How does a client's suicide affect their T?

I'm sorry if this thread is too triggering. I was just wondering if anyone knows how a T is affected by having a client commit suicide. I've not been in a good place recently if you've seen my past posts. I'm not planning on actually killing myself, I just sometimes wonder how much longer I can do this. I just feel so empty and alone all of the time and I'm not even sure I'm worth the trouble of saving. But I have to carry on and figure out how to handle my sui thoughts because I do have friends that I care about a lot and I don't believe I have the right to put them through the pain of losing a close friend. I was just wondering if I could put my T on that list because I know a client/T relationship isn't exactly a mutual thing. She doesn't need me, but I need her and that kinda bothers me.

Suicide is a devastating experience for those left behind. Friends, family, acquaintances...all feel not just loss, but guilt, helplessness, regret. Suicide is a sure way to not only take yourself out, but pull all those who care about you in the hole with you. And I say this as someone who regularly contemplates it, sometimes deeply wishes for it, to end the pain. I have often felt "not worth it" or like there is no way I can continue with so much regret and pain.

I have several friends who are therapists. Each has experienced losing a client to suicide. And I have read many other accounts of how a client's suicide affects a therapist. And, without exception, it has been devastating to them. They lose someone they have come to care about, whose well-being they are invested in. And on top of that, there is the agony of thinking they didn't do enough, they didn't say or do the right thing at the right time, if only, if only, if only. Google the subject, and see how long it takes some therapists to recover when they lose someone to suicide.

Suicide is everyone's "right." I understand and live that feeling every day. But there is no overstating the devastation it leaves behind.

I hear your pain and despair, growli. I hope that you find relief soon. Add your T to that list, for sure--there is no doubt that your well-being and recovery is very important to her, in a personal way.

You would have to ask your T to get their opinion on how they feel your suicide would affect him/her.

I don't want to scare her that I'm going to kill myself. I'm terrified of being sent back to the hospital.

And I'm scared of what she might say

I couldn't put it any better Feeltheburn.
Growlithing, I urge you to think everything through before you decide on anything. I know the action of suicide does not come lightly and people cannot see a way out but there is always another way, sometimes we forget about choice and the choice to live and not die and to want to live because things go away when we learn to find a way through them. I urge you to talk to your t about this, and to ask her how it affects a therapist because she will have some valuable insight, I am sure of this.

When I first entered into therapy I had a plan and I was determined to follow through that weekend after seeing ex t that weekend and I am glad I told her because she saved my life, I owe my life to her. She talked me out of it by making me feel so guilty and selfish but in the nicest possible way. I hope you can see a way out of this struggle

My ex

But to get any satisfaction out of your question, you still have to raise the subject with your T as she is the only one that would be in that relationship with you to be able to answer/give you the sort of response you would like?

If you are not going to kill yourself, you can make that very clear and explore how your T feels about you, if that is what you are looking for, or skip the suicide discussion if you are not worried about/interested in committing it and go straight into discussing, "I really feel empty and alone all the time" and see what you can learn from that.

suicide
On article on how it affects therapists.

You're right. I should talk to her about it and I would if I could. I guess I am worried about it but not in the immediate future. I worry if I'll make it to age 25 or if I'll have given up by then because I can't keep going on like this. It's great that I'm holding on for my friends but what happens if they leave me or that doesn't become a good enough reason?

Here is a therapist's perspective: The Irreverent Psychologist: Patient Suicide: Part One--The Phone Call

Do your best to focus on today. Today, you've said you have friends who care and can be there for you, and a T who cares and can be there for you. And you have all of us, who care and can definitely relate to your pain. Today, you are richer than many. I don't say that to make you feel bad about wanting to give up--your pain is real, and you have every right and reason to wish it to end. But today? You have resources and are loved.

Let tomorrow remain where it will always be: in the future, out of your reach. Today, you have human beings who can look in your eyes and see someone worth loving. Today, you still find reasons to hang on. Take a deep breath, maybe go out in the sun and let it warm you, and keep your focus on this moment, this day.

It's really really hard to focus on today when the day after tomorrow, I have to return to my parents' house. I've been at a music festival for the past five weeks and while I still very lonely because I never really reached out to make friends, at least I feel safe here. I'm going to have to go back to that house and remember everything that happened and continue to hear my mom's crap about how I'll never be good enough. I'll be hiding in my basement, all alone, reliving all of the PA they put me through, fearing it will happen again, and wishing I were dead. I'm just so scared of going back there that nothing I do can take away the pain even slightly. I'm so scared I'm desperate to the point of fantasizing killing myself.

