[growlycat]

Relieved to be on my first vacation in a year.

[healingme4me]

Patterns, they kind of repeat themselves. I discussed, in detail, why I maintained something I maintained and how it wasn't conducive to moving forward, at the beginning of the year. And wow, I stepped away, from one year ago. For my own reasons.

GEEEEZZZZUUUUZZZZZ........................................

WHY, WHY WHY?!!? NOT KOSHER, it feels oh so wrong, because of my own marital baggage!!

I'd call it, and I don't care how effin innocent that they call it, and EA

nervous...going to be working on some DEEP DEEP AGONIZING stuff today and wishing we could avoid it....
but also ANGRY that it ever happened to begin with!!

[healingme4me]

My pdoc and talk therapist may see tears, this week.

Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2

[neutrino]

Agitated and frustrated. I think I'm stuck in some sort of OCD-moment.

[healingme4me]

I'll get through this. The amount of talking that went into this, was very important. Being able to stop, think, express myself, be listened to and to listen, was positive. There's been so much, that has been going on in life, and in the relationship, that it was a momentary passing thought, a couple of times, then it wasn't taking up time. But after the 'talk', it was taking up intimacy space. I get where he was coming from. Things said about the situation, reminded me, of what was said to me, last year, around this time, which gave me, I feel, a better perspective. Though with a real life perspective, on the situation, I also realize, my letting go of that, was worked on, in therapy. With good reason to. How could I possibly, at that point, entertain a relationship with someone else, if I was still attached to this one. In this case, this weekend, that wasn't ever severed. I get fear of hurting others, all in the name of compassion. And all in the name, of tiring of seeing one person after another disappear in life, as happens as we mature. My feelings were heard and supported. If this weren't to be severed, then it would be me, who would be hurt. And if I am feeling hurt, in a relationship, then that relationship can go no further. I cannot compete, in a relationship for true intimacy. As was one of my points to my friend, last year. That having me, in his life, wasn't fair to whomever he got involved with, because he was coming to me, for all that deep historically based moral support. And if he wasn't sharing of himself, with his new woman, than what was the point, and no wonder he was struggling. And through all this, though tempting, to be spiteful, I didn't once, open that email account and send him a hello message. I am not running when the going gets tough. It's this weird, parallel universe of sorts. I can appreciate his not wanting to hurt her feelings, at the same time, it's not fair to us. So, feelings will be hurt. I am sorry they will be hurt, it's my t once told me, no man would put up with the type of email relationship that I had with my online friend. And I felt, that it was better to walk away, for the right reasons, instead of getting involved and having the new man in my life be the scapegoat. Except, my guy wasn't looking for a relationship, when I came along, not that I was, it was just I knew I couldn't hang around much longer, without my emotions rattled about my online friends love life, over and over again.

[Patagonia]

I just wanto quit. I'm not a strong person.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[someone321]

Originally Posted by Patagonia

I just wanto quit. I'm not a strong person.

You are strong because you have started, you are strong because you wrote here... I do not know what exactly you want to quit but I believe in you and even if it is not so good now, there is a chance that it will be better in the future so why not to try?

[RTerroni]

My Psychologist is supposed to call me tomorrow for a meeting on the phone (we can't meet in person tomorrow for a bunch of reasons that I won't even get in to) and hopefully she will- I really don't want to be sitting around waiting for her to call me.

[growlycat]

Geared up but frazzled as I pack for my trip home.

[SheHulk07]

I'm in a total panic mode. I do not want to do my infusions the next two days. I'd rather be dead. I can't go through with this again. I'm sick of people not listening to me.

Two weekends and 7 concerts down, 5 more to go. Those are just mine. Add 6 more to that when you take in my sons' concerts and 2 church concerts. I actually had 4 concerts today. Craziness. Keeps me busy, that's for sure.

