the T that terminated me over the phone after dissociating and having a flashback said she would talk to me on the phone.

i have so many questions that are not answered, but all i do is cry and i dont know if it will just make things worse.

do you think i should talk or just let it go... its over.
she wont see me in person which i think is really cold.

I would definitely talk to her with some pre-planned questions in mind (or better, written down) to hopefully at least get some of your questions answered. I doubt it will bring resolution, but perhaps you will at least have some answers from her.

I think you should go ahead and talk to the T on the phone. Take the opportunity to ask questions (Like Chris said write them down) And tell her how you feel. I don't know if it will give you closure because of how she went about this but It may help clear some things up.

[BlessedRhiannon]

My "wise mind" says you should talk to her...but I know that's easier said than done. Personally, my strongest urge would be to avoid like crazy. The healthier option probably really is to write down some questions and talk to her, though.

[Rzay4]

As hard as it may be I think you should talk to her on the phone. So you can tell her how you've been feeling and what she did was very unprofessional.

[ScrewedUpMe]

I would be tempted to just leave it to be sure that another interaction didn't make things worse. If you do speak to her, make sure you are in the right place to handle anything that may come up. If you're not feeling strong enough, I would leave things to settle a little.

[anilam]

Yeah, talking to her is important for your closure.
However, being as it is I think it might be best for you to wait a while till you're strong enough to go through this. Maybe till you have some support? At least plan stg after the phone call so you are safe.
Talking over phone is much harder then in person. Did she say why phone's the only option?

[sweepy62]

I am so sorry this happened to you, and I am sending you hugs, I am sorry to ask you this, and I understand if you dont answer or rather would pm me, but what kind of t were you seeing when your dissociation scared her? I dissociate in t office because of my past, I dont understand this at all. What should she be afraid of? this is totally unheard of. maybe she has unresolved issues of her own and get back to her own therapy.

Stringcheese... is this T in a solo practice?

My T said the only reason he would terminate with me is if he felt physically threatened. Is it possible that your reaction to the flashback caused you to act in a way that caused your T to feel physically threatened? It might be the reason that she is only willing to talk to you on the phone. I'm not saying this to mean you are responsible...because I think a T should be able to tell difference between flashback and current behavior? Just providing a possible reason for her actions...

If she was in practice with another person, perhaps she would be willing to meet face to face if she had another T in the room with her. Although I think you would get more honest answers on the phone with her alone.

personally I would wait until I had another T set up and I would have prepared questions and I would record the conversation in case I couldn't remember what was said.

[sweepy62]

Originally Posted by Readytostop

Stringcheese... is this T in a solo practice?

My T said the only reason he would terminate with me is if he felt physically threatened. Is it possible that your reaction to the flashback caused you to act in a way that caused your T to feel physically threatened? It might be the reason that she is only willing to talk to you on the phone. I'm not saying this to mean you are responsible...because I think a T should be able to tell difference between flashback and current behavior? Just providing a possible reason for her actions...

If she was in practice with another person, perhaps she would be willing to meet face to face if she had another T in the room with her. Although I think you would get more honest answers on the phone with her alone.

personally I would wait until I had another T set up and I would have prepared questions and I would record the conversation in case I couldn't remember what was said.

I agree with readytostop maybe you need to have someone with you as you speak to her over the phone as you speak to her so that you wont have any misunderstandings or accusations, maybe the flashback scared her, and that is no justification on her part, YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. she should be able to handle situations.

Originally Posted by Readytostop

Stringcheese... is this T in a solo practice?

My T said the only reason he would terminate with me is if he felt physically threatened. Is it possible that your reaction to the flashback caused you to act in a way that caused your T to feel physically threatened? It might be the reason that she is only willing to talk to you on the phone. I'm not saying this to mean you are responsible...because I think a T should be able to tell difference between flashback and current behavior? Just providing a possible reason for her actions...

.

first, T is an MD in solo practice

i dont know how T could feel threatened. i was sitting in my chair and was closed trying to protect myself. i think i moved when she came near me. T said i asked T to stay away a couple times, was confused and ran out.

But, you are right... T's response implies that she was frightened by me... although in all the sessions and months, I have never been threatning, hostile, etc.

when T terminated me, T acted like she was aware it was a "dissociative state" but was not really sure what was going on.

it makes me feel worse, because i am actually a very gentle person. and now i am being treated like a "danger" because of what happened.

Stringcheese... I understand it must be really upsetting... I am sure you are a wonderful person and its very unprofessional to say you treat trauma and then freak out when someone has a flashback...

