i feel bad for no real reason.it has been happening a lot recently,i feel bad,i feel like crying but i can't reach out to my mom whom i usually get help from,mainly because there seems to be no logical reason for my being sad,and as well,she's tired of me.since i'm in therapy she thinks i shouldn't feel bad time to time and i should let her alone to relax( cause i used to really bother her with my constant complaints and cries) and i know too well that she won't help if i go to her,crying,she will ask me" what? again what?" and there's nothing clear to me to tell here.she'll get upset
part of my sadness may be related to the T session i had today.everything went almost right until the last minutes.she said we were progressing and that i did well by mentioning some stuff and then asked me how i felt.i really didn't know,but after so many "i don't knows" i felt i had to answer ,and i made a very foolish reply that is driving me crazy now and i wish i could just take it back and say forget about it.i feel terrible about saying silly things and the deep regret coming afterwards.
any way,i just feel terrible now,i need to cry and sb to soothe me,to understand(but who can understand while i don't myself) .

[RTerroni]

Still waiting for the Therapy place to call me back to (hopefully) schedule an intake appointment, my Psychologist is scheduled to call me again tomorrow so hopefully I will be able to give her an update than.

[neutrino]

Worried.

[~EnlightenMe~]

Hopeless and frustrated.

[healingme4me]

Friends helping friends; think I want to broach a topic in talk therapy, later this week. Saw something, that reminded me, that there is a vast cultural difference in this world. I may need to jot this down, as something I recognized, in the previous place.
Vanilla and Spice and Everything Nice, does not a black.white thinker make.

shut down and confused

[RTerroni]

The psychologist called me on the phone today and she told me that it sometimes takes up to a week for the Therapy office to call me back plus over the next few weeks it might be a little longer with the Christmas and New Years holidays coming up, and just to wait at least a week before trying to call again. I do think that I am going to be returning to Therapy fairly soon though.

[someone321]

I feel very calm... Like no one could irritate me.. That's a really nice feeling...

Sometimes I feel like in the loop which is rather snail-shaped, if you know what I mean: every round is worse and worse... I hear and see what I want to hear and see and not what others say actually...

I'm doing the teacher happy dance. One and a half more days. That's only 4 classes for me. Woohoo!!

Had a bad session with my T. It happens from time to time, but it still sucks. Meds are FINALLY kicking in; seems like it took forever. Feeling a bit better.

Have a concert tonight, tomorrow, Saturday, and two on Sunday. Then I'll be done. Tomorrow night our show will be broadcast on tv. Of course, I won't see it because I'll be singing in another concert, but my boys say they'll record it for me to see later.

My son took his marching uniform to school today to turn it in. He's a senior and he won't be wearing that uniform again. Kind of sad about that; so is he. They had a great run this year, coming in 5th in nationals, but all good things must come to an end as they say.

[Nightlight]

I am really, really, really sad. It's Christmas time and I don't have anybody. I don't have anybody at all. It's going to be weeks before I have a small window of time to talk to someone who knows me (but she would only ever want to know me in a professional context anyway). Right now, it's just me...and I feel really really pathetic that my Christmas wish was just to be hugged once by someone who knows me. So pathetic. I don't really matter to anybody at all, but it's a lot easier to pretend that I do when I at least have someone to tell.

[whatawhat]

Sad, depressed, nervous, overwhelmed, hurt, annoyed, alone, oh so many more!

[RTerroni]

Just counting down the days until I do back to Therapy, and hopefully it will work this time

[someone321]

I guess I would call it moody as my mood changes every 30 seconds... Angry, guilty, disappointed, exhausted, confused, sad, abandoned, empty and just hate myself and cannot understand why actually I decided to go to T... hmmm...

[~EnlightenMe~]

I hate myself and my self doubt. I hate not knowing how to trust people. I hate divulging information to people and then feeling vulnerable and not being able to do a damn thing about it. I hate being Borderline. I hate being needy. I want to destroy my neediness and make everybody happy.

[healingme4me]

Granted, I rescheduled my final 2013 appointment, until after the new year. Was a scheduling conflict, turns out, could have made it, but that's ok. Odd, my T, once told me, earlier in the year, no new man would tolerate, the friendship, I'd ended.
I'm curious, where I'll be, in my own mind, come that appointment.

Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2

[Lamplighter]

Been a while since I've managed to be on PC - still not a lot of time to catch up with everyone.

I had my last session for three weeks on Tuesday and it went ok. Gave T a hand made Christmas card, that brought up a load of **** for me. But I'm glad I did it. Wish I could remember the rest of the session though.

It's been so hectic and now I've slowed down, some sort of depression kicking in or what? I don't feel too great right now and don't know why.

