[ahdm]

Today was my 'last' session with my T (CBT), and lots of other things had happened during the week, and I literally could not stop myself. The tears just ran down my cheeks endlessly, she asked 'why the tears, what's making you cry, what was it I said?', and I just sat there still crying. She asked if I wanted to talk about it and I said no (at this point it was because I was missing my dad, and there had been more problems at home and college). She said did I want to carry on with the worksheets? I said yes, and I didn't even hear any of what she was saying.
And then it just happened.

I bawled my eyes out. She took the worksheets away, gave me a tissue, and sat closer to me, saying she wished she could make me feel better. I sat there for goodness knows how long and just sobbed. All I could think was that this was the last time I'd be in this room, and it would be the last time I'd hear her voice or see her face. The last time I finished things got bad very quickly, so I was scared about that. And there was so much that I still wanted to talk to her about and tell her.

My T had another client, so she had to leave (I couldn't bring myself to look at her in that state) and she asked one of her colleagues to come in and talk to me and tell me about counselling at my college. I really didn't like the woman that came in - I never saw her face, but it was what she was saying and the things that she said that hurt. Then she went out and a different woman came in, considerably nicer I must say, and I sat there with a runny nose and puffy teary eyes for about 50 minutes. Then I felt sick, so I asked to go to the toilet. She stood outside and waited for me. Then we went back into the room and she asked if she could do anything for me, I said can I write it down, and she said yes of course and got me some paper. I was in there for 10 minutes (she left to give me some space) writing down why I was crying and how I felt about finishing sessions with my T. She came back in, read it, and said she will try to arrange for me to see T again. I started crying again, but this time out of happiness I couldn't believe what she was saying, I was convinced for sure that I would get rejected. My T rang me earlier and confirmed that she would be seeing me next Monday. Both my T and her other colleague were very very helpful and caring and concerned about my well being and my safety and state of mind. The reason why I didn't leave my T's office at the end of the session was because she didn't want to let me go when I was in this state and she wanted to make sure I was alright.

It was SO embarrassing But my T and her colleague were VERY caring and supportive to say the least, and for that I will be forever grateful. (I don't pay for CBT just as an FYI - I got referred by my GP and my T's practice is a charity)

I'm sorry this turned into a bit of a rant; I guess it shows I needed to get that out of my system

So back on topic, that's my story, so has anyone else cried in a session? As in actual bawling and sobbing and stuff If yes, what did your T do? Did they get emotional? Etc..
I'm really curious to know about others' experiences, if you'd like to share

[HazelGirl]

Not yet. I know it will happen one day (*gulp*), and I am not sure what she will say or do when it finally does. But I'm anxious about it, lol.

[ahdm]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

Not yet. I know it will happen one day (*gulp*), and I am not sure what she will say or do when it finally does. But I'm anxious about it, lol.

Aww bless you
Don't be anxious about it! I always restrained myself from crying in a session, even if it were a few tears, because I was so scared of how she would react. She's not really a touch-y type of person, so I wasn't expecting her to do anything much other than offer a tissue and ask why I was crying. But she moved closer to me, and before she left, she rubbed my shoulder, which made me feel a whole lot better knowing that she might have crossed a boundary by doing that. And it was all because she cared. :')

The second colleague that came in was VERY touchy however, and she crouched in front of me and put her hands on either side of my legs while I had my head in my hands - SO uncomfortable and awkward.

I'm sure your T will be very supportive though!! And if you need to let it out, don't hold back! I learnt that it's always better just to let it all go - you'll feel calmer afterwards

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by ahdm

Aww bless you
Don't be anxious about it! I always restrained myself from crying in a session, even if it were a few tears, because I was so scared of how she would react. She's not really a touch-y type of person, so I wasn't expecting her to do anything much other than offer a tissue and ask why I was crying. But she moved closer to me, and before she left, she rubbed my shoulder, which made me feel a whole lot better knowing that she might have crossed a boundary by doing that. And it was all because she cared. :')

The second colleague that came in was VERY touchy however, and she crouched in front of me and put her hands on either side of my legs while I had my head in my hands - SO uncomfortable and awkward.

I'm sure your T will be very supportive though!! And if you need to let it out, don't hold back! I learnt that it's always better just to let it all go - you'll feel calmer afterwards

That is really awkward! I wouldn't want a stranger touching my legs!

My T is a pretty emotionally expressive person and although she sits on a different couch than me, I can imagine her leaning forward, or moving to sit next to me on my couch if she felt like it would help. It's just that I can feel absolutely terrible and I just don't cry. It's very hard for me to and I feel so embarrassed and self-conscious when I do. It's terrifying to me to cry with others around. I don't let other people see me tear up, let alone break down and really cry.

