Couch 74

It's just after 5am and I'm getting ready to leave for the UK. My fourth trip there in three months...

Have a great trip.

Hope all goes well, Mast.

cold. cold. cold.

To damn cold.

I think it's Indian Winter.

Have a good trip, Mast!

RT, good luck at the dentist.

Wikid, that made me smile and grimace at the same time. So CRAZY sick of winter. We (friends, dogs, horses and me) are camping out, starting tonight. I was looking forward to it, but not wanting to be cold.

Here is my facebook thought for the day:

I can't sleep. My body is so tired but I can't sleep. This is not good I only got 5 hrs last night.

Its cold and rainy here too....

But thankful its not thunderstorms and tornadoes like so many other states had these last couple of days....

I made a lunch date for next week with my new little gf. T will be so proud! I also answered an okcupid ad but got a really noncommittal response, so i wont be answering back. It was a longshot since he lives waaaaaaay the other side of town but his profile was just SOOOO funny i had to acknowledge it. Recognizing the no-response and accepting it for what it is feels good too - instead of trying to make something out of nothing, as i always did with my family of origin.

Had an OK trip to the dentist, there wasn't that much work to be done on my tooth but my normal dentist wasn't there today so I had to see someone else.

When serious real life stuff happens...like health or financial....it has a way of putting stuff in perspective....

If T helps you to deal with real life thats great but if T makes real life worse than its time to pack it all up and forget it

Same here in Wisconsin. It just SUX.

IDK, as a sometimes cynical divorced woman, I see it as perhaps a good reason to not have a husband. (JUST KIDDING) (Really)!

Long time, no see. Hope you are well. Sleep be with you.

I've been having the same thing I got hardly any sleep last night.

To those who are writing about winter... yesterday was the unofficial start of spring in Sweden (at least in my part of the country - the climate varies a lot from the south to the north) and today my Facebook feed is full of pictures of snow, from the people at home.
Nottingham at least isn't snowy.

I think the snow's melting/raining away though, which is good.

Also, Nottingham is a nice city. Hope you're well.

Seems like this couch has been very quiet as of recently

This couch has lasted a month. Its been a long while since that used to happen.

Mast...thinking of you today.... sorry to hear of your loss...

Thanks, rts

Out with my friend and still having many issues with him.

Yup. That's what I decided.

There's so much people don't know about me. If only they knew, they would understand why I act the way I act. I can't wait for next year. New city, new friends, new school, new start. I'm going to change my approach to friendships. I know who I am now, at least better than I did before. I know what I want out of life and I've changed my attitude. Ever since I've gotten better, my attention span's been super short and I've been very vocal (probably because my confidence has greatly increased). Some may view is as obnoxious but I've been getting much more out of life.

Sometimes I wish they knew. I wish they knew that I wasn't as clean cut as I appeared to be. The goody two shoes used to turn to weed and cigarettes and self harm to cope. I would have random breakdowns and have too much anxiety to even start a simple assignment. I gave everything to get those 90s. I was on the verge of death and lost all hope. On the outside I looked like a star student; high 90s, part time job, and club president. What they didn't know was that I would desperately pray for help and gave everything I had to therapy. It took a lot of guts to even get my mom to understand that I desperately needed to go to therapy. They don't know the hurt I suffered from significant people leaving my life, including my therapist. I felt like I had no one and wasn't good enough for people to stay and love me. I still feel that way but at least now I know that there's no point in aiming for perfection. They don't understand my struggle to find someone to trust. Everyone I think I can trust end up letting me down just as I'm about to let them in. They don't understand my struggle coming to terms with my sexuality and facing rejection. I've been through a lot.

I just wish my teachers would understand my struggles and the reasons behind my grades and attendance slipping. At least I'm much happier now. I've learned to put my mental health before my grades. The most frustrating thing is probably the one teacher who knows that I've been going to therapy and still giving me a hard time about my grades and time management despite telling me earlier in the year that I was "too hard" on myself. You'd think she understand how serious it is for me to be going to the hospital and seeking treatment from a therapist and psychiatrist.

I'm glad you can talk to us here.

Thank you It's just so great having an outlet and having a safe and understanding place to let my thoughts out.