[1stepatatime]

Well, here is an update from my posting a few nights ago( "Considering quitting"), for those of you who care to read it... I was so upset with my T. I didn't get into specifics in my original post but what happened was my T kept the client that she sees prior to me right into the first three minutes of my session. This is not the first time..it happened about three or four weeks ago. We discussed it the first time and I thought that she understood how it made me feel. So it happened again this past week. she told me that I seemed tense and I told her that I didn't like her keeping her client over into MY time. We talked about it briefly, and somehow we got off the topic...I accept responsibility for that,,it was easier at that moment. Later that evening I was stewing!! I was really upset...how could she do this not once but twice?? And she knew how much I hated that. Some of you may be thinking "so what?? a few minutes over is not a big deal". It's not about the few minutes...it is about my feelings. It felt like I was not important to her, like I was insignificant, or maybe the other client was more important to her. And I am learning that these feelings are very deep rooted. What happened triggered these feelings into surfacing. And man did they ever. So last night I very reluctantly emailed my T. I told her that what she did triggered some strong emotions, that she didn't care about me, that maybe she doesn't even like me, that she did not take good care of me by doing that..I told her that she was f****** with me. I said a few more things but I think that I gave some good examples.
So here I am today...pondering over this and somehow now I think that maybe this experience will help me to learn a little more about me. I have insecurities, the realization that trust does not come easy to me, being needy towards my T ( hate that), fear, anger. There is work to be done. A very wise friend said to me " these are very early days". I'm beginning to get it.

My T emailed me back...she always does. She was glad that I shared all of this with her. She was brief.. maybe she does like me.

[Syra]

What a cool T.
It sounded like while getting angry at her, you owned it as your own stuff. And it sounds like she heard it as your stuff, and didn't take it personally. Is that it?

[1stepatatime]

Originally Posted by Syra

What a cool T.
It sounded like while getting angry at her, you owned it as your own stuff. And it sounds like she heard it as your stuff, and didn't take it personally. Is that it?

Hi, Syra
Initially I didn't own it..I was really really angry with her. But I've had since Tuesday evening to process all of it and I am realizing that I have more "stuff" deep within me. I didn't realize how much I have. She did hear it as my stuff..she knows. No matter what I say to her in session or in email, she always receives it. I won't lie..I still take issue with her keeping the other client into my session..two times so far. And we will talk about it in person on Tuesday...yikes!!

[scorpiosis37]

When she keeps the previous client into your session, does she give you a few extra minutes at the end so that you still get your full time? Or do you actually get a shorter session as a result? If T is simply running 3 minutes late, and she gives you 3 minutes at the end to make up for it, then I'd say the issue to discuss with her is primarily about your feelings. However, if she's actually cutting your time short, then I think she should take responsibility in the matter and make sure that you get your full time from now on.

[BonnieJean]

This is one reason I don't like back to back clients. My t arranges it that way, too. Not only do I see the patients/clients before and after me, some times the person before me runs over. If it is 5 minutes I mention it when I sit down and she says in a nice way if I can stay we'll make it up at the end. I suppose the delay could even be from a session even earlier in the day. Back to back sessions even make me think she has no time to remember or think over mine before taking in a someone else's stuff.

Sorry for hijacking. I hope you're able to work this out with your t and use it to learn more about yourself. Her email response sounds promising...

[Miswimmy1]

I think even if it was an angry email, at least you are communicating. Communication is a big part in therapy and if there is no communication, nothing gets done. By emailing your t, you are opening up the topic for discussion which is good. And obviously she is trying to facilitate the conversation by responding. I think that you are doing a good job of trying to communicate what you need and how you are feeling and that will take you a long way.

