[Nightlight]

Originally Posted by Aloneandafraid

Nightlight
I hope its okay to send you hugs?
I feel your pain in your post. I am in a similar situation like I instantly felt attached and constantly need more than she is willing to give. I too totally understand the feeling of being in a relationship that is confined to 50 minutes a week. It sucks! I don't know what more to say except I wanted you to know you are not alone. It sounds like you have a really empathetic T. Take care of yourself.

Thanks so much. Thank you for relating to me. It's been 8 hours since my session finished and I still just can't stop myself from crying. The therapy relationship is so incredibly hard sometimes.

Still messing with this mixed mood. Took a break from PC for a few days. Sometimes it gets frustrating around here. In a better frame of mind about it now.

[ready2makenice]

Not sure,trying to stay clean and be humble. Taking it one hour at a time and stay strong mind,body and soul

[penguinh]

I feel like therapy is like learning how to ride a bike. They promise to be there to help and support you but the first signs that things are getting better, they let go and start scheduling bi-weekly appointments instead. I hate that. It pushes me back in the opposite direction because I feel uncared for.

[RTerroni]

Very Anxious about tomorrow but I hope all will go well.

[Nightlight]

omg Dentist again tomorrow.

And also an appointment with my psychiatrist who doesn't support long term therapy.

Not happy.

Originally Posted by granite1

she didn't even remember we had a session last week . she started the session with so its been a few weeks sense we have met so much for her even remembering what I said last week never mind thinking it was even remotely important. I guess maybe it really isn't .she didn't want to talk about it then and didn't even remember we even had a session . this is why I just even wonder if y life is even real these days . im just hurt

Forgetting what week was what doesn't equate to forgetting what you said. Did she say she didn't remember what you said? Did you have that conversation? Heck, half the time I can't remember what day or week something happened because I'm dealing with dozens of students and occurrences and discussions. All I need is a memory jogger and I'm on track. T's are just as guilty of faulty memory from time to time as anyone else. It does NOT equate to her not thinking it was important. Again, you are reading her mind. You have to communicate with her or you really don't know what she is thinking AND she doesn't know what you are thinking. This has to be a conversation.

[Britneigh]

I feel super cruddy. I feel like I'm being replaced at work...I feel like I don't matter. I don't have any friends, or any family thats in my day to day life. I feel like just...disappearing. I don't matter to anyone. I want to be better and not feel like this...but I just want it all to end...I'm so tired of fighting with myself. My whole chest hurts....my throat hurts from crying so much. I just want the pain to all stop. I want to be happy and ride my horse and make friends and have a life...but want to end it all at the same time. Am I crazy or does that make sense?

[Freewilled]

Originally Posted by Britneigh

I feel super cruddy. I feel like I'm being replaced at work...I feel like I don't matter. I don't have any friends, or any family thats in my day to day life. I feel like just...disappearing. I don't matter to anyone. I want to be better and not feel like this...but I just want it all to end...I'm so tired of fighting with myself. My whole chest hurts....my throat hurts from crying so much. I just want the pain to all stop. I want to be happy and ride my horse and make friends and have a life...but want to end it all at the same time. Am I crazy or does that make sense?

You make lots of sense

[Nightlight]

Dentist bill is going to finish up being about $2500 and it's not even like I'm saving nice teeth.

That alone made me wonder why I fight so hard for life. I'm ugly...and poor...and I can't even afford therapy so that my life can be a tiny little bit more bearable.

[Canyon]

Emotionally and physically exhausted.

[Nightlight]

And my pdoc thinks that I just need a partner instead of therapy. He thinks that I need tips on where to hang out so that I can find someone and quit therapy.

Yep!

[tametc]

Originally Posted by Nightlight

And my pdoc thinks that I just need a partner instead of therapy. He thinks that I need tips on where to hang out so that I can find someone and quit therapy.

Yep!

I'm almost speechless about his advice. I was married for over 20 years, and having a "partner" was not a good thing after a while. Been divorced for over 10 years, and now I say I don't want a Prince Charming, because with my luck I'll end up having to clean up after his horse.

[Nightlight]

Originally Posted by tametc

I'm almost speechless about his advice. I was married for over 20 years, and having a "partner" was not a good thing after a while. Been divorced for over 10 years, and now I say I don't want a Prince Charming, because with my luck I'll end up having to clean up after his horse.