I personally have been so dissociative I have lost time... and I so hate the feeling of not knowing what i did or was doing even if its only for 15 minutes... my take on this is that you brought up some issues for T that she isn't willing or able to handle..

A professional T would have sought supervision for something they don't know how to handle and then discuss with you if they feel your case is too difficult for them to treat and then help you find a new T who would be better suited... I'm so sorry you are going through all of this...

what i don't understand is T's online profile says she has experience with trauma/ptsd and dissociative disorders (among other things)

is that a lie? dont they learn in school that dissociation and flashbacks are trauma-related?

i spent alot of time trying to find someone and it was wrong.

[Rzay4]

Yeah that is dis concerning.

[ultramar]

I have no desire to defend your therapist, as she could have gone about this in all kinds other ways, which she chose not to do, to your detriment, and I'm so sorry for this.

But as far as she feeling threatened, what occurs to me is that, in such a dissociative state, it's possible not only to not be aware of what one is doing, but not have control over what one is doing? It's possible -and I'm just putting this out there as a possibility- that she recognizes that this wasn't your fault and that it was a flashback and dissociative episode, but that you appeared to be threatening (perhaps she reminded you, at that moment, within the flashback, of someone who hurt you?) and she was afraid that in that state you did not have control over your actions. In other words, she may not blame you at all, but nonetheless was afraid that you were not in the driver's seat at that time, interpreted your behavior/demeanor as threatening, and was afraid you'd act in a way you normally wouldn't, when not in that state. Again, no fault on your part.

I hope you can find some closure in the phone conversation. As others have suggested, I'd really suggest writing down the questions you have, the things you want to say. I suspect that in the moment, as it will be so emotionally charged, it might be hard to remember, focus, etc.

Again, I'm so sorry this has happened, she dealt with this very very poorly.

[feralkittymom]

I feel really torn for you. Normally, I would say closure is always a good thing. But you are understandably fragile right now. And this T behaved in such an unprofessional way that I'm not sure even a phone conversation is appropriate. I could see, maybe, a mediated meeting.

I don't have a problem with her deciding you need a more intensively contained experience;or that she was not able to provide that care; but that should have been a conversation, preferably over a few sessions, culminating in a placement or referral, as necessary. Not what sounded like an impulsive phone call termination. She was not acting in your best interests when she did that. I have no reason to believe that whatever caused her behavior has changed. And I don't know how you could not be wishing for her to apologize and say it wasn't your fault, yet I doubt she will fulfill that wish.

I really think you need support before you engage with her again or ever.

[moonlitsky]

It does sound like she is frightened. That's not your fault, and as therapists we need to experience the fear of the client to understand what happened to them. However, if she doesn't understand that she will (especially when working with Trauma) experience powerful feelings projected into her by the client, then she is likely to identify with them and feel the client is a threat to her - make the feelings of the client her own rather than know she is experiencing something for the client. We call this projective identification - it may be that your therapist really experienced your terror whilst you were dissociating - and thought it was her fear, that you were dangerous. I have heard it so many times and it never ends well for the client who will inevitably end up being blamed. An experienced therapist, who understands counter transference ( what they are feeling that is coming from the client), and has developed the ability to decode it, to use themselves and their feelings whilst with the client, to really understand the client's experience, will not be as likely to turn on their client and terminate when they feel the fear.

I am so sorry this happened to you. You must really hold on that you did nothing wrong. What she has done is very wrong. To terminate in such a sudden way and by phone is cruel. In my experience, when a therapist falls into such a fearful place they lose all empathy. If you are going to talk to her please be sure you are strong enough. I would recommend you tape it for your safety and that you have someone there to support you. Do not expect reparation if she has not got herself out if that place of fear. I think she won't see you face to face because she is frightened of you - that's how powerful it is. That's how afraid you were - but she appears to have fallen into the fear rather than to be able to really use it to help you.

I hope you can find someone who is experienced - and experience isn't about doing an additional course, it's about really being able to be with a client in their agony and terror, to be able to feel what it is like without succumbing to the material we are dealing with. Your therapist doesn't sound like she has the ability to do that. I doubt she has done enough work on herself either to know what it feels like to be so vulnerable in the client's seat.

Be careful in choosing, interview prospective therapists, test them out a little with your questions, be curious about their experience and the work they have done on themselves - a therapist who 'knows' will be happy to answer those questions. If they say they work with Trauma ask what enables them to do that, if they understand and work with the transference/counter transference, enquire about the experience of their supervisor, the support they have for themselves to keep their practice safe - do all you can to be safe next time.

Moon