[rainbow8]

Something happened at my last session that is a little bit of a breakthrough for me, I think. T and I know that I'm in my head a lot, and it's hard for me to calm down, especially at the beginning of my sessions. Usually breathing with my eyes closed for a while helps me. When we do SE, I slow down too.

But a couple of weeks ago I emailed T that I push her away in the sessions, and I don't want to do that. Last week I had so much spinning around in my head to tell her, as usual, and I started doing what I often do, even after breathing. I started talking without stopping and without listening to her. I realized what I was doing and told her I didn't want to do that. I was okay for a while but then, when she was saying something, I guess I stopped her when I said "I'm going to have some apple now". She said "you're doing it again". I had stopped her, and I wasn't listening.

I didn't get the apple. Instead I looked at her and let her talk. I really looked at her, and listened intently. She was looking at me intently too. I felt a weird sense of connection that I don't usually feel. That feeling kept me from having to email her this week. I keep thinking about that moment. I said "I'm listening" and she said "I know you are."

It's not that I don't listen to her other times, or that I don't have eye contact with her, but I don't slow down enough to "take it in". I've discussed this problem before, about not listening, but last week I understood what I do, so much better. I have so much to say, and I'm also so anxious, that I'm thinking ahead, and I'm not mindful of my T or of other people.

But T's job is to look at me intently. When I sometimes catch her looking at the clock, it's strange, because she's usually just looking at me! I'm not always looking at her, though. I'm not usually listening so much to her, either. The moment I did, though, was like a breakthrough. So I wonder: do other people feel that connection in RL? Are you supposed to, or is it a "therapy" phenomenon because T's are trained to notice you? I don't think I could stand to feel or do that in RL; it's too powerful and strong. Or, is it because I don't look at and listen to others, and I'm not used to it so it seems like something odd to me?

I have a lot of feelings about looking at T and hearing her. It scares me! I am probably that way with others, too. It's scary to look at people and have an intimate conversation. Or, it seems intimate if I'm looking at them!

I think this is about me, and my inhibitions. If I could, at least some of the time,slow down, really look at people, and really listen, the way I did with my T, I might have better relationships. I don't think I look and listen to my H, even. On the other hand, other than my T, I can think of only a few people who look and listen to me in that way, either. I feel close to the ones who do, though. I feel like they really care about me.

So, I think this is really important as a way to connect with someone, to stay connected when they aren't around (like with T), and to have better connections in RL.

It might seem trivial to others, but to me it seems like something I just learned, and have to experiment with.

[CantExplain]

Wonderful news!

[JaneC]

Sounds like a real breakthrough! Thats great.

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I've discussed this problem before, about not listening, but last week I understood what I do, so much better. I have so much to say, and I'm also so anxious, that I'm thinking ahead, and I'm not mindful of my T or of other people.

This I get, I think I spend far too much time planning what I might say next that I don't actually always HEAR what someone is saying to me. For me I think it is anxiety about making sure that I don't look stupid, that I have something worthwhile to add to a conversation, definately a place of work for me. also thinking about it now, I recognise that I just "drift away" and don't actually hear what is being said, I think its anxiety again, although not sure.

Thankyou for posting this.....really worth thinking about!

[scorpiosis37]

I think it's great that you're learning how important and powerful it is to truly listen, pay attention, and connect with others.

To answer your question: yes, I do have these kinds of connections in RL. They are certainly not exclusive to therapy! In fact, they're much better in RL because they can be truly reciprocal. Personally, I cannot get past the "acquaintance" level with someone unless we have this kind of relationship. For me, it's the only way to have a satisfying relationship. I do not feel "seen," understood, or cared about unless my friends and family listen to me, look at me, pay attention to me, and connect with me. On my end, I'm genuinely interested in and care about what they have to say as well. I WANT to listen and pay attention to them. I cannot imagine having close relationships without that kind of deep level of connection. It's precisely that kind of connection that makes me feel emotionally fulfilled.

When people in my life aren't interested in or capable of having that kind of a connection with me, I tend to distance myself from them. When it's a close family member (like my dad), I have to put up some barriers to protect myself because it can be very hurtful to want to connect in that way, and to have them not listen to me. Like with my dad, I love him, but he doesn't understand how to put his attention on me or really "hear" what I have to say. He interrupts me, he assumes he already knows what I'm going to say (but he's wrong), or he simply starts talking about what is on his mind, like what he has to say is more important. It makes me feel like he isn't interested in getting to know who I am, and that really hurts. It means that, in order to protect myself, I have to keep a certain emotional distance between us. He probably doesn't mean for it to come across as disinterest in me or a sense of self-importance, but that is how it feels for me.

