[melania]

Does your therapist tell you about his/her feelings for you?
What does he/she tell you?

She always told me every session about her feelings for me, especially when I was in distress.

Mine tells me I am a very lovely and intelligent (for my own good) woman. I value his opinions over anyone else's, which is sad. A family member can tell me the same thing, but I only really believe it when he's saying it. I don't know why...

“I’m good at loving books. I’m good at loving soft bed sheets. I’m good at loving coffees and teas. I am good at loving things that can’t love me back, that don’t have the power to leave. And maybe, that’s why I love them.”

[melania]

Originally Posted by Goingtogetthere

She always told me every session about her feelings for me, especially when I was in distress.

What does she tell you? For example?

[Mactastic]

Never. It'd be nice to hear but I don't need any countertransference confusing things.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I747 using Tapatalk

My relationship was for a reparative parenting experience. She woul tell me she loved me as she held me. She would tell me several times when I was in distress — the inner child was hating herself — and I didn't want anyone to love me, like me, or acknowledge my existence.

[melania]

My therapist made chaos in my head.

I asked him- Would you like to be kissed by me?
He said- I think you are a good kisser. [it's not yes and it's not no]
When I started to kiss him, he said- I don't want you to kiss me.
After that I told him- So you don't want to be kissed by me.
He said- I didn't say so. I said I don't want to cross my boundaries.
I asked why.
He said- I don't want to hurt you, it will destroy therapy. We coudn't control ourselves.
I asked- we? Did you mean- me?
He said- Yes, you too.
I asked- So you too?
He didn't answered.

I asked him- Have you ever imagined that you are having sex with me?
He said- I can't answer, I will cross the line if I tell you.
I said- Please tell me that you don't want me in your bed.
He said- I can't tell you nothing about it.

I just can't understand it all. Sometimes it sounds like he wants me but maybe it's just my illusions.
I asked him so may times to tell me that he doesn't want me but he doesn't say it. Is it normal?
I think he must tell me the true. I'm afraid of illusions.

Please don't say he is a bad therapist and I must leave him, I want to know what's going on with us. I just can't understand him.
I think that we must talk openly to each other.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by melania

My therapist made chaos in my head.

I asked him- Would you like to be kissed by me?
He said- I think you are a good kisser. [it's not yes and it's not no]
When I started to kiss him, he said- I don't want you to kiss me.
After that I told him- So you don't want to be kissed by me.
He said- I didn't say so. I said I don't want to cross my boundaries.
I asked why.
He said- I don't want to hurt you, it will destroy therapy. We coudn't control ourselves.
I asked- we? Did you mean- me?
He said- Yes, you too.
I asked- So you too?
He didn't answered.

I asked him- Have you ever imagined that you are having sex with me?
He said- I can't answer, I will cross the line if I tell you.
I said- Please tell me that you don't want me in your bed.
He said- I can't tell you nothing about it.

I just can't understand it all. Sometimes it sounds like he wants me but maybe it's just my illusions.
I asked him so may times to tell me that he doesn't want me but he doesn't say it. Is it normal?
I think he must tell me the true. I'm afraid of illusions.

Please don't say he is a bad therapist and I must leave him, I want to know what's going on with us. I just can't understand him.
I think that we must talk openly to each other.

I think you need to see an outside therapist about this. They will help you understand more.

[Favorite Jeans]

Originally Posted by melania

My therapist made chaos in my head.

I asked him- Would you like to be kissed by me?
He said- I think you are a good kisser. [it's not yes and it's not no]
When I started to kiss him, he said- I don't want you to kiss me.
After that I told him- So you don't want to be kissed by me.
He said- I didn't say so. I said I don't want to cross my boundaries.
I asked why.
He said- I don't want to hurt you, it will destroy therapy. We coudn't control ourselves.
I asked- we? Did you mean- me?
He said- Yes, you too.
I asked- So you too?
He didn't answered.

I asked him- Have you ever imagined that you are having sex with me?
He said- I can't answer, I will cross the line if I tell you.
I said- Please tell me that you don't want me in your bed.
He said- I can't tell you nothing about it.

I just can't understand it all. Sometimes it sounds like he wants me but maybe it's just my illusions.
I asked him so may times to tell me that he doesn't want me but he doesn't say it. Is it normal?
I think he must tell me the true. I'm afraid of illusions.

