Couch 65...Where all the fun is!

Just finished up grocery shopping at Walmart.... Dont usually shop here but its only place open late and i could get stuff for my son's birthday tomorrow at the same time....

Its really late 3 hrs since i left T but my H hasnt even checked to see if i was okay. So much for mattering

RTS - I am not certain it leads to a conclusion you don't matter. I wouldn't think to check on my partner or I would be asleep and not know she had been gone for that long. And she does matter to me.

Tooth wise I feel fine!! I have a nasty cold that really has me feeling yucky. It's funny whenever I told anybody I was having a root canal they would wince and say those hurt... This really didn't! A few uncomfortable spots here and there... I room that Motrin Dow the throbbing and went to bed. Now, I am up dealing with my asthma acting up because of the cold. Thanks for asking about me!

hey all....no sleep for wiki.
This lower back pain has gone from bad to excruciating. Then I realized I started a new med last week, when I looked it up...bingo, lower back pain. It's a chemo med called Methotrexate...I take it orally. Not going to be taking it any more. I am sitting here with my ice vest on my butt...lol.

Drinking my hot water and lemon, actually getting used to it and not missing my coffee too much.

Lola...congrats. You can do it girl, hell, you did a 3 day fast. You can do anything now!

(((wiki))) sorry to hear about the pain. I hope the ice does something. Can you take a painkiller or would that be against the reboot rules? Take care of yourself.

I have the grandmother of all T hangovers. (That looks like a word with a misplaced space - thangovers ) I would like to go to bed and sleep for a couple of hours, but I have to prepare a wokshop for tomorrow. No rest for the truly wicked, clearly.

((( Mast ))) - I hope you're able to at least get SOME rest.

((( wiki ))) - Ouch. I hope the ice vest is working!

((( RTS ))) - Hope your son's birthday goes well. I'm sorry you feel so uncared for by your H.

Haven't caught up on the couch today....and didn't finish my taxes...*sigh*....After my assignment, I was on my way to print out my taxes when I got a call from my manager asking if I would work at the psych ward at 2 PM. It was 11:45 AM and I would have had to leave around 1 PM.....so, I rushed to the restaurant to meet my grandmother and family for lunch. I had the salad and had to rush out just as my meal was served. Boxed it up and headed to work. When I got home around 7:30 PM, I made 3 lbs. chocolate pretzels - some to give to my mom for her bday, some to give to the aunts/uncle/cousin - 2 who are leaving early this morning - and some for everyone to eat. Spent a little time with my daughter and then came home to have dinner (my leftovers from lunch) at around 11 PM.

Up early this morning to take my aunt and cousin to the airport in Philly and then have to run to work until this afternoon. My plan is to print out my taxes this afternoon.

I am still completely terrified about going to group T. I hoped that by now I would have settled down and that the horrifying feelings would have dissipated. Apparently not. I still can't stand the thought of being in that room.

Good morning couch.

It's therapy day which means my emotions are all over the place which means so is my stomach. Who needs juicing when it's therapy day. hahaha. Bleh blah

ready happy b-day to your boy

Trigger warning for the sharing of my precious miracle's arrival:

11 years ago today... (it was election year that day to).. I went to work ....came home cooked dinner for my 6 year old and my H... went to vote...came home got my son ready for bed... and sat down at the computer...

My H asked whats wrong... I said oh nothing my back just hurts and he said ummm..I've only heard that sound out of your mouth one other time... after realizing that the pain came back every 2 minutes.. I called dr and they said oh come in to the office we're still in...we'll see if it is labor and we're sure we can get it stopped... My precious miracle was due to be born December 18th.

Called my sister to tell her I was dropping off my older son...through some stuff in a bag to go to hospital...shaved my legs quickly and realized I was bleeding... and by now I was in full labor and panting... called dr back they said go straight to hospital and called sister back and said meet me at the emergency room to get my son no time to drop off..

They rushed me right up to maternity.. by that time even my socks were full of blood...and I thought my baby was gone but his heartbeat was still strong... with no meds or time to take apart the bed or to do any preping... the most precious 5lb 2 oz baby was born 20 minutes after getting to hospital... about 1 1/2 hours after my H suggested I might be in labor... (I had a plecental abruption)

He spend 10 days in the NICU and had lots of OT and PT as an infant, toddler, preschooler... but today he is a happy and health 11 year old.

