[Nightlight]

Originally Posted by Aloneandafraid

I have to go tomorrow too as a massive filling fell out along with half of my tooth. It's the third tooth to do this in as many months. I am literally breaking up & falling apart! I am so nervous too and I too have no one to tell!
My teeth are really bad.
I had to have a root removed last month in hospital. It's scary. Think it Might have something to do with my unhealthy coping behaviour.
Good luck tomorrow. I am thinking of you and sending positive vibes.

Oh no not you too! Not that I wanted anyone to join me in my suffering but that really made me feel less alone! I've actually survive the "check up" visit now. I haven't been to my dentist in years and years and I was so scared about what I'd find out, but knew that today I didn't have to worry about drilling and nearly drowning from being unable to swallow with all that going on in my mouth because it was a check up. Turns out there was drilling today! My dentist thought it was important to take care of the huge cavity (it was pretty bad, really big, and the tooth was discoloured) and now my check up is next week. Apparently it could be a root canal later on, but I just managed to avoid it for now. I don't even know how many other holes there are or what's going to happen next time...but I survived today, and best of all, the medication I take gives me a really dry mouth and for the first time that actually had some benefits!

I hope your appointment goes as well as possible! It's so hard having problem teeth.

[healingme4me]

I'm wondering, about the how's your health, discussion. I made a comment. It was about growing older, I'm going to remember, to ask about my comment, as it relates to life.

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[RTerroni]

Originally Posted by Aloneandafraid

I have to go tomorrow too as a massive filling fell out along with half of my tooth. It's the third tooth to do this in as many months. I am literally breaking up & falling apart! I am so nervous too and I too have no one to tell!
My teeth are really bad.
I had to have a root removed last month in hospital. It's scary. Think it Might have something to do with my unhealthy coping behaviour.
Good luck tomorrow. I am thinking of you and sending positive vibes.

I have to go back to the dentist next month, still have yet to schedule an appointment though

It seems like I have cavities every time I go (nothing more than that as of yet but something can always happen, and I seem to fear it a lot).

[0w6c379]

I feel like all the goodness that was in me has been drained. You've successfully taken every last bit. Don't look to me for anything anymore.

[Raging Quiet]

I feel like I wish I could spend a whole day with t and hide away from the world.

I'm a bit raw and pensive after yesterday's session. This, too, shall pass.

[Aloneandafraid]

Originally Posted by Nightlight

Oh no not you too! Not that I wanted anyone to join me in my suffering but that really made me feel less alone! I've actually survive the "check up" visit now. I haven't been to my dentist in years and years and I was so scared about what I'd find out, but knew that today I didn't have to worry about drilling and nearly drowning from being unable to swallow with all that going on in my mouth because it was a check up. Turns out there was drilling today! My dentist thought it was important to take care of the huge cavity (it was pretty bad, really big, and the tooth was discoloured) and now my check up is next week. Apparently it could be a root canal later on, but I just managed to avoid it for now. I don't even know how many other holes there are or what's going to happen next time...but I survived today, and best of all, the medication I take gives me a really dry mouth and for the first time that actually had some benefits!

I hope your appointment goes as well as possible! It's so hard having problem teeth.

Thank you. I have to go to hospital for an extraction as it is complicated positions and can't be done in the dentist surgery(omg)! But I am ok just a bit sore! Good luck with the rest of your treatment. Sounds as if you coped really well. I hate teeth! Mine are crumbling away! You are not alone. good luck with your follow up visit.

[winter4me]

I feel a nasty cold coming on, headachy, dry, tight lunged, but I need to go to work, drinking water, water, water. Funny, I am thinking, how all else flies away when I actually begin to feel physically unwell. I wish I could just lie down and fall into it.

My ego has been beaten up. I'm pretty sure I didn't get the job. If I wasn't in such a severe depression already, I'm sure this would be easier to take. I am amplifying all my negative qualities in my head this morning because of it.

I feel somewhat suicidal. i wonder if i should just quit therapy since I don't see any hope or future for myself.

[healingme4me]

Next place, I live, I want a Christmas Cactus. I am also, feeling ready for a cat. I have many deep things, to discuss next session. ^^^ that, not me. My ex, asked for the boys ssn's. I wrote, that this year, I am the one that gets to only claim one. He mentioned a new life insurance policy, at work. I asked, if the health insurance, was changing. He wrote, 'no, a new life.' Today, was the election hearing. I expect to hear from the district attorney's office, in a couple of days, as to whether trial by judge or jury. That, has often, been at the back of my own mind, about him.

[~EnlightenMe~]

I feel like fading away. I feel like a failure and I'm tired of struggling.