[melania]

I was crying so many times in the sessions. I'm too emotional. I don't like that he sees me crying but it's better then having panic attack or anxiety.
He's doing nothing if I cry.
So many times I walked away crushed and cried even driving home.
So many times I can't even eat and talk to my family because of therapy and cry till the morning comes. So many times I wanted to commit a suicide after sessions.

But I don't want talk about my therapy again, I just can say to you- Yeah I cry in my sessions and I think it's normal.

[ahdm]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

That is really awkward! I wouldn't want a stranger touching my legs!

My T is a pretty emotionally expressive person and although she sits on a different couch than me, I can imagine her leaning forward, or moving to sit next to me on my couch if she felt like it would help. It's just that I can feel absolutely terrible and I just don't cry. It's very hard for me to and I feel so embarrassed and self-conscious when I do. It's terrifying to me to cry with others around. I don't let other people see me tear up, let alone break down and really cry.

It was very awkward! It was like that for 5 minutes
I used to be like that - I could feel like I was trapped in a black hole and I wouldn't cry because I'd trained myself not to. I felt very self-conscious, so I just hid my face and put my head on my knees I think it'd be good for you to let go in a session at some point though, just so you can feel the support and so your T can help you better

[ahdm]

Originally Posted by melania

I was crying so many times in the sessions. I'm too emotional. I don't like that he sees me crying but it's better then having panic attack or anxiety.
He's doing nothing if I cry.
So many times I walked away crushed and cried even driving home.
So many times I can't even eat and talk to my family because of therapy and cry till the morning comes. So many times I wanted to commit a suicide after sessions.

But I don't want talk about my therapy again, I just can say to you- Yeah I cry in my sessions and I think it's normal.

Thank you for your reply
I see that you don't want to talk about it, so I won't bring it up. I'm sorry that your therapist doesn't do anything though, and I'm sorry it can make you feel worse (not sure if I got that right?). I hope you find strength to continue on with life

[melania]

Originally Posted by ahdm

Thank you for your reply
I see that you don't want to talk about it, so I won't bring it up. I'm sorry that your therapist doesn't do anything though, and I'm sorry it can make you feel worse (not sure if I got that right?). I hope you find strength to continue on with life

I think you all are tired of my posts here I am talking too much about my therapy :X I feel little bit guilty about it.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by melania

I think you all are tired of my posts here I am talking too much about my therapy :X I feel little bit guilty about it.

I don't think you should feel guilty. It's just that we are concerned about you, and you are repeating your problem over and over without really hearing our suggestions. Many of us have said you need to see an outside T to help you, and although you have said you agree, you have made no indication that you are willing to do so. That's frustrating for those who are concerned and yet feeling like we cannot do anything about it.

[Blondiesoul]

I hate crying in sessions. When I do I can't handle it and walk out the session. I hate crying I hate the loss of control it reminds me of bad things the flashbacks when I cried and asked him to stop the beatings that and with it. The flashbacks start and I can never sit through it I walk out. I can't handle the lack of control

I'm glad to hear you had quite supportive people with you and that you were able to open up to them about why you were crying.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[melania]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

I don't think you should feel guilty. It's just that we are concerned about you, and you are repeating your problem over and over without really hearing our suggestions. Many of us have said you need to see an outside T to help you, and although you have said you agree, you have made no indication that you are willing to do so. That's frustrating for those who are concerned and yet feeling like we cannot do anything about it.

I said in one post that I agree with you that I should see other therapist.
I also said that I've been talking about it with my psychiatrist (who's not my therapist) and he said that after therapy everything is possible if my therapist would like it too. And then he started to tell me about his (i mean- psychiatrist) love affairs with his ex-clients.
Some time ago I was seeing psychologist (I know her, we were working in one place some time ago) and she told me- it depends on your therapist feelings, after therapy can happen anything if only you both want it to happen.
I asked my other colleague who is psychologist- did you ever meet your clients out of therapy? She said that yes.
My friend and her psychologist became good friends after therapy.

Now you understand me? What should I think knowing it all?

So I need to find anyone else to tell me this once again?

P.S. I'm sorry about this offtopic replie.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by melania

I said in one post that I agree with you that I should see other therapist.
I also said that I've been talking about it with my psychiatrist (who's not my therapist) and he said that after therapy everything is possible if my therapist would like it too. And then he started to tell me about his (i mean- psychiatrist) love affairs with his ex-clients.
Some time ago I was seeing psychologist (I know her, we were working in one place some time ago) and she told me- it depends on your therapist feelings, after therapy can happen anything if only you both want it to happen.
I asked my other colleague who is psychologist- did you ever meet your clients out of therapy? She said that yes.
My friend and her psychologist became good friends after therapy.

