[9874]

Just wondering if you've ever terminated therapy and for what reasons (other than financial). Understandably, something happened in the relationship bet. client and therapist. I'm interested to hear about the rupture. What it was about, and were you ever able to repair it?

[Rhapsody]

I moved on for I did not feel that one T was doing any thing for me (and) and then I left another T for he made a comment I did not think was right.....I never felt comfortable with him after that, as though he was not really hearing or listening to me from my side of the fence.


LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs )))

[Lily]

I have not officially terminated yet but told my therapist that I intended to after we discussed a few things. It felt like I was asking for a divorce. My therapy has been fine so I am not bolting but it is sad to leave someone who has been so supportive.


Why are you curious about termination?

[9874]

Thanks for sharing! I have bolted and have returned to discuss it. I left cuz I was frustrated at being unable to self-disclose due to her previous reactions to my self-disclosure. She has recently owned up to that. What I want now is assurance that she will give me what I ask for (exploratory/psychodynamic approach). Still, there's been a loss of trust and I sincerely want to know how can trust be re-established.
Oh yes it's been feeling like a divorce for me as well. The heartache is torturous.....

Many times.

I terminated when I had to move out of the area where I was recieving theray,

I terminated with a therapist because there was no way I could get past the fact that the therapist had hospitalized me involluntarily

My last therapist and I terminated due to many reassons -government cutbacks resulted in her being laid off, A DHS caseworker was using harrassment techniques of sending my therapist to the ethics board and other harassment by this DHS caseworker of trying to undermine her's and my trust in each other. We felt that it was better to drop the therapy aspect of our relationship so that the DHS caseworker could no longer put us through that kind of harrassment. Instead we chose to remain friends. The caseowrker my be able to interfere with my therapy by bringing bogus charges agaist my therapist but she could not control who I chose for my friends and whether of not I have contact and how with my friends. This therapist also had personal life problems to take care of like getting a new job, and dealing with her parents death and estate which took her out of town half the month of each month. So from all angles it was best to choose a new therapist and completeing this states requirements that would allow out client therapist relationship to turn over into a friendship relationship.

No I did not "repair" the situation where the therapist had hospitalized me. Both her and I knew what she had done was following the law because here in the USA it is illegal to be a danger to youurself and others and at that point I could not explain why I kept ending up cut. I had no idea that what I was experiencing was a flashback. Just that I would come out of it cut. She did what the law and the therapy agency protocal required.there was not repair work here to do.She was following what her job required and I didn't want the situation to happen again so I dropped her and the agency.

There is no repair work to do when you move out of the area so need to change therapy agencys and therapist.

As for SKR and I there was no repair work needed there either. SKR and I discussed may times right from the beginning that someday it would be time to terminate therapy together and we both felt if that ever happened we wanted to remain friends. Infact we talked about this issue the first time 4 months into my seeing her as a therapist. our therapy time together lasted 3 years. So as you can see there is no repair work needed there. SKR and I chose this termination and how to do it years before it actually happend.

[april15]

I have never initiated termination with a therapist. I have terminated with my long-term T, but it was done slowly, and i accepted it.

Myself..
are you saying that you are now friends with one of your former t's? Where I live, it is considered unethical to be friends after therapy, at least not for a long time afterwards. I have a former T who wanted to, but she was afraid of losing her license to practice.

[Rapunzel]

I can think of four times I guess I technically initiated termination. I didn't talk to them about it though. I just never made another appointment and never went back.

One was a graduate student therapist, and I found her quite unprofesional and just not helping me at all. She seemed to have her own agenda, and made me uncomfortable, and we didn't talk about what I needed to talk about. Generally, I was not impressed. She was always 10-15 minutes late or more. I never complained about anything. Finally, she didn't show up when we had an appointment. I didn't bother to make another appointment with her.

There was one therapist who never seemed to be listening to me, or to have time for me, as he was always so busy with everything else. Once I told him about trying to cut my wrists, and he didn't respond. He threw it back in my face a few weeks later though, when he just confronted me with everything he had all at once. I got out of there and didn't go back.

Another time, I went to a first appointment, but it was winter and it was dark and I lived at the top of a very icy hill. The session was fine, but on the way home I got the car stuck, and DH wasn't happy about having to go help me with it. I just had such a miserable experience trying to get home that night that I took it as a sign and gave that up.

