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#1
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TT left. I met with her today and she said she was leaving the program and was referring me to someone else.
I feel kinda blindsided. I never really got the feeling she cared about me at all. I told myself that I must be being over sensitive but with how cold and abrupt everything ended, I think I was right. I went to T expecting to have an hour long session where I open up and tell her how I'm feeling about opening up to her. Instead, 30 mins and she's gone. She did offer me a closure session next week but I didn't even want to talk to her at that point. Not because I was mad but because what's the point? I had prepared all this stuff to talk to her about and make an effort to try to connect with her and she just announces she's leaving next week and everything just ended. She didn't charge me for a full session btw. To be honest, it's better this way. I didn't click with her and I was constantly blaming myself for it. Because of that, I couldn't get myself to switch. But now, I have a chance to try again without having to tell exTT that I was leaving. I told her that I have to be referred to a woman. She said that won't be an issue. So... idk. I don't know what my new TT will be like. I just feel tighter with LCM now. TT told her that she was leaving and was going to tell me today. LCM texted me after my session to make sure I was okay. |
![]() (JD), Anonymous32735, growlycat, IndestructibleGirl, RTerroni, ThisWayOut
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![]() Aloneandafraid, Bill3, feralkittymom
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#2
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This is your opportunity to start with a new tt, and be honest about your relationship with lc and how, hard it is to find a connection, with anyone other than lc. This is a gift in a way.
I would look at this positively. I been through, recent therapists leaving me after a long time working with them, and I cared for them, this last one left a hole in my heart, and I was reluctant to find positives in this new t, but I used coping skills and the ADVICE of my SUPPORT NETWORK here on pc my dear friends, and they helped and are helping make it through. You should do the same, give this person a chance.
__________________
Bipolar 1 Gad Ptsd BPD ZOLOFT 100 TOPAMAX 400 ABILIFY 10 SYNTHROID 137 |
![]() IndestructibleGirl
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![]() IndestructibleGirl
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#3
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So, she may have not been fully engaged, which may have come across, even if just in part, as not caring. Even if it was you, no reason to blame yourself. None of us like or gel with everyone. It's just human nature. Hope things work out the best for you. ![]() |
![]() feralkittymom, growlycat, IndestructibleGirl
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#4
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I never really got the feeling she cared about me at all. I told myself that I must be being over sensitive but with how cold and abrupt everything ended, I think I was right.
I think this is the wrong conclusion to reach. as skies said. I suspect her manner was entirely about her professional life; she may have been assigned to you, and knew she would be leaving but for professional reasons couldn't reveal that, so only acted to try to keep you stable in the short run, but not engage with you. Don't take responsibility for this, nor assume it reflects on you in any way. |
#5
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Can you ask her if instead of being "assigned" that you are able to meet with at least 2 potential new TT's? That would be worth bringing up.
I agree that she may have been actively blocking your attachment so that you wouldn't be as hurt when she left. Not because she didn't care, she probably didn't want to cause any harm. This could be a positive development--a chance to find that better fit. So sorry though, it is still a loss. |
![]() Bill3
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#6
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#7
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#8
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Maybe not her, but whatever therapy group/office you are working with? Who is "assigning" you exactly? Those are the people you should talk to.
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#9
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I don't know who is assigning me. I don't know who I should call. I'm avoiding finding out because I'm scared of calling people I don't know. |
#10
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If the therapist had been working for a while with the client, and then something came up and had to leave, then thats a different story. In this case, you really never started anything with her, and she never with you. Maybe because she knew she was leaving, who knows, she told you , that you were hard to read, in pyschobabble that means that you never let her in, and I guess she did not find ways to try to get in, in my oppinion, but like i said before, you have a whole new opportunity now, please try to work with this new tt, a whole new clean slate, imo, start off by telling her about your trust issues and your strong connection to lcm, you really dont have to start with csa.
__________________
Bipolar 1 Gad Ptsd BPD ZOLOFT 100 TOPAMAX 400 ABILIFY 10 SYNTHROID 137 |
#11
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Can LCM help you contact the right people?
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![]() IndestructibleGirl
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#12
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TT did say she will leave a note for my next person saying that this new TT needs to contact LCM and have her involved from the start. |
![]() Bill3, growlycat
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#13
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growlithing, if it okay to ask: how is school going for you now?
