[kirby777]

Hi-
A follow-up on my Vision Board which is DUE tomorrow. I just went through a bunch MORE magazines, and excluding material things, there are few things for me to cut out. It will just have to do.

I do not have the corrrect magazines for me to cut out the pics...plus I do not have a great printer to print the things out from the internet.

On another note, what do you all think about her relationship comment to me?? Yes, it would be great to find a nice guy, but come on...Is she going to assign dating homework????

T's comment was "I really think you would do well in a loving romantic relationship". Well, I know this, and a lot of people would benefit, even the ones whom are married...UUGGHH

[bunnylove45]

If her comment was "You could do well in a romantic relationship", sounds like she was telling you that you are worthy of love. Not telling you to go out and start dating. Maybe planting a seed of you are worthy, will allow you to move forward in the romantic department, if you so desire.

Why is it that therapists think that every one should have a romantic partner? Sheesh! It's like Noah's Ark (everyone coupled). There are many happily single people in this world doing just fine! Grumble over!

[kirby777]

Originally Posted by bunnylove45

If her comment was "You could do well in a romantic relationship", sounds like she was telling you that you are worthy of love. Not telling you to go out and start dating. Maybe planting a seed of you are worthy, will allow you to move forward in the romantic department, if you so desire.

Why is it that therapists think that every one should have a romantic partner? Sheesh! It's like Noah's Ark (everyone coupled). There are many happily single people in this world doing just fine! Grumble over!

Thanks bunnylove-

It was more of I needed to be in one...which is one of the things I am depressed about as I have had many toxic relationships, some long term (8 & 4 years), both guys purchasing engagement rings, and both cheated...throwing me into "episode depression". But for now and for a few years, I am done looking..I have been on too many dates.

If it is going to occur, it will.


Kirby

[blur]

are you seeing this T voluntarily? i ask because it sounds like she may not be a great fit for you with the things she's saying and insisting you do this vision board.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by kirby777

A follow-up on my Vision Board which is DUE tomorrow.

What happens if you don't follow her schedule?

[kirby777]

Blur-Yes, I am seeing her voluntarily, in a way...I am going through the county MH system and she was who was assigned to me..I know my previous T would have NEVER done this...she knew me well, and knew i would never be ready for this CBT.

Sunrise- What would happen? Nothing. I did not read the book she wanted. I do not do the "thought log". She gave me a purse sized note book for a thought log on my initial visit...I saw some guy in the waiting room when I was waiting for the NP, and he had one with him (my T must be his T, as she brought him out to the waiting room)

I am going to tell her that I UNDERSTAND intellectually, but emotionally & mentally I am not at this point. Maybe she has never had someone so disturbed before?

Thanks for listening!

[Lamplighter]

Kirby did you see your T today yet, or is the session still to come? Let us know how it goes with the vision board?

You know it's your therapy and maybe it would be useful if you spelt out to this T how her exercises and expectations are making you feel - sounds like she has this as a kind of technique, which borders on the old 'one size fits all' approach. But perhaps she would modify how she treats you if she knew how you were feeling?

Good luck with the session.

[kirby777]

Hi.

I am back from T. WE went over my Vision Board and she wanted to know why used each thing. I had a HUGE engagement ring, fancy kitchen, 2 ocean/beach pics, dog pics, a food pic, the words "Romance", "Get more sleep", "Increase self esteem".

She asks me "where is the guy?"I just shrugged my shoulders. SHe asked me if I was going to provide these things to myself..I said, maybe. Then I advised her there were more materialistic things I wanted to place on there but did not have pics and am having pc issues. She did not care...she wants me to find a pic of a guy and place it on there.

I do not have to bring it back next week.

She was more tolerable today.

Thanks!

Originally Posted by kirby777

Hi.

I am back from T. WE went over my Vision Board and she wanted to know why used each thing. I had a HUGE engagement ring, fancy kitchen, 2 ocean/beach pics, dog pics, a food pic, the words "Romance", "Get more sleep", "Increase self esteem".

She asks me "where is the guy?"I just shrugged my shoulders. SHe asked me if I was going to provide these things to myself..I said, maybe. Then I advised her there were more materialistic things I wanted to place on there but did not have pics and am having pc issues. She did not care...she wants me to find a pic of a guy and place it on there.

I do not have to bring it back next week.

She was more tolerable today.

Thanks!

Put a picture of a frog on there...or David Hasselhoff.

Does she not get how hard it is to date when you are depressed and anxious, etc? I just tried, and although he also had his own issues which added to the mix, the stress of trying to leave the house at a certain time so we could do a certain activity (and not be late because of my anxiety, and the pressure of trying not to mess up, thereby ruining the activity and disappointing him) was ENORMOUS...my anxiety almost always won out and I was much more emotionally stressed than I am alone now since I told him it wasn't working for me. Plus trying to be "fun" and engaging when you are not even close to that is beyond EXHAUSTING. And trying to be with someone else fully when your head is full of your own issues is impossible! Isn't it always Ts who tell you to work on yourself first before you can be happy with someone else?

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by kirby777

She did not care...she wants me to find a pic of a guy and place it on there.