[sweepy62]

comunication is a big part of therapy and its ok to be angry i just figured that out i would also be upset and voice my oppinion keep up the good job always voice your oppinion with your t and process all your emotions dont worry if you are going to hurt his or her feelings you will heal this way trust me good luck with your therapy

Scorpios brought up a good point. If it were the end of your session and T says, "ding" times up , in the middle of a thought , then how would you feel? What if you were the client who was getting the 3 minutes? Chances are it will happen as therapy is a strange beast and the ability to "wrap things up" on the hour sometimes is not possible. It doesn't mean that your T cares for that patient more or you less, it means your T is being responsible and wrapping it up for the previous patient before she sends them on their way. Now if it were 10 minutes back to back , then I would say she needs to judge her time and clients better, but 3 minutes? I realize this has triggered some of your own stuff regarding being cared for and things, and it appears you have owned that. Just try to be aware that you are not the only client and if she affords others time to "wrap it up" at the end, then she will probably do the same for you when the time comes. In other words cutting into your time, wasn't about you.

[1stepatatime]

Originally Posted by scorpiosis37

When she keeps the previous client into your session, does she give you a few extra minutes at the end so that you still get your full time? Or do you actually get a shorter session as a result? If T is simply running 3 minutes late, and she gives you 3 minutes at the end to make up for it, then I'd say the issue to discuss with her is primarily about your feelings. However, if she's actually cutting your time short, then I think she should take responsibility in the matter and make sure that you get your full time from now on.

Hi, Scorpiosis
Yes, I always get my 50-55 minutes. She has not short changed me to date. It is about my feelings,I totally get that. This is what will be discussed when we meet next. I do take issue, however with it happening more than one time. Again, my feelings come into play.

[A Red Panda]

Originally Posted by 1stepatatime

Hi, Scorpiosis
Yes, I always get my 50-55 minutes. She has not short changed me to date. It is about my feelings,I totally get that. This is what will be discussed when we meet next. I do take issue, however with it happening more than one time. Again, my feelings come into play.

What if it was one client who caused the disruption one day, and another client who caused the backlog another day? I'm sure there will be a time when your appointment starts on time, but it causes a backlog for people after you - then they'll still have the interuptions even more.

I guess the only way to make sure that never happens is to be your T's first client of the day! haha.

[1stepatatime]

Originally Posted by BonnieJean

This is one reason I don't like back to back clients. My t arranges it that way, too. Not only do I see the patients/clients before and after me, some times the person before me runs over. If it is 5 minutes I mention it when I sit down and she says in a nice way if I can stay we'll make it up at the end. I suppose the delay could even be from a session even earlier in the day. Back to back sessions even make me think she has no time to remember or think over mine before taking in a someone else's stuff.

Sorry for hijacking. I hope you're able to work this out with your t and use it to learn more about yourself. Her email response sounds promising...

Hi, BonnieJean
Yes, it is hard when clients are back to back. It messes with me sometimes. I have no problem with her seeing other clients..I know that she needs to have clients in order to make it financially. But the fact that this has happened more than one time just bugs me. I dunno..I know that much of this is my stuff and we will address it...yuck. Thanks for your post!

[1stepatatime]

Originally Posted by Miswimmy1

I think even if it was an angry email, at least you are communicating. Communication is a big part in therapy and if there is no communication, nothing gets done. By emailing your t, you are opening up the topic for discussion which is good. And obviously she is trying to facilitate the conversation by responding. I think that you are doing a good job of trying to communicate what you need and how you are feeling and that will take you a long way.

Thanks,Miswimmy
Seems like you get how I am feeling...therapy is a place where we need to feel safe enough to say what we feel...no matter what. There is no right or wrong..it is just feelings. This is the very first time that I was really open with my emotions..and trust me, I am nervous about when we meet next!

[1stepatatime]

Originally Posted by scorpiosis37

When she keeps the previous client into your session, does she give you a few extra minutes at the end so that you still get your full time? Or do you actually get a shorter session as a result? If T is simply running 3 minutes late, and she gives you 3 minutes at the end to make up for it, then I'd say the issue to discuss with her is primarily about your feelings. However, if she's actually cutting your time short, then I think she should take responsibility in the matter and make sure that you get your full time from now on.

