Couch 65...Where all the fun is!

It's actually the only the second book of this kind that I have been able to finish. Generally, I stop at some point, or "lose" the book, or accidentally spill stuff, etc. I read one before, A Child Called It. But, it did not seem as relevant because the guy went through absolutely HORRENDOUS abuse and at the end, it's all fine and he's fine and he's a great dad. Yeah. What the **** ever.

So, T did the case review with my insurance company and apparently they agreed that I am sufficiently screwed up to warrant them continuing to pay for my therapy. Which is good news and bad news, I guess. Given that I spent nearly all of today's session staring at my coffee mug and not able to speak, even when T asked me directly what I was thinking about (which he rarely does), I can't argue with the assessment.

Well Kinda Congrats, errr not really... uhh.....

I read that book, about the boy called "it", I believe there was a follow up one too??

Hey Mast hope your day was good!

Headed...glad your dentist was able to do it in one shot...I've needed a filling replaced for 2 years and i havent been able to do it...

Glad to see lots of people posting....

Mkac... Love your other thread... I have nothing to share on it but just wanted to let you know

Well done, healed!

I'm glad the insurance company are paying up, cl. If it makes you feel better, last week I suggested to T that he should bring a book to read for my next session, since I'm not saying anything. (That made him laugh out loud.)

Thanks, Lola, and I hope your day goes well, too. I had planned to work from home today, but then I got a txt message notifying me of the delivery of a cutting board I'd ordered (for my book binding corner). It had been delivered to the other side of town, so I had to take two different buses to get it, but I decided to go collect it today anyway, because I might not be able to do it later in the week. For the second time in my life (that I can remember) I took the wrong freaking bus, which I discovered when it had reached the last stop (I was reading. I don't notice much while I'm reading). The end of that line was in the right general direction for where I was going, and by sheer luck I had picked up a bus map when I changed buses, so I was able to find out that instead of taking the wrong bus all the way back to the centre of town I could get off after a couple of stops and walk to a nearish bus stop for the right bus. But when I got off, the sun was shining and the day was so lovely that in the end I walked the entire way - it wasn't far, only about half an hours' walk I think, but I had to meander a bit to get across a couple of major roads. Then I had to take the bus back because the cutting board was too large to carry very far. But I did get a walk, which was probably good for me.

RTS, I am not a fan of going to the dentist. Three years ago I went, for the first time since I was in my early 20s (so over 15 years... ) Since then I've been on their call back list so I have gone once a year. It's expensive and painful. Like life, really.

I should not have extra coffee in the afternoon. I can drink all the black tea in the world without trouble, but one extra cup of coffee and I become homicidal at every idiot in the world. I have been playing around with different cold brewed coffee combinations of coffee beans and methods and so I had to compare the end products

stopdog - I'm sure they deserve it. Sorry you're frustrated and annoyed, though.

Goodnight all.

Thanks. I love these sorts of food chemistry experiments, but I need others to taste them for me.

Afternoon Couch

Since the current topic seems to be the dentist, I'll start there. I go to a sedation dentist. Any major work that I need to have done, I get a sedative beforehand. Smaller work, I get laughing gas. I'm out enough to be awake, but I don't care one bit. Just the way I like it. My dentist is the nicest guy in the world. I found him after I cracked a tooth a few years ago. Hadn't been to a dentist in over 18 yrs before then, but now I go every 6 months. Amazing what a nice dentist can do.

** possible trigger warning for sui talk **

Sorry, not sure when the tw needs to be here and when it doesn't.
My morning went okay. Had an appt with my personal t. I don't think it's ever good to feel like crying every time I think about it, so I'm trying not to. Keeps bringing up that I need to choose to live. Talked about transference yet again. Talked about my anxiety, depression and my sui thoughts being so high as I'm getting more energy and my ED wanting to make a comeback. I'm wanting to disappear from lots of things right now, so he's watching me to make sure I'm not talking about anything permanent. I'm not and won't, but I know he gets worried. Lots of fun stuff this morning. Honestly, there was one fun moment both last Friday and this morning with my t. He danced for me. Even if it was only in his chair on Friday and in the hallway today, how many other Ts have done that? It was funny.