Back to your situation, I think it's really interesting in that it might help explain why you're so interested in your Ts and why you aren't similarly interested in the people in your RL. You're missing out on the kind of relationships that make life worthwhile. If your T is the only person who puts that kind of attention on you, then you're missing that from other people. Of course, the trick is that, in order to get that kind of attention, you have to give it in return. And i don't mean that you have to "put up with" giving that attention-- it should be something that you want to give because you genuinely want to hear what the other person has to say and you care about what is important to them (regardless of whether it's important to you). T can only provide 1/2 of that kind of relationship. It's the people in your RL who can give you all of that. Now that you see how powerful it can be to truly listen to others and connect on this deeper level, perhaps you will feel more compelled t do that in your RL relationships? It's a really wonderful kind of relationship to have.

[stopdog]

I have that sort of connection with some people in real life. I do not have it with the therapist.

I am not sure it is possible for everybody to have that connection in or outside T. I don't think I can have it. I look at other people a lot when they talk, and really listen to them and say very little myself, but that in itself does not create a connection, because there is nobody who finds it meaningful that I listen to them in the way I find it meaningful that T listens to me.

But that's fine, for me - I don't think that kind of connection is a necessary component of my life. I rather think it can foster dependence on others, which is negative.

Once again, I come to the conclusion that we are all different and nobody can tell anybody else what is important for them. Which is one reason why it is better to listen than to talk, or else we'll never find out what is important to other people.

[anilam]

Yes, I "get" it and it's not only with ppl close to me. It happens to me on daily basis and maybe because of that it's not that special for me. I never thought about it much before your post Rainbow except when I was angry at ppl "ignoring" me when I was telling them stg important...
Come to think of it does happen more often with ppl I genuinly care about and some ppl are "better" at it than others. Maybe it's a skill and it could be learnt with practise?

[Lauliza]

Yes this is a social skill that some people are better at than others. I have had this connection in T as well as outside. Outside is more of a struggle, but it does happen. I have some very close friends and family members and I'm very lucky. But there are times when I've had trouble sustaining attention and if the other person senses that, a connection isn't made. I think it happens with everyone sometimes, but there are some people that seem to bond easily with lots of people. I have trouble reading these people because I feel a stringer bond with them than they feel with me. I don't think its insincerity on their part, but they are people who are just very good at making others feel heard. I think a lot of therapists fall into this category.

[unaluna]

This is so interesting! Because - well, this time a year had passed since i saw my friend because of my eye thing - but i had noticed, over the past several years that i had been seeing t, and seeing her a couple three times a year or so, that each time we got together was noticeably better. Like more equal. I was less self-conscious, less nervous, more present, really engaging with her. I mean, like even feeling less awkward getting in and out of her car, or about sitting in the movie theater. Everything is fraught, isnt it?? Ive known het and her husband for over 30 years, so ive been attributing the change in feeeeeeeeling to whats happening in t.

[stopdog]

[QUOTE=Mastodon; Which is one reason why it is better to listen than to talk, or else we'll never find out what is important to other people.[/QUOTE]

I think it is a balance. Somedays I have more to say, other days my friends and colleagues do.
But in therapy, in my opinion, the client does get to be the one who talks more.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by amee200

Yes this is a social skill that some people are better at than others. I have had this connection in T as well as outside. Outside is more of a struggle, but it does happen. I have some very close friends and family members and I'm very lucky. But there are times when I've had trouble sustaining attention and if the other person senses that, a connection isn't made. I think it happens with everyone sometimes, but there are some people that seem to bond easily with lots of people. I have trouble reading these people because I feel a stringer bond with them than they feel with me. I don't think its insincerity on their part, but they are people who are just very good at making others feel heard. I think a lot of therapists fall into this category.

Really interesting. I "bond" more easily with strangers than family. Or coworkers, unfortunately.

[sweepy62]

its not trivial, its great news, a great connection, glad you felt that. Keep up the good work rainbow. You made me want a piece of apple now lol

[Lauliza]

Originally Posted by hankster

Really interesting. I "bond" more easily with strangers than family. Or coworkers, unfortunately.

