[AmysJourney]

I was wondering about this a lot in my own therapy but also from things I read here.
How honest are you really with your therapist about how you really feel or what has happened in your life? Is your honesty sometimes compromised by fear of how the therapist might react? Do you wish you could be more honest with your therapist?
And a bit of a provocative question, but one that surely is important...
Have you ever exaggerated an event or a feeling in the hope to get more empathy, care, love, attention, hugs etc?
And does your therapist sometimes call you on something that doesn't seem right?

In my own therapy experience, I was very honest from the start - about what I want, what I don't want, what I need and don't need.. And I was very open about what happened (and is happening) to me.
But many times I held back and a couple of times told half truths. For example I told her about an event that happened but I left out the most important piece of information and for two sessions we talked about this with only the knowledge I gave her - and I felt horrible because although I could talk through things, I really really wanted her to know the whole truth.
The third session about this topic she said: "Something seems to be on your mind and I think you haven't told me me everything about this event and I want to reassure you that you can be absolutely honest with me. It won't change my feeling towards you and I can promise that." Only then I told her the whole truth and it has helped me tremendously and since then I feel I can't help but tell her everything in all honesty, even if in my mind I want to leave out things.

[sweepy62]

My goal is to be very honest, because that is what she wants, honesty and openess, I dont lie, but I do omit alot, I guess you could call it lying by omission, but its still early in the relationship. What keeps me back is my past from trusting people and being open. Shame is the biggest part. I will eventually get to working on that.

I've been pretty honest with my therapists over the years. At this point there really are no secrets, so it's all out there. I think earlier on I was slow to talk about certain things, but I don't particularly equate that with dishonesty (he knew it was there and just not out). But over time I was able to share what needed to be shared.

[healed84]

I try to be as honest as possible. It makes no sense to lie, if I am going to him to help me to get better. There has been times, that T thought I deliberately left the truth out and that wasn't the case at all.. it caused a bit of a problem, but we worked through it. So, T is def. ok with calling me out on stuff.

I have always been slow to tell things to him that are hard to talk about. However, I knew those things would come out with time and built up relationship more.

[growlithing]

As honest as possible. I'm more likely to downplay everything than exaggerate things. Well, I'm more likely to downplay stuff when I'm speaking. When I write, I come closer to being accurate, sometimes maybe a little melodramatic. I'm more likely to be melodramatic on PC than with any of my Ts because it feels like I'm telling a story for some reason and I write while still in the moment. Maybe it isn't overblown and it just feels overblown when I reread it after the feelings have subsided. I don't know.

[stopdog]

As much as I feel is going to be useful to me.

[Leah123]

I am excruciatingly honest, and I do not play up anything. I discuss the topics I wish to discuss, and I discuss the ones I hate to discuss whenever they seem relevant. It is important to me to be at peace with my history and moreso to have integrity. It's something I have struggled with, but having learned that lying or omission is mostly about fear, and not wishing to live in fear, I tell the truth as best I know it.

[BlessedRhiannon]

Originally Posted by Amelia112

How honest are you really with your therapist about how you really feel or what has happened in your life? Is your honesty sometimes compromised by fear of how the therapist might react? Do you wish you could be more honest with your therapist?
And a bit of a provocative question, but one that surely is important...
Have you ever exaggerated an event or a feeling in the hope to get more empathy, care, love, attention, hugs etc?
And does your therapist sometimes call you on something that doesn't seem right?

I've always been completely honest with my therapist, but I'm very slow to give my trust, due to past experiences. So, just because I am completely honest with her, that doesn't mean I instantly shared everything with her. Being able to trust and being honest are not the same thing. I have slowly revealed more and more of myself and my story to my T as my trust grew.

My honesty has never been compromised by fear of how my T will react, but my ability to trust my T enough to share certain things has certainly been influenced by fear of how she might react. My T has proven to me that she will react in appropriate ways, but it's very hard to give up a lifetime of wariness because one person has shown she's trustworthy.

