The Couch - Welcome to the Psychedelic 70's

AAA - having more support might not be a bad thing. Is there a different md or ed therapist you could see where you don't know the office staff?

P not = NP

There's no exponential process here. It's just a fuzzy match problem.

Grrrrr... I am so stinking frustrated with T. Last appointment with him was December 31st, I go usually once a week, sometimes twice a week. So, I guess the 3rd he was out of the office because I was not scheduled for that day.. So next scheduled appointment was last Friday. He texts me that morning, said he had an unexpected medical appointment and he needs to cancel. Sure, whatever.. I ask if he could get me in any earlier than my next appointment (today) he said he would work on it. Didn't hear anything, so I emailed him Monday night, he got back to me Tuesday saying he could see me Wednesday at 6pm.. I had something going on, so I declined and just said I will see him Friday.

Well he texts me at about 3:20pm, mind you my appointment is at 4pm today and said it just dawned on him that I probably think I have an appointment today, but I actually don't as he is out of this office doing work. Uh ya, I thought I had a effing appointment, nobody told me otherwise.. I have a standing appointment at 4pm every Friday unless notified. However, I didn't see him last week, so it was overlooked. He offered me an appointment on Monday and I took it. I am just so frustrated.. I don't do well with last minute schedule changes, cancellations, etc. He apologized for the oversight, and for the fact that his scheduled has been so booked lately..

as I have said before he cancels a lot and it goes in spurts, and it so infuriating, but I am used to it I guess. I know life goes on, I will see him on Monday. Just needed to vent.

A friend of mine just turned 1 Billion Seconds old (I still have a little more than a year before I hit it).

I don't want to alarm you, but it sounds to me like he is very sick. Maybe even dying.

I don't think that is the case.. He cancelled today for something he does often, works as a forensic t for probation/jail. He medical appointment last week was either for his son who has a chronic illness or him for his back as he has issues with it.

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ok I am not exaggerating we get to my in laws and no food in the fridge at all .nothing but eggs. and her relatives went out to eat without us or MIL I knew it would be like tis .I guess no dinner at al tonight .it is so strange .I don't want to be here

I was just wondering how you came to this conclusion based on what Healed wrote. I don't get this at all.

That's terrible. You get along with your MIL, right? Is she really old and being mistreated?

Wow....I never logged on yesterday. Probably because I was so pi ss ed and filled with other emotions that my thoughts were going a mile a minute. I explain myself better in writing than talking so I sent t an email last night. Then I called her home office number and left a message asking her to check her email as soon as she could because I really needed input. She emailed back about 15 minutes later. Not with much, but just a couple suggestions on how to ground myself and how to distract myself. She asked me to email her again when I felt like I was calm enough to think straight so she would know I was okay. It was scary last night. I never experienced that before. I hope I never have to suffer through that again. I don't know what you would call what I experienced last night...maybe a panic attack? I really don't know.

Had my eye appointment this morning. I don't remember it taking so long last time. It's not that I had to sit in the waiting room a long time or anything like that...just a million and one different things they did. It was probably about an hour and a half ordeal. So I was later to work than I thought I would be. And the kids got to laugh at me when I walked in with the wonderful fake sunglasses thingies shoved behind my glasses lenses.

I could see the road and stoplights and stuff to drive to work afterwards, but I couldn't see my speedometer with the sunglasses thing on. So I had no clue how fast I was going. So I just kept with the flow of traffic. As long as everyone else was going the right speed, I figured I was safe.

I pay about $7.50 a month for vision benefits now and I had nothing to pay at my appointment today. Insurance covered the entire exam with no copay. And insurance is paying the entire cost of my new glasses. I never realized how much I should have opted for vision benefits in the past. Sure I was limited as to the frames I could choose from for insurance to fully cover them...but I still had about 35 to choose from. They said my new glasses will be ready in about 7-10 business days and will call me when they are ready for pick- up. I'll be able to see better then.

CE, sorry about the kitty.

Granite, try to relax and enjoy NY.

To everyone else, I hope you have a good night, or day.

I was reminded of your T's chemo brain. How is she, by the way?

