I am not even sure if that is a word but it is how I feel.
My new gestalt t is not working out, in fact I am petrified of her and freeze up when I am around her.
I think I have too much and too many different types lately.
I miss old, and today I sat down and cried because I miss her. I am not sure I can go back after the whole Facebook scenario and I feel bad for her.
I have lost faith in finding the perfect or just a good enough t. I am tired of it all but I want so much to be able to connect with someone.
Having had such bad luck with therapists it's hard to be optimistic.
I have seen good ts in action in my course but I can't see them because of ethics and dual relationships and take makes me sad because I have a longing to see both my tutors and to have them look after me

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[IndestructibleGirl]

Oh no sorry you're feeling so down about it tonight. It must be so frustrating the gestalt woman isn't working out...do you think you could discuss it with her and see if she could 'meet you where you are' a bit more and be less confrontational? Or do you think it's definitely a personality clash/ bad therapeutic fit?

If there are no other potentials in your area, or even if you're just exhausted trying to find one and want a break - what about online therapy for a little while just to tide you over and see how you get on with it?

[secretworld]

I told my therapist that when we finish our work, however long it takes, I will never do therapy again. She just smiled at me. May I ask what happened on Facebook?

[RTerroni]

You never really told us the whole Facebook story so we can't really help you out until we know the whole story.

Originally Posted by IndestructibleGirl

Oh no sorry you're feeling so down about it tonight. It must be so frustrating the gestalt woman isn't working out...do you think you could discuss it with her and see if she could 'meet you where you are' a bit more and be less confrontational? Or do you think it's definitely a personality clash/ bad therapeutic fit?


If there are no other potentials in your area, or even if you're just exhausted trying to find one and want a break - what about online therapy for a little while just to tide you over and see how you get on with it?

I did say today that is a going a bit fast and that I didn't like the pushing exercise last week. She said she had reflected on that herself and admitted it didn't work. She said she would like me to tell her if I don't want to do an exercise.
I think she gets me and knows where I am and what I need but I think she is not right for me, she scares me. I am afraid of her. I don't like the way everything is analysed and the way she points out every move I make.

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Originally Posted by secretworld

I told my therapist that when we finish our work, however long it takes, I will never do therapy again. She just smiled at me. May I ask what happened on Facebook?

Do you feel the same secret world?
My ex t asked me to be friends on Facebook by mistake and when I accepted she deleted me and next day rang to say it was a mistake and she ws just looking at my profile and hit add by mistake.
I still don't know why she was looking at my profile or how long she has been doing this but it feels weird for her to be doing that

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[phaset]

Mona, I might be remembering someone else, but didn't you see a t a few months back you liked? You mentioned she wore rainbow suspenders if I recall correctly. What happened to her?

Sorry if I am thinking of someone else.

Originally Posted by phaset

Mona, I might be remembering someone else, but didn't you see a t a few months back you liked? You mentioned she wore rainbow suspenders if I recall correctly. What happened to her?

Sorry if I am thinking of someone else.

Haha, thank you for making me laugh, wasn't me anyway phaset. I don't think I could take a t who wore those seriously

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[RTerroni]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

Do you feel the same secret world?
My ex t asked me to be friends on Facebook by mistake and when I accepted she deleted me and next day rang to say it was a mistake and she ws just looking at my profile and hit add by mistake.
I still don't know why she was looking at my profile or how long she has been doing this but it feels weird for her to be doing that

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Now I think I understand you more, still it was an honest mistake on her part.

Perhaps you need to work through your trust issues with your old T rather than throw the proverbial baby out with the bath water. You have a tendency to jump and run when you perceive a threat. Maybe try to work through this one? Just an idea.

[secretworld]

Hmm! That is a tough one. Now I look at her Facebook page every day and she knows about it. Not much there as it is all locked down but I keep looking at it in an unhealthy way. So we are working on that. NOW if she told me she wanted to look, or had viewed my Facebook page I think I would be okay with that. If she did what yours did.... then I would be upset! How two-faced is that????
I'm just tired of the pain from therapy, but I need to see her so that is why I say I'll never put myself thru this torture again.

