Did your T ask you about your past or did you just tell him/her about it?

I've been diagnosed as having PTSD but my T has never asked me about any traumas in my life. To be honest, she hasn't asked me that much that about myself or my past or anything else. I don't know if my T is going to ask me or if she's waiting for me to tell her. I just don't know if I have the courage to tell her but part of me wonders how I'm going to get better if I don't tell her. It's just that it's so hard to talk about this and I don't know if I'm ready to talk about it or if she's ready to hear it. So, I'm wondering if you've ever suffered from traumatic events like abuse, did your T ever ask you about it or did you have to tell him/her about it? Sometimes I think that because I was diagnosed with it, she must know that I've gone through something traumatic without me even telling her but I really don't know...

I think it is more a gradual thing than you are imagining. When we have a glaring something trying to claim our attention, it is easy to ignore all the day-to-day stuff happening that is equally as important. Even when the bad stuff was happening there was other stuff happening and hopefully gradually talking about something that happened today that reminded you of some event that happened earlier you will "fill in" a lot of your life and make connections to the really bad things but will have the rest of your life to support yourself with so the really bad things can be worked on without destroying the fabric of your whole life.

There will be some hinting and telling to your T and some T asking questions when she doesn't understand some of your broad hints, etc. It will be back and forth, a conversation that goes on for awhile.

I told my T's about it in general right away. The details unfolded over time as things came up.

T suspected pretty early on that there was some trauma in my life... He would ask leading questions (looking back at them)but for a long time waited for me to say anything. Finally, during a "emergency" appointment he flat out asked me if there had been incidents in past and I admitted to it then, but did not go into details. I think, when they think the details are important, they will ask. If not, to lead a client down that road before he or she is ready could be bad news.

I am assuming you have told some kind of professional about your trauma since you have the dx of ptsd??

Neither. I showed him.

I mean, sure, I told him things, usually by writing them down. Sometimes I'd say something and he'd ask a question.

Mainly though, I showed him. In my reactions to what he said, my acting out, my body language, my repeated dissociation, my inability to attach to him without repeatedly losing the image of him as a good-enough therapist, my trust issues, my tantrums. Therapy is like pouring water over a roof and seeing where it leaks. Your wounds show up, sooner or later. I've told him details, but he can see all my wounds just from what happens in the relationship.

Exactly this.
And after 4 years i am slowly starting to find the words to actually tell him. But it's been a long road.

Love this. Well put!

At my first session my T asked a few things about family. It led in a conversation where I explained that my family isn't exactly the greatest. He asked if maybe we should work towards a reconilation or improving things with my family. I didn't say anything then, but I nearly panicked.

The next week I actually told him that he'd hit a trigger (and since then I've admitted that it has made it even harder to try to trust him) because it felt like it was being implied that I didn't try hard enough, or that I'm exagerating things, or that the rift in the relationship is my fault. Which is what I feel a lot of the time anyway, although I logically know that I have put a LOT more effort in than I should have ever had to.

I don't blame him for it, although it does make it hard to trust. How was he to know? Since then, we've talked more about it on and off, and he's brought things up in relation to other things we talk about. He's verbalizing all the connections (that I've mostly already made for myself), and since he's verbalizing it without me doing it, it makes me feel a bit more validated and like he is learning how to understand me better.

My T asks very little. Just small clarifications here and there. Sometimes I've found that frustrating because it's so much easier for me to answer questions than to just talk. But what that has meant is that although things unfolded more slowly, when I was ready to talk about more intense or traumatic things I already had a pretty good connection with her. So instead of just relating the facts (which I'd have done at the first session had she asked me) I was really able to experience how I felt about stuff. So I've been able to process all the shame, anger, sadness and whatever else in a way that I never would have if I had just told from the get-go.

But there's no rule about this. You can talk about the same event many different times and explore the feelings that come up as you feel able to. Things have a way of being attached to other things in ways you don't necessarily anticipate. I've gone in planning for a light session and brought up some annoyance at work only to trace each feeling and theme that came up back to some very deep early hurts. So just keep talking and trust yourself. If you have a good connection with a competent T, everything will unfold in due course.

take it one moment at a time

I don't think my T has ever really asked out right anything about my past. not even in my first session. i'm not sure I will ever be fully be able to talk about it. I have been in T for a little less then 4 years and have only told her small amounts of my past she knows nothing of any big traumas .I think there are some T;s that deal with now and not your past so they don't really need to know

Even the Ts that do the deep past stuff don't necessarily need you to tell them everything. It just kind of shows itself.

For example my T tugged at my sleeve the session before last while explaining something. Next session I told him I didn't like that because his hand turned into my father's hand and I felt threatened, like prey, but I froze and said nothing. If I hadn't already disclosed CSA I think he could have worked it out from that.

The one I see asked about some things from the past (how did your parents do x, what was school like for you, what do you remember from first grade sorts of questions).

My T will ask questions that require more than a yes or no answer - and then have a back up question to go along with that one, and so on. So, in order to get me started, she does generally ask, not about trauma, but about "what is your experience with..."

Lately though, i've had diarrhea of the mouth - and its been more of me saying "...can I tell you something??" And her saying, "You can tell me anything you want, whenever you want."

Either way, it's confidential!

I actually find it really interesting how focusing on the here and now, and talking about the relationship, can just bring things out. I remember feeling annoyed and cynical when my T said this would happen, but he's right. Every little aspect of the therapy session contains information.

I got mad at T our 2nd 3rd session and wrote a 7 pg back story. Other then that T has mentioned trauma but she knows my feelings about that. Generally we only talk about the past when it comes up on my end.

It unfolded both ways for me ...

I hope you find the way that works best for you.

From what I remember my T asked me when she did an assessment on my first appointment.

A while ago, my T said: "You haven't had a good-enough anything." This thread got me thinking about how he said this, so today I asked him whether it was based on what I'd said or just on what he'd seen in the room - in other words, would he have thought that even if I hadn't told him anything? Could he just tell?

He said yes. That it comes down to loads of things, from the way a person breathes, how they move and where they look to more unconscious stuff. But basically he could tell from the moment I walked into the room. That information is there for anyone to see, but therapists are trained to have a good eye and actually notice it.

For me, I just told about it once with one therapist. With another therapist, I hinted and he never asked or seemed to care and I didn't tell. With other therapists, I didn't hint or tell and I wasn't asked. My current therapist asked in a general way and I told in a general way.