does your therapist give you hugs?

My therapist does not give hugs or hold my hand when I am crying. There is no physical contact. I have bugged him about it in the past but now I am okay with it. It is his boundary and I imagine he thinks I have probably been touched enough by men in authority positions. I am curious about other people's therapists though. Does your therapist hug you? (Note: I am female and my therapist is male. We are both hetero.)

No my T doesn't touch, I use to think touch was the only prove of someones compassion and empaphy. I know now she "touches" me in a way I need to be touched today. Her words hold me, sooth me, talk to me. Its her job to work with me, I have others in my life that hug me.

Not hugs, but he does shake my hand and he'll pat me on the back or touch my elbow. I'm ok with it.

I agree with you mouse although i do not have a significant other to hug me.

no my t doesnt hug or touch me either........ im glad of that because i dont like to be huged.. dont really like to be hugged by family let alone others....

My T has not huggd or ever touched me in three years, even before I had the hots for him...but its the way he is. I cant imagine him being very huggy in real life either. Imnot either so it never was an issue, and now if he hugged me it would be a disaster lol.
Ive seen him kindof touch someone on the back but this girl was five minutes from going to the hospital..

My pdoc gives me a hug at the end of our sessions. I've been with her for about 6 years & she started giving me hugs after I went through a real difficult time & now we routinely hug each other when I'm ready to leave. I'm not much of a touchy-feelie kind of person, but I really like that she gives me a hug. She is very warm & compassionate & always gives me hope that I will be better when I'm going through tough times.--Suzy

Mine doesn't hug me, hold my hand or even seem to contemplate the idea. Maybe this is why I can't cry with him... So I'll do it here.

He did say once he would say a prayer for me regarding my work issue. I was inches from him at the time and thought about reaching over to hug and say thank you but I didn't do it.

When I cry, my therapist does not touch me. But I feel his compassion and his emotional holding. It is wonderful.

Twice when I have been leaving, after particularly hard sessions, he has put his arm around my shoulders, from the side, and given me a sideways hug/squeeze, while saying "good work today" or something like that. It feels great and really makes me soar. Also, twice he has shaken my hand at the end of a session, but this just started since I started couples therapy with him, as he shakes my husband's hand. Maybe he thought I would feel left out if he shook my husband's hand and not mine. When I do individual sessions, I do not get the handshake.

None of my T's have ever hugged or held my hand - I think for me if that happenned, I would run with my hands over my face out the door (if I could find the door)...

But this last T is very different, I connect with him and "feel" hugged by his presence... it's a very strange feeling and I am still getting used to it... but I think I like it cause I feel alot of comfort...

My therapist hugs me (and my other alters) after every session. When a child alter is out, she sits close to them, and rubs their shoulder with one hand - which helps keep them calm, and keep them in the "here and now".
One of my child alters has asked about being held/being rocked, and she said she would do so if we requested it.

No my T does not hug me and I wouldn't want him to. MY boundary, and I imagine his too.

My T would hug me, or hold my hand for a second after hugging me ... and while i know that physical contact isn't the only means of comforting someone, in this case, it really meant a lot.

My other T's though ... nope. But I know that if they would have tried i wouldn't have been comfortable with it AT ALL. I guess it depends on the relationship that you have with them ...

My therapist would hug me if I requested it....never when I didn't want them. When I knew I was starting my break from therapy I completely avoided any physical contact with her and even went out of my way to even avoid any incidental contact (like when you get by walking by someone along the hallway)

I am aware of a child "alters" in therapy that need more physical contact. I call my child "alter" the "5-year-old part of me" or "my 5-year-old voice" or just "5-year-old". Being 5, he doesn't understand why hugs would ever not be wanted. And since I explicity went out of my way to stop any physical contact before my break...I could really feel the 5-year-old "hurting" because I was denying the hugs to him.

Even when I went to drop off something to my therapist last week, I felt myself wanting to hug her and the 5-year-old was aching to run up and wrap his arms around her waist. But I didn't allow that.

There have been books written completely about how beneficial some touch can be in therapy, and talks about why some therapists prefer not to and keep that boundary, saying either way is good. But the book tried to take away the thought that "all touch" is out of bounds. I can't remember the name of the book.

My T has never hugged me. I don't think she's ever touched me at all. I can't remember, but she might have shook my hand when we first met. Even when I hand her my check after our session I kindof reach way out to hand it to her (that's my personal space not hers). I do remember one time when something happened in front of her and I started crying. She jumped up out of her chair and grabbed the klenex for me. It kind of seemed like she forgot her therapy hat for a minute and was acting like a mother, but even then she didn't touch me. That's what I want right now, so I'm comfortable with that boundary.

