How does a client's suicide affect their T?

Thank you. I know she was just a guinea pig, but she really was special to me. I got her when I was 13 so she lived a very full and happy life, but she would sit on my shoulder and give me kisses when I was sad.

Thanks for the hug. Yeah, she mocks me about most everything in my life. She mocks suicidal people in general and once literally told me that if I was planning on committing suicide, I should go talk to her instead of telling a doctor (weird to say that because she actually is a doctor, just not a mental health doctor) because they will ruin my life and judge me. She won't ever see a therapist because she doesn't believe in psychology and believes she is all knowing anyway. She's a complete lost cause.

My dad literally ignores me despite having lived in the same house for 18 years. He never calls me when I'm at school, never emails me, never texts me, nothing. He has a relationship with my younger siblings but for whatever reason he doesn't care about me as much. And while he did not contribute to the PA I endured quite as much as my mom did, he did do a little and he stood by her side, letting her do it. He never protected me when my mom was shouting vile things at me and severely psychologically abusing me. He never stood up for me, never demanded that she treat me right, all he ever did was care about his marriage more than he cared about his own daughter. I have no interest in building a relationship with a man like that. The only thing he ever taught me is that if I decide to have kids someday (*shudders*), I want a man that will love our children far more than he could ever love me. I want a guy who would sooner abandon me or put me in the hospital if necessary than let me psychologically sabotage our kids forever.

Hi growlithing. I've been following this thread, and I just wanted to say hang in there. I'm so sorry for everything you're going through right now.

I did have one question, which struck me while reading this: Why are you not able to contact your T during those five weeks? I understand you're in school, and it sounds like your T works for/is affiliated with your school, but if she knew how much you were really struggling and had made a SUI attempt, I think she would rather you contact her than lose you. Is she on vacation or does she not work during those 5 weeks?

If she is still working, I am just wondering why you can't contact her, if you are in such serious pain, I really think she would prefer to know rather than risk losing you.

Hugs

That is really sweet. Sounds like a nice memory to hold on to. Pets are always special, they're never "just" guinea pigs or cats or whatever. I used to have a cat when I was a kid and I will always remember the way she slept on my lap when I was studying. Maybe you could get another pet when you overcome her loss?

I'm so sorry for what you went through... Ah, we all pay for our parents' sins(or our parents' insanity...).
Don't let your past ruin your future. You deserve better. I'm sure life will reward you with a man like you wish and that you'll be finally happy with him and your kids.
Don't give up.

growlithing, I grew up in an abusive family, with parents who attempted to keep control even after I went to college. It seemed to me that it would be completely impossible to just break away and not return home for summers. I had that exact discussion with my college therapist over and over. Finally, I did just tell them that I was getting an apartment for the summer and not returning to live with them. It was a huge big deal, but in the end, I lived in my apartment and they lived with that fact.

If you want to PM me sometime, please feel free. I just wanted to let you know that although it seems impossible to break away, it isn't. Most universities now provide financial aid and support and there are loans available. Debt is better than death was my conclusion, because I knew that I would eventually die living with them.

I am sorry for you loss of the pig, also. I lost a hamster I adored once and it was hard to deal with the people who acted like she was "just" a hamster and not a real pet.

Growlithing, there are other surgeons. Ask your surgeon for a referral to a colleague in the Boston area. As you know, it's one of the best medical areas in the country. All you need say is that your studies make it increasingly difficult for you to leave campus.

Does your college offer work-study jobs? Especially ones that would continue between terms? One of the things I did to avoid going home, besides taking a summer class, was to work shelving books in the library. It was a great job for me: cool inside, interesting books to look at, and largely solitary work--very low stress. And the library was open all year.

My T and I went over how to break with them - at least in terms of never living with them again - for quite a while and he had practical suggestions and plans. I had developed a serious eating disorder the summer before while living with them, and relapsed every time I went home on a break. My T suggested telling them that my doctor wanted me to stay in the college town I lived in for the summer and breaks because he wanted me to continue care with him (something about continuity of care or something). That was what finally made them loosen the stranglehold. I had to stay in my town because the doctor said so.

Getting a job during college and making do on what you earn is really rough, but was a life safer for me. I quite literally survived on $8000 income in a year. I lost weight and there were many things I could not do, but I did it and was healthier and happier.

When you get back with your T, she could help you break this down into manageable steps. Moving out is overwhelming in any circumstance--thinking about it all at once makes it seem un-doable.

I know you have a hard time talking to T---Can you start writing out your thoughts now so when you see her you can just hand her a letter?

I am so sorry for the loss of your piggy. I had parents were were emotionally abusive and invalidating and pets were the only source of love I had growing up. Pets are amazing friends.

That's a great decision if you are up for it! I am glad there is a remaining piggy friend at home for you. <3. I didn't know they could live 8 years! nice.

Sometimes they move on surprisingly well when they get their human all to themselves. Wait and see.

How are you doing, Growlithing? Check in, OK?