Telling T you need to terminate due to money.

I can understand how you feel. It's really uncomfortable.

I think what she did was okay. I would ahve been uncomfortable, but I would have understood - although I might ahve doubled-checked*. A lot of people take advantage of situations - people who don't think they would. Or who don't even think taking an expensive vacation is taking advantage of things because they sooo need a vacation. So she wanted to be very clear about how this worked. I really do understand how hard it is. I imagine she might have found another way to say things more easily. But I really don't hear anything except a business person being clear about the new contract, which is often uncomfortable. Even the checkign in every few months, although perhaps that is more iffy. But it's not uncommon for someone to get a good deal like this, and then forget that's it's not the norm, and start spending money. I feel her care for you, but totally understand the last session didn't feel very caring.

*Maybe I would say something like: I hear you being very clear, and I hear you saying you trust me, but you say it so often I'm starting to wonder if you really do trust me.

and maybe I'd add: I want you to know I'm very appreciative, and I understand that X, y, z would be taking advantage. I won't do that to you.

Yes, I would definitely be bothered, and confused. It seems to me like she's saying two different things at the same time. If she trusts you to let her know if things change, trusts that you won't take advantage of her, why go on and on, and then say she'd check in to see if things had changed. Frankly, I'd be p****d off. And the every other week thing bugs me, too. You've been going every week for nearly 2 months! Is she suddenly unaware of that, or that she told you before that weekly worked better for you?

If she really wants things to be clear, she should be professional and put it in writing, and have a "contract" that you could review and decide whether or not to sign it and accept it. That would be a "business-like" approach. Hope things work out well for you, whatever you decide.

(((Ready)))
yea, it would bug me a lot. Like you, I am a self sufficient woman, and it would be extremely hard for me to accept any sort of "charity". I do understand that she had to make the boundaries around it clear. I am not sure she was trying to shame you, but none the less, you felt shamed. Perhaps just stick with YT for a while. You won't have that money issue hanging over your head. Even in the best of circumstances you would always be thinking "did she do this because I don't pay full price?" I know that's what I would think. I don't think that you would be able to "give yourself a break" and accept the financial help (even though you totally deserve it).

Sorry you were hurt. That sux.

Okay so all of you helped me put this into perspective... it is a business relationship but a very personal one... At first I thought this had to do with just accepting financial help but then I remembered that I accepted a sliding scale fee from xT for a number of months when my H stated going to therapy too. So it wasn't about accepting the help in my mind...

But I really think it was this:
I have a really really difficult time trusting...especially women so this difference came as quite a blow because I only knew her as the distant T and for one session she was so great and then it was gone...

But this...below...is the real cruxt of the matter... this wasn't my H lost his job or my H left me... this is a long term issue and has been since I started therapy and it makes me have to have months of breaks and stuff so I decided to do something to make it be more consistant....
So I could kick myself for changing from my original plan of just saying I'm leaving and not letting myself get all sucked into the "I care about you" thing ...

I sent T a card and thanked her for everything and for our discussion we had before she made the offer of reduced fees. We discussed what growth she thought she saw and I discussed what I had learned from our time together... and she even talked about what she hoped I would keep working on etc... But I told her after the last session, I decided I couldn't accept the offer. And since I had paid her the reduced fee for the session, I sent her a check for the remaining amount of the session fee. I thought it would be over...

She called but I never answer her calls and she even said I know you don't like the phone but its too much to text... She just said that we had an agreement and that she is going to void out the check... That she will leave the door open if I should change my mind...

It made me angry that she didn't just deposit the check.

I think you could grow from this experience, as she said so when she first made the agreement. Its an uncomfortable experience, but can facilitate growth. I think you should give the arrangement a chance. Talk it out instead of running away.

