[sweepy62]

For those keeping up with my posts, you already know why I did this.

Anyway I called left her a voicemail, sayin thank you for everythin, wont be able to see you on wednesday , and I quit therapy, thank you for all you have done. Wish you the best.

15 min later she called and told me , that this is and will be a huge change im going through, and that we need to process it, she said Its not in my best interest to make impulsive decisions like this without first seeing her.

she told me in not stable right now, and to keep my appt. I told her , im having nitemares about my csa, hallucinations, intrusive thoughts, and the only emotion I had control of, which was holding back tears, is nowGONE!!!!!

She's right. You need to keep seeing her until she leaves. You need the support, the transition, the closure. Don't make a difficult situation worse by sabotaging yourself right now. You are scared and frustrated and just want to run, but running isn't going to fix that for you. Let her help.

[Leah123]

Huge hugs. It's okay to cry. It wasn't once, but it's better now. You will be okay. I've been there too, I know it's like an end-of-the-world, painful feeling, but... as much as I hate to say it... I think what you're doing right now is very healthy, the crying, and feeling out of control makes perfect sense. I hope you'll let her help you, though I know why and how hard it is, but a little help from her is still better than none I think, and she can help get you synced up with a new copilot Sweepy.

[rainbow8]

I'm sorry you're going through this, Sweepy. Please go and talk to your T about all of your feelings about what's happening. I know how hard it will be but you really need to see her and get help with her leaving and your going to a different T. Do you want pocket riders? If so, I'm in.

[sweepy62]

Originally Posted by Leah123

Huge hugs. It's okay to cry. It wasn't once, but it's better now. You will be okay. I've been there too, I know it's like an end-of-the-world, painful feeling, but... as much as I hate to say it... I think what you're doing right now is very healthy, the crying, and feeling out of control makes perfect sense. I hope you'll let her help you, though I know why and how hard it is, but a little help from her is still better than none I think, and she can help get you synced up with a new copilot Sweepy.

Leah you brought tears to my eyes thank you for remembering my co pilot metaphor.

[sweepy62]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I'm sorry you're going through this, Sweepy. Please go and talk to your T about all of your feelings about what's happening. I know how hard it will be but you really need to see her and get help with her leaving and your going to a different T. Do you want pocket riders? If so, I'm in.

Thank you rainbow, I always need your support.

[sweepy62]

Originally Posted by 1914sierra

She's right. You need to keep seeing her until she leaves. You need the support, the transition, the closure. Don't make a difficult situation worse by sabotaging yourself right now. You are scared and frustrated and just want to run, but running isn't going to fix that for you. Let her help.

You are so right, im angry and scared, but I have to build myself up to do this alone. Where nobody will be ever to hurt me.

Originally Posted by sweepy62

You are so right, im angry and scared, but I have to build myself up to do this alone. Where nobody will be ever to hurt me.

There is no such thing as living in a world immune to being hurt by other people. What we have to learn is how to react to those occasions when we do feel hurt, how to rebound from those hurts along the way.

Your T isn't trying to hurt you. She's making a professional move, and that move is affecting your life profoundly. You are hurt. That's normal. That's okay. But she didn't do the hurting here. She didn't set out to do you harm. On the contrary, she is trying to help you transition through this with as much support as she can.

You don't have to do this alone. You can use your T as a resource for this transition, as a resource for hopefully finding another therapist to work with you. You can use a new therapist to help you process through this loss and move back into working on those intense issues you are in the middle of right now. You have several weeks left. If you quit therapy because you choose to do it alone, that's your prerogative, but most of us need help and support along they way, particularly when life throws us those curve balls.

[sweepy62]

1914 I know she didnt set out to hurt me, I know she cares, I dont blame her at all. But this will be the third transition consecutive, im full of doubts, each one leaves me weak, I build trust, to be let down again, to build trust, to be let down again.

Logically I know I deserve to continue the journey with a new t, is this new t going to expect open arms open trust and openess from me ? She is in for a rude awakening.

That is okay. It is completely understandable and I suspect the new T will completely understand why you are needing time and reassurance before that trust and openness will come. Just stay with your T right now until she leaves. Let her help you right now.

[Auntie2014]

I do not know your whole story but from what I am reading here I would like to add my 2 cents worth. I understand that you are going to need a new T due to a change in her life situation not yours. I agree with what the others are saying about you going to your next appointment. I hope you do.

I can also tell you that it gets real lonely when you build up a wall around yourself to keep from getting hurt. Don't try to punish yourself or your T by not taking advantage of what T is offering you before she leaves. Who knows, new T might even be better than old T. But you will not know unless you try and T is offering to help make the change with you. Please give it a chance.

[DelusionsDaily]

Sweepy, I'm so sorry you are having to endure transitioning to a new T again. I know these endings with T's hurt you immensely. However, going it alone probably isn't the best option. I mean with the nightmares and hallucinations, you should probably have someone to help you process all this. I know it is going to be hard and you are going to be skeptical of a new T and that's ok...but keep working at it. Don't give up because someone walks away for whatever the reason. You deserve to get and feel better...now go get it! It's tough when we grow attached to someone and they leave the picture but we have to keep going for ourselves not someone else. Keep growing and progressing in therapy despite this situation. I am not saying it will be easy but you can make it worthwhile.

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[unaluna]

You are not your illness or hurt. If you had cancer or diabetes, and your doctor left, you wouldnt stop getting treatment, would you? The constant in your life is you. You take care of you. You let these people help you do that. I was a lot younger when i started therapy than you are now, in my early 20's, so i feel like my first 3 ts didnt even "count". But i was used to going it alone. Please dont let other peoples actions define your progress.

Sweepy
To lose a t once through a move is devastating but twice is unimaginable. My heart goes out to you
I understand the need to get away so you won't get hurt but how would you feel if you didn't go back and do at least a closing session with t, you would forever have a feeling there was no closure. I would encourage you to work this through but I know you night not be able to right now and either way is ok because it's your decision

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[sweepy62]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

Sweepy
To lose a t once through a move is devastating but twice is unimaginable. My heart goes out to you
I understand the need to get away so you won't get hurt but how would you feel if you didn't go back and do at least a closing session with t, you would forever have a feeling there was no closure. I would encourage you to work this through but I know you night not be able to right now and either way is ok because it's your decision

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I have 4 sessions left with her, yes and it is unimaginable to have to do it twice consecutively for about the same amount of time with them about a year and 4 months, except this t has had such an impact with me as it was such a deeper connection, its been incredible.

[sweepy62]

Originally Posted by MELISSSAD81

Sweepy, I'm so sorry you are having to endure transitioning to a new T again. I know these endings with T's hurt you immensely. However, going it alone probably isn't the best option. I mean with the nightmares and hallucinations, you should probably have someone to help you process all this. I know it is going to be hard and you are going to be skeptical of a new T and that's ok...but keep working at it. Don't give up because someone walks away for whatever the reason. You deserve to get and feel better...now go get it! It's tough when we grow attached to someone and they leave the picture but we have to keep going for ourselves not someone else. Keep growing and progressing in therapy despite this situation. I am not saying it will be easy but you can make it worthwhile.

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thanks melissa, its funny how i tell you, not to give up and be strong, but I cant be strong and take such advice.

[DelusionsDaily]

Sweepy...don't worry about not automatically following your own advice. Sometimes a reminder is good not only for the person receiving but for the person giving it. You will get through this. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. Just take care of yourself.

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