Now you understand me? What should I think knowing it all?

So I need to find anyone else to tell me this once again?

P.S. I'm sorry about this offtopic replie.

This is off-topic. I'm sorry as well. We can quit after I respond.

I am sorry you are surrounded by so many "therapists" who are willing to harm their clients in that way. Although you can't see it now, those relationships almost never work out. And they definitely don't if they are started (like yours is) while you are currently in therapy. I am sorry you are so confused. I know many, many therapists who would be appalled at the laws in your country allowing this type of abuse of power. It is completely wrong, and sounds like a huge problem in your country.

[anilam]

Originally Posted by melania

I said in one post that I agree with you that I should see other therapist.
I also said that I've been talking about it with my psychiatrist (who's not my therapist) and he said that after therapy everything is possible if my therapist would like it too. And then he started to tell me about his (i mean- psychiatrist) love affairs with his ex-clients.
Some time ago I was seeing psychologist (I know her, we were working in one place some time ago) and she told me- it depends on your therapist feelings, after therapy can happen anything if only you both want it to happen.
I asked my other colleague who is psychologist- did you ever meet your clients out of therapy? She said that yes.
My friend and her psychologist became good friends after therapy.
Now you understand me? What should I think knowing it all?

So I need to find anyone else to tell me this once again?

P.S. I'm sorry about this offtopic replie.

I'd strongly encourage you to find a T/pDoc with ECP, following the EAP code of ethics...

Back to the topic: No, I've never cried in session (yet- who knows). Lovely what your T and their colleagues did for you, must say that I'd not expect that (
esp from CBTs (yeah, I'm biased, sorry)

[ahdm]

Originally Posted by Blondiesoul

I hate crying in sessions. When I do I can't handle it and walk out the session. I hate crying I hate the loss of control it reminds me of bad things the flashbacks when I cried and asked him to stop the beatings that and with it. The flashbacks start and I can never sit through it I walk out. I can't handle the lack of control

I'm glad to hear you had quite supportive people with you and that you were able to open up to them about why you were crying.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I'm very sorry to hear you have reservations about crying, but believe me, I had trained myself not to cry at all, even when I was on my own. But crying and letting go in that session really helped. I no longer had to fight and put extra effort in to sessions just to remain composed.
If you don't mind, could I ask what your therapist does if you walk out of the session?

[ahdm]

Originally Posted by anilam

I'd strongly encourage you to find a T/pDoc with ECP, following the EAP code of ethics...

Back to the topic: No, I've never cried in session (yet- who knows). Lovely what your T and their colleagues did for you, must say that I'd not expect that (
esp from CBTs (yeah, I'm biased, sorry)

Well, there is always time to have a breakdown in a session :')
I was very very surprised and shocked when they showed that they all really want to help me (although they may have just wanted me out of the room so they could use it for another client ). I did feel incredibly guilty during that though, because I felt like I was wasting their time and being selfish not saying anything for a full hour
Aww no don't be sorry can I ask what makes you not expect CBT's to do that?

[anilam]

Originally Posted by ahdm

Well, there is always time to have a breakdown in a session :')
I was very very surprised and shocked when they showed that they all really want to help me (although they may have just wanted me out of the room so they could use it for another client ). I did feel incredibly guilty during that though, because I felt like I was wasting their time and being selfish not saying anything for a full hour
Aww no don't be sorry can I ask what makes you not expect CBT's to do that?

You were not being selfish- you needed extra support and, thankfully, they were able to provide that for you.
CBT- a really terrible personal experience plus more objectively most CBTs won't address the RS between client-T much. So I was surprised (and glad) they offered you another session (to say goodbye?)

[Blondiesoul]

Originally Posted by ahdm

I'm very sorry to hear you have reservations about crying, but believe me, I had trained myself not to cry at all, even when I was on my own. But crying and letting go in that session really helped. I no longer had to fight and put extra effort in to sessions just to remain composed.

If you don't mind, could I ask what your therapist does if you walk out of the session?

If I walk out 'calmly' as such as when highly distressed I get really agitated, screaming shouting at everyone. Then she will leave me to walk out if I'm calm as such if I'm distressed she tries to contact me afterwards depending on how risky I am she's called police before having stormed out in distressed way telling her to **** off etx...I normally tell her I'm going and she knows how much I hold back not to cry so she lets me


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[ahdm]

Originally Posted by anilam

You were not being selfish- you needed extra support and, thankfully, they were able to provide that for you.
CBT- a really terrible personal experience plus more objectively most CBTs won't address the RS between client-T much. So I was surprised (and glad) they offered you another session (to say goodbye?)