I just have to keep telling myself that it is just for five weeks and I can get through it. In five weeks, I'll be back home in Boston and with my T. I don't know how many more "vacations" I can take.

Thank you for your posts. They have been wonderful.

Look after yourself and maybe think if you have to go home every time. Once I left for college I rarely went back and only then for a few days. Looking back I can't believe I did it as I didn't really have friends, but I managed to rent rooms in pretty lousy houses and scape by on benefits or awful jobs, but I was safe.
My heart goes out to you. My t once said she would miss me if I killed myself and I didn't believe her. She said she was really sad about it and how I felt. Try to do whatever you need to to keep yourself safe. You are as important as everyone else. You deserve better.

I'm still financially dependent on them. I'm at a point where I'm not really sure if it would be better for me to completely cut them out of my life now and really struggle financially and probably go into debt like crazy or put myself through their continued emotional abuse.

She was sad that you asked or sad that you felt that? How can everyone be important?

My T said, SAWE, if you were to do that, i would be devastated.



I keep it in mind during the (rather frequent) self blame marathons, when I (or someone internalized) will try to convince myself she doesn't give a rat's ***. She does.

As hard as it is to comprehend, i think she actually does.

My T in college urged me to get an apartment so I did not have to go home on summers, despite the financial hardship. He suggested balancing the financial hardship and debt against the agony of being at my parents' home, the possibility that I would relapse into a serious eating disorder, and the certainty that I would become mortally depressed. I got a job and took out a loan, and I ate potatoes and onions and ramen a lot, and for me, it was worth it.

I believe it does not matter what the therapist thinks or feels about what a client does. It is not the therapist's life to live or not live, nor anyone else's for that matter. ( I have had two close friends commit suicide in the past 5 years - one quite recently - lest anyone wonder if my approach is tinged with lack of knowledge of any sort about the situation.)
I would think it might make some therapists angry, some sad, some will blame the client, some will wonder if they could have done anything, some will just go on with their lives, and so forth - just like real people.
Why would it matter what it means to the therapist?

I'm actually moving into an apartment in Sep. I really hope it will help.

Because I care about my therapist and I don't want to hurt her. I'm sorry to hear about your friends.

I felt sick reading this. It really puts things in to perspective.

Well, if it is your particular therapist you are worried about, then I would think talking to that specific one would be the only way to know about that therapist.

And thanks. It is sad for me because I and others miss them, I was not devastated or anything. For me, the fact that they died by suicide was no different than my feelings about other friends who have died from cancer, or car accidents or old age etc. I miss them, but the manner of death does not have anything to do with that for me. I do believe everyone gets to choose. I do not think death is actually the worst thing that can happen to any person.

I am not kidding or being sarcastic or anything - but could/would you (or anyone else who understands or feels like this) explain this more? I read it but I don't see what it puts in perspective. I realize I am an alien on this, and I understand if you don't want to explain more, it is just that I truly do not understand why this guy's take on it or rather his response would be upsetting or perspective putting. My confusion on this is sincere.

I agree. There are things far worse than death. I'm at a point where I'm just waiting around to see if things turn around and prove that staying alive is worth the pain I feel today and the pain I will feel in the future.

From someone who's attempted s. and thought about it a lot, it is hard to read what the experience is from those who are left behind to deal with it.

I have always hated when people say "think about how it would affect other people" because I think, "but what about me??", but I felt a lot of empathy for the therapist and his situation. I thought about how my therapist would have to deal with that and it made me feel sick that I've ever even tried/thought about it. I've thought about how it would affect people before, but I've always just pushed the thoughts aside because I figured I wouldn't matter. Maybe I'm just getting to that place in therapy where I feel like I do matter, so I'm thinking about the affect more?

I'm not in the midst of a depression though, and I know things look different when you're in that spot, too. It's hard to see your situation from the outside when you are depressed.

I do hope you find it is worth it to remain alive.

Yeah, this is why I can't do it. I haven't attempted it, but I've gotten really close. I've set everything up and tried to talk myself into doing it, but ultimately I just imagine the people I care about finding out and I can't do it. It makes me feel horrible for thinking about it too. I haven't told her how close I've gotten yet and I'm kinda scared to.