Couch 56...Getting Back to our roots

Of course, there are also the illegal/black market adoptions; I've known a couple people who were adopted illegally; someone just "gives" their child to someone else for money or just because they can't afford them, etc. Nowadays one gets one's Social Security number immediately after being born so maybe that's an effort to better control what happens to babies, the question of how come this child doesn't have a SSN could be raised. That was weird starting my grandchildren's 529 college savings plan when they were only hours old.

Mast, as others have said, adoptions in the US are regulated on a State by State basis. In their State, they are going through a private agency. They are not allowed to give the woman any money at all, not even for the birth expenses, which seems wrong to me. The birth mother is on public assistance, so she is not actually out of pocket, but ... In my State, we can do private adoptions just as individual to individual things. For instance, a client signed over guardianship of her children to a relative. After a number of years, they did an adoption proceeding where the mom voluntarily relinquished her rights and the dad had his parental rights involuntarily terminated for failure to contact or support the kids. There was no State or private agency involved.

On the other hand, if the dad had not been clearly unfit to be a parent, he could have gotten the kids back no matter how long they had been with the guardians, and no matter how much better their lives would be with the guardians. In our State, that kind of case came up and the State Supreme Court said that parents have a constitutional right to possession of their children, even if they have gone years without seeing them, and even if the children are clearly better off with the guardians. In our State, children are still basically chattel, and you can give them away if you want, and you can get them back even if you have given them to someone else, as long as you are not declared unfit before the adoption goes through.

In my own personal exciting news, we just got our first duck egg! The new hen laid an egg a little bit ago. Her nutrition has clearly been really deficient because the egg is small and the shell is almost translucent. But, she is already looking a lot better than yesterday -- her plumage is cleaner and her feathers are neater and less bedraggled. She is working pretty hard at smoothing them out. We named her Jane, as in SNL's, "Jane, you ignorant slut!" I have always thought that was funny. The drake we have named "Chase."

oh hell, why not...

Jane, you ignorant slut. My personality profile is not at issue here, any more than is your inability to achieve orgasm. The issue is Taiwan. How can we expect to have the confidence of any free nation when we stab one of our most faithful allies in the back. I suppose you'd like to conduct our foreign policy the way you conduct your private life, hopping from bed to bed with anyone that can do you some good. Then what do you have? An old, dried-out scuzz that no decent man would be seen with. Is that what you want for America? It's too late for you, Jane, but our country still has some dignity left, you hosebag!

yea..snl always rocks.

I didn't get too much grief from my mother.

(I think I have a new siggy line)

I can see how vegetables are the new cupcake and craft beer but I'm having trouble with the pig part? Does it have something to do with making purses?

since pork has the death enzyme in it*...people now eat veggies instead.



*the opinions and beliefs expressed by wiki do not represent the opinions or beliefs of the couch.

Well my sunday is shot - 2009 emma is on.

Are Vegetables the New Pork Belly? - Young & Hungry

and

Why Vegetables Are the New Meat -- New York Magazine

Just hangin on the couch, ate some vegetables...the cat is sleeping, the rain is coming, can I sleep here?

Sleep sounds like a good idea. I'm off to bed now. Night night, couchinistas.

G'night, Mast. Sleep well.

I did a bunch of errands this morning and then came home and planned to do some cleaning. Then I discovered that Pride & Prejudice (the Masterpiece Theater version with Colin Firth) was on and there went my plans. I did manage to get the bathrooms cleaned, but the dusting and vacuuming will wait for another day.

And I still have this *#%@ing headache. Two weeks now.

critterlady, I am really sorry to hear about your headache - that takes it out of you for sure... but I hope you will forgive me if, in light of your previous paragraph, I suggest that you might have said "My head is very ill tonight". (I'm not making fun of you - I just know the BBC/A&E Pride & Prejudice pretty much by heart. Cos I'm a nerd, and proud of it.)

I find this interesting:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...-talk-about-it

What I'm hearing is "settle for less".

What I got from it is you can only change yourself, not the other person

SD...I got the same thing from it... My take was if you decide to stay with a person then don't try to change them....

Here is an example... My H suggested we stop to get milkshakes (my H loves strawberry milkshakes)at this little ice cream stand on the way back from dropping our son off at summer camp. I hadn't even thought about it but said how nice something cool would be since we just stood in a hot registration line. While standing in line we realize they only take cash and we gave it all to our son...so the person ahead of us tells us there is a water ice (I love water ice...my H knows this)shop down the road that takes debit cards...
My H drives right buy the water ice place and heads directly home. Why because he doesn't like water ice....and what I want never enters his mind.

Should I whine and complain and give him a hard time for not stopping ? No. I plan to take myself out for water ice in a few minutes... I cannot make my H think about me...it's not within my means/ control.... I could divorce him and look for a man who would but why disrupt my Ss lives when I can just take care of me.

water ice sounds great ready yummmm

I believe there is a difference between the notion of only being able to change one's self and not someone else - and the idea of expressing one's needs, wants, setting boundaries, sharing feelings of disappointment, etc. - and being able to negotiate getting those needs/wants met.

RTS - I'd imagine I would feel really disappointed if my H did that to me. Knowing me, though, saying nothing would just add more feelings of resentment to the reservoir - and it would come out at some point during an argument or whatnot.

Took my daughter and her friend to the swim club for most the day. The girls had a lot of fun, and I enjoyed being in the water for a while and then reading my book. My mom just picked up my daughter, so I am now kid free again. Hoping to stay on the up and up - and not sink again.

Hey, Wikid, thought of you a lot today. I actually ate breakfast - a healthy cereal with blueberries. Vegetarian pasta salad for lunch, and then made a bunch of quinoa salad for dinner. We got "fresh" sweet corn at a roadside stand and it was not fresh and not great, so I cut it off the ears and added it to the quinoa with cucumbers, sweet onion, and some salsa. Hope your day was good.

RTS, I agree that there is a middle ground there of asking to have your needs met and expecting him to LEARN to consider you. My H and I have been working on this is marriage counseling, and he has actually made huge progress.

And I think that article is written by a hugely conflict avoidant person, or someone who refuses to accommodate the needs of her partner and thinks other people should do the same. My H and I have both been able to receive feedback about what the other person NEEDS to feel safe and loved and we have both been making adjustments. For instance, he needs me to give feedback in a way that does not make him feel pressured or stupid for not seeing what I needed before I said it. The MC pointed out that touch is a huge strength for H and I, and we touch in a loving way even when we're upset at each other, if the other person shows pain or fear. MC suggested I touch H in a loving way BEFORE telling him something I need or that something he is doing hurts me. Just that one small adjustment by me has made a huge difference in our relationship. It's not about changing who the other person IS; it's about thinking of your partner and trying to meet his or her needs without losing yourself in the process.

See MUE.. I already know this is an issue for my H ...so I can point it out every time he does it...which won't make him change...which only leads to frustration or I can learn to expect him not to "stop for water ice" in our life and take care of my own needs...