"Your not goi g to top yourself are you?" This means Sui for those that don't know.
At first I was disgusted but later on I realised how funny it was, of course at the time I wasn't able to get angry with her or see the funny side.

What is the most insensitive thing your t has said?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[tealBumblebee]

My T isn't insensitive at all. I think the most insensitive thing she's said (which wasn't insensitive at all) was at the end of a session when I had completely zoned out and stopped listening to or looking at her and she snapped me from my thoughts with a "*talktalktalk*...yeah...I think you're pretty much done anyway."

[sweepy62]

With my 1 t, I use to ask her like every 3 sessions if she liked me as a client, and then she said " IAM NOT GOING DOWN THAT ROAD WITH YOU AGAIN" of course she had reasurred me before that she had cared for me very much.

[stopdog]

I find it works best for me to tell the woman just not to talk.

[Lauliza]

My pdoc (who I also use for therapy) has been insensitive, but that's part of his personality. He is kind and sensitive, but is very direct and puts his foot in his mouth sometimes.

Once when I had been seeing him for about a year after my marital problems began I was talking about something (I can't remember specifically what now) and was admittedly becoming redundant. He got visibly aggravated and said "Fine, we're just going in circles here. What refills do you need?". My feelings were hurt and I didn't address it with him but did tell the female t I was seeing about it. She thought it was really rude and was going to say something to him, but then realized it should be me to speak up. Since I only go once a month, I was over it by the time I went back and still more insecure than I am now so I didn't say anything. We have a more open relationship now and I would definitely speak up if he was that flippant again.

Oh, and when I talked about getting a lawyer for divorce instead of a mediator he said, "It's stupid to use a lawyer! They only make it worse, use a mediator". I corrected him on that one. I explained I understood his point but for me it was not stupid as she was working pro bono and would help us both. He apologized and listened to me after that.

He does tend to think he is right about most things, but is respectful if you speak up and disagree and gladly considers other viewpoints. It works for me but some other patients have trouble with him sometimes.

[Leah123]

Two come right to mind. When referring to the legacy of child abuse, my therapist, in a moment of stunning insensitivity told me that it was like my father was in bed with me when I had sex with my husband. She had misunderstood my prior comments and that was a huge gaffe. That was the closest I've come to termination. She eventually apologized, that breach took us a long time to work through.

The second runner up was her saying "I am tired of YOU YOU YOU," by which she says she meant tired of my accusatory statements blaming "HER HER HER" for therapy going badly. Worst case, that was a hell of a Freudian slip, best case, it was just a really poor way of expressing herself. We talked through that one too.

I hate ruptures, ha, but, they do heal, and we're doing well. For every one insensitive thing, she's surely said 100 helpful ones.

[A Red Panda]

My T was trying to joke and said that if I worked at his job and had that many days off, that I would have been on probation. He obviously forgot at that moment how much stress I feel at taking time off work (for three different health reasons!) and I was really hurt by the implication that I shouldn't be taking all that time off. I told him about it the next week and he apologized - he had been trying to joke (which I knew) but it was more based around the fact that their sick policy had recently changed.

[peaches100]

Earlier in my therapy, when I was having a hard time understanding te boundaries, I said in a phone message, "I love you, and I don't understand why you can't love me." She responded, "If I can't help you, I will need to find somebody else who can." (No actual reply to what I'd asked.)

Another time, I asked her if it was OK for me to feel attached to her. She replied, "If it helps you to connect with you, then it's OK. Otherwise, it is contraindicated." She also once said, "It's OK as long as you don't anticipate receiving the same in return."

Since then, she claims she has changed her views on that. But I still get mixed messages from her.

[Aloneandafraid]

Originally Posted by peaches100

Earlier in my therapy, when I was having a hard time understanding te boundaries, I said in a phone message, "I love you, and I don't understand why you can't love me." She responded, "If I can't help you, I will need to find somebody else who can." (No actual reply to what I'd asked.)

Another time, I asked her if it was OK for me to feel attached to her. She replied, "If it helps you to connect with you, then it's OK. Otherwise, it is contraindicated." She also once said, "It's OK as long as you don't anticipate receiving the same in return."

Since then, she claims she has changed her views on that. But I still get mixed messages from her.

I think our T's went to the same school!

[brillskep]

Does she stop talking when you tell her?

Originally Posted by stopdog

I find it works best for me to tell the woman just not to talk.

[unlockingsanity]

It wasn't my therapist, but someone else connected to my care said to me (the first time I ever met him, btw) "Are you using X-person as an excuse not to get on with your life?".

I thought it was harsh since this person didn't know me at all. It's one thing to say that to someone who you know and understand their life story. It's another thing to say that to someone who is reaching out for help for the first time.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by brillskep

Does she stop talking when you tell her?

Yes. There are times I know she will muck it up or not get the point, so I start out by saying "will you not talk so I can say something?" And she will agree. Sometimes she asks if she can talk after I am done, but it is better for me, I have found, if I tell her no.