If you don't want to put a pic of a guy on the board, you don't have to. It's your vision board, not hers. I think it is really overstepping her role in this exercise for her to be telling you what has to go on your board. Very controlling. If she wants to make her own board, she can put a guy on it or whatever she wants. Your board is your board--hands off, T. JMO.

I completely agree with sunrise. Kirby, you've only just started seeing your T and she doesn't know what's important to you. It sounds as if she is imposing her own ideas of what "should" be important to somebody of your age and gender, and that's not something a T (or anyone else, but especially not a T) should do. I honestly don't think she sounds very helpful at all.

I think your message to your T in the Dear T... thread was spot on, btw.

[kirby777]

Lost Key, Sunrise & Mastedon-

Thanks for replying. I do appreciate it. Her statement was odd, to me, on many levels...First, does she not think a female could provide a nice house w/ fancy kitchen for herself?? (I am not working now, but she has no idea how much I make or any other female).

Me: "An actual guy?"...and I am thinking who is my dream guy??? Blake Shelton...he's not available....I really did not know WHO.

T: "Well, what type of guy are you attracted to?'.

Me:"Dark haired ones, but they have to like dogs".

T: Then just randomly find photos of a dark haired guy walking a dog ona beach...

Me: in my mind---WTH??? MY EYES just got big.

She thinks I have given up and said so. I said I am not in a place to date. And I have dated a lot.

Honestly, I am not in a place to date. I do not have the energy, nor the desire right now. I want to get out of this hole I am in and hopefully be able to work.

She really does not get me.

HUGS!

[unaluna]

Well wait - you did say you wanted romance and a big engagement ring on the vision board - those things kind of imply another person or a relationship, don't they? She saw what was missing - she's asking how do you get the first two without a guy, and why were you overlooking that. You explained here why you overlook it - you've had the ring twice and the guys were problematic. So the board wasnt such a bad idea in that it certainly hilited that issue. But it was a bad idea in that it's not promoting the therapeutic alliance between you two. Working for the county, she is probably under time constraints, so is trying to find out as much as she can about you as quickly as possible.

[kirby777]

Originally Posted by hankster

Well wait - you did say you wanted romance and a big engagement ring on the vision board - those things kind of imply another person or a relationship, don't they? She saw what was missing - she's asking how do you get the first two without a guy, and why were you overlooking that. You explained here why you overlook it - you've had the ring twice and the guys were problematic. So the board wasnt such a bad idea in that it certainly hilited that issue. But it was a bad idea in that it's not promoting the therapeutic alliance between you two. Working for the county, she is probably under time constraints, so is trying to find out as much as she can about you as quickly as possible.

True Hankster....but instead of the engagement ring I would like really nice emerald earrings.

Originally Posted by kirby777

True Hankster....but instead of the engagement ring I would like really nice emerald earrings.

Yeah and its like REALLY hard to find a photo of those in just any magazine!

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by kirby777

Is she going to assign dating homework????

I think that is a serious possibility.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

I think that is a serious possibility.

Re - is she going to assign dating homework? ???

The dog ate my homework!! . Would be my excuse!! Good luck!

[kirby777]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

I think that is a serious possibility.

Hi CE,

Well, I am not doing that! When I want to date it is difficilt enough, but atthis point in my life, unless she sets me up with someone...never going to occur!

Originally Posted by kirby777

Hi CE,

Well, I am not doing that! When I want to date it is difficilt enough, but atthis point in my life, unless she sets me up with someone...never going to occur!

OMG, I would just walk out...she would be like therapist match.com!

Can you imagine if all Ts set up their single patients with each other?? lol.

[NWgirl2013]

Hey Kirby girl ~
I couldn't resist putting in my 2 cents. I like the idea that you know you aren't ready to date. Your T seems a little thick, but I guess that is her 2 cents worth.

I needed a lot of time after divorce to 'get out there' as my T said. I told her that until I could enjoy my own company & spend time without a partner, figure what is really important to me without the influence of a man , I was in no shape to inflict myself on anyone else. It's what I did. It is a time in my life that I return to mentally from time to time and it helps me recenter myself.

I would put McIver on my vision board...who doesn't want someone who can McIver everything (that cultural reference is gonna date me)

Wishing you so much luck as always...

[wotchermuggle]

I have no idea how you're coping with this T. I'd be scratching my eyes out at this point.

[kirby777]

Originally Posted by wotchermuggle

I have no idea how you're coping with this T. I'd be scratching my eyes out at this point.

Wochtermuggle-If I was paying for this, there would be no way I would go. I am going through my county, and I will have an appt w/ ,I guess, a caseworker soon...I will give her feedback to switch me...I needed to see a pdoc, and the earliest appt, and I called in July, was January 2014.. The other practices were not taking any new pts. SO this was the quickest way to see a pdoc without being admitted. i am difficult to medicate for depression.

Lost Key-Psych/match.com~good idea! There will be no dating home work!

NWGirl-I have been through hell and back w/ relationships....I cannot even get the energy to go to Best Buy, let alone go on a date.

T & I are on different planets concerning my mental unhealth.