T can't save me

The school wouldn't be paying for it... but I could use my parents insurance. I told my mom that I was looking for treatment for binge eating disorder. She is so obsessed with my weight, she was all for it. She doesn't have to know it is actually for self harm.

I'm just so lazy I don't want to go out and do it.

No, I know it is another excuse. If my T pressures it, I'll go

hmmm...that opens up a lot----why not go see a private therapist and just tell your mom it is for ED stuff?? You could have access to a much more stable and experienced t that way.

If you can get someone else to pay, especially since your mom had a lot to do with how you are, why not take advantage of it?

Seriously you may regret it later ,on your own, when it becomes clear how much this stuff costs you $$$

Use your mom's insurance--you ed reasoning is brilliant and I don't know why you haven't used that before to get mom to pay for a pro T????

I can raise the idea to my T next time. I'm scared of picking out another T. I've never actually picked out a T before... I talked my mom into it over the summer. I haven't done it because I'm scared of setting it up and lazy.

My mom wouldn't pay for me to see someone for the summer though.

You could remind your mom that ed's don't take a vacation. maybe that will get her attention.

I'm sorry. I know it seems like I've been lying about my situation. I haven't been. My mom would kill me if I went IP. But I could get her to pay for someone or something outside of my school stuff so long as it wasn't excessive and that she didn't feel the need to interrogate me or the people running it.

My mom doesn't understand ed AT ALL. She really can't do emotional things at all.

No maybe she won't pay for it. She just emailed me and now I'm terrified. I don't know why I bother with anything. I don't want to do anything. I just want to die. Okay? I can't handle my life anymore and I don't feel like it's worth trying. I can't escape her. There is nothing I can do and no one is here. I can't do this.

I'm not going to kill myself but I just don't know what to do and I can't even talk to anyone about it because none of my friends like the side of me that needs help. I just have to pretend to be all happy and smiley all of the time

i didn't understand the distinction your mom makes outpatient vs inpatient, probably because her position doesn't make any sense.

A good T will know how to "manage" her---a T cannot tell your mom anything unless you sign something giving t permission. If mom makes that a requirement for paying for t, stand firm. Don't sign anything allowing her access.

What did she email about, (only if you want to share)

I think the DBT thing sounds like a great idea, and then telling your mom you are seeing someone for an ED so the insurance can pay for it.

I just started DBT this week (although haven't learned any of the skills yet, just an initial appointment). My T also decided once a week psychotherapy wasn't enough for me and recommended DBT. At first I was hesitant (well, actually I kind of didn't have a choice, b/c she pretty much told me the only way to see her again was if I did DBT), but I get what you are saying about it sounding cheesy. I also thought it sounded very gimmicky.

However, I looked into it some more and it really has been proven to be very effective with self-harming behaviors. And I think the skills sound really useful to learn.

Growlycat is right, you should do this while you are still on your parent's insurance so you don't have to pay. Plus, DBT can be used for binge eating, so it's not like you'd be lying.

My mom says that IP will impede me from ever getting a job.

She emailed me in all caps very angry that I spent too much money. She started threatening me and saying I need to pay her back and saying I'm "in HUGE trouble" and I don't know what that means and I don't know how to calm down.

LOL LOL LOL LOL --not laughing at you, laughing at your mom

I am a lead designer for one of the country's top retailers, a very corporate environment, I was inpatient a couple of times in my life and it never even came up. You wouldn't believe how many professionals, not just creatives, take a leave of absence to go inpatient, and they can't be fired for it.

oh my, your mom is a real trip. I am so sorry. Maybe when she is that angry, don't respond until she sends you a normal-toned email.

If I were in your place I would just refuse to deal with her when she talks to her like that. Her threats sound like bluffs, very manipulative bluffs.

Sorry if any of this is unsolicited advice. I just hate that anyone would treat their kid that way.

The best part is that I'm going to be getting a job... in music. We are all nuts. You have to be crazy to even apply for a job.

The problem is that they make me panic and hurt myself. Badly.

I appreciate just having someone to talk to

All creatives are crazy not really, we just think differently, our strength and weakness at the same time

Sorry about your mom, the lies she tells you are abhorrent

What lies? She hasn't lied yet. She keeps emailing me about how I'm never going to be able to get a job in music so I need to figure out a plan for my life because I can't handle money

heh heh I just thought of an idea---if your mom overly-monitors your purchases if you use a debit or credit card, you could use your card to buy visa prepaid cards. Then use that prepaid card to make purchases that can't be tracked.

What seriously? That exists?

She lies that you are unworthy, bad for being female, that you will never get a job, that going inpatient will keep you from getting a job, i could go on. lies, all of them

If you go to a grocery store or cvs just look in the gift card section---you will see visa prepaid cards in denominations of 25, 50, 100 bucks and they can be used anywhere like a gift card

Visa Prepaid Card | Visa USA

Prepaid Cards with Direct Deposit & Prepaid Cards Online | Visa USA

Oh that's really not much different from withdrawing cash. I do that already

I'm sorry about the stress and panic that your mother is bringing about.

It is tough not having someone in person to talk to. It is okay to talk here. Know that we here like the side of you that needs help.

Maybe someday I'll stop believing them or that I'd at least recognize them as lies. I don't want to have so many scars

But she will see that you made a cash withdrawal. If you buy the visa card at cvs you can say you needed something medical