[Lily5473]

My t is leaving in less than a month. I always knew she was gonna leave at the end of the year, but I never thought it would come this fast. I love her. I love her. And I just wish that I could have gotten to know her outside of therapy. I know everybody says that's its transference, but I don't care. She was my first t and she's a rockstar. I only saw her for 6/7 months, but I'm having a very hard time letting go. Ever since I've realized how little time we have left together I've shut down. I know this frustrates her, but I just don't want it hurt. I pretend like everything is fine, but she sees right through me. I cry almost every night. She's done sooo much for me. How can someone so special to me, just leave? How am I supposed to go on like nothing ever happened? I don't ever want to do therapy again, b/c if I can't have her, I don't want anyone.

[unlockingsanity]

Originally Posted by Lily5473

My t is leaving in less than a month. I always knew she was gonna leave at the end of the year, but I never thought it would come this fast. I love her. I love her. And I just wish that I could have gotten to know her outside of therapy. I know everybody says that's its transference, but I don't care. She was my first t and she's a rockstar. I only saw her for 6/7 months, but I'm having a very hard time letting go. Ever since I've realized how little time we have left together I've shut down. I know this frustrates her, but I just don't want it hurt. I pretend like everything is fine, but she sees right through me. I cry almost every night. She's done sooo much for me. How can someone so special to me, just leave? How am I supposed to go on like nothing ever happened? I don't ever want to do therapy again, b/c if I can't have her, I don't want anyone.

I'm giving you a big squishy hug because I know what this feels like. You will grieve for awhile and your heart will likely change when it comes to seeing someone else.

I felt the same way. If I can't see my T then I'm done with therapy. Things change though, even though it seems IMPOSSIBLE.

Cry and let it out. Try to work through the loss with your therapist as much as you can. Otherwise, you're going to be left without anyone to help you cope.

I cried everyday, almost all day, for probably a month. It gets less and less. Please keep seeing another therapist as an option at the back of your mind, even if it's only to help you get through the impending loss.

[laughattack]

Since she is leaving so soon, I hope you and she are working on the feelings you have about the termination. Also, I've been there, and my T helped me to see that relationships do, at times, end, and that it was a good and healthy thing to be able to accept this.

[Melody_Bells]

Big big hugs, your post made me teary... you said it all so well. I can see how much you love her and the sadness and disbelief about her leaving. I went through it too, cried every night before and after her leaving. I know you feel like shutting down, but please try your best to let her see your hurt and pain. This is the best way you can cherish your time together... be your realest self, feel the love and reveal your pain, if you feel like it's safe. It's OK to cry and let it out! I understand...hugs to you.

[Jdog123]

hugs, hugs. I've been in your place with the first T whom I got attached to--and I only saw her for 5 months in person and 8 months intermittent phone appts while I was out of the country. But, it was I who moved out of the country for 10 months and then she couldn't guarantee that we'd be able to work together when I return because of her family situation. We didn't but I can report 6 years later that I've been able to find 2 other AMAZING Ts. I never, ever, never, ever would have thought this possible. And I did work with a 'lemon' for 2 years and meet with 3 more for 1-5 sessions before knowing they were a good match. BUT as much as I couldn't imagine 6 years ago ever opening up to someone else (and I, too, cried every night), now I can't imagine my life without my current T, whom I've been working with for 3+ years. I'm even glad that she couldn't work with me when I got back, as much pain as it caused, because my current T has changed my life in ways I didn't think possible. I feel your pain, I've so been there now 2 times. But there are other great Ts out there. And with each one your focus becomes slightly different. Good luck and more hugs.

Originally Posted by Lily5473

My t is leaving in less than a month. I always knew she was gonna leave at the end of the year, but I never thought it would come this fast. I love her. I love her. And I just wish that I could have gotten to know her outside of therapy. I know everybody says that's its transference, but I don't care. She was my first t and she's a rockstar. I only saw her for 6/7 months, but I'm having a very hard time letting go. Ever since I've realized how little time we have left together I've shut down. I know this frustrates her, but I just don't want it hurt. I pretend like everything is fine, but she sees right through me. I cry almost every night. She's done sooo much for me. How can someone so special to me, just leave? How am I supposed to go on like nothing ever happened? I don't ever want to do therapy again, b/c if I can't have her, I don't want anyone.

((((((((HUGSSSSS)))))))
I don't know what I can tell you that will make you feel any better. I don't think there is anything anyone can say that can make you feel better. As weird as your feelings seem to you...which they are in no way weird...but I know you must be telling yourself that, at least I know I tell myself that a lot...I want you to know that your feelings are not weird and are completely valid. Her being your therapist is a major role in your life even though, like others do, you try to minimize that because they are not really our friends or family so we can't really put them in a certain category...they are still a major part of us because we reveal so much to them. In many cases they know more about us than even the closest person to us knows...and more than we do to a point because they help us see things about ourselves that we don't or can't see. We are sick emotionally and mentally and they help us get better.

To me it seems like you are grieving...or trying to at least. This is completely the right thing to do and you should surrender yourself to these feelings and open up to your T about you grieving over her leaving. I would say you should do it before she leaves though because you will regret not opening up to her about this after she leaves. Maybe try calling her up before your next appointment or sending her an email if that is possible. You deserve to feel what you are feeling and go through this process.