Hi, Scoriosis
Yes, I always get my 50-55 minutes. She has not short changed me to date. It is about my feelings,I totally get that. This is what will be discussed when we meet next. I do take issue, however with it happening more than one time. Again, my feelings come into play.

[1stepatatime]

Originally Posted by sweepy62

comunication is a big part of therapy and its ok to be angry i just figured that out i would also be upset and voice my oppinion keep up the good job always voice your oppinion with your t and process all your emotions dont worry if you are going to hurt his or her feelings you will heal this way trust me good luck with your therapy

Hey,Sweepy
Thank you for your support...it helps! The challenge for me is to put aside the logical, the rational and be true to my emotional self...even though quite often it is not rational...lol It is a struggle but I need to keep on doing this so that I can have a better sense of self, my feelings.

[1stepatatime]

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

Scorpios brought up a good point. If it were the end of your session and T says, "ding" times up , in the middle of a thought , then how would you feel? What if you were the client who was getting the 3 minutes? Chances are it will happen as therapy is a strange beast and the ability to "wrap things up" on the hour sometimes is not possible. It doesn't mean that your T cares for that patient more or you less, it means your T is being responsible and wrapping it up for the previous patient before she sends them on their way. Now if it were 10 minutes back to back , then I would say she needs to judge her time and clients better, but 3 minutes? I realize this has triggered some of your own stuff regarding being cared for and things, and it appears you have owned that. Just try to be aware that you are not the only client and if she affords others time to "wrap it up" at the end, then she will probably do the same for you when the time comes. In other words cutting into your time, wasn't about you.

Hey, Lola
Trust me, I have said the same thing to myself over and over. I said to myself " who knows what the other client is going through...maybe they are in crisis..(although they do not look it at all)..I always look at the situation from another point of view..probably to a fault. But this is about me. In my original post I said it is not about the 3 minutes..it is about how those three minutes made me feel, right or wrong. Actually, there is no right or wrong...it just is.
I totally get that she sees other clients..but the fact remains that it is triggering when she keeps a client over into my time. THAT is the work. I still get a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach when I think about it. And to be really honest..I actually thought that she did it intentionally to get me riled up. ( This has happened before). I thought that maybe she was trying to get me so P.O.ed so that I would just let it all out....it worked!! Maybe not in session because I need to process stuff. Rationally speaking, she probably didn't do that on purpose...but in a really weird way I am glad that it happened because it is getting these emotions that have been suppressed to come out.
Thanks again for your post!

[Fuzzybear]

Thinking of you.....

(sorry this is so short, no reply needed)

[1stepatatime]

Originally Posted by A Red Panda

What if it was one client who caused the disruption one day, and another client who caused the backlog another day? I'm sure there will be a time when your appointment starts on time, but it causes a backlog for people after you - then they'll still have the interuptions even more.

I guess the only way to make sure that never happens is to be your T's first client of the day! haha.

LOL...I laughed when I read your post. This is true, kind of like a domino effect!! All I can say is it bugged me...plain and simple, just being honest. Guess that is why I am in therapy

[A Red Panda]

I'm glad you laughed, it was the kind of response I was hoping for I'd be feeling hurt (and annoyed) too, I sorta freak out if I'm even CLOSE to being late, and can't fanthom how anyone else can ever manage to be late with things.

[content30]

Originally Posted by 1stepatatime

..(although they do not look it at all).

I just wanted to speak to this, only because it is personal to me. I never leave therapy/left therapy in tears, always dressed well, had makeup on, etc., but I was extremely suicidal, had an attempt I almost didn't survive (was in ICU for several days), etc. I just say this because I want everyone to know that just because someone has a great facade doesn't mean that they are ok internally. You really never know. Ok...end soap box.

