[pbutton]

I've been reading the thread about the people who hide or look away.

Some of you make eye contact, right? Tell me about what that's like.

[tooski]

Originally Posted by pbutton

I've been reading the thread about the people who hide or look away.

Some of you make eye contact, right? Tell me about what that's like.

One word ...... intense!!! Scary intense

[sweepy62]

Originally Posted by pbutton

I've been reading the thread about the people who hide or look away.

Some of you make eye contact, right? Tell me about what that's like.

i had good eye contact after a month with my former therapist but not with this new one

[Chopin99]

I do now. Took me a good year. Sometimes it's frightening, sometimes it's intense, sometimes it's empowering.

But most importantly, it's progress.

When I do make eye contact, it's dead on, like I'm looking through him, although Im actually looking at his upper lip. Especially when I wanna say something but I'm afraid, I bite the bullet, zone in on the lip and spill It... Them it's back to lid on , lid off ,lid on , lid off as he responds.. I find it empowering, or maybe I think he thinks I'm not scared, if I look when I tell.

[critterlady]

I make intermittent eye contact with T. It's usually when he's talking, not when I am. I tend to look at the carpet when I talk. Every once in a while, I'll make eye contact when I'm talking and it usually blows me away. He has such a look of empathy and understanding on his face, even if I've just told him something horrid. I'm trying to look at him more, since it does help me.

When I'm telling himself difficult/shameful... I cannot look at him... but when I'm done and he's talking... I do look at him and I glad I do cause its comforting that he isn't shocked or appauled...

Sometimes he will look at me so intensely when he is telling me something he really wants me to hear (alot of time its positive stuff)... and I look right into his eyes but I have my wall up so high its not like I can "see" him... I wish that would change...

[Silent_tsol]

I've found myself stuck in far too many presentation classes so while I don't necessarily make eye contact, I do this "engage the audience" look at her face once in a while. I usually last as long as about 0.000003 seconds and then I'm all "yep moving on...in this slide here...".
Making this fake eye contact also, in my crazy land logic means I'm completely ok and I'm only here because I'm otherwise bored...I don't have real problems, it's all totally manageable and MY WEEK WAS FINE.

That's probably not what your aim should be lol

deleted: post sounded "freakish"

[rainbow_rose]

I do. It's nice. It's nice 'cause I can see her smile or when she laughs. or if she makes a funny expression ... or i can see her concern. Often when I'm in the no-eye-contact mode, i wish I did have an image of what she looked like when she said a certain thing.

plus, she's not bad to look at ... so that's nice too.

plus when I do look at her, and make eye contact, it's a postive sign for my therapy.... it was months before I could do it on a consistent basis.

when I do tell scary stuff, it is harder ... so I tend to peek when I think she's not looking at me...

[Miswimmy1]

I try... I really love my t and I want to show her that I'm listening. Her gaze is very intense though... It bores into me. But then I can get a reading from her... It's how I know that she is telling the truth, genuine.

It is also what I do to bring myself into the conversation. I have ADHD and so that is how I stay focused...

[LoneWolfie]

I have made eye contact in the past and a bit lately. There have been a few misunderstanding and I have not been as talkative lately and tend to stare off into one of the corners of the conference room.

At times I look right at my pdoc when talking, especially when I challenging her because of something she has said that I don't agree with.

As someone else mentioned it can be "intense". I have gotten past the part that no one can read my mind, Thank God.

[rainbow_rose]

one more thing.... making eye contact is about connection ... so when I can do that, i know that I am connecting more with her ... it is being brave ... it's a safe space to learn to do this... and i do want her to see me and i know she sees more of me when I am looking at her and connecting with her. i feel it makes our relationship stronger.

[stopdog]

I only look at her when I am angry or if I have asked a question.

