Currently sitting in my session

I would think it is an 'angry' feeling. And you can discuss this anger next visit. I should think your next session be on the house after that. She wasted your time and resources.

Work stuff? That's not good enough. No way. I would dump her. Sorry. I think you deserve much much better.

Lifelesstraveled, it is painful to hear that you don't expect much from anyone or depend on anyone. Your T should be a person who you should expect respect from, and who you can depend on. Therapy is where you should feel respected and you should be able to count on your T being there for you. If there is an emergency, she should've written a quick note to tell you to leave, or put the person on hold to apologize to you, etc. I hope you can take time to think things over, reflect on your honest inner feelings, and let us know how you're feeling. Keep us updated!

I guess I am hoping they have a solid history and this is a one time thing.

If not than I would have to agree tiny.

I think online I find people tell people to "dump" relationships, marriages etc because of one bad story out of context.

Certainly not professionally handled. Would it cause me to change T's? That would really depend on how the relationship with this T had been going otherwise. If the T has otherwise always behaved professionally, our ability to work together had been going well, etc., I would certainly need more explanation and some compensation for my time, but I could probably get past it and continue forward with the T.

On the other hand, if this was just one more problem in an already ineffective therapy relationship, this would probably be the straw that broke the camel's back. You just have to decide where on that continuum things are with this T.

I hope you will advocate for more explanation and some natural compensation such as a free session or so.

I am so sorry. I dont even know what to say. That was just extremely WRONG of her. She better make it up to you.

I've always been that way, MB--- and it doesn't matter who it is or how long I've known them. I will try to reflect on any other feelings that come up, but right now I'm just annoyed that I wasted my time and gas, but since I can't get either back, there's nothing I can really do.

She offered a call to discuss what we had started talking about right before she took the call from her job, but the urge to talk about it has passed and I will deal with it on my own. My health insurance covers the entire session, so I don't have to pay a co-pay or deductible.

Although she has taken a calls during sessions, the calls have never lasted for entire the 50 minutes--maybe 1-3 min max. It was just very surreal. 5 minutes went by, and then 10 then 30. I was twiddling away on my phone the entire time LOL. I played scramble, sent a text to my niece who is visiting from out of town and posted here in PC, checked FB and my work email.

Wow, I am so sorry that this happened...there is no excuse,period. Thinking about what you just went through makes me feel like a schmuck for being upset with my T a few days ago for something far less offensive!!
I think depending upon how your relationship has been with your T prior to this incident and how she attempts to make this up to you should determine if you drop her like a bad habit... or not.
Really though...I think of how I would have felt if that happened to me and I already know...NOT GOOD!!! I feel for you and am hoping that you and your T can work through this...but if you don't feel like she is sincere please consider finding another T...hopefully one that is a little closer to where you live...sending hugs your way!!!

Hi All!

just to provide clarification --this is not something she does regularly. She has taken calls during sessions, but they are very few and only lasted 1-3 minutes. She has acted professionally up until this point.

I have had some other issues with her that aired on the side of her not understanding me (that I expressed to her); or that perhaps her orientation doesn't fit what I need right now. She is huge on CBT, which on some level doesn't seem like it works for me (or maybe i am just not open enough to it).

Anyways I am going to shoot her an email and see if she has a few minutes to chat tomorrow. I don't really know what I am going to say to her, but I'm sure she will be doing more talking than me. Thanks for all of your responses!

Wow. That is one of the most unprofessional behaviors I've ever heard. If I chose to go back, I think I would request reimbursement for my gas and a free session to discuss how being ignored for my entire session made me feel. She'd have to sit there and take it while I ripped her a new one.

Since it sounds like it's her policy to take calls in the middle of sessions, though, I doubt I'd go back. That would piss me off royally. My t has done it a couple of times, but never longer than a minute or so. Even that annoys me.

this about covers it for me, too. Sorry it happened to you.

Once my t took a twenty second phone call from her daughter in session. I didn't mind so much at the time but I was seriously pissed later on. I felt irritated at having been interrupted and jealous of her daughter for having a mother and angry at myself for wishing she would talk to me in that loving motherly way. It was such a brief interruption but so upsetting for me. I cannot imagine how terribly upsetting it must have been to have your T stay on the phone the entire session. I am angry on your behalf!

Dang, I get annoyed when T's phone RINGS while I'm there....I can't imagine how horrible I'd feel to endure something like this.

I hope you are able to work through this with T in a way that is productive and meaningful.