I saw my pdoc this afternoon. Since I started the med for sleep, which happens to be an antipsychotic, I've begun to have some tremors and feel really jittery. I've taken this before without this problem. I suspect I still not sleeping long enough so I'm awake during the last part of the med (the part that causes the sleepiness). That might explain it. He gave me a prescription for Inderal which is to counteract the tremors if I need it. We'll see if changing up my sleep schedule a bit takes care of the problem first.

He says I'm still very much in a mixed episode which is probably why I'm feeling so all over the place/scattered. Even if I get a handle on my sleep and the tremor issue, he wants me to stay on the AP for awhile. I working on the after mania crash right now which should be loads of fun. The roller coaster ride is wearing me out. I think staying on the AP is probably a good idea.

[growlycat]

I want someone to care about me. I thought I already had that, not sure at the moment.

[Britneigh]

I'd reply but it's against the rules to post how I'm feeling. I just feel insignificant. Like I just dont matter...I dont think its a feeling. Its a fact. I could just disappear and everyone's life would Go on. Its hard being that insignificant. I dont have a place in the world. And thats okay. I have a never ending tape playing in my head that I would be better off offing myself. And its scary but true.

[Lamplighter]

Having a marginally ok day today - in amongst a lot of bad days since Christmas. And anticipated a dud first post festive season session back but it turned out to be quite good, so making the most of feeling ok at the moment.

Big hugs to everyone here , sounds like there's a lot of suffering and it would be nice to think that's down to post christmas and winter blues. I suspect not though...

[someone321]

I feel very calm today... I think I'm pretty moody recently but usually when I am in crisis one day, the next day is very calm for me - pretty nice feeling

[~EnlightenMe~]

feeling

[ready2makenice]

Really really bad,going to check myself into the hospital

[someone321]

My T said that I should be able to survive from one to another session so that's what I'm trying... Start thinking if maybe meds could help me but if it was true my T (who is also a Pdoc) would think about it, right? So probably I'm just exagerating as always... I feel like I have no good reason to feel bad so I actually I even don't know how I'm feeling right now

[Patagonia]

Lost. Vacant. Got an email from T that said I WILL be at my regularly scheduled appt tomorrow. Oh, is that a threat? What's the worst she can do but give the appt to someone else? She can't hurt me anymore. I can make sure of that. Just disappear.

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[healingme4me]

Feeling rather quiet. It was an interesting day. One of those, I can predict my future, types of days. Involves my kids. My phone. My kids, calling my phone. That type of day.

[Britneigh]

I want to die I don't have a plan or anything. I'm just hurting and want it all to go away

[Canyon]

Originally Posted by Britneigh

I want to die I don't have a plan or anything. I'm just hurting and want it all to go away

Sorry you are feeling this way.

Unfortunately I'm pretty much in the same place ATM.

[Aloneandafraid]

Originally Posted by Nightlight

I had my last session with my therapist before she heads overseas to the U.S for a couple of weeks. All I did was cry. Before I met my therapist and for the first few years of therapy, no one ever saw me cry and today I just sat there and cried through a whole session instead of focusing on the positive stuff. I wanted to have a happy session before the break instead of spending that time sitting there feeling sorry for myself, but all of the sorry-for-myself stuff spilled over accidentally, and I couldn’t stop it.

I cried about the boundaries, and I cried about not feeling wanted, and I cried about being a client, and I cried about only ever being a client for the rest of my life. I cried about The End. But I was as honest and open as I could be. I shared my biggest fears. I tried to put words to something that can't be explained by words. At one point I started to explain something but before I'd got half way through making my point, I suddenly had no idea what my point was and I felt completely blank, like I used to when I first began therapy.


At one point my therapist smiled and then laughed when I spoke of the pain of caring about her so much, but also feeling so pushed away from her and her life. I mentioned the dream I had a while back, she had died and it was devastating to want to go to her (in the dream) but of course I couldn't—I couldn’t do anything. I asked her why she laughed in the session and now I can't remember what she said so I've gone back to feeling like what I said was awful or incredibly pathetic and stupid. Mostly my therapist was great and she really tried to hear me, though I heard her frustration at one point when she suddenly asked quite firmly if I expected her to do more for me, like reply to me on a busy day when she had no time. I was really just trying to explain my feelings. Wanting more and expecting more aren’t the same thing at all.

Maybe I shouldn’t have continued therapy with someone who instantly meant so much to me. It always felt like I was supposed to know her and like I knew her already. I don’t mean the same to her in return and my relationship with her will always be confined to a timeslot. Sometimes life feels like a cruel joke. I haven’t really managed to stop crying since my sission ended.

Nightlight
I hope its okay to send you hugs?
I feel your pain in your post. I am in a similar situation like I instantly felt attached and constantly need more than she is willing to give. I too totally understand the feeling of being in a relationship that is confined to 50 minutes a week. It sucks! I don't know what more to say except I wanted you to know you are not alone. It sounds like you have a really empathetic T. Take care of yourself.