Now I have an appt with my ED t and my dietician on Thursday and another appt with my personal t if needed on Friday. Let's hope that I won't.

Hi everyone.

My day went pretty well. Apparently I'm worth my salt as a nanny because my employers are giving me a raise. I can't imagine I am that good but apparently one of the moms at the kids school asked if there's another one of me. I text T and told her and she told me that there is a lot of good about me that I need to get clearer about..so I guess learning to believe that I'm actually good at what I do will be the topic in therapy tomorrow.

Congratulations Jersey!!!

Well I feel like a real PIA... 2weeks ago I canceled with T2 for no reason. Last week I had to cancel last minute because my H got stuck in traffic (so I still have to pay)... So she said I definitely expect to see you next week...well I had to text her to cancel because tomorrow is my sons actual birthday....so she arranged for me to come in on Wednesday...all of that so I can tell her I'm stopping therapy with her because its too expensive so I'm going through my insurance... She is not in network in any plan but i have no out of network benefits... Although I was sad last week I'm sort of glad it worked out this way... cause I'm sort of weaned off seeing her...

Congrats Jerz.

Dentists...I am in a headlock with mine about a bill that I paid. They have no record...I do (of course). They sent me to collection, and now I am getting nasty letters. Grrrr.

Nuts...I don't like hazelnuts as a rule, I do like homemade vegan nutella though.

Lola...I'm hungry too. Where's Ike? I am on day 4, I've decided to do 10 days, but you rock for getting this far. (Are you doing 3 or 5? I can't remember) Doesn't it feel good to be in control of your body? I love it, but I'm still eyeing the jar of peanut butter. How'd your meetings go?

MKAC - when my son made good friends, his college life changed dramatically.

Stopdog...I would try your coffee concoctions, if I was there, and if I wasn't on a juice fast.

Ok. Just got my "official" diagnosis from a properly qualified pdoc. He confirms the bipolar disorder but has upped it to type 1 and added schizoaffective disorder in for good measure. Still have to ring the govt dept and find out whats happening with my payments. Oh and I have sinusitis.

Love to all. I bet LC is out celebrating her promotion.

I just realized that it may seem like I stalk you, since I almost only write in replies to you Its just that I read everything in here, but for some reason have this strong urge to try and help you! HOpe you don't mind

Can you maybe ask her if she believes you when you talk about things the mother did? More as a general question, instead of specifically the radiator thing. Would you ever consider recording a session? One where you were really scared, or was afraid you were getting triggered? Then you can go back later, when you are calmer and listen to T's response and see if it seems different? It might help.

I was shooting for 5 but 3 looks good

promotion is on the floor the VP has to decide and I am questioning my abilities as I type. I am scared they will say yes and I will be handed something I cant handle... I need confidence manufactured. UGGGG What have I got myself into?

LC - so far you must have been handling things not inadequately or they would not consider promoting you at all.

I really like YT....we talked about my resistance to talking about past...we talked about most of my fears about it...we talked about what I hoped it would accomplish... What he thought it would accomplish....

I have more fears I didnt realize i had....like what if he doesnt believe it happened...what if he doesnt think its a big deal ( cause when i look at it logically as an adult some of its not...but the child inside me feels like it was a very big deal...)...what if the feelings it brings up i cant handle and i lose it mentally...

We also talked about difference between talking about it as a reporter and talking about it as i felt about it as a child....i said i didnt know how to do other than reporter and he said that was his job all i had to do is be willing to talk about it.... That felt nice....

He sounds good! [and sweet.]

He apologized for talking so much cause he talked a little about theory when i asked if talking about past would help with different things.... I said i didnt mind it...he just smiledand said yeah it feels safer.... I raised an eyebrow and then we both laughed....

Hes got me pegged already....

I think YT sounds really great.

Ready- YT sounds wonderful and that things are working out well with him so far. Reminds me a bit of my t. Loves his theories. LOL

Jersey- Great news on the raise at work!

Lola- good luck with the promotion! They wouldn't give you anything they didn't think you could handle. You can do this!

Healed- how are you feeling after your trip to the dentist?

Good Night to everyone else I missed and Good Day to those getting their day started.

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