Whatever you decide, good luck! It's very hard replacing therapists!!

Originally Posted by 1914sierra

Perhaps you need to work through your trust issues with your old T rather than throw the proverbial baby out with the bath water. You have a tendency to jump and run when you perceive a threat. Maybe try to work through this one? Just an idea.

You are right, I do run away but to tell your t how your ex violated my privacy so much and how she stalked me and the next week she is looking me up online, it just is strange and also she was very defensive about it because she knew it would upset me!
It was crossing my boundaries!

It's true I do have trust issues around ts because they have showed me they are not trustworthy( well the three I have seen).
I need a t who can hold me through all of this and one which I can feel safe with because I have never felt safe with anyone!

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Originally Posted by secretworld

Hmm! That is a tough one. Now I look at her Facebook page every day and she knows about it. Not much there as it is all locked down but I keep looking at it in an unhealthy way. So we are working on that. NOW if she told me she wanted to look, or had viewed my Facebook page I think I would be okay with that. If she did what yours did.... then I would be upset! How two-faced is that????
I'm just tired of the pain from therapy, but I need to see her so that is why I say I'll never put myself thru this torture again.

Whatever you decide, good luck! It's very hard replacing therapists!!

Yeah it is ok and expected for a client to google their t s and be interested in them but for her to do that and have all control over everything sucks.
I am sorry you are hurting through all of this but perhaps when your work is done you will never have to go again

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[RTerroni]

Originally Posted by secretworld

Hmm! That is a tough one. Now I look at her Facebook page every day and she knows about it. Not much there as it is all locked down but I keep looking at it in an unhealthy way. So we are working on that. NOW if she told me she wanted to look, or had viewed my Facebook page I think I would be okay with that. If she did what yours did.... then I would be upset! How two-faced is that????
I'm just tired of the pain from therapy, but I need to see her so that is why I say I'll never put myself thru this torture again.

Whatever you decide, good luck! It's very hard replacing therapists!!

I seem to do the exact same thing with my former Therapist (sometimes even visiting the page of a friend of hers since I can see more of her comments on there) but I seemed to have moved away from that ever since I started seeing my new Therapist.

[Asiablue]

Just a thought.... is this one scary to you because she might actually get to the root of all your issues? She might be the one to actually SEE you and that is terrifying?

It's that thing where clients want to be "seen" but when they are it's scary and they want to hide from the attention they are getting but they've never had in their life?

[Yearning0723]

Originally Posted by RTerroni

I seem to do the exact same thing with my former Therapist (sometimes even visiting the page of a friend of hers since I can see more of her comments on there) but I seemed to have moved away from that ever since I started seeing my new Therapist.

I do this with my mentor figure. It makes me feel closer to her. It's comforting.

Originally Posted by Asiablue

Just a thought.... is this one scary to you because she might actually get to the root of all your issues? She might be the one to actually SEE you and that is terrifying?

It's that thing where clients want to be "seen" but when they are it's scary and they want to hide from the attention they are getting but they've never had in their life?

No it's because she is so animated. She wAves her hands in the air, she raises her voice and makes funny faces all the time and yesterday she was doing something with her tongue that distracted me.
I am a very quiet person naturally and when she does all of this I get a fright! She actually does scare me.

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Originally Posted by monalisasmile

Do you feel the same secret world?
My ex t asked me to be friends on Facebook by mistake and when I accepted she deleted me and next day rang to say it was a mistake and she ws just looking at my profile and hit add by mistake.
I still don't know why she was looking at my profile or how long she has been doing this but it feels weird for her to be doing that

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I haven't 'added' any friends in a while, so I might be wrong, but I thought there was a 'are you sure you want to add [Name] as a friend?' confirmation after clicking on the 'add' button? She accidentally clicked twice?

I see how it could push a button for you (no pun intended), with what has gone on for you before...

