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#826
May 15, 2014, 08:04 PM
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Quote:
__________________
COVID-19 Survivor- 4/26/2022 |
 Anonymous33531
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#827
May 15, 2014, 08:19 PM
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Panicky - like I did something wrong in T tonight. Lonely and discouraged. Like I need more time with my T - 50 minutes just wasn't enough this time. I'm scared he is going to turn his **** on me and it's all going to blow up. Of course, I'll be left holding the bag....
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| RTerroni
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#828
May 15, 2014, 09:48 PM
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It was a bad day.
I was ok until I ran into friend/co-worker. He won't look at me. We walked into the room at the same time and he jerked his head up and away so he wouldn't have to look at me. Literally JERKED his head so he wouldn't have to look at me. We said hello and I kept walking. Then we both had to go to a meeting together. I sat. He stood behind me. I could barely keep it together. I had to speak in the beginning of the meeting, but just wanted to run and hide and sob. I used to mask my feelings so well, but I can't do it anymore. Can't. |
| RTerroni
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#829
May 16, 2014, 08:09 AM
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Everything is going wrong every way it can MAD SAD ANGRY GRRRRRRRRRRR
 and you know what I dont care if people think Im over reacting because everything in my life sux big time right now I want it to stop NOW!!! |
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#831
May 16, 2014, 01:00 PM
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Empty, angry, frustrated, confused, over myself, hate my feelings, anxious.
__________________
"I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity." Edgar Allan Poe |
| Aloneandafraid, Anonymous35535, dark_sweetie, Freewilled, RTerroni, someone321
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#832
May 16, 2014, 02:04 PM
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I made it through mothers day, without feeling like an emotional train wreck. Not sure, if witnessing my dads struggles with my stepmom as therapeutic, I feel it's probable. Also, seeing her shut off my half sister, I'm seeing better how this works. Because, when I was kicked out, felt bizarre, my step siblings weren't. Well step sister, yes, too, same time, for a short while.
Has a brown nose feel, this idea floating in my head...but more sinister, than that. Hence, half sister out, me already having been out.... Need to formulate words to go with concept. Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2 |
| Aloneandafraid, Anonymous35535, RTerroni
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#833
May 17, 2014, 02:09 PM
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Feeling a little better today but obviously the thought of my Therapist leaving in a few weeks is still on my mind.
__________________
COVID-19 Survivor- 4/26/2022 |
| Aloneandafraid, Anonymous35535, someone321, ~EnlightenMe~
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#834
May 17, 2014, 06:26 PM
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I took a series of short vacations, one to the beach in Malibu with kiddo, and a couple of museums. We had a fantastic time. Then I spent time in our state capital with kiddo and my niece that flew in for a day. She just got her MBA, and I am so very proud of her, and another great time. She has turned into a lovely young women, smart as the dickens. We went to a baseball game, and now I'm back home, and planning for a host of family from the other coast to celebrate kiddo's graduation. I hate hosting and I may come unglued because I mentioned a *common* chain restaurant to have it at. Kiddo's restaurant will cost on average $80 plus a person with no alcohol. They back him, because if mom won't do it, Los abuelos will. Thank Heaven I had therapy, because I was confronted by dad that I must change the restaurant, and what their expectations were, which I did of my own accord, because it was not set in stone, but it was not what the kid wants (I want to pay for it all on my own). Kid has decided anything is fine.
Because, I stood up for myself, now dad has brought up once again buying a new car for kiddo that he and I decided last week was not an appropriate gift for him nor oodles of cash. I sent dad an email letting him know how sad and disrespected I feel by his plans, and that that does nothing to help his grandchild grow up and be a responsible adult. Thank you FM (ex therapist) for teaching me how to stand up to those lovable dolts. Surprisingly, I feel good, yet, I'm eating a hidden bag of peanut m&m's... |
| Aloneandafraid, dark_sweetie, RTerroni
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#836
May 18, 2014, 02:03 PM
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My dad used to tell me I knew how to pick winners. I'd fill out race cards, seriously too, look at stats, weather race condition history. His friend/owner once asked who his bookie was... I was 11/12/13 at the time. Some nights he'd come home, telling me he just should have gone with my picks.
That's how I feel about this real advantage challenge...going to pick a winner  Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2 |
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#837
May 18, 2014, 02:31 PM
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Terrified... Can't stop shivering and I don't remember when last time it was as bad but fortunately the night is comming and tomorrow it will be another day...
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| Aloneandafraid, Anonymous200320, RTerroni
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#838
May 18, 2014, 02:58 PM
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Family I haven't seen for 3 years visited today, as always I had to fake my emotions, pretending they are family and that you missed them when they're actually complete strangers to you. All this faking makes me feel like I'm losing my humanity
Verstuurd vanaf mijn GT-I9105P met Tapatalk |
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#839
May 18, 2014, 03:48 PM
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Just came home from a four day stay at the local psych ward. I was 302'ed in my Pdoc office over an exchange of words. Today before I left she said "this might've caused more harm than good but I'm just looking out for your well being." No wonder I don't trust anyone anymore!