One more - the secretary called me and said that my appointment was the last of the day and my T was tired or not feeling well (he had been sick) and he would stay if I needed him to, but he had a long drive home and she asked if I would mind cancelling. I really wanted to see him, but didn't want to impose or anything, so I rescheduled for the same time in two weeks. In two weeks, the same thing happened, and I rescheduled again. Two weeks later, it had become a habit and I didn't make another appointment. I figured that if I wasn't important and he needed to be able to go home early, it must not matter. Essentially, the secretary terminated my therapy in order to lighten T's work load, without even consulting him on it. But he didn't ask me why I stopped coming either. I really wanted him to notice I wasn't there and invite me back. I didn't know that it wasn't his idea to cancel all those times either. Almost a year and a half later, I was severely depressed and suicidal, and did go back to him. We picked up where we left off, but I held on the the resentment that he had let me slip below the radar like that and didn't follow up. It wasn't until much later that I brought up dropping out before. He didn't seem to be aware of what happened, or understand that I was upset about it, and I never was satisfied with the way that was worked out.

The way that I terminated all of these was very passive, but I wished that they would have shown enough concern to call me once and ask if I was okay. I still needed them, and needed to feel like I mattered to them. I would have gone back if they had invited me to. I didn't want to just disappear and be forgotten.

LOL sorry for laughing its not you its the situation always gets a reaction and For the first year I was with LL she spent the year trying to "break though" if you want to call it that to the imposibility of therapists and clients remaining friends. She did not realize that there is now nation wide ethics law that states the therapist - client relationship can overturn into being a friendship relationship and that each states mental health rules of ethics and guidleines sets how much time must pass with no therapy contact in order for the client and therapist to be considered friends.

I was with SKR as a therapist for 3 years. At one point during the first year we had slipped into starting to becoming friends.

On the day I realized this SKR and I were sitting in my appartment. Now when I am in therapy sessions theres always that feeling of closeness once I connect with the therapist. But I always have this feeling of separateness from them. Kind of like meeting an aquaintence. You know the person and like them but that is as far as the feeling go.

Well one day sitting in my appartment I was looking out the window watching a squirrel on my porch sill.and I noticed both SKR and I had been quiet for some time and that quietness did not feel uncomfortable. I looked at SKR and realized I care for her beyond the aquaintence level. I cared about her in the same way I did my best friend. So I smiled at this because from day one when I met SKR I told her I felt something different in meeting her but could figure out what that "plus" was but I was glad it was there because that feeling tells me I can trust her. When I first said that she looked shocked and when I asked her "what?" she told me she felt that way too sometimes when she meets clients and she felt the same way and I had caught her thinking exactly what I had said. We laughed at the fact that we had both felt a "plus connection of intuition".

SKR looked back and smiled and said - "you know what going on don't you?"

I said "yea we have become friends thats what the "plus" is"

She saaid yes she has felt it from the beginning but she was not allowed to tell me what it was. and now that I recognize it for what it was we now had some hard decisions to make.

She told me that friendships are not allowed during therapy so we either had to "lock up" the friendship side and continue with therapy together or we had to drop therapy together because friendships sometimes have a way of interfering with therapy. I told her if she was asking me to make a choice between therapy and friendship I would have to choose friendship because I rarely let new people in to friend level but when I do they are my friend for life so it would be easier to drop therapy. I asked her what "locking up" the friendship meant.

she told me that if we chose to continue together in therapy it meant that while she was listed as my therapist we could not let friendship interfer with my therapy and if at any point either of us felt we could not leave friendship out of it we would say so and look for another therapist for me. our time together was a job and we had to keep it so.

I asked her what would happen if we dropped therapy. She told me she didn't know what the rules were on it but we could research that together.

While research "dual relationships in therapy at the local I came across my state board of certified and licensed clinical social workers. And on it, it stated the requirements for my state that would allow the therapist - client relationship to turn over into a friendship relationship was if there was no therapy contact for one year from the date of the last therapy session.

I took that information in to SKR and from then on during the next three years we had conversations from time to time about what we had to do to complete that ethics timeframe that would allow us to remain friends forever. And we made sure we never let friendship interfere with my therapy. Not once did she not push me to do the work needed because we were friends and not once did I use the fact that we had a friendship under lock and key to prevent doing the work. If anything having that friendship under lock and key and being aware of it made me work even harder with SKR because I know 100% that she would never do anything to hurt me. no matter how hard the work got I knew she was doing her job and that behind the job issue she wanted what was best for me and my child.