My son is truely a miracle because it took years trying to concieve him, lot of hormone shots and 2X weekly blood test and ultrasounds to maintain the pregnancy in the beginning and then he had no apgar score at birth since he needed to be resuscitated... He is one strong amazing kid and I am one grateful mother!

Ready...that brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing.

Wow, Ready! How terrifying and amazing and wonderful. Give him a big hug from me!

Thanks for sharing rts!! Happy birthday to your boy!

I'm tired. I feel sick. I went back and re-read emails I wrote to my T this week and I cannot believe the **** I tell him. sigh. I dread walking into that office and seeing him today.

do you ever start reading a book that you know might be good for you and could give you some understanding and insight to what is going on in that crazy mind?? I have this book I started reading and it is so me in a lot of ways that it is hard to read but I want to . grrrrr it is kind of hysterical because ill read it for about 5 minutes and put it down shaking my head clear rest for a bit and pick it up again .

Granite... I imagine I would need to take lots of breaks too...

when I was talking to YT ....about talking about the past...he said he wants to hear the younger me version of the past and not the adult me.... Maybe the emails are from the younger you...and reading them now is like the adult you... And that is what makes it feel like that?

( when ever I write talking about past I first write telling everytime...cant decide if I mean "telling" on someone or "telling" stories like lying)

I didnt get a chance to talk about him taking his profile down off the website and if he's leaving soon and my fear he will abandon me in the middle of this process

Oh I just noticed yesterday that my pants felt looser...so I weighed myself and i've lost 8lbs in 2 months...not even trying...

Just noticing that since I talked to T2 about the eating as coping for anxiety that it doesnt really work anymore.... So i dont eat nearly as much as i used to

(dont think its too great i have lots and lots and lots of more weight to lose)

RTS: Therapy is quite the diet plan, isn't it?

I've recent had an unexplained 10lb weight loss but I'm chalking it up to therapy and being sick.

Ready...so grateful for your son, happy birthday to him. And 8 pounds is something to be proud of.

Granite - I start to read things that I can't all the time. I have a stack of "started" books that should be good for me. Sending you hugs for T today, hope it goes well.

MKAC - I am sure your T doesn't think badly about those emails (or you). I hope it goes well for you today also.

Jerz - Happy T day to you too!

Mast - I hope you find quiet time...I love the new term thangover, I think we should keep it.

MUE - Just because a woman is beautiful, doesn't mean her life is perfect or better than yours. It's just a shell.

All these T appts make me sentimental, I wish I had a T to go to. (NOT)

I do idolize all of you for sticking with it though, seriously.
You are some bad, brave, chicksters.

Wiki...your not so bad yourself! Your one of the bravest people I know.

MKAC: Good luck today at T. Your doing amazing work.

Granite, I don't just start books and stop -- those books just DISAPPEAR and I never see them again. Honestly, I have been looking for three of them for weeks now and the fact I cannot find them anywhere is really bugging me because I have no memory of moving them. H found a fourth book that I had forgotten even reading, stuffed under his dresser behind some of his magazines that he stacks there. I had no memory of the book at all, until he pulled it out, so obviously didn't remember putting it there.

So is part of you hiding the books from another part of you? Internal struggle manifesting itself ?

im off to distract .I have T at 3 and my nail girl coming at 1 so got some time to waste .I have so much on my mind overwhelming me it is insane .I would want to talk to T about all of it but wont and then she is probably going to start this session with saying she wont be here again next week because Monday is a holiday and so she is going to take Tuesday off also. and that will be it for me . all this stuff that gets in my head is piling up more and more confusing things and my life .and going there at this point is just adding to the pile making it more painful. I don't know if these feelings are there or if they are there because of T. but it doesn't help to go there and pile more on at this point I wouldn't even know what to say .it is a huge overwhelming trap and I feel if I start to say anything it will just pile more because again I probably wont see her again next week .it has already been two weeks sence I have seen her last