Please don't say he is a bad therapist and I must leave him, I want to know what's going on with us. I just can't understand him.
I think that we must talk openly to each other.

Your therapist sounds like big trouble. It sounds like you're playing a very dangerous game with someone who doesn't have the right skills or an adequately strong sense of professional ethics.

Re your last paragraph: You talk openly with him. But he should be very judicious about what he shares with you. It isn't his job to share his feelings with you. It sounds like you want him to tell you he fantasizes about sex with you too. That would be massively inappropriate.

Your relationship with him has just about ceased to be a safe and therapeutic one for you. Of course I get the sweet agony of being attracted to and infatuated with someone and I also get the intensity of transference toward one's T. But you should think hard about the consequences of having a sexual relationship with your T. Read other people's stories about this. Many women (and no doubt some men too) have been seriously hurt by this kind of thing.

Just because the idea is exciting and you can't stop thinking about it doesn't make it a good or smart idea.

[stopdog]

I seriously doubt either has any feelings about me at all. I doubt either one thinks about me other than the appointment time I pay for.

[Yearning0723]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I seriously doubt either has any feelings about me at all. I doubt either one thinks about me other than the appointment time I pay for.

Seconded re. my T. Her boundaries. Doesn't mean she's a bad T.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by Yearning0723

Seconded re. my T. Her boundaries. Doesn't mean she's a bad T.

I would run miles away from any therapist I thought had feelings or thoughts about me.
It is one of the few things I think the woman does well.

[willowbrook]

My Pdoc has paid me a compliment on my figure at a certain weight range (he specifically used the terms 'nice' and 'attractive'), and he has told me he thinks I'm a mature and intelligent woman. Both compliments were delivered matter of fact in a neutral, yet empathic tone, with no undercurrents of anything untoward. Having said that, in session the focus is on me and how I'm feeling, as it should be. If my Pdoc ever does speak about his own feelings, not necessarily towards me, then it's usually to illustrate a point, or help to further or foster the therapeutic relationship.

[SummerTime12]

I wouldn't really call it sharing her feelings.. She's given me compliments on different things but I saw more of like stating an opinion or observation, not really her personal completely subjective feelings about me. If that makes any sense

[rainboots87]

When discussing my attachment to her and sadness about moving away, my former T told me, “If you want to know that I care about you, I care about you. If you want to know that you’re important to me, you’re important to me. I want you to know that I want only for the best, most kind and helpful people to cross your path and stay with you. I want you to like yourself and believe that you’re deserving.”
She went on to say that we don’t have to talk to have a connection. Wherever I go, the relationship will be with me. She’ll be with me and a part of me. There was more to it than that though. It meant so much to me for her to share that with me, especially when I was concerned about being just a paying client.

[ShaggyChic_1201]

^That's an awesome therapist and I'm very happy for you

[always_wondering]

Originally Posted by melania

My therapist made chaos in my head.

I asked him- Would you like to be kissed by me?
He said- I think you are a good kisser. [it's not yes and it's not no]
When I started to kiss him, he said- I don't want you to kiss me.
After that I told him- So you don't want to be kissed by me.
He said- I didn't say so. I said I don't want to cross my boundaries.
I asked why.
He said- I don't want to hurt you, it will destroy therapy. We coudn't control ourselves.
I asked- we? Did you mean- me?
He said- Yes, you too.
I asked- So you too?
He didn't answered.

I asked him- Have you ever imagined that you are having sex with me?
He said- I can't answer, I will cross the line if I tell you.
I said- Please tell me that you don't want me in your bed.
He said- I can't tell you nothing about it.

I just can't understand it all. Sometimes it sounds like he wants me but maybe it's just my illusions.
I asked him so may times to tell me that he doesn't want me but he doesn't say it. Is it normal?
I think he must tell me the true. I'm afraid of illusions.

Please don't say he is a bad therapist and I must leave him, I want to know what's going on with us. I just can't understand him.
I think that we must talk openly to each other.

Run. FAST!

[melania]

Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans

Your therapist sounds like big trouble. It sounds like you're playing a very dangerous game with someone who doesn't have the right skills or an adequately strong sense of professional ethics.

