[Butterflying]

In my other thread I mentioned my mom just died tw months ago. It was sudden and unexpected. I just saw my T two days ago and ive textd twice today for help. He said if I need to ask that frequently then maybe I should be somewhere safe (hospital). I'm not going to the hospital. I'm sure he's annoyed with me. Therapy isn't enough but what is? What is there? I have two close friends but that's not working well for support. Basically I'm on my own with severe depression. I just function the best I can but there is no joy in my life. I guess there's nothing my T can do. I've bugged him too much. I hate myself

[Moodswing]

Oh yeah do not bug them. They are not your support system or your friend. Pretend they do not exist and find another way to function without them. I wiping the memory of mine right out of my head.

[pbutton]

What do you need to keep yourself safe?

When my dad died, I talked to my T several times in one day, and then asked him to leave me a voice mail to listen to, so I could steady and reassure myself without having to have him constantly on the phone with me. Might that be helpful for you?

[Butterflying]

I need more support. I need to be able to talk more. I could use gentleness and kindness right now. I think I just made him mad--or annoyed. It feels like there's no real way to get what I need. I'm on my own and it feels lonely. My husband is in his own world. It seems like is no real answer. I wish my T cared more but I know he just can't be there more. He said he can help me during sessions so that's all I've got.

[stopdog]

Has the therapist given you any suggestions? Have you considered a grief support group or a specific grief counselor in addition to the therapist?
When my mother died suddenly, I stayed in bed and cried for at least a month. I only got up to feed and let the dogs out. It is hard, but it did eventually get better for me.

[boredporcupine]

It does sound like you need more support than you are getting. You do have options though. Support group, group therapy, intensive outpatient, medication... I know you just want to crawl in a hole and die, but maybe your T can help you find more resources.

[growlycat]

Jeez, my T called me when my cat died. Your T's boundaries seem a little harsh-ever consider shopping around while still keeping this T for now? It may feel like "cheating" but you have the right to get your needs met. Extra contact for such an important loss isn't asking too much.

[anilam]

If you're not considering Sui, I find his remark of needing to go to hospital off and harsh.

[manymiles]

I'm not sure how often you meet with your T, but could you talk about meeting with him more often during this time? Just throwing it out there, that maybe he does care but wants to maintain the boundaries of contact outside of session and is willing to discuss it more often but during session time.

I hope you are able to find the support you need during this time.

[Perna]

Have you looked into any bereavement groups through your hospital or other local social service agencies? That might give you access to others going through a similar situation to yours

[Butterflying]

I haven't looked into bereavement groups. My T doesn't see me more than once a week--ever. No matter what. I don't know why.

I'm so depressed again today. Laying on the couch. Shopping didn't even help. I can't text my T I guess. I don't know. I wish something could make me feel better.

[Moodswing]

Originally Posted by Butterflying

I haven't looked into bereavement groups. My T doesn't see me more than once a week--ever. No matter what. I don't know why.

I'm so depressed again today. Laying on the couch. Shopping didn't even help. I can't text my T I guess. I don't know. I wish something could make me feel better.

Everybody chant with me! Time for a new T!

[tinyrabbit]

Originally Posted by Moodswing

Everybody chant with me! Time for a new T!

Seconded. Your T should be booking an extra session with you right now.

[Butterflying]

I think he's too busy. :-(

[mandazzle]

I'm so sorry butterflying. I also agree that you might want to look into find a new T. In a situation like this a good T would offer you extra support during this difficult time. I hope you are able to work something out.

Originally Posted by Butterflying

In my other thread I mentioned my mom just died tw months ago. It was sudden and unexpected. I just saw my T two days ago and ive textd twice today for help. He said if I need to ask that frequently then maybe I should be somewhere safe (hospital). I'm not going to the hospital. I'm sure he's annoyed with me. Therapy isn't enough but what is? What is there? I have two close friends but that's not working well for support. Basically I'm on my own with severe depression. I just function the best I can but there is no joy in my life. I guess there's nothing my T can do. I've bugged him too much. I hate myself

Having gone through the death of my sister fairly recently and the utter pain of grief, I'm wondering if you may be misinterpretting your T's comments.

