T is making turn my life around.... so scared!

I saw my T today and even though the session went ok, I'm kind of distressed right now. We've been working for a while on getting me to find a full time job, move out of the house I was abused in, and generally starting to live my own life.

Last session she asked me to get in touch with a social worker to see what help I could get to move out. I have an appt tomorrow morning, I'm so scared and I can't not go because T is expecting me to text her to say how it went. She also knows the team well because she used to work there and mentioned having direct contact with them about me if needed.

Then at one point during the session I mentioned that even though I've had thyroid problems for years, I haven't had a check-up nor taken my meds in 2 years. As you can guess T was not happy, but when I told her I didn't trust my GP anymore and had now idea how to choose another one. She immediately asked if she gave me a referral to a GP she knows well and is safe , would I go? I told her yes, so she immediately got the address and phone number for me, and wrote a quick letter for the GP.
Btw in the letter I found out I have some dependant personality traits... she had already told me that I am overly attached and have some issues there, but never mentionned it as a personality disorder.

So now I feel like this whole team is setting itself up around me, that actually I should be happy about finally getting all the help I need... but I'm so scared it's horrible. I can't stop thinking about all the negatives things that could happen, or that I'm going behind my family's back. I'm so scared of losing control of the situation and that everything will end up being worse than it is now.

For those in a similar situation, how do you find faith that in the end everything will be alright?

Anaïs Nin: “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”

I haven't been through quite that much change all at one time and certainly see how that would be scary, but your last question resonates with me.

Over the years, circumstances have arisen in my therapy and mental health that were incredibly frightening. It was like jumping off a high cliff and trusting the air-bag would be in the right place when I hit the bottom.
Decisions had to be made, sometimes pretty much out of my hands, and I had to trust that the people directing those decisions where going to be there to catch me if I fell.

I generally have no problem trusting people with most things, and maybe trust isn't the right word. Your use of the word "faith" may fit better. You can trust someone with all your heart and still not have the faith that even their care will be enough to get you through the circumstance. Sometimes we feel beyond what anyone can save us from, no matter how much we trust that they care.

Over and over though through the years, I've taken those leaps of faith and I'm still here. The hardest part is taking that first step. Things don't always go just the way we want, but I did trust those people to help me through the rough places. And they were there. And I came out better for it in the long run.

Changes are scary. Let us know how things progress.

Thanks... this is exactly what I needed. I know things will be rough for a while, and I do trust my T. I know she only has my best interest at heart, but at the same time I'm scared I won't be able to make all these changes or that I'll end up feeling worse.

In the past every time a T pushed me to take a leap of faith everything went wrong. And no matter how many times I told them so and warned them, they didn't believe me until exactly what I predicted happenned.

I know this time it's different because my family is not invlved, but I can't forget all the bad experiences I've had.

I can understand why it is scary, but it is better for you, and it will help you. Sometimes it seems easier to ignore problems and pretend they may go away than to face them and deal with them. Refusing to change is easier than working on change.

I remember taking the step to find my own apartment and then later, tell my parents I was NOT coming home for the summer during college. It was terrifying and there were screaming fights, followed by threats to cut me off completely, followed by my mother crying and weeping and trying to guilt me into coming home. I won't lie, it was horrible for a while. HOWEVER, it got better. They eventually accepted that my moving out permanently was just what was happening and nothing was going to change that. It was a huge, important step and so liberating. You can do this. Please feel free to PM me if you want to.

Thanks for your support!

To be honest what I'm most scared off is my mother cutting me off completely. My T doubt that will happen, but I don't want to take anything for granted considering how little she has supported me since I told about the abuse.
I know I could live without my car any of the material stuff except my two horses, and my T mentioned maybe have to rehome them if she cuts me off, I made it clear I'd rather die than rehome them. I do not trust anyone to care for them, and will do anything for them, no matter what it takes...

Ah. Animals make it harder. I had already found a home for my pony before I left for college. I tried to take my dog with me, but my mom refused to let me have him (technically THEY bought him). She said he wouldn't be happy in an apartment. Then she gave him away while I was gone. So the dog and the pony were already gone and I had nothing to lose, I felt.

Can you find a boarding situation for them? I don't know where you are, but where we are, you can find pasture rental pretty cheaply.

I don't know if this applies in your case, but some times dysfunctional families have gotten comfortable in their dysfunctional way of life and when one member changes for the better the rest of the family gets scared. So they will do what ever it takes to keep that one member in their appointed role in the family. This is not usually a conscious process on anybody's part, it's just their way of trying to keep status quo. They are invested in keeping things the way they are and like My kids are cool said it gets worse for a bit, but usually things move forward after a while. I was the one who broke the rule of silence in my family and it did get rocky, ( my grandparents moved here from Germany and the rule was; at all cost you don't let outsiders know what goes on inside the family, you don't show pain to outsiders) our relationship has never been better, it's far from perfect, but everyone except one sister has grown much more accepting of life.

It's hard, but it's sounds like you have a wonderful T and support system in place. As scary as it is it sounds like a good time to try to try something different than what was tried in the past.

My horses are boarded at a little farm, and it's not too expensive... I pay for both of them what I would pay for one at a normal stable. But still more than I can afford paying on my own for now.

And sidestepper you're right, I think it's a good time to make these changes, I'm doing much better than I used to, and with this support system in place I should be able to get through this rough time. Right now all I can think about is what could go wrong, so it's really stressful, but I've been through worse, I can do this too.

It's the shoulda, coulda, will it that gets you stuck.

Best of luck, keep us posted on how it goes. Everyone here will be rooting for you.

I had my meeting with the social worker this morning, she was really nice and I liked her, but that's about the only positive thing that happenned. She basically told me that she understand my need to keep my horses, and didn't even suggest getting rid of them, but she clearly told me that there is no way I could live on my own with the little I earn from my part time job and there is absolutely no help available for now, especially because my horses are considered a luxury even though they are essential to my well-being.

I was pretty p*ssed all day because of this, my brother who abused me for years has his own appartment, his live-in girlfriend and his son are officially a single parent family who pay rent to my brother... and they get quite a lot of welfare money even though they don't need it. But I who have a genuine need and no way out can't get anything because the two horses who keep me alive are a luxury! I know live isn't fair, but come on how sick is this?

Also my T wanted me to text her how it went, I sent a short message saying no help is available until I have a full-time job, and she hasn't answered yet. It's been 7 hours since I sent the text... I feel like she doesn't care and all I want to do is give up... what's the point in trying if no one is willing to help me out of this mess?

There is a small plus though: there is a programm for young adults to be homed at a reduced fee, and to be helped in their daily life for up to 3 years in order to become independant. This would be exactly what I need as I'm doing well enough to not need constant monitoring, but still need some kind of help in order to maintain a healthy lifestyle... But I need to be working full time before I can apply to that programm.