I've never exaggerated anything. Rather, I tend to minimize my own experiences. I don't want sympathy or attention from T - that would freak me out. There are several things that I've not told T the full extent of, because I just don't think it's all that important. In reality, it probably is important to share, but I'd rather minimize it.

My therapist has never pushed me to share anything and has never doubted anything I've told her. If she thinks there might be more to something that I'm talking about, she will ask questions, but it's always my decision how much to share. The only time she ever calls me on something is when she asks me how I'm doing and I say I'm fine when I'm clearly not.

[HazelGirl]

As honest as I am able to be.

[Cherubbs]

What my T thinks of me is important, in fact what anyone thinks of me is important when discussing sensitive things so it's hard. I'm still very honest as far as I know. I think honesty is a personality trait more than anything, a person who exaggerates in therapy will exaggerate out of therapy too. It's just their way of expressing their experiences. I'm not sure it would matter much to a T so long as it reflects their truth. That's how I see it anyway.

[lucky2001]

I try to be honest but I do downplay or omit a lot of stuff. But I'm starting to trust her more so I am able to be more honest with her.

[BlueSoup]

I avoid, I don't know why. I was put off because at the beginning I had to fill out what I thought to be an intrusive questionnaire, really intrusive. But I didn't want to lie on it so I filled it out honestly. I've since told her how I feel about the whole thing.

When she asks me how I am doing, I say the same thing every time "good". When she can tell somethings wrong I say "I just have a lot going on". Last week she called me on it. I sat there dumfounded. So I started talking. I told her the time was going sooo slow. She said, really? It's going by way to fast for me. It was a weird session.

It's hard for me to talk. Especially if it is an uncomfortable subject, I kind of just leave the room mentally. I can't focus on her. She brought that up too. So I guess we are getting somewhere.

I don't know how you guys do it.

[Petra5ed]

Completely, 100%, as honest as I can be. I want someone to know me, not my façade but the real ****ed up individual underneath. There have been times I lied unintentionally and corrected it after the fact, for example when asked do you feel uncomfortable right now, "no", then later on "ok I lied I am uncomfortable." It just didn't seem like a lie to say no the first time, haha. But that is just a drop in the bucket compared to what I withhold, and I really hate that I do because my whole story is just boring, there's nothing much to be ashamed of except for fantasizing about my T... but I withhold way more than that. I withhold things I want to talk about, I mean that's the level of problem. I withhold compliments! I am literally too embarrassed to say something nice, often, when I'm thinking it.

[lrt1978]

I try to be as honest as I can but I do down play a lot of things, there are things at the moment, behaviours wise that I know I should bring up but as more time passes the harder it's getting. I have it all written down in my journal, did think of showing it to T but just find it very difficult due to shame.

Otherwise I am as honest as I can be x

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[nottrustin]

Great question!!

I try to be completely honest with her. In the beginning I told her some information but the whole story from my childhood because of the trust issue. There have been times I have had thoughts of running into a tree with my car to end the pain but I never said anything for a couple of weeks. I was afraid that if I told T that she would have me in the hospital plus while the thoughts were there I would never actually do it. Once I found out that she knows that I couldn't do it plus her fist answer is never to the hospital.

The one issue I still struggle with is being honest about my feelings. Sometimes it is because I don't know how to express it other times it is just a habit. I learned at a young age to not express my feelings. When I go into my appointment and she asks how I am doing...I always answer okay...if i am not really doing okay she can tell by my face and body language and then say "um now how are you REALLY doing"

[AmysJourney]

Originally Posted by nottrustin

Great question!!

I try to be completely honest with her. In the beginning I told her some information but the whole story from my childhood because of the trust issue. There have been times I have had thoughts of running into a tree with my car to end the pain but I never said anything for a couple of weeks. I was afraid that if I told T that she would have me in the hospital plus while the thoughts were there I would never actually do it. Once I found out that she knows that I couldn't do it plus her fist answer is never to the hospital.