I'm wondering if your T truly is expressing concern that your sadness and depression has gone beyond the scope of normal grief. Is he possibly truly concerned for your emotional and physical safety--thus the mention of the hospital? That wouldn't be annoyance (that would be your interpretation); rather, that would be true professional concern about the level of care you are needing right now.

I DID need more intervention after my sister's death than basic therapy. I did lapse into a truly clinically depressed episode (a complete different animal from normal grief) that required about a week in the hospital where I was safe while adjustments were made to my medications. Then I was able to discharge at least better medically managed for my depression so that I moved back into a more "normal" course of grief that truly could be more effectively served through therapy.

It may be that you need to discuss what your therapists' concerns are about your current state of functioning. It just seems much of what you posted is your interpretation of what he might have meant based on your own issues about feeling like a bother or burden to him rather on any real discussion of the matter with him.

[Butterflying]

I asked him if he could provide more support so I could avoid the hospital. He said he was sure there are ways but he didnt want to discuss via text. I'm tempted to tell him I will put my self destructive urges on hold while I wait to discuss in person. He doesn't get it.

[ultramar]

Originally Posted by growlycat

Jeez, my T called me when my cat died. Your T's boundaries seem a little harsh-ever consider shopping around while still keeping this T for now? It may feel like "cheating" but you have the right to get your needs met. Extra contact for such an important loss isn't asking too much.

My feeling is that this is not about boundaries at all, it's about what is in the best interests of the patient. It seems very reasonable to me that dealing with this through text will likely not be effective. I think getting your needs met does not equate to that any and all outside contact is *therapeutic* (i.e. will truly help the patient). I think it's about the quality of contact/interaction with the therapist, not quantity.

To the OP, I think it would be a good idea to ask for an extra session. I think this is something that may meet your needs for extra support, and if it's not enough, you can talk then face to face and in-depth about what kind of additional help is out there.

I don't think a therapist not wanting to communicate through text (*especially* about such a difficult issue) means having too-tight boundaries. Again, it's about what will most and more deeply help the patient, not frequency of contact, no matter what kind.

[Butterflying]

Ultra I believe my T would agree with what you said. I have his cell # for help with coping skills--he's against therapy texting. So since my mom passed away its been very easy to use texting when I feel my depression is out of control and I need help. The lines between coping skills and just wanting support/help to relieve my depression becomes a fine line. I've been thinking a lot about death even thoughts of wanting to die I thinks only because of my depression getting worse and the stress of going thru moms things and that she found out she was sick and died two weeks later. I want to hold onto my T emotionally and physically (he doesn't hug). He gets annoyed with me if I text too much no matter what--if I can't get out of bed or if I feel like the world is caving in--

I guess I don't have many places to turn. I'm an only child. Thank shod for my best friend even tho she's thousands of miles away.

[ultramar]

He gets annoyed with me if I text too much no matter what--if I can't get out of bed or if I feel like the world is caving in--

It sounds like you've worked on coping skills with him, but maybe one of those coping skills can be you asking for help from him in ways that might benefit you more. For example, an extra face-to-face session or maybe a phone session? It sounds like you might feel that if the situation is bad enough, it should warrant text contact, but maybe it's especially unhelpful in such difficult circumstances. One of many reasons may be that texts can easily be misinterpreted or not seem supportive enough and then, already depressed and vulnerable, this could cause you to spiral even more.

Do you think that a text might constitute a 'quick fix' -something that will help you feel better in the moment, but not tomorrow or the next day (unless you receive more and then more texts)?

I'm so sorry for what you are going through right now. If you feel you truly can't function and are/or are not safe, I hope you will seek help from a hospital and/or help line. If you feel, on the other hand, that you can make it until your next session, then I'd encourage you to try to do that. If you feel that an extra session -in person or by phone- would be helpful for you, I'd encourage you to ask for that.

I don't think your therapist is abandoning you by not being willing to do therapy by text, I think he really cares about you and is encouraging you to ask for extra help in other ways that might benefit you more.