Re your last paragraph: You talk openly with him. But he should be very judicious about what he shares with you. It isn't his job to share his feelings with you. It sounds like you want him to tell you he fantasizes about sex with you too. That would be massively inappropriate.

Your relationship with him has just about ceased to be a safe and therapeutic one for you. Of course I get the sweet agony of being attracted to and infatuated with someone and I also get the intensity of transference toward one's T. But you should think hard about the consequences of having a sexual relationship with your T. Read other people's stories about this. Many women (and no doubt some men too) have been seriously hurt by this kind of thing.

Just because the idea is exciting and you can't stop thinking about it doesn't make it a good or smart idea.

Thanks for replie.
He told me about his feelings for me. It's hard to understand is it something therapeutic or something sexual.
I asked these questions just to understand him.
He also said he won't cross his boundaries.
I said that he would cross them if he really wants me. Am I right?
So he doen't want me. Why can't he just tell me?

Okay, I am little stupid girl who has fallen in love with her therapist and thinks that he could ever love her. Stucked in a dream. I'm such an idiot. I hate myself.

[allme]

Originally Posted by melania

Thanks for replie.
He told me about his feelings for me. It's hard to understand is it something therapeutic or something sexual.
I asked these questions just to understand him.
He also said he won't cross his boundaries.
I said that he would cross them if he really wants me. Am I right?
So he doen't want me. Why can't he just tell me?

Okay, I am little stupid girl who has fallen in love with her therapist and thinks that he could ever love her. Stucked in a dream. I'm such an idiot. I hate myself.

Please don't hate yourself This happens a lot! It may help to read up articles on transference, or in your case, 'erotic transference'. Like I keep saying, I went through the same thing so completely understand what you are feeling. Please read up on these matters and arm yourself with knowledge on the subject.

[nottrustin]

is it possible that he thinks if he say he doesn't want you in that way he would be like other people in your life that has rejected you??

Just a thought.

[nottrustin]

She has told me that she really cares about me and am there whenever I need her.

[melania]

Originally Posted by nottrustin

is it possible that he thinks if he say he doesn't want you in that way he would be like other people in your life that has rejected you??

Just a thought.

He even rejected me physically when I kissed him.
And after many times of hugging he rejected me physically when I hugged him.

So- where is the problem just say it in words?
He always says- I did it because I don't want to cross the line. (He thinks that even hugs are something forbidden).

I'm so tired of it all. I just want to know the truth. But sometimes I'm too tired of even thinking about it.

I hope he is not reading all this sick information I post here.
I feel guilty. Maybe I'm doing wrong of talking about this things here...

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by melania

He even rejected me physically when I kissed him.
And after many times of hugging he rejected me physically when I hugged him.

So- where is the problem just say it in words?
He always says- I did it because I don't want to cross the line. (He thinks that even hugs are something forbidden).

I'm so tired of it all. I just want to know the truth. But sometimes I'm too tired of even thinking about it.

I hope he is not reading all this sick information I post here.
I feel guilty. Maybe I'm doing wrong of talking about this things here...

Legally, he is not allowed to be with you. He could lose his license, his job, and his family. He is rejecting you because you keep wanting to go even further with him and he is not allowed.

[Lauliza]

To reiterate what has already been said, your T is rejecting you because he is not legally or ethically allowed to do anything with you. Your relationship with him has already stopped being therapeutic and now appears to be an attraction that is exciting and somewhat addictive for you. I know how that feels and it is of course hard to stop, but you know you have to. You say you don't want anyone to tell you to stop seeing him, so I'm not sure what exactly you are looking for us to say. He is not a good T, if he were he would have not have let this get so out of hand. You are the one who needs to take control of the situation, because I hate to say this, but it will only get worse and you will be the one to suffer the most.

[melania]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

Legally, he is not allowed to be with you. He could lose his license, his job, and his family. He is rejecting you because you keep wanting to go even further with him and he is not allowed.

I understand it all very well.
I just can't understand anything about his feelings for me. I'm thinking about it all the time. He might be tired of me.

Maybe all that I need is to know that he needs me, that he wants me. Even nothing happens between us. Or that he doesn't need me or doesn't want me.

I'm difficult person, I know..