[pamelasu]

My t. keeps having me make appointments with her just so that she can bring me down. It seems like every since I told her that I wanted to go find another therapist that she had to bring out this huge list of faults of mine. I feel aweful. I don't know how to react to this type of situation. I can't wait to get another therapist. The one I have now, she is nice but she doesn't understand me. She doesn't understand what it is like to be abused over and over again like I was. She doesn't understand that when I sit in silence it helps me to cope with things. What am I suppose to do when she is cutting me down now? I am only sticking with her until another therapist is in line for me. I just don't know what to do. I feel so blue.

[JonB]

Well, depending on how long until you get the new T, you might consider not going at all. If it's not helping you, why go? I know sometimes it's not about hearing what you want to hear, but there are extremes. If you really feel like she doesn't understand you, why bother seeing her anymore? Sometimes you have to shop around to find someone that works well with you. Don't give up on finding the T that's right for you - but maybe give up on sticking it out with the one that's not working. No need to hold the hand that holds you down and all that junk. If nothing else, you must have a large amount of patience to put up with that. And patience is a good thing, sometimes.

If you feel compelled to stick with her until the new T is ready, maybe spend the time talking about why you don't think you're a good fit and what's not working - if nothing else, it might help you identify qualities you'd like in your next T. Figuring out what does and doesn't work for you. Good luck. Hope you get your new T quickly.

Hey. It can be hard to connect with therapists sometimes. Hard to come to understand each other...

Did you tell her that you felt awful when she brought out this huge list of your faults?

Maybe she was trying to persuade you to stick with her as she had an understanding of issues that you wanted to work on...

It can be hard to come to understand each other.

Silence is a tricky one. Some therapists are uncomfortable with silence. There is a hard balance between a therapist directing things so that the conversation rolls along and a therapist shutting the hell up so you get the opportunity to say what is on your mind and the therapist tolerating silence so you have time to think and intervening on silence so as to get the conversation moving along and prompt the client out of a 'stuck' place.

I guess the only way she will know how silence is for you is if you tell her.

> What am I suppose to do when she is cutting me down now?

Tell her that you feel invalidated :-(

She won't know how you feel if you don't tell her. Working on communication can be hard. Therapists don't tend to know what we are thinking or how we are feeling unless we tell them. That is really hard to come to grips with. I still have significant difficulty with that. I'd really encourage you to try and talk to her about how you feel about silences and how you feel attacked at times. She won't know if you don't tell her and it will give you practice communicating your feelings and thoughts for when you get another t (if you can't work things out with this one). Therapy can be hard work. I'm sorry things are hard for you right now.

[pamelasu]

I know I should talk to her about this but right now I just feel like I need a break from her. I am just so frustrated with her and with the way things have been going. I need a break from everything.

[Sarah116]

Rate her on therapist ratings, just pay her and say "I'm done!" then check Therapist ratings or your phone book and get a new one. No use messing with a careless person (Therapist/Doctor) you have to pay to be careless!

Yep, therapy can indeed be hard work.

If you need a break then you need a break. If you think it would be best to stop with therapy for a while then sure, sometimes it can be good to do that.

I guess I'm just wondering how likely it is that these issues will resurface with a new t (how much these issues are similar to issues you have relating to other people outside therapy too) or whether these issues might be more specific to this t.

Know what? There is only one way to find out.

Take care.

[pamelasu]

I think it is just with this therapist that I am having these problems with. I had asked my friends to tell me if I ever make them feel uncomfortable or if I ever do something that they don't like. I'm just so confused and frustrated! I give up on therapy at least until I get a new therapist. I am on a waiting list for one so hopefully it won't take too long.

So you think your t feels uncomfortable around you or that she doesn't like some of the things you do?

Sometimes the fit can be pretty bad...

I hope you have better luck with a new t

:-)