My therapy sessions were not only held in the office, from day one we were spontaneous. we had no choice we had court dates to attend, DHS meetings to attend, at one point I had a broken foot and per doctors orders placed on couch potato status because my active life was doing more damage by separating the bones that were trying to heal so SKR and I met in my appartment so that at least for one DHS required activity I was following doctors orders. Our sessions were held at the local library, on the go in her car to and from court hearings and DHS meetings my appartment and so on. So on any day we would be sitting there and SKR or I would say "lets get out of here" and off we would go holding therapy on the go.

So one day three years after my recognizing we had become friends it was no surprise when I showed up at the therapy agency and SKR met me at the door and said "Lets get out of here" . I said cool and we got in her car and she drove around while we talked. our conversation centered on the new welfare reform bill that had just passed and how it affects some people that have the state medical card. I let her know I had recieved the paper stating my medical card was fine as is. and she told me that there were going to be other changes too. the government had cut out alot of their funds that the states give to mental health and that meant that mental health had to cut things within the therapy agencys. and the way they do that is laying off therapists. I looked at her and she had tears in her eyes so I knew without her saying that she was on that layoff list.

I told her - looks like Cynthia (a DHS caseworker we had been going rounds with on bogus charges and harrassment for 2 years in attempts to get SKR removed as my therapist) is going to get her wish.

We both started laughing because we had met each and every one of that caseworkers attempts head on and we always came out on top which irritated Cynthia that she could not beat the two of us. Not with bogus charges against me, not bogus charges against SKR, not by meeting with each of us separately and trying to undermine each of our trust in each other, nothing that caseworker could do to us would win because ultimately we had "plus" to fall back on. If she ever won and SKR was forcibly removed as my therapist SKR would still be a part of my case and my life as a friend and professionals were not the only ones allowed in put on my case. friends WERE allowed input at the hearings and meetings that I had to attend. and a couple of my friends have been a part of my therapy process for years so it would not be strange for me to include SKR in helping me to come up with a project and so on like my best friend has been helping SKR and I for the past three years.

So we decided that day in the car that we would put all therapy activities that required alot of in depth planning on hold until after the layoffs. if she didn't get laid off fantastic. and if she did get laid off we knew we would most likely be dropping therapy, accomplishing the ethics law timeframe and remaining friends forever.

She did get the ax. one of her options she was focusing on was getting a job that would give her enough money to kepp her and her child in food clothing and shelter and at the same time pay for her state boards for her license because she now had enough class credits, field work and supervision requirement to take the test. I told her I wanted to stay with her into her private practice so she obtained permission from the supervisor to keep me on as a client after the layoffs.

I entered a closing letter by me into my therapy file with the agency and the supervisor stayed on as back up incase we needed help. SKR and I knew we were just stalling the end result but I was not ready yet for that one year timeframe where SKR and I could not have face to face contact. In theory when we were just talking about it for something in the future that was cool and sounded easy but in reality far from it.

So to prepare for it SKR decreased my sessions from weekly to every two weeks then three and so on until I was down to just dropping of my journals, art work, logs, projects and so on. Luckily my therapy program that I was already on was one that SKR and I created right from the beginning to me self monitoring and self managing of crafts, journaling, workbooks and so on.

As far as DHS knew I was stable and no longer needed face to face sessions which irritated the DHS caseworker because she was going into meetings and making purgerous statements about me. During the meetings I no longer put my enegry into trying to defend myself against her statements. Instead I pulled myself out of that battle by setting things up that any contact that I had with her my lawyer or SKR was present so she could no longer accuse me of being violent against her of yelling at her. Then I got wrote up as not cooperating with her because I refused to meet her alone to talk about a charge against me (which later was disclosed to everyone in a big way as to how far that caseworker would harrass me by a psychiatrist doing a comprehensive psychological evaluation located in the DHS case workers hand writing 2 conflicting reports about the same abuse alligation disclosure).

By letting my lawyer take care of Cynthia I had more time to focus on setting things up for the ethics law timeframe. I stopped erasing SKR's voicemessaages on my voice mail. (I still have one of those messages still on my voicemail and its been almost three years when that message was recorded.) Any time SKR gave me anything to go with my therapy plans I put them into a box in my closet for when I could not have face to face contact. Conversation wise I started pulling myself back therapy wise and started adding more friendship type things into my conversations with SKR.

Finally the day came when SKR and I knew it was time to complete the ethics law time frame. It wasn't anything we said that day. we just looked at each other across the table and tears in her eyes she told me she would be out of state again because of a court date over her mothers estate and I with tears in my eys said ok and didn't ask when she would be back because I knew it didn't matter I was not going to be able to call her or see her for one year. We usually hug and walk together down the staird of the library but that day we went our separate ways her downstairs and me to the computers.