But if that happened to me I think I'd be more upset by the add and the consequent DELETE than the thought that T was curious enough to look up my profile... especially as you'd kinda sorta finished with this T? So maybe thought the friend request was genuine? I think that might leave me feeling quite hurt.

As for new T... Don't look for excuses to ditch her! (I don't mean that to sound harsh just a lil' tough love!) You seemed to like her fine until she started picking up on things...? She sounds sharp as a whip. Now you're finding things in her behaviour you don't like.. You find her 'scary' in her 'animated'-ness...? I'm a quiet person, too, and I can see how you might find such things off putting... but perhaps you could talk with her about just what you think has you feeling so intimidated?

I think there is something in this, though, in that being challenged by this T could be a good thing... I think you'd be the first to admit there was something of a comfort zone with old T, and she wasn't really challenging you at all (at least not any more). Perhaps it's something of a shock to the system, or maybe you don't feel quite ready... or, who's to say, maybe she's not a good fit for you after all.. but if I were you I think I'd try to stick it out a while longer while I tried to figure out my true deep down motivations - 'am I running away? What from?' (Speaking personally because I've found I do that, and sometimes I really have to catch myself) - so that if I do walk away, move on to something else, I can be more sure it's for the right reasons.

My second T can be somewhat more directive and forthright than the first, and doesn't hesitate to pick up on a lot of things in my patterns and behaviours - 'your leg is shaking, why?' 'Are you aware you're doing this?' 'You tend to emphasise that word...' and on and on - and I have found it can be quite challenging, depending on what mood I'm in , but have also found the approach useful.. Clueing me in to be more aware of what I'm doing, how I'm feeling - because otherwise those things can and do escape my notice. And that translates out to the bigger picture.

While I find my second T's approach helpful and refreshing as an addition to what I'm doing, I still see my regular T for the bulk of the work, and feel that the therapeutic relationship with her is where much of the healing is as I work through my attachment issues and beyond. I do wonder if I would feel that my second T - while excellent and capable and kind - would feel 'enough' for me at the stage I'm at. I suppose I wonder if that's how you might feel about this Gestalt T? That she isn't enough? Because maybe on some level you're wanting to 'replace' the maternal figure and level of connection you had with old T?

I don't know how relevant my experience is, but sharing on the off-chance!

[secretworld]

I sent a friend request to my therapist's mom once, by accident. YIKES!!!

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by secretworld

I sent a friend request to my therapist's mom once, by accident. YIKES!!!

omg! Did anyone ever find out you were a client?

Originally Posted by just_some_girl

I haven't 'added' any friends in a while, so I might be wrong, but I thought there was a 'are you sure you want to add [Name] as a friend?' confirmation after clicking on the 'add' button? She accidentally clicked twice?


I see how it could push a button for you (no pun intended), with what has gone on for you before...


But if that happened to me I think I'd be more upset by the add and the consequent DELETE than the thought that T was curious enough to look up my profile... especially as you'd kinda sorta finished with this T? So maybe thought the friend request was genuine? I think that might leave me feeling quite hurt.


As for new T... Don't look for excuses to ditch her! (I don't mean that to sound harsh just a lil' tough love!) You seemed to like her fine until she started picking up on things...? She sounds sharp as a whip. Now you're finding things in her behaviour you don't like.. You find her 'scary' in her 'animated'-ness...? I'm a quiet person, too, and I can see how you might find such things off putting... but perhaps you could talk with her about just what you think has you feeling so intimidated?


I think there is something in this, though, in that being challenged by this T could be a good thing... I think you'd be the first to admit there was something of a comfort zone with old T, and she wasn't really challenging you at all (at least not any more). Perhaps it's something of a shock to the system, or maybe you don't feel quite ready... or, who's to say, maybe she's not a good fit for you after all.. but if I were you I think I'd try to stick it out a while longer while I tried to figure out my true deep down motivations - 'am I running away? What from?' (Speaking personally because I've found I do that, and sometimes I really have to catch myself) - so that if I do walk away, move on to something else, I can be more sure it's for the right reasons.