I've had that experience too. Sometimes I feel like I've bonded really closely with a stranger but can't seem to do the same with certain family members or co workers.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by sweepy62

its not trivial, its great news, a great connection, glad you felt that. Keep up the good work rainbow. You made me want a piece of apple now lol

Thanks, sweepy. It's gotta be honey crisp apples, though. I've got one now. Let's all share it. Yum!

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Wonderful news!

thank you!

Originally Posted by JaneC

Sounds like a real breakthrough! Thats great.

This I get, I think I spend far too much time planning what I might say next that I don't actually always HEAR what someone is saying to me. For me I think it is anxiety about making sure that I don't look stupid, that I have something worthwhile to add to a conversation, definately a place of work for me. also thinking about it now, I recognise that I just "drift away" and don't actually hear what is being said, I think its anxiety again, although not sure.

Thankyou for posting this.....really worth thinking about!

It's partly or mostly anxiety for me too. It's hard for me to slow down and be mindful. I practice mindfulness in yoga and DBT, so maybe it's starting to sink in--or at least making me aware of how UN mindful I am. If you want to work on this, let me know and we can help each other.

Originally Posted by scorpiosis37

I think it's great that you're learning how important and powerful it is to truly listen, pay attention, and connect with others.

To answer your question: yes, I do have these kinds of connections in RL. They are certainly not exclusive to therapy! In fact, they're much better in RL because they can be truly reciprocal. Personally, I cannot get past the "acquaintance" level with someone unless we have this kind of relationship. For me, it's the only way to have a satisfying relationship. I do not feel "seen," understood, or cared about unless my friends and family listen to me, look at me, pay attention to me, and connect with me. On my end, I'm genuinely interested in and care about what they have to say as well. I WANT to listen and pay attention to them. I cannot imagine having close relationships without that kind of deep level of connection. It's precisely that kind of connection that makes me feel emotionally fulfilled.

When people in my life aren't interested in or capable of having that kind of a connection with me, I tend to distance myself from them. When it's a close family member (like my dad), I have to put up some barriers to protect myself because it can be very hurtful to want to connect in that way, and to have them not listen to me. Like with my dad, I love him, but he doesn't understand how to put his attention on me or really "hear" what I have to say. He interrupts me, he assumes he already knows what I'm going to say (but he's wrong), or he simply starts talking about what is on his mind, like what he has to say is more important. It makes me feel like he isn't interested in getting to know who I am, and that really hurts. It means that, in order to protect myself, I have to keep a certain emotional distance between us. He probably doesn't mean for it to come across as disinterest in me or a sense of self-importance, but that is how it feels for me.

Back to your situation, I think it's really interesting in that it might help explain why you're so interested in your Ts and why you aren't similarly interested in the people in your RL. You're missing out on the kind of relationships that make life worthwhile. If your T is the only person who puts that kind of attention on you, then you're missing that from other people. Of course, the trick is that, in order to get that kind of attention, you have to give it in return. And i don't mean that you have to "put up with" giving that attention-- it should be something that you want to give because you genuinely want to hear what the other person has to say and you care about what is important to them (regardless of whether it's important to you). T can only provide 1/2 of that kind of relationship. It's the people in your RL who can give you all of that. Now that you see how powerful it can be to truly listen to others and connect on this deeper level, perhaps you will feel more compelled t do that in your RL relationships? It's a really wonderful kind of relationship to have.

Thanks, Scorpio. Yes, I want to have those kinds of relationships/connection in RL but it's scary for me, and sometimes, like your Dad, others don't want it or can't do it. I do have that with some people, and those are my close friends. I feel cared about when I'm with them. Maybe 1 or 2 people. I have to try in all my relationships to stop, listen, and really hear the other person. It's hard to change that, but as I see with my T, it's so worth it!!

Originally Posted by stopdog

I have that sort of connection with some people in real life. I do not have it with the therapist.

I'm glad you have it with some people, sd.

Originally Posted by Mastodon

I am not sure it is possible for everybody to have that connection in or outside T. I don't think I can have it. I look at other people a lot when they talk, and really listen to them and say very little myself, but that in itself does not create a connection, because there is nobody who finds it meaningful that I listen to them in the way I find it meaningful that T listens to me.

But that's fine, for me - I don't think that kind of connection is a necessary component of my life. I rather think it can foster dependence on others, which is negative.

