Couch 56...Getting Back to our roots

MKAC... I'm glad you are getting your needs met in your marriage now....you've deserved to be treated so...

Ready, it's not perfect or even close, but it is so much better. I hope and pray that you and your H can figure something out. Will he go to marriage counseling? or do you even want to?

His t said he wasn't ready the last we spoke of it... In my heart I feel like if I deserved to be treated better he would do it... Not saying its right just what I believe...

Texted a friend going to pick her up and we will catch up and eat mcflurry in the McDs parking lot... Water ice is closed

ETA: if you all met my H without hearing me ***** you would all love him...everyone does...he's a great guy...so that's how I know its me.

Evening couch.

Well...the zoo trip went well. No comments about my appearance or life choices were made. Thank goodness. Just enjoyable time looking at animals.

Won't be able to get back to the zoo for a couple of days, but that's okay...it's not like I have to go everyday. :-P I have to work at the senior place in the morning tomorrow, then have C in the afternoon. Tuesday, I have C in the morning, then to T an hour later, then to pdoc an hour after I am done with T.

Hopefully pdoc will keep everything the same since I seem to be pretty stablized. Though I thought I was stabilzed 2 months ago at my last appointment, when he said we needed to up one of the meds we started 6 weeks prior to that to a "therapeutic dose" because even though I felt better at the "lower dose" it wouldn't work in the future. Hopefully I am at the therapeutic dose now and he won't try to increase it again. I know in the end I can always refuse to increase the dose, but I don't like being "difficult" and his reasoning last time made sense. I'm trying not to think about it too much. Hopefully T can help me worry about it less since I see her before pdoc.

I almost fell asleep before taking my antipsychotic again. I woke up about 9:30pm and realized I hadn't taken it. Thank goodness I woke up, so I can prevent a night full of odd dreams. During the day (morning dose) it keeps me from hallucinating or having paranoia. If I don't take it at night...I hallucinate in my dreams or have other strange things happen in them. I would rather not dream that I am hallucinating.

Well...I need to go off to bed. I have to work all day tomorrow.

I hope everyone has a good night.

RTS, everyone thinks my husband is the nicest man on the planet because he is SO conflict avoidant. Everyone we know thinks I am the biggest ***** on the planet because he is SO nice. How the person treats you in private is different and not a reflection of what you deserve. [unless you also think I'm the biggest ***** on the planet and deserve to have what I need/want/think disregarded, which I know some people do. lol.]

Certainly no article is going to appeal to everyone. She is one of the few bloggers I can abide. But I also don't think staying together is an automatic ideal goal, that monogamy is the best or even natural arrangement if the parties involved all decide otherwise, nor that together for life monogamy is something to strive for, so my views on relationships may not be in sync with some others.

I need to stop procrastinating

Well I made it through my first Saturday night in the metro plex.... I had a huge adventure that ended in a 60 dollar taxi ride at 4:30 am. I will NOT being doing that again ever... Little me needs to be harnessed , although I am proud of myself for making one good choice after a night of many bad one.... uggggg

I love my dog.

1st T interview with Country T tomorrow night.

I am glad you made a good choice. And a dog can certainly help one have at least one responsibility that keeps one on track.
Plus they are just nice to have around.

This was true of my mother. Everyone else adored her. Over 400 non-related people came to her wake and funeral ( we have several of the sign in books - they had to keep getting more). So what on earth was wrong with me? People would love it when she was around. And yet, all I wanted was for her to go away and leave me alone.

Thanks SD

Arethusa stop procrastinating...

MKAC you arent the biggest ***** on the planet, I sometimes wonder if you believe you are?

Squirrel, I am looking into a zoo pass.. you have me motivated

I'm not saying that this applies to your husband, but the first thing I thought of when reading that is that it describes emotionally abusive or manipulative people. My grandmother was emotionally and physically abusive to my mother and aunt all her life, but people outside the family never knew that. All the people at her funeral talked about what a generous, caring person she was and everyone in the family was thinking that those folks must have known a different woman. And my mother always thought the problem was her and not her mother.

You know... I have worked hard in the last probably 6-9 months in T when it comes to understanding why it is important to trust/feel safe/ be vulnerable in my marriage. Granted- I am probably no where near close to where I should be.. I have pushed aside some feelings that I was having.. To really work on my relationship. I am NOWHERE near perfect, I am the first to admit it.. I have kissed somebody else, I have spoken inappropriately to people other than my h.. But I am the working on my issues, week after week, I discuss rape, sex, incest- not only to make myself to better, but to make myself better in order to save my marriage. Its all for nothing.. I am trying- and he doesn't. He knows the right words to say, he might be good for a little bit, but in the long run.. he has issues and he is not trying to get help for. Why am I the only one that has to do the changing?

I wish you every success in saving your marriage.
But whether or not you succeed in that, you are saving yourself.

I can certainly relate to having people appear a certain way outside of the house. I'd imagine most people want to put on their "best appearance" when engaging with others.

My dad was a wonderful man - everyone loved him - young and old. He was so funny and lit up a room whenever he walked in. My mom - so stoic and reserved, sweet and kind.....No one would ever think that they would beat their child mercilessly on a regular basis.

The thing is, they were those things. I don't believe they really put on an act as much as they allowed those parts of themselves to shine - and hid the parts they wanted no one to see.

I feel like the worst mom ever. My daughter should be with ME right now, not at my sister's. She fell and hurt herself - which I know can happen anywhere - but there's so much chaos in that house. She's ok, just upset - and said she felt better after talking to me. I might bring her home tomorrow and juggle some things around so that she doesn't have to stay there.

I just want her home.

My H went all victim on me when I went to get ice cream with my friend. Said I don't like to spend time with him so I'm better off. He had went to run an errand right before my friend said she could go so I texted him to say where I was going and that was his response.

Children fall and hurt themselves. That's what children do.
It could be at home, at school or at a friend's. They usually recover.

No man can ever understand what a mother goes through, but I wonder if you are taking this a bit hard.

He sounds insecure.

I saw the heading and thought "Finally something I can relate to." And then the first paragraph told me I'm a maladapted alien, just like all the other blog posts there. I'm sure it is a good article and I am all for not talking about things, but why do they have to preface everything they write with "This Is What All People Think/Do"? It's patronising and humiliating and untrue.

Feeling happy for no very good reason.
I've got plenty to worry about but it doesn't seem to matter right now.

I made a bold chess move that just might win a game I thought I was going to lose.

Don't look gift happiness in the mouth, that's what I say

Good morning all...
Good afternoon Apt...

Ready, maybe H isn't capable of thinking that way? Would it have been awful if when you got back in the car after the ice cream stand you said "I'd really like that water ice, do you mind if we stop there instead?" I know it's nice to have them just "read your mind" and put your needs in the forefront, but some men just aren't capable of thinking that way. Being hurt about not getting your needs met when you aren't letting your needs be known is the basis of victim mentality. (I am not saying you have a victim mentality...just that it can become that over time). Kindly saying what you need before hand might be better than feeling disappointed afterwards. If you say what you need, and he still doesn't comply, then he's a jerk.

And..btw...my father was a much loved politician. Sparkly green "Irish" eyes, with dimples and a smile that could melt a thousand hearts. At home he was evil incarnate.

Oh...and....MKAC, you are not a *****. Thanks for thinking of me.

Healed: Is today the day? If so, I will be thinking of you. I hope all goes well, and you find healing through this.

morning everyone

Hey chickie...
Hows the weather out there? Looking kind of cloudy/storming right now, but that is common in the morning here, usually it burns off. H calls it the Cape Crud.