The one issue I still struggle with is being honest about my feelings. Sometimes it is because I don't know how to express it other times it is just a habit. I learned at a young age to not express my feelings. When I go into my appointment and she asks how I am doing...I always answer okay...if i am not really doing okay she can tell by my face and body language and then say "um now how are you REALLY doing"

I have this stupid quirk that sometimes when my therapist asks me how I am, and I am not feeling good at all, I'll say something sarcastic like "Oh, I am just great!" She always replies in the same way with an amused voice but concerned face: "I don't quite believe that!

[OneWorld]

Initially, I lied about some things (said they weren't there because I didn't want to talk about it). Now I'm just slow to talk about things - saying that I can't talk about it yet rather than saying it isn't an issue. I sit in awkward silence for a lot of the session but it's honest awkward silence

As an off-shoot question, when you have lied, do you apologize? There are things that I flat out lied about and the truth is out now. I feel the need to apologize for being dishonest but I don't know if that is really just to make myself feel better about it (which is not the point of apologies, IMO).

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[Ambra]

It's really difficult but I try to be as honest as possible. I tend to omit the things I know I could lie about because I don't feel ready, but she knows it just looking at my face and we know that everything will slowly come up. I really like my T and want to do my best to help her help me.

I exaggerated something once, but I think it was more an unconscious exaggeration resulting from anger or frustration (?!) because I myself thought about it for a few seconds and realized that I didn't really perceive it that way so I corrected myself straight after.

[Justagirl2602]

I try to be as honest as possible. But if I were to guess, I would guess that I am honest 70% of the time.

[nottrustin]

As an off-shoot question, when you have lied, do you apologize? There are things that I flat out lied about and the truth is out now. I feel the need to apologize for being dishonest but I don't know if that is really just to make myself feel better about it (which is not the point of apologies, IMO).

I have apologized. In September I had an issue with sleep meds. I took to many but immediately regretted it. Hubby called T and I insisted to both of them I did it because I was really tired and just wanted sleep and that it was in no way an attempt to hurt myself. All three of us talked to the ER Dr (T talked to him on the phone) and everybody agreed it was an attempt to get sleep which was partially true. Last week I told her the complete truth which I was in so much pain then and knew I needed help but didn't know how to ask or what to ask for. This was my cry for help but then I chickened out and gave them the story of sleep. I have felt guilty about it. I have apologized to her because she was so helpful those couple of days......

[scorpiosis37]

100%. I'm completely honest with my T so that I get the most out of therapy. The honesty and trust that we have with one another is integral to our therapeutic relationship.

[HealingTimes]

Originally Posted by scorpiosis37

100%. I'm completely honest with my T so that I get the most out of therapy. The honesty and trust that we have with one another is integral to our therapeutic relationship.

^^^ This.

I don't see the point in not being honest, I am only hurting myself if I lie/omit information that is important.

I think my T knows me well enough by now that if I was lying or not telling her everything, she would know. I often refer to her as my mind reader

[CameraObscura]

I try to be scrupulously honest. There are things I'm not ready to talk about at a given time, and I'll say that. I wage an internal war to be able to speak sometimes, and I'm not eloquent, but I'm honest.

[rothfan6]

I try to be honest with my T but being honest sets off alarm bells for me. It goes against all of my defenses. I don't lie but I tend to skip things or minimize stuff unless he asks directly. That's getting a little better the more I trust him though. When I first started therapy I was still living with my abuser and didn't tell my T until something I said prompted him to ask. I was worried how he would respond or what he would say.

[tealBumblebee]

I am as honest as possible with T. I do fear though that sometimes I lie without knowing that i'm lying to her. She has addressed my concerns about this and said that she thinks I'm not a liar and in fact i'm extremely honest and she doesn't think i've ever lied to her (to my knowledge I have not). She did say, though, that if I ever did lie, she thinks it would not be to be deceptive but out of self preservation. She's a very smart & perceptive woman.