My T has started sessions late (12 min late last session...girl had obviously been crying hysterically before me), and my T has kept me 15 min. late before. To me, it's all a wash, as I know she is sensitive to clients' needs. I think it is good that you recognize that this is something that is triggering you emotionally. It's also good to reason with yourself that a few minutes is fine, so long as your T gives you your full time. I also think it is good that you told T how you felt. I do think that you could have said this in a better way than swearing at T, but that is my opinion. I hope that you can work through this with your T.

[1stepatatime]

Originally Posted by content30

I just wanted to speak to this, only because it is personal to me. I never leave therapy/left therapy in tears, always dressed well, had makeup on, etc., but I was extremely suicidal, had an attempt I almost didn't survive (was in ICU for several days), etc. I just say this because I want everyone to know that just because someone has a great facade doesn't mean that they are ok internally. You really never know. Ok...end soap box.

My T has started sessions late (12 min late last session...girl had obviously been crying hysterically before me), and my T has kept me 15 min. late before. To me, it's all a wash, as I know she is sensitive to clients' needs. I think it is good that you recognize that this is something that is triggering you emotionally. It's also good to reason with yourself that a few minutes is fine, so long as your T gives you your full time. I also think it is good that you told T how you felt. I do think that you could have said this in a better way than swearing at T, but that is my opinion. I hope that you can work through this with your T.

Hi,Content
You made a valid point;I had no way of knowing what was going on with this client...something to consider. I'm relatively new at therapy and the deep work seems to just be beginning. As far as using profanity...it was an email. I told my T it felt like she was fu***** with me. No, it certainly is not the most diplomatic way to get my point across and I have never done that before but I was very upset. My T will throw in an f-bomb in here and there herself, although never directed at me. When we are upset we all deal in our own way...and in therapy I don't think there are too many rules about proper etiquette when choosing words. I think that we will work through this rupture...no matter what, she is a good T.

[Melody_Bells]

1stepatatime, I can understand how it's about your feelings and not the minutes! You are so brave to email your T with your honest feelings. You write really well, I like reading your thoughts. Please keep us updated!

[worthit]

My T starts 5-10mins late and I stew about it. I get there early so I'm not late and we start late anyway. I'll say things like" oh! We're starting on time today!?" if she actually starts on time. I think it's rude,at least go 10 mins over at the end, but no,she finishes on time. It says to us insecure patients" you're not that important to me". We already have issues with self esteem.

Sent from my VS920 4G using Tapatalk 2

[1stepatatime]

Originally Posted by Melody_Bells

1stepatatime, I can understand how it's about your feelings and not the minutes! You are so brave to email your T with your honest feelings. You write really well, I like reading your thoughts. Please keep us updated!

Hi,Melody Bells
Thank you for your words...it helps:-) This is the first time that I was really open with my T. I will be honest, I was sort of doubting myself after I processed everything, not to mention that others thought I could have handled it differently...I guess that it is human nature...but the self doubting comes from my logical self more so than from my emotional self so that is the challenge...to be true to my emotions, right or wrong...swearing or no swearing. I meet with my T on Tuesday and I am really nervous!! I hope that I can maintain the courage to talk through these feelings...I have butterflies in my stomach and it is only Sunday
I will keep you posted...please send good energy

[1stepatatime]

Originally Posted by worthit

My T starts 5-10mins late and I stew about it. I get there early so I'm not late and we start late anyway. I'll say things like" oh! We're starting on time today!?" if she actually starts on time. I think it's rude,at least go 10 mins over at the end, but no,she finishes on time. It says to us insecure patients" you're not that important to me". We already have issues with self esteem.

Sent from my VS920 4G using Tapatalk 2

Hi,worth it
Wow...that has to be really,really hard for you!! I don't know the relationship that you have with your T but maybe you could let her know how it makes you feel that she always starts late...and what's worse is that she doesn't give you your full therapeutic hour...definitely not cool!! You ARE "worth it" so please let your T know....I get how you feel

[mixedup_emotions]

I like your commitment to staying with the feelings and working towards processing it in therapy. Many times, our "brains" get in the way of being able to work through feelings. I admire your commitment and ability to stay on target!