My second T can be somewhat more directive and forthright than the first, and doesn't hesitate to pick up on a lot of things in my patterns and behaviours - 'your leg is shaking, why?' 'Are you aware you're doing this?' 'You tend to emphasise that word...' and on and on - and I have found it can be quite challenging, depending on what mood I'm in , but have also found the approach useful.. Clueing me in to be more aware of what I'm doing, how I'm feeling - because otherwise those things can and do escape my notice. And that translates out to the bigger picture.


While I find my second T's approach helpful and refreshing as an addition to what I'm doing, I still see my regular T for the bulk of the work, and feel that the therapeutic relationship with her is where much of the healing is as I work through my attachment issues and beyond. I do wonder if I would feel that my second T - while excellent and capable and kind - would feel 'enough' for me at the stage I'm at. I suppose I wonder if that's how you might feel about this Gestalt T? That she isn't enough? Because maybe on some level you're wanting to 'replace' the maternal figure and level of connection you had with old T?


I don't know how relevant my experience is, but sharing on the off-chance!

Thank you JSG,
You really get it. I think there are great benefits to having two ts. You get a little something from each of them. This t is sharp as a whip and perhaps it does scare me because although I have been in therapy for the last three years I haven't gone that deep and already she is going straight in guns and all. I miss the maternal transference from old t and the nurturing and reassurance I got from her.
The Facebook thing really has upset me and I don't know how to move on from it. I am not sure about the are you sure you want to add friend. I will check it out. I think it has made me more aware of the imbalance of the whole relationship between us and the rejection and her brushing it off as nothing but if I did it to her, she would be furious and want me to own up to my responsibilities and actions.


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[Asiablue]

Do you think maybe the fact you haven't truly settled with any one T could be having an impact? You have one foot in the door and one foot out- with both T's.

You haven't properly terminated with your original T, which basically gives you the option of running back to her when it all gets too much elsewhere. Having that option can be good if you do equally good work with your first T, but that's not the case here, you have come to the end of what that T can help you with, the only thing keeping you there is an attachment to her.

I don't think you're ever going to accept a new T and really invest in her until you close the door on going back to your original T.

This must be so exhausting, to not have a secure consistent "therapy home". The Gestalt T really might not be for you personality wise and that's ok if that is truly the case. But at this point you need to be really honest with yourself about what you need versus what you want. You need to hold yourself to account and find somewhere to settle for a while. Cos otherwise, you'll never get the work you so badly need to do, done.

[secretworld]

Originally Posted by Asiablue

omg! Did anyone ever find out you were a client?

Well, I realized later i sent a request to one of her friends. So I had to back track thru all them until I found which one. it was her mother. So i retracted it.
I never said a word and no-one ever said anything to me.

Just shows how Facebook and Therapy don't mix well!! I'm amazed at how many therapists have fully open/public facebook pages! I would never go to one of them.

[granite1]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

I am not even sure if that is a word but it is how I feel.
My new gestalt t is not working out, in fact I am petrified of her and freeze up when I am around her.
I think I have too much and too many different types lately.
I miss old, and today I sat down and cried because I miss her. I am not sure I can go back after the whole Facebook scenario and I feel bad for her.
I have lost faith in finding the perfect or just a good enough t. I am tired of it all but I want so much to be able to connect with someone.
Having had such bad luck with therapists it's hard to be optimistic.
I have seen good ts in action in my course but I can't see them because of ethics and dual relationships and take makes me sad because I have a longing to see both my tutors and to have them look after me

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I have not read all the posts so mine may be repetitive . it seems like you are very down and discouraged. I get the duel relationship thing but do you think you could ask these good T you know if they could recommend a new T for you.

[missbella]

I'm curious if you deliberately chose Gestalt after research. Several participants on my "Disgruntled" blog said their Fritz Perls-influenced therapists were quite antagonistic, and they found this hurtful rather than helpful. (*Not to judge anyone who benefits.*)