I had no new therapist because I was sure I would be ok.My friends all knew what was going on in my therapy and DHS case and one had been very involved with what SKR and I had been doing over the past three years. If I encountered a problem with my 24/7 self monitoring self managing therapy plans she could help me.

Problem - The pain of dropping therapy is like nothing I can even discribe. its one of those things you have to experience to fully understand. I felt like my best friend had died. On top of that having to appear to be holding it all together when in contact with anyone on my DHS case.

The result was my losing touch with reality as much as possible. Luckily my friend and I had set up a check in system of my calling her everyday at the same time while SKR and I completed this ethics law time frame.

one day two months into having no face to face contact with SKR I lost it. I missed my call to my friend so she called me. I don't know what went on during that phone call but my friend told me she talked to to me while in so many different altered states that she could not keep up with "who was who" and what I needed in each frame of mind, and she was seriously in fear for my life. She couldn't find her paper with SKR's home number on it so she managed to somehow get it out of me and called SKR.

They had a conversation and it was decided that SKR would be the one to brak the ethics law time frame by writing to me and asking that I let her help me locate a new therapist so that I would feel better.

When I got that letter all I knew was that the ethics law time frame was broken and I could see SKR again.I didn't care for how long.

I knew that if SKR and I still wanted to remain friends forever we still had to complete the required time frame of no contact. So we did not discuss the fact that we gave in. but did discuss that the next time we wanted it to be the last time. I did not want her to give in no matter what. My friend had called her because I would not give in and break contact but in dissociated states I could not understand what was going on and had gotten upset because I would show up dissociated at SKR's house and she would send me away, I while dissociated would try to call her and she would not answer the phone.. So obviously SKR was not going to give in either and my friend was afraid that if SKR and I didn't do something that I was going to be dead or seriously harmed.and SKR did not want me to give in either. We both wanted the friendship that we had to be out in the open and remain friends forever regardless of the fact that she was now looking for job opportunities out of state because the job she had fell through - telemarketing is just not for her. LOL He had a job now but wanted another option incase this one did not work out because of the high stress and so on with the issues she would be dealing with. And that I may be forced to move for what ever reasons. We both knew we would be friends forever no matter where and what was going on in our lives but in order to do that we had no choice but to complete this ethics law time frame.

So I agreed to finding a new therapist and sticking with that therapist for at least the one year tine frame. SKR had three in mind and I added one more to the list. We went to the therapy agenct where I had met SKR and reopened my file and requested to be assigned to my choice. That fell through because that therapist already had a full caseload. When SKR called to tell me that I told her to pick. At this point I didn't care who it was as long as we hurry up and get this ethics law timeframe done. I wanted to get it done. She contacted the therapy agency and it was decided to just go ahead and assign me to the therapist with in the agency that works with DID's.

Then SKR and I corrdinated schedules so that she could attend a few sessions with me. That way I could check out the therapist without having the focus on me the first session. I also knowing this one was a therapist who's expertixe was Dissociation and DID so she would probably be staring at me wating trying to catch me dissociating and I didn't want to be undert anyones microscope. I wanted to be able to check things out and not worry about what happens if "margO"...

For the next three weeks SKR and I got into the frame of mind of thinknig of our relationship as being friends and therapy issues were for LL. In the process I discovered a loop hole to this ethics law time frame. The time frame was against the therapist NOT the client. So I contacted my state board and asked if there was anything in the ethics law time frame that stated I could not write to SKR during the tiem frame. I was told not there was nothing prohibiting the client from writing to the therapist. the only problem with doing that is that my therapist would have to know that she is not to respond to me by writing or calling me in regards to what I write to her for if she did that it would be considered therapy contact - a therapist working with a client on a problem. As long as my ex therapist did not respond to me DURING the ethics law time frame my correspondance would not be covered under therapy.

The day before our third session with my new therapist LL I let SKR know what the state board had said and told her I knew I would be ok now. She reminded me that it was going to be hard and she could not have any face to face contact with me during the process and she would not give in this time. and that if LL was not the right match for me we should keep looking.