I've been bitterly angry & a royal ****** for 4 days & slowly feel myself starting to...crumble. Once again all the control was taken from me & I feel so terribly vulnerable. Who else is going to do that to me? I thought I trusted this Pdoc. Obviously not. Violated again! Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
__________________
"Doubt is like dye. Once it spreads into the fabric of excuses you've woven, you'll never get rid of the stain." Jodi Picoult |
| Aloneandafraid, Anonymous200320, Freewilled, RTerroni, someone321
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#840
May 18, 2014, 04:24 PM
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((((Patagonia))))
Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2 |
 Patagonia
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#841
May 18, 2014, 04:58 PM
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I feel like crap. Yesterday was my daughters senior prom. I took her in the morning to have her hair done and then went to get a couple of last minute things she needed. Then she informed me that she wanted to go to her best friends at noon so that friend could help her with her makeup and she could help friend with her hair. So I drove kiddo over. I was there for a few minutes but realized that it was not intended that I would stay but rather drop her off. Then at 3 got a call from kiddo because they were ready for photos (friend has a wonderful back yard for the pictures). It was then decided that daughter would stay at the friend's house as friend's boyfriend was making the girls dinner. So again I left and told kiddo to call when they were leaving for the prom and I would meet her there. I got there and got a few more pictures of kiddo and a group of her close friend's. Then I came home. Shortly before the prom was to end she asked if she could spend the night with her friend. I told her that I would really prefer that she came home however, if it is what she really wanted it was her night. She told me that they were go this morning to see the new house boat friend's family bought. I mentioned she could come home last night and I would bring her to friend's house this morning....well she spent the night at friend's house. It is now almost 6pm and got a call from kiddo that she needs to be picked up at friend's house and and taken to the store so she can print pictures from the prom for her memoir project for school... So I spent last night drinking A LOT and emailed T...haven't heard back from T.
I guess with kiddo going off to college I need to realize I am no longer that important
__________________
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| Aloneandafraid, Anonymous32735, growlycat, RTerroni, someone321
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#842
May 18, 2014, 05:03 PM
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Irritable, frustrated, angry, yet tired. I feel manipulated.....and used. Under a microscope. Just a case study. Alone. There must be some reason nobody cares about me! I must be unlovable.
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| Aloneandafraid, AnnaBegins, Anonymous32735, growlycat, RTerroni, someone321
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#843
May 18, 2014, 05:56 PM
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Quote:
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| Aloneandafraid, nottrustin
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#844
May 18, 2014, 06:05 PM
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Had a baccalaureate service this afternoon. The speech was boring but it turned out good
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#845
May 20, 2014, 12:11 PM
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I'm doing pretty well. I'm down to less than 3 weeks of school to go and looking forward to a lazy summer.
Lots of end of the year activities going on. Last night was my son's choir concert which was marvelous. I can't watch a band or choir concert without crying. I'm such a drip! My senior has his last band concert ever next week. Lord, I better take the kleenex. Today is my birthday and the men in my life are using it to its fullest potential to give me a hard time. My husband left me an unbaked box of brownies with birthday candles sitting on top. They were numbers . . . the wrong ones . . . much older than I am . . . . Turkey! My son sent me a text with the happy birthday song, but he changed the words to harrass me for my dinosaur-ish age . . . inside joke. My husband did make up for it though. The Four Seasons changes out its beds every couple of years and he got us one of the ones being replaced for absolutely nothing. Beats the heck out of paying a thousand bucks to replace the old, horribly decrepit mattress we've been sleeping on. It died about a year ago and my back has been paying for it. Can't wait to have a decent mattress under me again. I'm doing really well otherwise. Haven't seen my therapist in over a month a guess and really don't see a need to make an appointment at this point except maybe just to touch base, but I'm not particularly motivated in that direction right now. I'll get around to it eventually. |
| Anonymous32735, Wren_
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#847
May 20, 2014, 07:10 PM
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Happy Birthday, 1914sierra
 _________________________________________ I ate a pint of Ben & Jerry's....  Feeling blah. ...this after being hypomanic, again, all day and night after seeing T yesterday.
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#848
May 20, 2014, 07:46 PM
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Elated! I think my T cracked my lifelong mystery. Now I need to digest it. So grateful for my T.
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#849
May 20, 2014, 08:43 PM
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A little anxious about tomorrow's session because I am not sure how I will be able to say all of the things that I want to say to my Therapist (mainly the transition stuff).
__________________
COVID-19 Survivor- 4/26/2022 |
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