Once again, I come to the conclusion that we are all different and nobody can tell anybody else what is important for them. Which is one reason why it is better to listen than to talk, or else we'll never find out what is important to other people.

Thank you. Yes, we're all different but we all want to be heard, I think.

Originally Posted by anilam

Yes, I "get" it and it's not only with ppl close to me. It happens to me on daily basis and maybe because of that it's not that special for me. I never thought about it much before your post Rainbow except when I was angry at ppl "ignoring" me when I was telling them stg important...
Come to think of it does happen more often with ppl I genuinly care about and some ppl are "better" at it than others. Maybe it's a skill and it could be learnt with practise?

I think it's a skill that can be learned. I'm going to ask my T if she learned it for therapy, or was she like that always? I think Ts have to have that skill or they can't be very good Ts! I wonder if she's like that with people in her RL.

Originally Posted by amee200

Yes this is a social skill that some people are better at than others. I have had this connection in T as well as outside. Outside is more of a struggle, but it does happen. I have some very close friends and family members and I'm very lucky. But there are times when I've had trouble sustaining attention and if the other person senses that, a connection isn't made. I think it happens with everyone sometimes, but there are some people that seem to bond easily with lots of people. I have trouble reading these people because I feel a stringer bond with them than they feel with me. I don't think its insincerity on their part, but they are people who are just very good at making others feel heard. I think a lot of therapists fall into this category.

I agree that Ts are good at making others feel heard, and that some people are good at it, and some aren't. It does make a strong connection, though, and that's what I want with people, so I'm going to try.

Originally Posted by hankster

This is so interesting! Because - well, this time a year had passed since i saw my friend because of my eye thing - but i had noticed, over the past several years that i had been seeing t, and seeing her a couple three times a year or so, that each time we got together was noticeably better. Like more equal. I was less self-conscious, less nervous, more present, really engaging with her. I mean, like even feeling less awkward getting in and out of her car, or about sitting in the movie theater. Everything is fraught, isnt it?? Ive known het and her husband for over 30 years, so ive been attributing the change in feeeeeeeeling to whats happening in t.

That's great, hankster!

Originally Posted by stopdog

I think it is a balance. Somedays I have more to say, other days my friends and colleagues do.
But in therapy, in my opinion, the client does get to be the one who talks more.

Yes, I usually want to talk for the whole session! With a T who does SE, I can't though. I like it when I can stop, look, and listen to my T. That sounds like stop, drop, and roll, doesn't it!

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Wonderful news!

Originally Posted by JaneC

Sounds like a real breakthrough! Thats great.



This I get, I think I spend far too much time planning what I might say next that I don't actually always HEAR what someone is saying to me. For me I think it is anxiety about making sure that I don't look stupid, that I have something worthwhile to add to a conversation, definately a place of work for me. also thinking about it now, I recognise that I just "drift away" and don't actually hear what is being said, I think its anxiety again, although not sure.

Thankyou for posting this.....really worth thinking about!

Originally Posted by scorpiosis37

I think it's great that you're learning how important and powerful it is to truly listen, pay attention, and connect with others.

To answer your question: yes, I do have these kinds of connections in RL. They are certainly not exclusive to therapy! In fact, they're much better in RL because they can be truly reciprocal. Personally, I cannot get past the "acquaintance" level with someone unless we have this kind of relationship. For me, it's the only way to have a satisfying relationship. I do not feel "seen," understood, or cared about unless my friends and family listen to me, look at me, pay attention to me, and connect with me. On my end, I'm genuinely interested in and care about what they have to say as well. I WANT to listen and pay attention to them. I cannot imagine having close relationships without that kind of deep level of connection. It's precisely that kind of connection that makes me feel emotionally fulfilled.

When people in my life aren't interested in or capable of having that kind of a connection with me, I tend to distance myself from them. When it's a close family member (like my dad), I have to put up some barriers to protect myself because it can be very hurtful to want to connect in that way, and to have them not listen to me. Like with my dad, I love him, but he doesn't understand how to put his attention on me or really "hear" what I have to say. He interrupts me, he assumes he already knows what I'm going to say (but he's wrong), or he simply starts talking about what is on his mind, like what he has to say is more important. It makes me feel like he isn't interested in getting to know who I am, and that really hurts. It means that, in order to protect myself, I have to keep a certain emotional distance between us. He probably doesn't mean for it to come across as disinterest in me or a sense of self-importance, but that is how it feels for me.