No recurrence of cancer. The forgetfulness remains. She said it worries her. I think it's normal aging combined with disorganization and ADD.

I missed you not checking in!

2 hugs for me at the bar tonight, I think that's a record for me, and I needed them.

Plus a few other things that I won't mention here

"Finishing a good book is like leaving a good friend."
- William Feather

I've read a whole lot of books lately (nine in less than two months) but I can hardly remember the last time I felt emotional when finishing one of them. I don't read fiction that often and I was really skeptical about this book (The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky) when I first started reading it. It's generally not the kind of book I enjoy, but this one really grew on me. The main character grew on me. And now it's like I'm almost a little bit afraid of starting a new book just in case it won't be as good as this one.

Do you know what I mean?

I love books.

Yes, Mastodon, like that. Only I feel thankful at the same time. Thankful that I got to read it.

I finished reading The Freedom Maze by Delia Sherman yesterday. It's a time travel story, about a girl in Louisiana in 1960 who is taken 100 years back in time to her ancestors' plantation. It started out somewhat simple but got fairly complex (for a young adult book) as the book progressed. I recommend it very much, and did suffer somewhat from post book depression afterwards. I like Delia Sherman's books generally, she's not all that well-known I think but her books are well worth reading.

Happy Weekend everyone....
I know the weekends are awful for some of you, and super for others.
Sending peace and love vibes out to you all (even you SD).

Saw one of those STUPID fb sign posts that said something like "repost if your dad was super amazing, hardworking, honest and all that bs"... I want to go into photoshop and make one that says "Repost if your dad was a drunken belligerent A-Hole that screwed you up for life" Think it will fly?
So...yea, the peace and love crap isn't really what I'm feeling up in here!
Headache (again), and GI issues (again). Grrrr. I take this Methotrexate crap once a week and it's freakin poison. They use if for chemo. It's killing me. No matter how well I eat, unless I get off these poisonous drugs I will never be well. Sometimes I'd rather lay down and give up the ghost then continue my quest for health.

Ok...dark scary wiki. Sorry. Blah.

Oh Wiki. Hugs.

Granite....If you see this, I'm thinking of you. Hope the visit improves.

(((Jerz)))
You working today?

Hey Wiki...nah...no work today. Gonna run some errands today and try not to vomit from anxiety.

Healed...I see you giving hugs out. Hugs to you for what T did.

Just wanted to share these lyrics. They helped me this A.M. hopefully they will mean something to someone else.

"Lullaby"

Well, I know the feeling
Of finding yourself stuck out on the ledge
And there ain't no healing
From cutting yourself with the jagged edge
I'm telling you that, it's never that bad
Take it from someone who's been where you're at
Laid out on the floor
And you're not sure you can take this anymore

So just give it one more try to a lullaby
And turn this up on the radio
If you can hear me now
I'm reaching out
To let you know that you're not alone
And if you can't tell, I'm scared as hell
'Cause I can't get you on the telephone
So just close your eyes
Oh, honey here comes a lullaby
Your very own lullaby

Please let me take you
Out of the darkness and into the light
'Cause I have faith in you
That you're gonna make it through another night
Stop thinking about the easy way out
There's no need to go and blow the candle out
Because you're not done
You're far too young
And the best is yet to come

So just give it one more try to a lullaby
And turn this up on the radio
If you can hear me now
I'm reaching out
To let you know that you're not alone
And if you can't tell, I'm scared as hell
'Cause I can't get you on the telephone
So just close your eyes
Oh, honey here comes a lullaby
Your very own lullaby

Well, everybody's hit the bottom
Everybody's been forgotten
When everybody's tired of being alone
Yeah, everybody's been abandoned
And left a little empty handed
So if you're out there barely hanging on...

Just give it one more try to a lullaby
And turn this up on the radio
If you can hear me now
I'm reaching out
To let you know that you're not alone
And if you can't tell, I'm scared as hell
'Cause I can't get you on the telephone
So just close your eyes
Oh, honey here comes a lullaby
Your very own lullaby
Oh, honey here comes a lullaby
Your very own lullaby