I knew she was handing me the gift of more therapy time with her but I wanted that law to not be hanging over the both of us. Top that off the DHS caseworker was now being put under investigation for breaking a federal law by opening, copying and distributing a therapy letter that I had recently wrote to SKR discussing what was going on during the Comprehensive Psychological Evaluation that I was doing at DHS request. The caseworker had found the sealed envelop with SKR's name and address on the envelop accidentally left in the box of stuff for my son. I knew that the caseworker would find a way to use that against me and SKR in some way, especially when she was told that I was the one that started the investigation by writing complaint letters about this issue and her past harrassment and and breaches of state and county laws that I knew she had broken over the course of the past 4 years of having her for a DHS caseworker, and not only did I send the complaint letter to her supervisor but also to the main DHS complaint office in another city and the district suppercvisor whos office was in the next town over so that she could not be in three places at once to prevent the complaint letter from reaching their destination like she had on another issue, but I also notified the civil rights office in charge of the federal law HIPPA and prosecuting those who break that law.
There was no way she could chalk thses complaints and the evidence up to my having a mental disorder. and she was gonig to retailiate which is her history with me. The faster we completed this ethics law time frame the better so the caseworker would not be able to harrass SKR to get to me and vice versa.

I told her I would be fine this time. and to remember not to respond to my letters. We both promised each other we would see this through this time no matter how hard it was on the both of us.

And at the third session with LL together at near the end of the session SKR looked at me and said - "I won't be coming to the next session ------ will be fine"

I looked back at her and knew she was asknig me for the last time if I was ready for the ethics law timeframe to begin again. I looked at her and told her - yes I woould be fine seeing LL on my own now.

LL had NO idea what SKR and I were doing and had spent years discussing and planning and she had absolutely no idea there was a "dual relationships" ethics law that allwed for client - therapist relationships to turn into friendship relationships.

She spent the next year trying to get me to come out of denial of losing my therapist with questions and conversations around it like - is it hard losing SKR? It must be very hard and sad losing SKR? How long has it been now since you have lost SKR?

and I just as stubbornly would answer I have not lost SKR. No Im not having depression from losing SKR. just because we don't have therapy together doesnt mean Im losing SKR. All that happening is dropping therapy with SKR I am not losing SKR the person we will be friends after we don't have therapy contact for a year.

So LL knew she had a year to break through my "Denial" as the year came closer to an end she became more focused on breaking through to me that therapists and clients cannot be friends and it would be easier for me if I acknowleged that I have lost SKR. and for her efforts all she got was my telling her I have NOT lost SKR and told her about the ethics law.

I had a court date coming up with in a week of the date of the last therapy session SKR had attened with LL and I so in preparing for that meeting I updated my mental health support network paper by moving SKR's name to my "friends" section and listed LL on the paper as therapist and listed SKR as one of my sons guardians should I die from my health problems. This paper is one of the required papers that DHS needs to have on file so at my session with LL.

Seeing those changes on the paperwork LL told me she was concerned about my inclusion of SKR being one of my sons future guardians. I let her know that SKR and I had talked about that years ago and as of in a few days SKR will be legally and ethically considered my friend so I am not writing anything that is not true on this paper that I WILL be given out at the upcoming court assigned meeting.

I could see it in her face she knew she was now out of time. and she pulled one last effort to break through what she thought was my being in denial of losing SKR. She went looking and found the ethics law that I had spent the last year falling back on. Im guessing she thought by having me see that there was no law that turns client - therapist relationships into friendships I would have no choice but to finally let go of my denial and deal with the fact that I had lost SKR.

At my next session I could tell from the first second of seeing LL something hadf changed for her. She sat down leaned forward in her chair and appologized to me. She found the ethics law that I had many times told her about but because she did not know it existed it was her job to help me with the transition of losing a therapist. She now knows I had been right this past year in that I was not doing anything wrong and SKR and I were not doing anything wrong. As of the date of one year from my last therapy contact with SKR we were now legally and ethically considered friends. At that point on the one side I wanted to hug her for admittied she had been wrong and on the other side of it I wanted to gloat in the fact that I got her. I won on this issue.

I did neither. I accepted her appology and my copy of the ethics law that she had made for me. With that battle finally out of the way LL and I changed our focus to other things.

As for SKR and I well thats between SKR and I. After all the harrassment by the DHS caseworker both SKR and I refuse to allow ourselves to discuss our friendship, that way no one can put either one of us and our friendship through the crap we went through with our therapy time together. Which is in part why I do not discuss my friendships with anyone but the friends involved.

Check with your state board and they will let you know if you have a ethics law time frame at which after the last therapy contact you and your therapist can be considered friends. who knows you may have already passed that time frame and can now contact that therapist as a friend.

[9874]

Thank you all for sharing!

I've another question, I think I'll start a new topic.