Back to your situation, I think it's really interesting in that it might help explain why you're so interested in your Ts and why you aren't similarly interested in the people in your RL. You're missing out on the kind of relationships that make life worthwhile. If your T is the only person who puts that kind of attention on you, then you're missing that from other people. Of course, the trick is that, in order to get that kind of attention, you have to give it in return. And i don't mean that you have to "put up with" giving that attention-- it should be something that you want to give because you genuinely want to hear what the other person has to say and you care about what is important to them (regardless of whether it's important to you). T can only provide 1/2 of that kind of relationship. It's the people in your RL who can give you all of that. Now that you see how powerful it can be to truly listen to others and connect on this deeper level, perhaps you will feel more compelled t do that in your RL relationships? It's a really wonderful kind of relationship to have.

Originally Posted by stopdog

I have that sort of connection with some people in real life. I do not have it with the therapist.

Originally Posted by Mastodon

I am not sure it is possible for everybody to have that connection in or outside T. I don't think I can have it. I look at other people a lot when they talk, and really listen to them and say very little myself, but that in itself does not create a connection, because there is nobody who finds it meaningful that I listen to them in the way I find it meaningful that T listens to me.

But that's fine, for me - I don't think that kind of connection is a necessary component of my life. I rather think it can foster dependence on others, which is negative.

Once again, I come to the conclusion that we are all different and nobody can tell anybody else what is important for them. Which is one reason why it is better to listen than to talk, or else we'll never find out what is important to other people.

Originally Posted by anilam

Yes, I "get" it and it's not only with ppl close to me. It happens to me on daily basis and maybe because of that it's not that special for me. I never thought about it much before your post Rainbow except when I was angry at ppl "ignoring" me when I was telling them stg important...
Come to think of it does happen more often with ppl I genuinly care about and some ppl are "better" at it than others. Maybe it's a skill and it could be learnt with practise?

Originally Posted by amee200

Yes this is a social skill that some people are better at than others. I have had this connection in T as well as outside. Outside is more of a struggle, but it does happen. I have some very close friends and family members and I'm very lucky. But there are times when I've had trouble sustaining attention and if the other person senses that, a connection isn't made. I think it happens with everyone sometimes, but there are some people that seem to bond easily with lots of people. I have trouble reading these people because I feel a stringer bond with them than they feel with me. I don't think its insincerity on their part, but they are people who are just very good at making others feel heard. I think a lot of therapists fall into this category.

Originally Posted by hankster

This is so interesting! Because - well, this time a year had passed since i saw my friend because of my eye thing - but i had noticed, over the past several years that i had been seeing t, and seeing her a couple three times a year or so, that each time we got together was noticeably better. Like more equal. I was less self-conscious, less nervous, more present, really engaging with her. I mean, like even feeling less awkward getting in and out of her car, or about sitting in the movie theater. Everything is fraught, isnt it?? Ive known het and her husband for over 30 years, so ive been attributing the change in feeeeeeeeling to whats happening in t.

Originally Posted by stopdog

I think it is a balance. Somedays I have more to say, other days my friends and colleagues do.
But in therapy, in my opinion, the client does get to be the one who talks more.

Some more thoughts on this subject: I think connecting with my T in that way--really mindfully and intensely, is worth more than months or even years of sessions where I've talked and talked. What does that say about me?

Also: I connect that way in writing sometimes. I just, like 10 minutes ago, emailed someone who I guessed may be someone I went to elementary school with, and she was. We keep emailing back and forth now--and it's great!

[Chopin99]

Rainbow!!

It's been forever since I've talked to you, but seeing this post delights me! You are getting it! Sometimes it takes awhile (it did for me), but you're getting it and doing it!

It is certainly possible to have these connections with others in RL. Two factors are in play: one, that Scorpiosis touched on, you must be willing to open yourself up to the connection, two, the other person must be willing to open him/herself up to the connection. Then it can occur.

With your T, you were both open to it. With my own T, when we've both been willing to be open, tremendous healing has occurred for me and T has shown extraordinary honesty about herself and how she handles situations that give me a healthy example to live by.

The connection...it is worth it.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by Chopin99

Rainbow!!

It's been forever since I've talked to you, but seeing this post delights me! You are getting it! Sometimes it takes awhile (it did for me), but you're getting it and doing it!

