[hurt]

Can you see the fear?
can you see the sadness?
can you see the world is spinning around me and
I am getting lost inside it?

Why can't you see?
why can't you see me?
why can't you feel what I feel?
why was I left alone to suffer?
Can't you see?
Can't you see the pain that
tears my heart and kills my faith?

Trying, always trying and you nowhere near me
from far away you laugh at my pain

why can't you see?
why was I left alone to suffer?
why there is no mercy, no compassion
why can't you feel the fear, the pain that tears my heart and kills my faith?

Everyone is gone and I here alone
suffering, dying
alone
all is left a distant God well protected behind his clouds
a vast sky his shield that covers him not to feel my pain
all is left a distant therapist well protected by his professional status; his PhD a shield that covers him not to feel my pain; his cruel words spears thrown back at me -- better for him to hurt me than allow himself to feel, to understand my right, my pain.

Everyone is gone and I here alone
suffering, dying

My body a cold tomb
there lay my soul and heart.

[hurt]

This is what he told me a couple days ago.
I quote my therapist almost exactly; "You do have something that makes people to feel uncomfortable in your presence. I do not blame you. It is not your fault. It is like children who were born disfigured and everyone avoids them, even their parents cannot deal with them and avoid them or get divorced. It is not the child's fault that was born disfigured, but it is not the people's fault that they avoid them either. That happens because the human capacity for dealing with children and issues like that is limited; it is natural for people to react that way."
Maybe hate is a hard word, but he definitely does not like me. It is not the first time he says something hurtful.

I wonder what that "something" you are supposed to have is. Seems like you are owed an explanation. I would be very hurt, too.--Suzy

[biplol]

Suzy, how sad! I'm sorry to hear that one of the persons who is supposed to be at the top of your support circle, is so mean and detached from you.
How long have you seen him?
I think is time for you to receive what you deserve, get real help from somebody that really cares.
I know people can feel something odd about me, but nobody never told me that, that must be heartbreaking.
I hope you can feel better, we are here for you anytime!

[skittles]

i agree with Biplol.... i think you should find someone whos going to listen and care about your feelings......

[Perna]

Your therapist trying to explain how you got to where you are today is not the same as not liking you or saying you cannot change/be helped! My first T in 1970 told me I was either going to be "told what to do by others or be ignored;" not something I really wanted to hear.

Anyone who does not know how to share themselves with others yet, who hasn't learned to give and take is going to appear "odd" and standoffish. I was alternately a wallflower and a sullen, angry mess that other people perceived as stuck-up (I was actually afraid).

Your therapist (and others) telling you how they perceive you is a gift! It's the only way you can see how your behavior (as opposed to your thoughts and feelings) is affecting your life. For the last 5 years or so my therapist and I have been working on my being "formidable."

By all means tell your therapist you don't want to be the way he described you and ask him if he can help you change. If he says he doesn't want to or that no, you're stuck, then fire him. That the plant was born twisted and sickly or became that way early doesn't mean it can't become healthier and grow straight toward the Sun. Look at trees around where you live; very few are totally straight, most have kinks in their main trunks, wounds, etc. from bad experiences, weather, disease, etc.

[Sarah116]

Type it up on a nice back round, I am sure Psychologists, psychiatrists and Psychotherapists all love special things like that from their paitents!

hurt, from what your T said, I don't get the impression that he set out to hurt you or that he doesn't like you.

It seems that instead he was trying to be helpful. And actually, what he said seemed more like an objective appraisal, or trying to understand a situation.

You are hurt and clearly this is not what you wanted to hear, but this needs to be discussed with him. Sometimes in therapy we hear things we just don't want to hear, but this is to - ultimately - help us.

[FaithisAlive]

A quote I found just the other day that struck a chord for me..

"Tell me what I do not want to hear, and I will trust you even more." Maricarda

Maybe he could have used a better analogy but it is possible he was tring to unlock you... try to think of it that way.. if not, then I say fire him...

Good Luck!

[JustAPixie]

(((((((((( hurt ))))))))

You express your feelings very well in what you wrote, I think it's a good idea to give it to him, so that he can understand the emotional pain you have to suffer...

[hurt]

Thank you all replying. To those who think my therapist was trying to help; I am sorry, but I do not understand it. Maybe, I am sooo hurt at this moment. I am going though to give him my writing -- at the end I always do -- and I am going to see what he will say. I doubt, however, that we'll get anywhere. I will probably end up trapped in silence and crying the whole time. I rarely talk. I write to him and/or cry the whole session. It is sooo painful, I doubt if it is even helpful. I only go because I cannot be alone. From that point of view, it is a little helpful. Oh! Oh! I am sooo tired, so hurt, soooo confused, and soooooo angry at him; I could hate him in an instant. That is soo bad.

Hurt -- I actually think that was a horrible thing for your therapist to say. To imply that you are some how deep down unlikable by some is like putting shame on you. I think it was wrong. He may not have meant it like that, but I do think it wasnt true or the right thing to do.

((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))
Feel free to pm me anytime

[(JD)]

Yes, as long as you continue to share with your T in some way, it will help you begin to heal. (((safe hug))) If you aren't talking and sharing a lot about you, he can't know how to help you much... Ts are good but they can't read minds! (though we all wish they could at times, eh?) TC