Currently sitting in my session

my point wasnt to agree nor disagree with the original poster....

my point was to show that in ....some client -therapist relationships and in ...some ... therapy sessions what happened is appropriate and in others it isnt. it all depends upon the person who's therapy session it is and their own relationship with their therapist.....

with ....me and my therapist and my therapy sessions..... it is perfectly acceptable and appropriate because of the type of relationship we have and what is expected from my therapist and from me during my therapy sessions.

my therapist and I have the kind of relationship where we both hold to the belief that when I come to therapy I've got something to work on and am ready to work on that issue whole heartedly, with out hesitation, without utilizing negative coping strategies. if something is hard I dont sit there and dodge around, avoid, fidget, hem and haw, not speak and other things that with in me I consider to be negative coping skills, I grew up having therapy sessions due to being abused as a child so I understand the process of therapy and understand how to communicate with my therapist when I am having a hard time. so for me it would be a waste of my therapists and my time if I didnt speak and ask for what I needed. if I need those things you pointed out in your post I ask for them and my therapist gladly gives those things. with in my own sessions, what you pointed out is different than my therapist telling me when you are ready to work let me know and going about her day doing what she needs to do...

example

I went in to my therapy session yesterday feeling absolutely horrible. I walked in and sat down and said...I feel horrible I need a few minutes before I can tell you whats going on. my therapist said ok, is there anything I can do to help you at this moment. I said no and she said ok I will be over here let me know when you are ready. then she went to her desk and made a couple phone calls.

another day I was exhausted, up all night with the twins and didnt know what I wanted to do with my therapy time. I sat there and didnt talk, my therapist doesnt believe in bribing, and other tactics to get a person to talk, if a person is ready to talk they will do so you cant force people to be the way you want them to be. so my therapist looked at me and got up and went to her desk and made some calls. this way if I wanted to waste my therapy session on not working on any of my mental health issues I could and she could choose to not waste her time by getting some other work completed. which is perfectly acceptable for us. I ended up falling asleep, got some much needed rest and she got her work caught up.

I dont expect anyone in this thread to agree with how my therapist and I do things. how things are done for me may not work for others. what matters is that for me it works.

my point of my post is that we all can say to each other how your therapist is doing things is wrong, not appropriate and what ever but the line in the sand is that what we feel is right or wrong is based on how we want our own therapy sessions, what we want from our own therapists. what issues we need to work on in our own therapy sessions and what is acceptable in our own locations.

I dont believe its right to tell others how their therapist is doing things is right or wrong because Im not them, Im not in their location and their therapist may have different rules, regulations, ethics, and work guidelines with the agency that the therapist works for.

we only know what a poster is telling us we dont know what the therapists job is telling that therapist on how she must or must not work with her clients, we dont know what the work ethics are supposed to be in that therapist agency/location...we dont know what standards this therapist and client have....

all we have is what the poster told us and how we feel ourselves if this happened to us. and frankly it is appropriate and acceptable in my therapy sessions, and it is acceptable and appropriate for my therapist to set any boundarys she wants to including how our sessions are going to be conducted, under what rules, guidelines and such my therapist works under.

LLT, what strikes me the most is YOUR attitude about what happened. Your T acted totally unprofessional but it seems like you're not going to make a big deal out of it. If I were you, I'd discuss THAT with her. Why are you letting her "get away" with this behavior? Do you let others treat you this way, too?

Even if you don't pay for it, I think your T should give you an extra session and NOT bill insurance. I also think a good T would be SURE to discuss this with you at your next session even if she's embarrassed about her behavior and apologizes. I just don't understand how a T can make a client sit there while she's on the phone when it's not an emergency! She could have stopped and told you to reschedule once she saw the phone call couldn't be completed in 5 minutes or so. It seems like you don't think you're important enough to warrant getting what you deserve? You ARE important enough to get treated respectfully by your T or by anyone else.

Look, I don't want to upset you or attack your therapist, I'm not in your life and I don't know what's best for you. But your post did really bother me, and I felt the need to say something.

If your T's approach works for you, great. But if I told MY therapist I needed a few minutes before I could tell him what was going on, he wouldn't go and make phone calls. He would sit with me and wait until I was ready to talk. Because it's my session and I'm paying him to be there with me, even if that means sitting and waiting for me to speak. If he got up and made calls, it would be game over for me.

Clearly you need different things, and good luck to you. But I find your T's approach surprising, to say the least, and I don't think it's very good practice, if I'm honest.

I have been in silence many times because I'm not ready to talk my t sits with me empathic ally sitting with me an my emotions she does not feel I'm wasting her time but I respect wherever works best for you and your t

My T has asked me if I need something from him, or if there is something he can do to make it easier for me. He doesn't leave the area or do something else. I would have a hard time with that, but it's good you have found something that works for you, AmandaandLouise. I have mentioned things my T has done that make my journey through therapy easier, but which other people would find intolerable. It's all about finding what works for you.

Back to the OP, however, did you ever call her back? Can you update us? I am very curious about what you decided to do.

Amandalouise, I am glad that you have found something that works for you. May I ask what it is about going to these sessions-- when you choose not to talk and, instead, do something like take a nap while T makes phone calls-- that helps you? I'm genuinely curious. What is it that makes going to T in these moments more helpful than staying at home and taking that nap in your bed? I understand those who have difficulty talking and benefit from T just sitting with them in empathy-- because, if you haven't experienced empathy before, that can be helpful-- or because you need to build up trust before you can do trauma work. But since you find it helpful for your T to do other things with her time instead of sit with you, what is it about those sessions that you find beneficial (and worth the cost, since it is so expensive)? I'm glad they are helpful to you-- I'm just curious how so. After all, we all respond well to different things.