I am very grateful that they were there to help me, more than they know, and thank you for your reassuring words

Aww bless you; I've noticed that they don't do that, but mainly I think it's because it's mainly worksheet-based so they feel they don't really need to... I live in the UK, so I'm not quite sure what other therapies there are - I've heard of general therapy that can last for years for some people in America, but I'm not quite sure if there's anything like that here Plus, I probably wouldn't have the money for it anyway

I was very surprised - I've had a total of 12 sessions with my T, which is more than the average, so I was shocked - I honestly thought I'd just be rejected and told 'no' (the dreaded word). My T's colleague talked to my T afterwards, and then my T rang me about an hour later and said we would have another session next Monday, and depending on what happened in that session, I might be able to have a few more. Not sure whether they'd be CBT-based though...:/
I think I was offered another session next week because
1) I asked
2) I was very distressed this morning, and in a very bad state, and I don't think my T wanted to stop therapy with me in that state of mind - heck she didn't even want to let me leave this morning when I was bawling my eyes out That was a very nice feeling

[ahdm]

Originally Posted by Blondiesoul

If I walk out 'calmly' as such as when highly distressed I get really agitated, screaming shouting at everyone. Then she will leave me to walk out if I'm calm as such if I'm distressed she tries to contact me afterwards depending on how risky I am she's called police before having stormed out in distressed way telling her to **** off etx...I normally tell her I'm going and she knows how much I hold back not to cry so she lets me


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Does that affect your relationship with your T? Do you have to still pay for the full session even if you walk out half way through?

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by Blondiesoul

I hate crying in sessions. When I do I can't handle it and walk out the session. I hate crying I hate the loss of control it reminds me of bad things the flashbacks when I cried and asked him to stop the beatings that and with it. The flashbacks start and I can never sit through it I walk out. I can't handle the lack of control

I'm glad to hear you had quite supportive people with you and that you were able to open up to them about why you were crying.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

It is triggering to me, as well. Like I said, it hasn't really happened yet, but I know that's in part because I would get threats for crying as a child, and it makes me very afraid that she will get angry at me for crying, even though I know she won't.

[ahdm]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

It is triggering to me, as well. Like I said, it hasn't really happened yet, but I know that's in part because I would get threats for crying as a child, and it makes me very afraid that she will get angry at me for crying, even though I know she won't.

Oh my gosh, it's like you read my mind!
I felt exactly the same about crying in front of her; I was always told off as a child for crying, and I was always told bad things would happen if I cried. But let me assure you, it is an amazing feeling when you let everything out, and you can relax, and you find out that your T is really supportive and won't tell you off for crying
There is hope, just don't be afraid to show how you really feel - that's what therapy is all about, right?
Good luck!

[Blondiesoul]

Originally Posted by ahdm

Does that affect your relationship with your T? Do you have to still pay for the full session even if you walk out half way through?

I have therapy on nhs (in uk) but I got kicked off it due to being in hospital and therapist being off sick I missed to much so would to let me continue being punished for being ill

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Blondiesoul]

Originally Posted by ahdm

Oh my gosh, it's like you read my mind!

I felt exactly the same about crying in front of her; I was always told off as a child for crying, and I was always told bad things would happen if I cried. But let me assure you, it is an amazing feeling when you let everything out, and you can relax, and you find out that your T is really supportive and won't tell you off for crying

There is hope, just don't be afraid to show how you really feel - that's what therapy is all about, right?

Good luck!

Thank you for reply I currently have no T anymore and I don't want to go through all the trust again when they always mess it up for me

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by ahdm

Oh my gosh, it's like you read my mind!
I felt exactly the same about crying in front of her; I was always told off as a child for crying, and I was always told bad things would happen if I cried. But let me assure you, it is an amazing feeling when you let everything out, and you can relax, and you find out that your T is really supportive and won't tell you off for crying
There is hope, just don't be afraid to show how you really feel - that's what therapy is all about, right?
Good luck!

I'm sure it is. And I hope once I'm ready to go there, she will respond kindly. At the moment, there's a lot of confusing feelings and tons of transference going on, so sorting things like this out is very difficult. Nothing about my thoughts and reactions in therapy is easy and clear-cut right now.

[Bentay]

Ahdm its nice to hear you felt supported. I've also bawled in a couple of sessions - literally, ugly crying, runny nose etc (So embarrassing-didn't know where to put my face) I lost my job of almost 14 years at the end of Sep last year, it was a huge blow as I have SA & I haven't been able to bring myself to look for work since.
Anyway T was nice (not as nice as yours tho he didn't get emotional, he went and got me a tissue & he looked concerned (maybe I took him by surprise as I hadn't really cried so much in a session before).

Sorry to hear your therapy is ending, mine ended almost two weeks ago so I know how you feel. Good Luck