[someone321]

Overwhelmed, weird and maybe scared? I don't understand this - I always felt so great at home but this time I feel scared and certainly not safe... What did T make with my brain?!

[~EnlightenMe~]

I feel happy now that I have some time off of work and can relax. I like work this year more than previous years, but am just glad to have a break.

[Daeva]

Alot of self-hatred, pain, anger, hurt, frustrated, anxious. Gone.

This song covers it

Therapy has been over for three months: life has been wonderful! It took one session to terminate. My therapist made sure I did Real Life while I was doing therapy, and now I just do more of it. I have seen her twice, once at a concert after one month of no contact. A time frame she felt comfortable with, giving me a chance to decide what roll i wanted her to play in my life. Do I want to continue as is, do I want a friendship or have her on call for the rest of my life? I chose friendship. We will never be best friends, but very good friends for sure. The second time I saw her was at an awards ceremony I was being honored at. She attend because I asked her to, and she was instrumental in my receiving the award. Because of her love I have rich relationships with former acquaintances that have grown into beautiful friendships.

I originally went to therapy for repair with my kid. We had lost our way after a medical scare. The kid and I are doing nicely. Colleges and scholarship offers are finding there way into our mailbox. Thank goodness, because I lose most of our income once he turns 18. Also, I want everyone to know he is well, and has never been physically hurt.

In 18 months with my therapist I could have 24/7 contact with her, over 1500 emails (we did use emails for therapy), lots of phone calls, and sessions when ever she was available. The transference was torturous, yet thats what she insisted I needed to get through in order to heal. Last time this year, I saw her everyday from Thanksgiving till just before Xmas. I was going home to critical parents. I did well, and now I'm back. Her kind of therapy filled me up. Now, I rarely email, except to confirm a date, and once on the phone regarding an ethical dilemma. She called me after I sent her an email. I use to obsess about her, google her, her family, drive by her house (x10), etc. There is no longer a need to do any of these things because I carry her inside of me.

I'm glad she did therapy the way she thought was best for me. I was not easy. I fought her every step of the way, even using PC to fight her. Many times she pushed back .But, that hole deep inside is filled, now. For all who suffer from attachment issues please know that you can be healed. Yes, I was needier than any of you hands down and can never be cured. Many of you probably think the same thing. I still do think it, yet I was cured.

I have an inner healing that allows me to deal with whatever comes up without falling apart. I can give myself what she use to give. And for me, given how far I've had to come — it's Priceless.

I don't give Christmas gifts to friends, but I finished a writing I've been working on, and sent her a copy and I dedicated it to her.

This is her response:

"Wow. This from the lady who believed she couldn't write.

GTGT, this is masterful. The descriptions paint such vivid pictures, you can see the people, actually watch what they are doing. The way you draw in the reader into one emotional response to a character and then flip them into another - first you want to hate Ms X, and then you start to feel sympathy for her and finally you feel pride, gratitude and joy (with yet an overlay of sadness). It's just amazing. And the little ditty had me laughing outright. (I noted the chosen names - not that they would mean anything to most readers.)

Oh lady, one day you will be published. I'll expect a signed first edition.

Hope your holiday continues to go well.

Love,
FM"

My response :

"Dear FM,

Thank you for your comments. I keep reading them over and over. I've come far. You helped me free myself to get here. For this I will always be grateful. I even dared to send the finished product to Mr Q. Most definitely you'll get a signed copy if a book ever happens. In fact you will get a whole page. You and Ms X will have the dedication page, and it's most richly deserved. Thanks again, for breathing life back into me.

Love,
GTGT"

In response to my thank you, less than 5 minutes ago she wrote:

"You are welcome, again. And thank you, again.

Love,
FM"

I never thought I would be able to say, "I love life and I love me." Well, "I do."

PS: in the beginning she told me it would take 18 months to 2 1/2 years. I scoffed, because I knew I couldn't be helped. It took 18 months exactly.

[healingme4me]

Ready to start a new calendar year, in therapy. It's been a long, productive year. Looking forward to another year of growth.

Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2

[Littlemeinside]

Good. Have decided to leave PC. Too much triggering stuff going on for me.

Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays everyone.

I'm doing pretty well. We finished up our concerts last night, so I can just relax now and enjoy Christmas.

[Freewilled]

I'm feeling restless and undone.....like something is really missing. It's annoying and a tad bit sad. I also feel very anxious - had to interact with an old acquaintance today and it always triggers a lot of my anxiety when I talk to her. She's a very social person and I feel super anxious in her presence. Now I feel just yuck. No one can help me but me, I know. But what if I can't either?

[~EnlightenMe~]

I still feel content and I hope it lasts.