OP, please do update us. I'm curious to know what happened at your next session, and whether or not you talked to T about her taking that call.

lol i didnt start out going so that I could take a nap while my therapist made phone calls. I went just like any one else would, I had an appointment, so I went to the appointment even though I didnt know what I wanted to work on. I bet if you read more posts here in this forum you will find more posts by people who have had this same problem where they get to therapy and have so much going on that they dont know what they want to do with their therapy time. I had closed my eyes to think and just fell asleep.

question...how does it make you feel when you know someone is watching you or staring at you? not a comfortable feeling is it. my therapist knows that kind of thing makes me uncomfortable. so rather than the two of us sitting there wasting our time with a "staring contest" she gives me the space and time I need to think and i give her the time she needs to do other parts of her job when I dont need her right next to me staring/watching me.

by the way my therapist doesnt make major phone calls, the phone calls she makes are things like calling a supply store where she gets therapy supplies from, scheduling things that she needs to attend to, and she doesnt always just make phone calls, sometimes she does paper work other times she organizes her files, makes coffee, cleans out things and other stuff that may be done while I just sit, just be, or think of something to work on.

I personally dont have a problem with my therapist calling the therapy supply shop while Im sitting on her couch trying to figure out what I want to do with her that day.

like I said for some people this kind of thing is ok, appropriate and with others its not.

I would love to hear from you LLT and how things went. I wish you would get angry for somebody to treat you like this. You certainly deserve better and I hope you will know that some day soon.

I can understand how Amandalouise's Ts approach could be helpful to SOME for example me. If I spend my session not talking just sitting there and T would sit too and just stare at me that kinda equals a nightmare for me. I would feel so uncomfortable and nervous also guilty for wasting my Ts time and potential. I would probably cut the session short and not come back. It would take a lot of pressure and guilt away from me if my T would actually do something useful with the time when I can't. So I guess it is one of these things that has to fit the client. I hope Ts are able to judge when to sit with client and when not, when to push a little with questions and when just let it happen. Just not apply it to all as general rule which is bad anyway.

I've been reading the forum regularly for 3 years, so I'm totally familiar with people who don't know how they want to use their therapy time or need to spend several sessions in silence before they feel able to speak. That makes sense to me. You're just the first (though I'm sure not only!) poster who mentioned that they prefer the therapist to do other work when they aren't speaking. It simply struck my curiosity because it isn't something I would have expected-- and I'm always interested in learning about experiences that are different from my own. I suppose I still don't know the answer to my question, either. What do you find helpful about going to therapy, when you and your T are engaged in different activities (you sitting/thinking/napping and her on calls/doing paperwork)? How is it more helpful to be in that room with T, than to do the same activities at home? Or why not wait to schedule a session until you have decided on what you want to talk about? Obviously, there is a reason you find it helpful or you would not continue to go-- I just have not understood what it is yet. And you certainly are not obligated to make me understand-- I'm just curious.

That's another way we're different! I'm a professor so I'm fairly comfortable with people staring at me-- usually they're a room full of 18-22 year old students, but I suppose I'm not picky! Personally, I like having T's attention focused on me. I've never really been at a loss for words but, if I were, I would want T to continue focusing her attention on me. The only times I have stopped talking is when I've been crying-- and that's when I've needed T's attention the most. But I probably have a different background and different reason for being in therapy. I didn't get any attention as a kid, so now I crave it as an adult-- particularly from someone who feels maternal to me. However, I could probably do with a little less attention in other areas-- perhaps fewer fewer student e-mails asking me "when is the assignment due?" or "what was the homework again?"

Wow. Sometimes I'll get texts and we both have iPhones, so I'll automatically ask, "Was that you or me?" even though she's already told me that she always keeps her phone off or on silent during sessions. She said, "that is generally frowned upon in my profession!"

sometimes it is very helpful to have a place where you can just be your self what ever how ever that is. A place where its ok to let your hair down so to speak, a place where you can cry, laugh, be what ever how ever you are at that moment.

There are many ways to get that time and place to let down your guard, just be in the present moment with yourself and your surroundings...... some people in my culture go on vision quests, some people in my neighborhood leave the city and go upstate, some people take a yoga class,exercise class, go camping.......some people I know even have that kind of space and time with in their own minds.

for me as a dissociative it is very helpful and healing for me to know and have that time and space where I know I can just be. A place where I dont have to word my thoughts perfectly, ...there are many reasons why I go to therapy even though I may not know what I want to do with my time there.

I also didn't get attention as a kid (tried to quote from Scorpiosis' post but couldn't seem to highlight the line I wanted on my phone).

I see people's point about T staring but mine doesn't stare at me. He sits next to me and stays with me, emotionally. It's really quite powerful given my parents didn't listen to me, to have someone just be there with me.

I don't like to be stared at, but I find it so comforting that my T stays with me and focused on me (although not looking at me necessarily) even when I cannot talk. I have had so much pressure for so many years to be "on" all the time. He stays with me mentally and emotionally even when I'm shut down or unable to speak or perform in any sense.

I would still love an update from the original poster, if you're willing. Did you ever call her back or go back in? Thinking of you and hoping you're okay.