[tooski]

Originally Posted by rainbow_rose

one more thing.... making eye contact is about connection ... so when I can do that, i know that I am connecting more with her ... it is being brave ... it's a safe space to learn to do this... and i do want her to see me and i know she sees more of me when I am looking at her and connecting with her. i feel it makes our relationship stronger.

All of this!! It IS being brave, and it took me months to be able to sustain eye contact for any length of time. And still, when I'm saying difficult stuff, especially when it makes me feel vulnerable, I close my eyes. Looking away isn't good enough, because my eyes might stray back to his accidentally So I just close them and get the words out. The big problem with that is that I don't get to see his reaction, so I lose the connection part.

[wotchermuggle]

When I'm feeling better, I look at my T a whole lot more. For the most part, it's up and down every session.

Funny things that I've realized when I do look at my T are.....

• how much older he looks in person than in my mind
• how much he twirls the pen he holds
• how many funny facial expressions he has
• how kind his eyes are
• how much he looks at me - eek!

I find I look when I'm trying to make a specific and important point. Like if he's saying one thing but it's completely not true, I'll pause, look at him, and reiterate that it's not true.

[pbutton]

I'm still mulling this over. I do generally look at him when he is speaking. I just don't ever really look at people when I'm the one talking. Part of it is the effort it takes to translate my thoughts into words that make sense to other people. I think best when I am alone.

Eye contact is about the connection for me as well. In the beginning I closed my eyes more, but now when I'm talking I'm looking at her directly. Unless I'm doing an active imagination of course, then my eyes are closed. I do love the connection though. Where sometimes we just sit there not talking but making eye contact and just being in the connection. that's a biggie for me, being able to do that comfortably.

If I am upset I can't make eye contact.

[rothfan6]

Originally Posted by pbutton

I just don't ever really look at people when I'm the one talking. Part of it is the effort it takes to translate my thoughts into words that make sense to other people.

Same here. Its very distracting to think and try to look at someones face.

[BlessedRhiannon]

For me, eye contact varies.

When I first met T, I forced myself to maintain eye contact. I actually tend to maintain eye contact with people I don't trust more than with people I trust. I need to be able to read them and their reactions and I can't do that if I'm not maintaining eye contact with the person.

As I learned to trust T more, I don't force the eye contact. I actually allow myself to look away. When I'm thinking or remembering or trying to figure something out, I tend to focus on a fixed spot in the distance rather than on T. When I'm trying to get her to understand something, or when she's speaking to me then I usually have eye contact with her.

My T is a very warm, calm, honest, reassuring person, so when I look her in the eyes, I feel that strength from her, that honesty, and it helps me to believe in what she's saying.

[Silent_tsol]

Originally Posted by pbutton

Part of it is the effort it takes to translate my thoughts into words that make sense to other people. I think best when I am alone.

This!!
Half the time when I'm sitting quietly I have all the thoughts, I just have no idea how to make words out of them. Or apply sound or something. Sometimes I have to look at her a bit otherwise I'm talking almost completely without any volume

I am generally good with eye contact. In therapy, I have a much harder time, particularly when he starts throwing around the 'i' word or the 's' word (intimacy -- gag, heave -- and shame, respectively). On occasion, he will try to get me to look at him so I can watch his face while he responds to something I said, or to try to get me out of my head when I get lost in there.

[unaluna]

we are usually looking at each other, I think, but sometimes the doll he is holding starts making faces and distracting me, like she rolls her eyes or throws up her arms or cuddles into him, and I will interrupt him, saying, "Look, even Munchie is - or isn't - agreeing with you, she is doing (whatever) ..." or if he starts pontificating, I will entertain myself looking at his extreme arm muscles. Hey, he's the one wearing the tight t-shirt.

[trdleblue]

At least, as of late, I hardly ever make eye contact. I went to T today, and I think I only made eye contact once or twice. I looked at my bracelet that I was playing with, out the window, and T's shoes.

If I feel like someone knows me a bit too much then I have trouble looking right at them. It's almost like I know that they will know I'm a fraud if they see my eyes.