Furious and controlled

[~EnlightenMe~]

Like I am drowning in depression. I hate being depressed I'm on meds, too.

[Lamplighter]

A few hours until T and I have a BIG bone to pick with him about some things he said last session. I suppose I should reread my session notes and 'prepare' otherwise he'll bamboozle me with all his explanations and justifications and I'll just end up feeling resigned and defeated .

Wish I could feel something now though, I hate this shut down numbness that affects every session. That affects my whole life, let's face it. Stuff going on underneath and I'm doing my damndest to not even acknowledge it let alone feel it, and I don't even know I'm doing that

[Lamplighter]

It's rather nice to be able to post something positive here about a T session for a change - today went really well after all, despite the fact that I left all my feelings in the car .

But then I get home and walk into a big argument with H . Had a couple of hours feeling positive on the drive home, now I feel rubbish again. FML

Feeling good and pretty content, but a little tired.

[~EnlightenMe~]

Feeling better.

[anna_goth27]

Terribly guilty for no particulalry good reason. Also very angry with myself and overwhelmingly stressed out because I keep worrying about the whatifs, regrets and the what will happen the next few minutes or hours or days? Its so annoying but I am starting to understand why people dont like me.

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[ShrinkPatient]

Satisfied...

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[Nightlight]

T was quite hard on me last session. She seems to get more stressed and less tolerant at this time of year. I'm worried that today is going to be too hard on me and that I'm going to find out that I've lost the source of funding that contributes to my sessions. Ugh.

[Rzay4]

Very anxious.

[Nightlight]

I need a therapist and I'm worried that I don't have one anymore. Well, I think I have the next 10 sessions partly funded, and then that's it. So, realistically I should spread them out. I guess after 15 years of untreated severe depression and anxiety that I'm supposed to get better on medication alone (which is subsidised by the government here). I guess people like me can't be helped here. So, my pathetic rhetorical question for the day: why doesn't anyone want to help me?

[Blue_Bird]

I'm torn between pretending everything's okay at my appointment tomorrow or actually telling what's been going on

[Blue_Bird]

Well I had my session with T today. It went alright, I told her what is going on. I also told her I didn't feel like I needed therapy despite feeling like I want to die. Then she made me realize it's because I'm depressed I feel that way and am trying to convince myself nothing's wrong. Seeing my pdoc early next week, meds will probably have to be adjusted.

[SheHulk07]

Feeling very defeated after my session with T today. At the point of feeling what's the point of continuing on. *Sigh*

[Yogix]

Like my T could not have gone on vacation at any worse time than this.

Exhausted and in danger of feeling completely overwhelmed, but trying to remain positive. Therapy is on track, which is a relief and a comfort.

[precious things]

Feeling on the brink and questioning the meaning of life and my relationship with the world. But I have a strong support in T and hoping it can be enough for me to guide myself to the other side

[0w6c379]

Feeling like I have no support. Feeling disappointed in everyone around me. Feeling really bad.

[RTerroni]

Had my routine appointment with my Physician today and I asked to speak to the Psychiatrist there and I met briefly with her and even scheduled an extended appointment with her 2 weeks from now to discuss my issues that I had with my last Therapist and if I want to go back to Therapy or not.

I would say that my feelings right now are slowly getting better.

[SheHulk07]

I'm feeling extremely nervous. Seeing my regular PCP in about an hour for stomach pain (stupid ulcers), and I'm afraid of if she's gotten the ER report from my od last week. Then I'm seeing the crisis therapist again today.

Worried about how my therapy session will go tomorrow since last week's was really rough.

[MercilessShadow]

Triggered, wanting to cut and more depressed than I have in the last couple of weeks Waiting for the T that I was referred to email me back... might have to call her this afternoon. Just glad I have my cat with me right now.

[tealBumblebee]

{Post Session Check In}

I didn't post from Thursdays session, but I didn't realize I was heading down this spiral.

T session was okay. She asked if I felt better/worse/the same at the end. I told her the same; she was glad it wasn't worse.

I had a feeling I wouldn't open up like I wanted to so I emailed her last night and told her that regardless of what I said - I was not okay. She did get the email and she did ask me a few times if I was being honest because my email said not to believe me.

I really wasn't able to tell her much of what I have been going through and she asked me quite a few times if i was shutting down on her. At the end of the session she said "I think you're pretty much done..." because I just was completely in my head by that point.

She questioned if I was suicidal and how she could be sure that I wasn't and encouraged me to email her during the holiday if I need to or even if I just want to say hey.

[Patagonia]

Originally Posted by AmyFed07

Feeling very defeated after my session with T today. At the point of feeling what's the point of continuing on. *Sigh*

Maybe it's the day of the week but my session w/T was terrible. She started grilling me before my butt touched the couch! Then I knew I was in for a long one. Jumped down my throat w/ spiked heals. If the conversations that were in my head were heard she'd be mortified! But @ least we'd have something to say. Now I just sit there & shake my head..."no I have nothing to say." God! I have so much I was to emotionally regurgitate on her & ask her to help me w/ instead I just let the voices control my voice box & they make sure nothing comes out. I couldn't take the punishment I'd get get @ home.
What a crappy day

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[SheHulk07]

I'm feeling a little better after seeing the crisis therapist today. She helped me understand that I can't be forced to go the group therapy or group home and suggested that I ask my t about his reasoning tomorrow.

[ShrinkPatient]

My weekend was rough but I saw my T today and I'm feeling much better. However, I don't get to see her Friday because of the holiday. I think I'll be ok this time and if I need her in between sessions I have options. That makes me feel so much better.

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