I'm so sorry this happened to you, lifelesstraveled. ESPECIALLY because you say that you've never expected much from the people in your life, your T should be supporting you in discovering that you CAN expect (certain) things from others and, more importantly, that you DESERVE to be treated with a certain level of care and respect. It is NOT appropriate for a T to take non-emergency calls during a session... ever. Not just a few times, for only 1-3 minutes. Never. Unless T has a family emergency (someone in the hospital, a young child is stranded without a safe ride home, etc) or another client is in a severe crisis (i.e. actively suicidal and needs to be talked down)-- a T should never take a phone call during session. There is no acceptable reason why T had to take those short non-emergency calls during your previous sessions, nor is there a reason why T had to take that excessively long call (related to her other job) during your session today. It's absolutely horrendous to imagine you sitting there, in her office, while she just chatters away and leaves you there! I feel so angry on your behalf. Your T knows that you travel a long way to get to your sessions, she knows that you had something important to talk about, and she knows that it is her job to give you her full attention during those 50-minutes so that you will feel heard, supported, and well cared for. She made the decision that what she had to do for her other job was more important than doing her job with you today-- she decided that her time was more important than yours. And that's not okay. She should be validating you, your time, and your concerns. Personally, I would not continue to work with a T who failed to respect me and my time. I would have given her a second chance after the first 1-3 minute phone call but, the second time she took that 1-3 minute phone call, I would have absolutely told her how unprofessional it was and I would have insisted that she either give me extra time or deduct those 3 minutes from my bill. I would not be willing to pay (or have my insurance company pay) her for the time it took her to attend to her personal business while I waited. Depending on how she handled that, I probably would have terminated her on the spot. If she thinks it's okay to answer her phone during session, she probably does not understand the importance of the therapeutic relationship, she probably does not take her job seriously enough, and she probably does not understand the fact that many of us are in therapy BECAUSE we were treated with so little caring, respect, and attention as children (and getting that again, as adults, is damaging). Probably not the makings of a good therapist.

Do you think she will bill your health insurance for your session? In my opinion, that would be unethical since she did not provide therapy. The session should be free, i.e. she should charge neither you nor your insurance company, since she did her own business during your session instead of providing you services. If it were me, I would be very curious to see what her ethics were and if she bills insurance for the non-session. If she did, I would talk to her about it. Integrity is important to me. Sorry you had such a bad experience, LLT.

I was thinking the same thing.

I'm hijacking a bit here, but WTF! The way your therapist treated you is terribly out of line.

Just because a client avoids questions doesn't mean they aren't there to work. There are lots of LEGITIMATE reasons why people have difficulty engaging in therapy. Your therapist should be there to support you, not give an excuse why their time is more important during a time when YOU are paying THEM. Complete and utter bull.

I don't think that is what she was trying to do. I was literally in the middle of (FINALLY) talking about the extreme levels of anxiety i've been experiencing for weeks, and her phone rang while I was talking. As I was talking, I saw her looking at her phone and after the it stopped ringing, she cut me off while I was in the middle of talking and asked me to hold on. I said OK....and then 50 minutes went by. At the 50 minute mark she was still on the phone turned around and apologized as I was walking out. She called me twice ( i couldn't answer at the time)and then sent an email later explaining that taking the call was very unprofessional of her and that she didn't think it would last that long.

I agree! I often have a hard time talking, and my T has never just started working just because I wasn't talking. She knows that it's hard for me to talk and bring stuff up---which now that I am thinking about it the one time I finally do talk I am interrupted. oh well.

Regardless of the fact that she said it's also her time--she/he IS getting paid for that 50 min so she should do whatever she can to help you talk.

If a therapist did that to me, I would probably leave. I would need someone who is going to help me get the strength to say what I need to say, or help me find the words (sometimes I have the feeling but not the words to explain it).

Thank for this, Scorpiosis! IDK if I thought about all of this initially, but after reading it, it logically makes sense (along with what everyone else has said), but I don't have any feelings about it--like at all. I feel like I should, and I want to, but I don't. And I'm actually a little worried that I'm not upset.

With that said, I really appreciate you (and everyone else) getting upset on my
behalf, and for all of the insight that I obviously didn't/don't have about the situation.

Thanks, Sunrise. I am not sure if she will bill the insurance co. I will keep an eye out for the Explanation of Benefits that I get the mail.

LLT,

"She told me it was some work stuff with her other job that she needed to resolve by the end of business today."

She would be trying to resolve her therapist job by the end of my hour.

Regards, Sabra

I'm sorry to keep trashing your T - I know it's painful to have people do that - but I really don't think this is okay. Others may differ. But I do not think your T should be taking calls in your session, end of. It's YOUR SESSION!

So I'm a little wary of criticising as you presented this in a way that suggests you think it's okay. But I am really quite shocked by this. A therapist who behaves like this is NOT doing her job. Maybe you need patience, maybe you need silence, maybe you need her presence, maybe what you need isn't about talking. And if talking isn't the right thing for you, if you can't or you don't want to, your T's job is to be there with you anyway, not to accuse you of wasting time. Your T should be there with you in the moment.

Maybe it's something to do with her approach or modality or whatever, idk, but this would be game over for me. How did she get from not talking to not needing her? I'm sorry but that IS rude, and I would feel abandoned. I saw a T like this once. She put me off therapy for ten years by telling me she couldn't help me if I didn't talk - I'm still angry about it now and my T has had to spend months and months reassuring me that I don't have to do anything except show up.

I totally agree with tiny rabbit as you said before its bothe first time even if its a minute or a three minute call it really does damage to the self esteem and putting that call before the client is so unethical and I guess she knows you would not make huge waves I'm sorry if I'm offending you or your your t but I'm on your side