Feeling like I don't belong

I sought out therapy because I was turning 35 and all my relationships (platonic and romantic) were superficial and I was feeling like I needed some help. That was 7 months ago and even though I've made some gains I'm nowhere near done. I feel embarrassed in session because I feel like he has bigger fish to fry. I'm also experiencing major erotic transference so it feels like I'm making things harder for myself. I brought up my concerns with my T (and he was understanding) but it's still so hard. I wish I could just have relationships without so much effort but it's not easy for me :-( I have session tomorrow and I'm trying not to feel like I'm wasting his time. Does anyone else ever feel like this?

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All the time. I feel weird everyday because of relationship problems.
You are not wasting his time, it is your time too and you can spend it as you wish and need too!


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Yes. Nights like tonight, when I avoid friends because I just can't get over the fact that my biological mother chose other people over me to be her real family and walked in and out of my life every couple of weeks for a visit, leaving me in an abusive situation. Nothing makes sense. No other relationships seem worth the effort and I have no interest in deep meaningful connections with anyone else right now anyway and when I feel like this I can't see things getting better, therapy or no therapy. I have a session tomorrow and feel like cancelling, even though my therapist is great.

I actually never feel like I am wasting the therapist's time. The therapist is paid for their time. I may or may not be wasting my own time and money, but the therapist is fine.
I wonder if those who feel like this (it seems to have come up a couple of times recently) might find it useful to focus less on the therapist and how the therapist is feel? I don't know - it is just a suggestion.

To a therapist, all fish are worth frying, A therapist is a connoisseur of fish!

Yes. I could've written your post, Mactastic (well except I don't have erotic transference but I do have a very parental type that I hate...). I talk to my T about my concerns about being in therapy often and even that convo seems a waste to me. Ugh. I told my T it just feels indulgent sometimes - like I can manage on my own - I don't NEED to be there and other people could use the time more effectively.

I don't know why I feel this way.

I told my therapist that I feel boring to him. I don't have any abuse or trauma to work through... I just suck at people and have poor self esteem. The people in my life are getting married and having babies at warp speed yet I can't even manage a close relationship with my T. It's so sad to me.

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Me too, absolutely this. But then i think - am i going to make my whole life dependent on what one crazy person thought or did? How does that even matter? Its not like there is an identifying mark on us. Think of Beethoven and other people who had horrible things happen to them and who still found their way. Our ts are there to connect people like us to the rest of the world, specifically for that. But thank you for writing this. I do feel like this a lot and have never really seen anybody else say it.

I read somewhere that we don't have to feel like we are entertaining our therapists.

You are probably not boring. T's go into this because they are fascinated by the human condition.

The reason why I don't think you are boring is because I would hope that the token opposite of what you are saying is NOT true as well.

Meaning, just as when you walk in, I hope T doesn't think, "Here is Mac who doesn't have any REAL problems and bores me," ...

... I would hope that if an abuse victim walks in, T does not think, "Ohhh this is going to be a GOOD and juicy one," and rubs his hands together eagerly.

Does that make sense?

You're a person, like anyone else, wanting better, stronger, deeper connections in life.

Finally, a few years ago, I had a lot of tangled problems and layers of problems and I felt like they were too much for my first therapist. That therapist really was entirely focused upon relationship problems, career problems, and parents whose kids misbehaved, and this T couldn't handle trauma or the effects of abuse.