Well, she sets the fees, and she did set a lower fee for a short amount of time. So logically it would not make sense to increase the fee for one session. Logically. Ts are weird. You see it as rejecting the whole offer, which makes sense to normal humans! My guess is that she is not going to "allow" you to act out your anger and reject the offer by reverting to the original pay structure - that's how she sees it. You could conceivably take the "extra" money and use it to pay the copay for extra sessions to discuss this with her. I think how you feel towards her offer is similar to how you feel towards your husband - that is, she is experiencing countertransference and feeling how your husband feels sometimes when you and he get in a tight spot. She might not be experienced enough to realize that's what is going on? That's why she backtracked and then was goading you to tell her YOUR feelings? I hate that we have to "help" our ts help us, but that's why I found myself a supercute t, so I don't mind so much.

I'm sad to hear you decided to terminate things with her. I really think this could have been worked out but now you'll never know. She did seem to be offering a short-term solution but maybe it wasn't, maybe she was prepared to work within that pay structure for as long as it took, maybe it was her way of expressing hope that some day things will financially get better for you. She obviously does care for you and she does value you and she does want to help, and she doesn't want you starting over with someone new when you could stay with her. Seems like you're losing a lot over avoiding an uncomfortable conversation, is it worth it?

While I do think your T didn't handle that second session very well, and was very likely putting her own stuff in the room, I have to say I have *more* respect for her for having voided the check. She did make a promise, and she is sticking to her word. I'm sorry it makes you so angry -- but would it really have helped you if she had gone back on her word, and taken the money... in any way other than proving to you that she was untrustworthy?

I know you have a hard time telling people what you are feeling, and that this is why you're in therapy... so might it not make sense to go back to therapy (with this T) for just one session, to tell her how you felt? (or on the phone, but like you, I hate the phone, so I get why this wouldn't be preferable.) I know it is far easier said than done. But if this is really something you want to change about yourself, it might be worth considering trying it out, instead of resigning yourself to a certain way of handling conflict.

Hugs to you. Well done. You sound very clear and decisive about what's right for you, and that's what matters. Wishing you well in your new therapy.

You guys are really challenging me... i will think about making appt to talk about things with T2 and to end in a more positive way

I think you're being brave, regardless of which way you choose to move forward. It's hard to move away from the familiar, but it's also hard to stand up for yourself and what you know you need.

Either way, I think you will grow from this.

And you seem to be listening, thinking about it, and then making your own decisions. and continuing to think about it, and then making your own decision. Those are really good skills to have.

I am one of those okay with what she said, actually sort of like her (as much as I know ) and don't find the two sessions inconsistent - although also understand how uncomfortable it is, how the two sessions felt very different, and that it might not be how I envision it. I also suspect she could have done a better job of it. But more important than going back to her, or not, is checking in with yourself, and what you feel, and being able to make decisions. If you make a decision you regret, you have the skills to then consider that, and learn more. That's very cool.

I texted T2 and told her that I didnt handle this well and I'd like to have another session if possible to talk about it.

I dont think it will work....because its a short term solution to a long term problem.....but I can tell her how I felt (if i dont throw up first from anxiety) and listen to what she has to say.

I'm smiling at your authenticity and tenacity and ability to consider and reconsider and listen to yourself and stretch yourself in thoughtful ways. : )

Wow, Ready! You are brave, amazing and making so much progress!

Damn, girl! Way to go.

Requesting positive vibes, prayers and/or pocket riders for my session Tuesday night at 8pm east......

I definitely want to talk about my feeling about the first and second sessions

Good luck tomorrow night! I recently had to have a similar conversation with my therapist. It sucked, but it ended up being positive and grown-enhancing for me. I hope that it is for you, too, however things go and whatever you eventually decide to do!

Sending you my support and prayers, and I'll gladly be a pocket rider

You got it.

2 hour countdown... Its been a really emotional day. It started out horribly...so hurt and humiliated... Then I had to go to a viewing and then I helped at a funeral luncheon which was all very draining... So im really feeling very little emotional energy for this session...

Then T2 sent a text that said "if you need to cancel due to the weather let me know but I will be here either way" ....well its cold and rainy but thats it....its not supposed to be cold enough to freeze so dos she want me to cancel? Is she wanting to cancel?

I just said weather not bad enough for me to cancel....if she feels it is just send me a text.

Looking forward to how your session goes. I've been clock-watching for you now that it's 8pm.

Thinking of you!

Soooooo????? How did it go?