Thanks! I don't think many of the medical professionals over here have much of an understanding about what therapy actually is or can be. They all seem to think that I can just go out into the world and magically be okay. I spent my whole childhood doing that, pretending, and it got me nowhere. So it's really frustrating to have no support or understanding from either my gp or pdoc.

[Aloneandafraid]

Soon off to see T. Feel so anxious. I have so much to tell her and yet I feel its a waste of time. I just don't feel heard. So upset about being made redundant (me - not the post) and have relapsed big time re the ed. Pocket riders would be much appreciated for this afternoon.

[Aloneandafraid]

Originally Posted by Nightlight

omg Dentist again tomorrow.

And also an appointment with my psychiatrist who doesn't support long term therapy.

Not happy.

Me too - T today and dentist tomorrow and T who doesn't support long term therapy! She says a lot can be achieved in a short time! My teeth are literally crumbling and falling out. Its scary. And its down to me.

Thinking of you and wishing you all the best.

[Nightlight]

Originally Posted by Aloneandafraid

Me too - T today and dentist tomorrow and T who doesn't support long term therapy! She says a lot can be achieved in a short time! My teeth are literally crumbling and falling out. Its scary. And its down to me.

Thinking of you and wishing you all the best.

We really are sharing a few too many of the not so great things at the moment! I want a nice new set of straight white teeth. There were periods of time when I was younger when I wasn't so careful with my teeth (so often I didn't even want to be alive anymore), but these days I'm so careful. I've already had one cavity filled the other day. I have another 6 to be done and a broken filling to be redone. !

Hope your appointments today and tomorrow go as well as possible for you also!

[Topiarysurvivor]

I actually slept 5 hours in a row . Ironically , I didn't take the Restless leg medicine, so my legs will start popping mid day today.

I have a long day at planned with a lot of people interaction. Really hard for me. I am so much worse in the morning that I thought I might need to switch jobs- but it happened on vacation too. I feel frozen , and just getting dressed seems overwhelming. I've decided to change things up so this morning I got up a little earlier and played fiddle. It helped a but.

I just really dread the day .

[Freewilled]

I feel mixed up and just confused about my life. I don't think I'm unconsciously not wanting to get better because my parents didn't get better, like my T suggested. I completely disagree because I've done everything I can in my life NOT to be like my parents. But he is my T so he could be right. That makes me mad. How do you change the unconscious? Idk. I wonder if he's just grasping for reasons that are outside himself. I would never blame him but I know sometimes Ts blame themselves so......it's confusing, frustrating and scary. I'm bracing myself for him to give me the, "this is all I can do and think its time for you to move on" speech feeling scared because I see my T tonight....

[Hoppery]

Bit puzzled

[coltranefanatic]

Well thanks to a very good new friend I've made here on forums, and some good news coming in this week, I feel much much better. I feel more steady, and I feel much more in control of my feelings and the transference and everything. I'm due in my T's office at noon today and I feel ready. Which a week ago? No way could I have said that.

I'm getting there. My pdoc has had to double the AP because not even it was getting me to sleep (and usually that dose knocked me out). I had become very agitated, and when my T saw me Tuesday, he had me call my pdoc on the spot. Pdoc called back within minutes and both T and I talked to him about what was going on. Pdoc did his magic and the last two nights have been better and the agitation is gone. Maybe we are getting there now. Pdoc says my bipolar seems to have shifted somewhat in the last year to more mania than I usually experience, so we are all basically starting over figuring out meds, etc. What fun.

I feel tired and weary today and confused because I thought you cared and now after a year and a bit of seeing you t I find you don't care

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Nightlight]

Said goodbye to another T today. It's always one of the hardest things for me to do. I had no idea when I woke up this morning that my day was going to play out like this. Why doesn't anyone stay?

[Aloneandafraid]

I'm feeling so alone with so much going around in my head. The one person I thought I could rely on has let me down and I feel abandoned. She is my oldest friend and I see that I am too needy for her as well. I have to see dr next week but I don't want to. I am afraid of the consequences. I don't know if I can do it. but I have told my T I will see a dr so I have to - don't i? Why am I feeling so down?