[Ambra]

"it seems you really don't want to be a pain in the neck to others and do great effort to make everyone happy but yourself, but you can't make all them like you. People don't love you as a favour, it comes naturally. And you don't have to be kind here with me. I'm not doing you a favour and you don't have to protect me" (earlier in therapy).
It is not insensitive at all actually, but at the time I took it as "people don't necessarily have to like you"(which is true, thank God). Now I see what she meant. This is the only thing I can recall, if I really have to think of one.

[Canyon]

While in the hospital as an adolescent (a very extended stay) there was a social worker that I had come to care about very much that was down-sized out of her job there.
I went into the Pdoc's office in tears and devastated by losing this support. The Dr. told me "this is her crisis, not yours. She is the one who is losing her job. Don't go about making crisis' for yourself where none exists."

That totally pissed me off at the time but later I realized that he was teaching me something. I was totally wrapped up in how her leaving was going to effect me and not thinking about how it must be for her.

He and his totally straight forward approach probably helped me more than anyone i had ever worked with. I learned that I really don't like it when someone just does the "oh, poor poor thing" routine with me. I like to know what they are really thinking and feeling.

[growlithing]

My "substitute" T (she was a group leader in my program and when my actual T was absent, she covered for her) and I had a very good, friendly connection. I don't want to say it was a good therapeutic relationship though because we'd laugh and share jokes all the time. That's not to say that we never sat down and had serious talks that were constructive and helpful. She was EXTREMELY helpful when I was super distraught over my relationship with my real T and she helped me reframe some thoughts with that along with telling my T that she needs to straight up tell me why she's doing what she is.

I felt the need to defend her because I don't think she is incompetent despite this comment she made making her sound really bad. I had been joking around with her during one of the groups. We had been laughing and playing and at the end of group, she had a momentary lapse and wasn't in therapy mode. She was holding this giant plastic candy cane and jokingly said to me "you need to behave or I'm gonna take you out back and beat the **** out of you with this candy cane". I have PTSD and I was physically abused. The second she said that she immediately went "oh my god I shouldn't have said that. I'm so so so sorry". She then took me aside and talked to me for a while to apologize over and over and talk to me about how I felt about it.

So it was an extremely stupid thing to say, but everyone makes mistakes and she took total responsibility. It was triggering, but we worked through it.

[someone321]

Possible TRIGGER

"You have never been raped because rape would have taken place if you had been physically forced and you have never fought or defended yourself, and it doesn't matter that you were only few years old, even babies can defend themselves by crying but you didn't cry."

Maybe it was not very insensitive but I took it as playing down the importance of my experiences or maybe even blaming me for not doing anything...

[Canyon]

Someone, that is VERY insensitive for them to say that! Sorry you had to deal with it.

[Canyon]

Once when my pdoc was referencing my past csa he said "if I haul off and slap you across the face and it hurts you right now, that is my fault for hurting you. If that slap in the face still hurts 20 years from now, that is your fault and is on you."

I didn't like that so much.

He told me not to come back and I haven't seen him since.

[someone321]

Originally Posted by Canyon

Someone, that is VERY insensitive for them to say that! Sorry you had to deal with it.

Thank you... I was/am not sure if it was insensitive or if he said that because this is actually what the law says in the country in which I now live and do therapy...

[someone321]

Originally Posted by Canyon

Once when my pdoc was referencing my past csa he said "if I haul off and slap you across the face and it hurts you right now, that is my fault for hurting you. If that slap in the face still hurts 20 years from now, that is your fault and is on you."

I didn't like that so much.

Oh, that had to be painful I also wouldn't like that even if I know that it might be true (in my case of course - I don't mean that in your case it's also true!)...

[junkDNA]

my T is never insensitive but sometimes i interpret him to be that way but we always hash it out and i realize that im perceiving it wrong.

a former T started texting on her phone once in a session. i got up and walked out. she said "Oh, are we done?" i hated her.

[healed84]

Originally Posted by someone321

Possible TRIGGER

"You have never been raped because rape would have taken place if you had been physically forced and you have never fought or defended yourself, and it doesn't matter that you were only few years old, even babies can defend themselves by crying but you didn't cry."

Maybe it was not very insensitive but I took it as playing down the importance of my experiences or maybe even blaming me for not doing anything...

Not an appropriate response IMO.. Sorry your T said that to you!

Originally Posted by Canyon

Once when my pdoc was referencing my past csa he said "if I haul off and slap you across the face and it hurts you right now, that is my fault for hurting you. If that slap in the face still hurts 20 years from now, that is your fault and is on you."

I didn't like that so much.

This is not cool either..

She was never insensitive to anything I had to say, even when I was being down right mean and annoying.

[Raging Quiet]

I think I've bored everyone with mine already;

I've been called selfish, codependant, that I 'looked fine' when I was underweight with an ED, that my loyalties were wrong, that I'm melodramatic, that I'm frustrating her, I only felt Sui because my parents are/were, selfish and she went on holiday and let me know a day before my session. She talked about her neighbours baby when I found out my h was infertile. I don't want to seem ungrateful, she's been really great sometimes to.