I'm tired for obvious reasons, and still more depressed than I'd like to be. I see T tomorrow, and I definitely need to see him. My husband was pretty much a jerk to me mid-week, and I'm still struggling with the aftermath. Come to find out, he realized tonight that he had messed up how he was taking his meds (I had wondered about that.) He finally apologized for being horrid, but it's going to take me awhile.

It was a hard week. My son's fiancee has been dealing with a kidney stone that has resulted in several trips to the ER and just total misery for her. I'm proud of my son though. He's been very attentive and helpful to her. Good boy.

[Daeva]

I'm actually feeling pretty good. Things are beginning to look up. Got some anxiety going. My T is trying to get me into a residential setting, I can feel it in my bones that this is where I need to be. However there is 14 applications and only 3 openings. So I hope to god my T can pull some strings in her old job! I love my T so much.

However I have been distracting myself with art lately so, that's been going okay! Im beginning to appreciate things alot more.

[RTerroni]

Originally Posted by 1914sierra

Two weekends and 7 concerts down, 5 more to go. Those are just mine. Add 6 more to that when you take in my sons' concerts and 2 church concerts. I actually had 4 concerts today. Craziness. Keeps me busy, that's for sure.

I'm tired for obvious reasons, and still more depressed than I'd like to be. I see T tomorrow, and I definitely need to see him. My husband was pretty much a jerk to me mid-week, and I'm still struggling with the aftermath. Come to find out, he realized tonight that he had messed up how he was taking his meds (I had wondered about that.) He finally apologized for being horrid, but it's going to take me awhile.

It was a hard week. My son's fiancee has been dealing with a kidney stone that has resulted in several trips to the ER and just total misery for her. I'm proud of my son though. He's been very attentive and helpful to her. Good boy.

What do you mean by "concerts" if I may ask

Originally Posted by RTerroni

What do you mean by "concerts" if I may ask

I sing with the Dallas Symphony Chorus, and we do 12 Christmas performances over three weekends in December, so this is a very busy month.

[RTerroni]

Originally Posted by 1914sierra

I sing with the Dallas Symphony Chorus, and we do 12 Christmas performances over three weekends in December, so this is a very busy .

Oh OK, well that's cool to know

[RTerroni]

Well my Psychologist called my cell phone (which I didn't have available) and not my home phone so she now won't be able to speak to me until Wednesday morning.

UPDATE: My Psychologist did in fact leave a message on my cell phone and she gave me the phone number for the office she told me about and I think that I will call them to schedule something- I think I have decided that I do want to return to therapy (I just have to find the right person).

I'm feeling better from the chemotherapy I have received. Now I'm just waiting to go home!

[healingme4me]

Had an awkward moment at my appointment today. I think, I displayed an EMDR moment, with my pdoc.

When I feel, on the defensive, that's precisely what happens. I double checked the blog, the way, it came out, I felt, oops, fudge, why did, 'that was 2 years ago', imply? As if, old news, but new news about old news.

Much discomfort, through EMDR, eye movement desensitization.

Better now, will be in right before my bday...

[gayleggg]

Severely depressed today. In a really bad place but am safe for now.

ignored,passively rejected and hurt. why do we even bother?

[BonnieJean]

I hit a t boundary at 100 mph and I feel like I'm emotionally bleeding. I feel like there is no one on the planet that I can go to and tell how badly I'm feeling. I can't stop crying. I hate it when I can't see these things coming. I don't feel like I can go back to therapy.

[BonnieJean]

I;m trying to find some strength in myself.

[BonnieJean]

Totally distraught. Very tough nite. Thinking about quitting therapy. Then I won't be a bother to t anymore.

[healingme4me]

My head feels spun in circles. Both members of a romantic relationship, play a role don't they? Ever consider, it's not wonderment of intentions, but veil of don't ask, don't tell? The defensive reactions? The truth, in small increments, plus the psycho babble of what must be going on, in my head....after all I'm the one in therapy....

And 'hope you don't need that xanax refill remark'? ((((um, ever consider my neurological condition has huge impact on the physical anxiety???))))

Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2