get, I felt like my parents were holding me up, and were by my side. You will get through this. Be good to yourself, I'm sure you're Mom would want you to be ok. Let me know how you are doing ok? Liz

[SkinnySoul]

I feel for you Butterflying... I lost my dad 8 months ago and I'm still incredibly messed up. He was so young...

Let yourself mourn, but try not to self-harm(at least not too much). Your self-harm is masking all the emotions you need to express so that you can finally accept her loss.

I hope you feel better soon. I'm sure your mom would want to see you overcome this and be happy.

*huge virtual hug for you*

[rainbow8]

I'm sorry for the loss of your Mom. Grieving is normal and takes a lot of time, more than 2 months. Is there a grief support group that you can join? Maybe it would help you with your feelings.