It is certainly possible to have these connections with others in RL. Two factors are in play: one, that Scorpiosis touched on, you must be willing to open yourself up to the connection, two, the other person must be willing to open him/herself up to the connection. Then it can occur.

With your T, you were both open to it. With my own T, when we've both been willing to be open, tremendous healing has occurred for me and T has shown extraordinary honesty about herself and how she handles situations that give me a healthy example to live by.

The connection...it is worth it.

Chopin, so it's really you!!! I've been thinking about you and been meaning to get in touch! I'm so glad you checked in here. I've had that deep connection with T before, but not the same way as I did last week. T didn't discuss it with me back then the way she did now, either. I don't think I was ready to hear it then, but I am now. Yes! The connection is so, so worth it, and I hope I can transfer that to RL too.

[skysblue]

Hmmmm, this is interesting because I think I do a similar thing in session. I think IRL I can be very attentive to people but in session I think I'm so much into my thoughts that I barely hear what my T is saying. My mind is racing or my feelings are overwhelming. Thanks for this. I think I'll talk to my T about it next session

[brillskep]

This doesn't seem trivial at all. I think it's quite an accomplishment. Congratulations to you both!

I agree it's a therapist's job to notice you. At the same time, I have actually experienced that type in connection in daily life too, though probably less than in therapy. It's possible, but of course it takes two people to do that ... and therapy focuses on that kind of thing. Many people may not really see or hear each other without even noticing it, so it sounds like a big step even to just be aware.

On the other hand, it was real, what happened between you and your t. If she hadn't really felt the connection too - felt it not just provided it as a service - you would have known. That's part of seeing and hearing her.

Originally Posted by rainbow8

Something happened at my last session that is a little bit of a breakthrough for me, I think. T and I know that I'm in my head a lot, and it's hard for me to calm down, especially at the beginning of my sessions. Usually breathing with my eyes closed for a while helps me. When we do SE, I slow down too.

But a couple of weeks ago I emailed T that I push her away in the sessions, and I don't want to do that. Last week I had so much spinning around in my head to tell her, as usual, and I started doing what I often do, even after breathing. I started talking without stopping and without listening to her. I realized what I was doing and told her I didn't want to do that. I was okay for a while but then, when she was saying something, I guess I stopped her when I said "I'm going to have some apple now". She said "you're doing it again". I had stopped her, and I wasn't listening.

I didn't get the apple. Instead I looked at her and let her talk. I really looked at her, and listened intently. She was looking at me intently too. I felt a weird sense of connection that I don't usually feel. That feeling kept me from having to email her this week. I keep thinking about that moment. I said "I'm listening" and she said "I know you are."

It's not that I don't listen to her other times, or that I don't have eye contact with her, but I don't slow down enough to "take it in". I've discussed this problem before, about not listening, but last week I understood what I do, so much better. I have so much to say, and I'm also so anxious, that I'm thinking ahead, and I'm not mindful of my T or of other people.

But T's job is to look at me intently. When I sometimes catch her looking at the clock, it's strange, because she's usually just looking at me! I'm not always looking at her, though. I'm not usually listening so much to her, either. The moment I did, though, was like a breakthrough. So I wonder: do other people feel that connection in RL? Are you supposed to, or is it a "therapy" phenomenon because T's are trained to notice you? I don't think I could stand to feel or do that in RL; it's too powerful and strong. Or, is it because I don't look at and listen to others, and I'm not used to it so it seems like something odd to me?

I have a lot of feelings about looking at T and hearing her. It scares me! I am probably that way with others, too. It's scary to look at people and have an intimate conversation. Or, it seems intimate if I'm looking at them!

I think this is about me, and my inhibitions. If I could, at least some of the time,slow down, really look at people, and really listen, the way I did with my T, I might have better relationships. I don't think I look and listen to my H, even. On the other hand, other than my T, I can think of only a few people who look and listen to me in that way, either. I feel close to the ones who do, though. I feel like they really care about me.

So, I think this is really important as a way to connect with someone, to stay connected when they aren't around (like with T), and to have better connections in RL.

It might seem trivial to others, but to me it seems like something I just learned, and have to experiment with.

[Nightlight]

That sort of connection is really important to me. I've never had it from my family and so I had to emotionally shut them out to protect myself from being hurt even more. I also find that I don't any sort of desire to persue any relationships that don't have an element of that connection. I'm also a bit lost as to how to find it in the real world, but it is really important to me. I need to be seen and accepted and to be able to offer it in return.