I can really feel her empathy sometime though. That feels so good. For example, last session I was telling her about some stressful events coming up that were going to all happen around the same time. When I looked at her face I could just feel her concern and understanding directed right at me, like she really understood how hard it was going to be for me. That felt amazing to me. I wonder if they teach people how to do that with their face or is it just natural for some people!

my T holds/puts her hand on my back for a few seconds at the end of every session, as im walking out the door-she has never forgotten to do that throughout the entirety of the therapy.

mel

Hi Amuseable,

With the T I am seeing now, he is very formal - if that's the right term - and we have zero physical contact. We've yet to even shake hands. That seems to be the boundaries that seem comfortable for him.

The last main T I saw was different, and we did shake hands, often as we were beginning a session, and sometimes as we were ending a session as well. It wasn't something we did every time, but it was nice and seemed welcoming. We didn't hug, until the last time I saw him and he was moving away. Then we had a brief hug at the end of our visit.

I get the impression that the majority of Ts do not hug their clients, and many prefer that there is no physical contact at all, including shaking hands. I think they believe it helps to make the counseling relationship safer and clearer for most clients. There were times I wished for hugs in the counseling relationships I've had, but I've also realized that it was probably better that we kept the counseling relationship free of that kind of contact. Counseling relationships can be supportive, but it's only a certain kind of support, and at a certain level. It can't be everything, and for some kinds of support - including physical contact, if one needs that - I think we often have to look elsewhere, whether one gets hugs from loved ones or friends, or gets a massage at a health club, hugs a teddy bear, or is able to pet a furry friend like a dog or cat perhaps....

Thinking of you and wishing you all the best.

Take care,
ErinBear

Well, I've had three therapists thus far.

The first woman, she'd give hugs and hold my hand when I was struggling. I so appreciated it, because I'm a touchy-feely type of person and don't get much contact with people (my family mostly)

The next T, he was different. No physical contact except for a handshake when I met him, and a hug when he left me after therapy was kapput.

Current T, she's mostly like my last T. She said she'd love to hug me when I'm struggling, but hasn't - I made it clear I was okay with it though. She has held my hand before though, once again when I was struggling.

I wish I had more physical contact, I really like hugs.

This is the title of the book my therapist gave me to read a while back about therapeutic touch:

Compassionate Touch: The Body's Role in Emotional Healing and Recovery. by Clyde W. Ford.

It seems to work under the premise that when we were in the womb and our brain was forming and even when we were first out of the womb and growing...the first sense to develop is the sense of touch. The book goes on to say when we are growing up and experiencing life: touch is the first language we have. So when we experience traumas and pain in life our "body" remembers the traumas just as much as our "mind". So exploring our pains in therapy is not just a "mind" issue by also a "body" and "touch" issue.

It seems to make sense, especially the part about when we are very young our first language for exploring is touch: look how a baby puts everything in her/his mouth and explores it fingers and toes and such and how being held is soothing for a baby.

But the book doesn't assume that everyone should work touch into therapy. It also suggests that sometimes that when we have bodily pain, it is a psychosomatic response.

Given my isolated life...I wouldn't even get a handshake, much less a hug, if I didn't get them from my therapist. And when I think of my "inner child" or that "5-year-old" in me that never really got the physical comfort growing up...it pains me to deny that part of me (the 5-year-old is the only part of me that i don't hate.)

but, ya know, sometimes "5-year-old's" don't know what is good for them and denying myself hugs from my therapist is not bad. it feels bad and aches, but i don't usually trust my emotions.

I mentioned wishing I had more hugs because my sister does not hug me at all. She restricts her hugs to her husband and son. So, I get my hugs at Church. My T offered a hug to me in one session when I mentioned being hug deprived. I refused. I don't like to hug authority figures. In our last session earlier this week, I mentioned the stuff about getting all my hugs at Church and she offered again. She kept standing there waiting to see if I would. I gave her half a hug. I still don't like to hug her. Anyone who has the ability to diagnose me with a mental disorder is an AUTHORITY figure. I don't hug authority figures. I prefer to get my hugs at church. Yes. I want more especially when I am sick on Sunday and can't touch anyone at church. Then, I have to go without hugs for a week or more at a time. But, it felt strange to touch T. I keep thinking about the odd event. Why did she offer a hug? I just want her constant reminder that I can become an addiction counselor. I just want to hear how she believes in me.

The closest I have ever come to touching my T is when he hands me a pen.

So, no... he has never hugged me. I never expected it. And although the irrational me would love for him to hold me and hug me, the rational me knows that even one hug would be %#@&#! up. Rationally, I would never want him to hug me.

Anyone can give a hug. I would much rather see the look in his eyes when he's with me in an emotion. No one else can do that.

I've never had a T hug me. My uncle did when I went to him for a couple of sessions but I don't consider him to have been my T. My old Pdoc patted me on the shoulder once as I was waiting at the window to pay. That is the closest I've ever gotten as a hug.

Jbug

We get hugs, kisses, cuddles, tears wiped away and held close wrapped up in a blanket

My t's have always hugged me, except for a male t I had once. He tried, but I wouldn't let him.

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allthegirls6 said:
We get hugs, kisses, cuddles, tears wiped away and held close wrapped up in a blanket

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wow...that's closeness and warmth....like a real parent taking care of a child.