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#14
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School is good. I don't like all of my classes, but it's great to be playing all the time again. It is sometimes kinda stressful. Sometimes not. |
![]() IndestructibleGirl
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![]() Bill3
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#15
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I am really happy to hear that school is good.
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#16
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They keep assigning us stuff in the liberal arts classes that upsets me. In one class, we had to imagine we were 80 years old and write a letter to ourselves about our lives. This topic is extremely stressful for me because thinking about the future at all is anxiety provoking. I decided to handle it by fudging the rules. The rubric didn't say that it had to be an inspirational letter or that it had to be "factual" in terms of how I actually foresee my life playing out. So I portrayed myself as an 80 year old fugitive from the law, wanted for internet piracy (illegally downloading pizza and kitty litter because of the invention of 3D printers), unlawful use of a time machine, and a suspect in the "mysterious" deaths of my five husbands. Did the teacher want a completely crazy, fictional story? No. It's not a creative writing class. But no where did he say it couldn't be fictional and if he is going to assign topics that are too personal and scary, I'm going to have fun with it as opposed to getting triggered. The other class has us reading just depressing and triggering stuff. This one deals with a girl abandoned by her father and self harm. I was not literally abandoned by my father in the sense that this character was, but I can still somehow relate to a lot of those feelings and it is difficult and upsetting. But music is great |
![]() Bill3
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![]() Bill3, growlycat
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#17
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My previous T, from a year ago (or was it two), terminated me without prior notice. I went into an appointment with her, and she told me she was taking a new job in another city. I walked in not knowing what was about to happen. Sorry, but that HURTS. No closure. Still feels like unfinished business. She could have at least made arrangements to meet with me one more time.
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#18
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LCM is surely the ideal person to help you find a new trauma therapist as suggested by Growlycat? She knows you well so probably will be really useful for shortlisting potentials, and perhaps she could sit beside you when you call them to make enquiries?
Maybe next time you see her you could do some work together on finding a few to check out?
__________________
Been trying hard not to get into trouble, but I I got a war in my mind ~ Lana Del Rey How many cares one loses when one decides not to be something but to be someone ~ Coco Chanel One is not born, but rather becomes, a woman ~ Simone de Beauvoir |
![]() growlycat
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#19
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It seemed like you were having a rough time recently, so it's good to hear you sounding hopeful. This time, maybe you will have a T who you feel more connected to. |
#20
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In a college poetry class, we had to read Sylvia Plath. Interesting but talk about triggers!!!!! I would leave class feeling ill |
#21
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I am okay though. On my way home after crying in the bathroom for a long time, I saw a cat in the window at my local convenience store. The cat lives there and comes out periodically. I was feeling sad so I decided to go in and visit him despite that my face was still covered in tears. He actually climbed up on the highest stack of boxes (because I am quite tall) and literally dried my tears by rubbing his head against my face. He melted my heart and fixed my sadness for the day. |
![]() Bill3, growlycat
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![]() Bill3, growlycat
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#22
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…maybe the class understands that you made a really smart observation. When a room full of people pay attention like that , they know something important is being said, even if they can't put their finger on why.
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#23
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That's what I was trying to tell myself. But it wasn't just that they were quiet that upset me. I just felt really alone |
![]() Bill3, growlycat
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#24
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![]() I think your story about the 80-year-old sounds very interesting, creative, and fun. I love the idea of internet piracy via 3-D printing. How original!
__________________
"Well-behaved women seldom make history." - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich ![]() I sometimes lapse into moments of temporary lucidity. ![]() ![]() ![]() Last edited by tametc; Mar 04, 2014 at 10:52 PM. Reason: Forgot something |
#25
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Haha I just hope my teacher has a sense of humor! He wanted it to be about our musical careers coupled with like a little bit of personal stuff. So say I'd tell myself that I need to start taking auditions or embrace other areas of music to keep things interesting or something or even to practice more or by contrast to not work so hard that I throw away relationships. The assignment really was stupid because how can I imagine myself having knowledge that I don't have...? Like I can't have any way of actually knowing what my emotional needs will be 5, 10 years from now, let alone 60 years. I can anticipate them based on what I needed in the past, but 5 years ago, every single one of my beliefs were different except for wanting to do music, 10 years ago, I hated piano lessons and wanted to be a veterinarian, 15 years ago, I just liked pizza and dinosaurs. I would be an entirely different person when I'm 80 if I make it that far considering that my progress concerning life past 25 hasn't gotten better at all. Anyway, thanks. I let myself just have fun with the stupid assignment |
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